Lacking self-esteem

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jendavis07
jendavis07 Posts: 66
in Motivation and Support
I went to the beach this past weekend to see my boyfriends family and while we were down there, people were at the beach, wearing bathing suits already! I think there's something about the summer weather that depresses me and it's always depressed me. I've never liked how I looked in a bathing suit, or shorts, or even tank tops for that matter. On the way home, I couldn't help but stare at my thighs, then i'd look at my stomach, then my arms. They all feel huge, and I really just hate my body overall. I know that I'm doing something about it and trying to change my body but it's just so hard. I'm fighting myself, and it feels like my body is winning. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm in the process of learning to love myself and it's very difficult. I know I'm not alone in this issue and I hope people share how they defeated this and what they found to help.
Thanks for everything!

Replies

  • alt1268
    alt1268 Posts: 159 Member
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    I know I compare myself to a couple of my girlfreinds. I look at their legs then look at mine. Then I look at their waist and arms. I sometimes feel doomed. But then I think about how much better I feel since starting exercising. I will get there. (with hope and prayer)
  • AnnaCVeach
    AnnaCVeach Posts: 56 Member
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    Honey, been there done that. One minute I hated myself for how I'd let myself go and the next minute I'd have myself talked into loving myself and accepting my fluffiness. But, I know that I won't be the BEST wife and mother that I can be if I don't shed these pounds. I have hard days where I just say screw it and eat what I want (within moderation though). The weight will come off. Fact of the matter is, losing the weight is HARD. If it was easy then we'd have no obese people anywhere. You didn't put on the weight overnight and it isn't going to come off overnight either. You CAN do this. Don't give up. Add me if you want. We might could help motivate one another. Cheer up!
  • kddruckenmiller
    kddruckenmiller Posts: 114 Member
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    You're already halfway there: you're DOING something about it! You're changing your entire life and just try to keep in mind it's a process. It may take awhile to get to where you want to be, but when you get down, just hold your head up and know that you're working on achieving it. And think of how PROUD of yourself you will be.
  • JanaB2011
    JanaB2011 Posts: 20
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    I am right there with you. I grew up with a thin sister. I was always told by my mother how big I was. Looking back, I really wasn't. But, I was always told I couldn't wear something because my hips or thighs were too big. I am 42 and still have a ton of self-esteem issues. I just can't get past them. I try to love myself for who I am. I am a kind and loving person, except to myself. I look in the mirror and only see how big different parts of my body is. I just can't seem to stop the repeat of this cycle of thinking. I don't know how to move on. I truly think that if I can get to the place to love myself for me, that the weight would start to come off.
  • jenrod1118
    jenrod1118 Posts: 150 Member
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    Just take it one day at a time, and one meal or snack at a time. The mental game is the hardest thing about the weight loss journey. I'm in a struggle myself to push it to the next level. I've been stuck for months

    Good Luck :)
  • meglynne1987
    meglynne1987 Posts: 382 Member
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    I am the same way. I compare my friends as well but then i look at myself and remember i am unique! I will loose weight on my own pace to make sure i keep it off! Just take it day by day pound by pound. I know there are gals looking at you and wishing they looked as great as you! :flowerforyou:
  • whitleynoel
    whitleynoel Posts: 198 Member
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    Don't compare yourself to others! I know it is super hard and that we all do it sometimes, but dwelling on it will just make you depressed and send you running into the arms of a spoon and jar of frosting!
  • DQMD
    DQMD Posts: 193
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    Stop comparing yourself to others. I am extremely critical of myself and my looks. When I do my hair, makeup and wear nice clothes it makes a difference. I also dislike bathing suits but it is a fact of going to the beach.
  • janalayn
    janalayn Posts: 510 Member
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    Do not let your fears about your appearance determine who you think you are. I have been struggling with the same thing and yesterday it all came to a head. I allowed someone else to determine my value ... I was devastated and so my food diary tells the tale .. by 7pm my intake had been 4 wine coolers and a Stila bar. I finally ate some fish and then a fiber one brownie. I cried the entire day. I realized as I wallowed in my misery that just because someone disrespects me (called me a fat pig) that does NOT change who I am on the inside.

    I found this quote: Character contributes to beauty. It fortifies a woman as her youth fades. A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful.

    Who I am is not determined by the number on the scale, the size on my jeans or what anyone, no matter who it is, says about me. I am an amazing woman, struggling to get healthy. I have put this quote everywhere so when I allow someone else to hurt me I can look at it and realize that I determine who I am and no one can change that.
  • prose58
    prose58 Posts: 52
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    Honey, been there done that. One minute I hated myself for how I'd let myself go and the next minute I'd have myself talked into loving myself and accepting my fluffiness. But, I know that I won't be the BEST wife and mother that I can be if I don't shed these pounds. I have hard days where I just say screw it and eat what I want (within moderation though). The weight will come off. Fact of the matter is, losing the weight is HARD. If it was easy then we'd have no obese people anywhere. You didn't put on the weight overnight and it isn't going to come off overnight either. You CAN do this. Don't give up. Add me if you want. We might could help motivate one another. Cheer up!

    Well Said!
  • prose58
    prose58 Posts: 52
    Options
    Do not let your fears about your appearance determine who you think you are. I have been struggling with the same thing and yesterday it all came to a head. I allowed someone else to determine my value ... I was devastated and so my food diary tells the tale .. by 7pm my intake had been 4 wine coolers and a Stila bar. I finally ate some fish and then a fiber one brownie. I cried the entire day. I realized as I wallowed in my misery that just because someone disrespects me (called me a fat pig) that does NOT change who I am on the inside.

    I found this quote: Character contributes to beauty. It fortifies a woman as her youth fades. A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful.

    Who I am is not determined by the number on the scale, the size on my jeans or what anyone, no matter who it is, says about me. I am an amazing woman, struggling to get healthy. I have put this quote everywhere so when I allow someone else to hurt me I can look at it and realize that I determine who I am and no one can change that.

    That is so true. I believe that our Beauty is first on the inside. Believe in yourself, what you have accomplished and one day you will realize that wow I did it.
    You keep going and we are right behind you!
  • HiKaren
    HiKaren Posts: 1,306 Member
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    One of my moms friends would always tell me... Karen, look at all the people without legs. There are people who don't have legs to complain about in this world. Now Karen, be happy with yours. Use them. And appreciate them. Even if they are not "Victoria Secret Legs" You do have two of them. Not everyone is blessed with legs to walk with. I would compare myself to others alot. And I found sometimes its not good for me even to look at some magazines, just for that reason.

    I do think you started to compare yourself with others. And thats why you were unhappy. But guess what? You have everything to be happy about. Your on your way... And you have two legs... And it only gets better from here. And I think your intouch with your desire to improve your health and appearance. That really helps. :wink: And next time you go to the beach. You may be walking proudly, in some shorts and even a bathing suit. I dare ya... :smile:
  • betzeross
    betzeross Posts: 161 Member
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    Awww, sweetie - I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now.
    I must say you got a ton of good advice already.
    I especially love what "HIKAREN" had to say.
    We are truly blessed. God made each of us in His image.
    It's easy to feel bad about our appearance and get down on ourselves but when we stop to think all the things we do have and the blessings we receive each day - it makes our grumbling seem silly.
    Cheer up and when you're feeling down - think about those things you are grateful for.
    Stick to your goals and take your frustration out at the gym!
    (((HUGS)))
  • bea10989
    bea10989 Posts: 5
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    I understand you completely! I'm 22 and afraid to go to the beach. I've been fighting an eating disorder which sadly in a way has shaped me into this highly over critical person striving for my own views of what exceptable. But when I find my stregnth and bust out of my insecurities, my depression, my weeknesses...if even only for a short while. I say to myself ...you're beautiful and you have this one life, why live it in the shadows, when you deserve to be in the sunshine. i'm trying my best to be a strong person and my goal is to be able to wear a bathing suit in public this summer. nerves are rattled and its only march but i'm trying to stay focused. so stay focused love. you can do it.
  • Captain_Tightpants
    Captain_Tightpants Posts: 2,215 Member
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    This may sound crazy, but if it's not against your ideologies, seek out a local burlesque troupe and see if they teach. You don't ever have to end up on stage - but trust me, just hanging out with those ladies will open your eyes on how to love and accept yourself. Your self confidence will go through the roof.
  • tinchick
    tinchick Posts: 59 Member
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    Well, first off, I have to say that I've been there. My sister is thin and most of my friends are too. It kind of sucks sometimes because it can put you in that place of comparing yourself to them. But you are not them. They have their issues and you have yours. The important thing is that you make the effort, which you are doing. Improving yourself is good for everyone, regardless of size.

    Plus, there are studies out there that say that just because you are thin, doesn't mean that you are healthy. The reverse is also true; just because you are overweight by certain standards, like the BMI, doesn't mean that you are unhealthy. Overweight people can be metabolically healthy and thin people can be metabolically unhealthy. So try, and I know that it's hard, to not equate size with health.

    And for a little inspiration that has helped me:
    http://shesoflyy.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/thoughtquestion.jpg

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