Afraid to be thin?

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melbot24
melbot24 Posts: 347 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've lost a considerable amount of weight so far and I'm starting to get a lot more attention than I 've been used to. I am still about 50lbs away from my goal and I've hit a major plateau. I've always been overweight. The thinnest I've ever been is about 25 lbs lighter than I am now. I think back on that time and I reflect on how I felt. Why can't I get over this plateau? After some intense thought I believe that I might be afraid of being thin. I'm afraid that I will have to become more outgoing, that I will have to be more social, more friendly. I'll have to stop hiding behind my weight and stop using it as a guard against the world. I'm also afraid of how people will react to me, women will be defensive when I walk in the room, catty. Men will gawk and flirt. I know because I've felt the difference before. The different ways a room of people will react depending on whether the person walking in is thin or overweight. It might seem crazy to some people. You might be asking yourself "Why wouldn't she want to be thin?" It's not that easy. I feel like those who have spent most of their lives being overweight might understand this better. Any advice as to how I can get over this fear? How I can be okay with being thin and move passed this anxiety to reach my goal?

Replies

  • ChristieStearns
    ChristieStearns Posts: 94 Member
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    I have dealt with this fear too. In previous attempts the lowest I ever got (at 5'5") was about 240lbs... so never dealt with much attention. This time I got down to 198 and started to get noticed (which is stills surprising since I would think, I have a long way to go still). Anyway... I think that plays a part in why I gained 18 lbs and back to 216. I don't have a lot of advice at how to get over it except it takes TIME to get used to how the world now views you. There have got to be some good self help books out there about it. Maybe we should look. I think in some ways it boils down to a basic fear of change and of the unknown too. I decided I want this for myself no matter what it may bring so I am working toward it again.
  • CrystalT
    CrystalT Posts: 862 Member
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    I'm scare of this too. I've been overweight all my life and I don't know how to be a healthy/thin/normal person. I don't know who I am without the fat to hide behind. I've been stuck for over a year because of it. The fear has killed my motivation and I'm just now trying to find it again.
  • yesthistime
    yesthistime Posts: 2,051 Member
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    bump
  • 987Runner
    987Runner Posts: 209
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    I'm not speaking from experience, but is it because you are afraid of the attention? I for one, did not have a wedding because I don't like attention. I can imagine that being noticed for losing the weight could almost make you feel more aware of other flaws that we women always think we have. I am not nor have ever been good at receiving compliments.

    No matter what, you are the same person, the same beautiful person you were before. I hope you can be happy no matter what size you are!

    edit: typos
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
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    I know what you mean, but anyone who would be catty to you or change the way they behave because you look your best just means they are insecure and definitely do not have your best interests in mind. It would mean they are /afraid/ of you... of what you can do, of who you are - a strong, healthy, powerful and beautiful young woman, capable of any damn thing you can dream of.

    Don't be scared of it..... grab onto it with both hands and ride it like a flying pony shooting rainbows. :heart:
  • Silverstar46
    Silverstar46 Posts: 187 Member
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    I have this same fear!

    Especially when I see someone that lost a lot of weight and goes crazy with sexy clothes and an all of a sudden extremely outgoing personality.

    It scares me a little how overboad I've seen some people get who lost a lot of weight. I do NOT want to be like that.

    I also have no idea how I would handle receiving attention from men because I never have before. No man has ever come up to me and asked me on a date, but I'm hoping that when I lose all the weight, that WILL happen even as I'm afraid it will! lol

    I've talked with some people about this and they tell me that it's our choice. We get to choose to be the person we want to be no matter our size. So I take comfort in that.
  • bemott
    bemott Posts: 180
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    This makes total sense. I have protected myself from so many things with the fat. I feel so vulnerable and raw as I shed lbs. In fact when I started therapy 6 years ago, I lost about 50lbs. I was able to maintain that loss (was still 200lbs at 5"6") for three years but not go under. Every time I went under 200 I would feel different and better and panic I guess. I've only been able to start losing again because of some of the work I've done in therapy recently. So for me, therapy helps me with all these fears.
    I hear you for sure. The fat isn't really protecting us though. And you can be as social or not as you like no matter your size.
    As for the attention, it is harder to accept and sort out. You have to find a core of stability in yourself which isn't always easy.
    Keep on keeping on.
    You will feel better even though it's scary.
  • angelic2032
    angelic2032 Posts: 5
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    I know exactly how you feel. That has been my major block until I just decided to start working towards my goals and hope I overcome the feeling eventually. There have been studies done that people actually believe they don't DESERVE to be thin. It sounds ridiculous, but I understand it. I've spent so much time telling myself I'm not good enough because of my weight - that it's hard to believe that the weight loss will even make a difference in my worth. The truth, that you need to tell yourself everyday, is that: "I am getting thinner, I am getting healthier, I am working hard for this, I DESERVE THIS." Mental workouts are just as important as the physical workouts. I believe very strongly that our bodies listen to what we tell them to do. If you feel depressed and overweight and don't TELL your body that things are or will get better, your body just might listen and keep you where you are. You can do this. You are worth it. You are beautiful as you are and are only going to get BETTER. Forget what other people think - do this for you, and you'll get there.

    Good luck!!!
  • CrystalT
    CrystalT Posts: 862 Member
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    This makes total sense. I have protected myself from so many things with the fat. I feel so vulnerable and raw as I shed lbs. In fact when I started therapy 6 years ago, I lost about 50lbs. I was able to maintain that loss (was still 200lbs at 5"6") for three years but not go under. Every time I went under 200 I would feel different and better and panic I guess. I've only been able to start losing again because of some of the work I've done in therapy recently. So for me, therapy helps me with all these fears.
    I hear you for sure. The fat isn't really protecting us though. And you can be as social or not as you like no matter your size.
    As for the attention, it is harder to accept and sort out. You have to find a core of stability in yourself which isn't always easy.
    Keep on keeping on.
    You will feel better even though it's scary.

    This reminded me of an article I read just earlier today that said "do it scared."
  • melbot24
    melbot24 Posts: 347 Member
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    I definitely think it's a fear of the unknown.
    Thank you so much for your insight, it definitely helps to know there are other people that are experiencing these emotions!
  • melbot24
    melbot24 Posts: 347 Member
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    I know what you mean, but anyone who would be catty to you or change the way they behave because you look your best just means they are insecure and definitely do not have your best interests in mind. It would mean they are /afraid/ of you... of what you can do, of who you are - a strong, healthy, powerful and beautiful young woman, capable of any damn thing you can dream of.

    Don't be scared of it..... grab onto it with both hands and ride it like a flying pony shooting rainbows. :heart:

    I'm totally saving that last line. THANK YOU!
  • melbot24
    melbot24 Posts: 347 Member
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    I know exactly how you feel. That has been my major block until I just decided to start working towards my goals and hope I overcome the feeling eventually. There have been studies done that people actually believe they don't DESERVE to be thin. It sounds ridiculous, but I understand it. I've spent so much time telling myself I'm not good enough because of my weight - that it's hard to believe that the weight loss will even make a difference in my worth. The truth, that you need to tell yourself everyday, is that: "I am getting thinner, I am getting healthier, I am working hard for this, I DESERVE THIS." Mental workouts are just as important as the physical workouts. I believe very strongly that our bodies listen to what we tell them to do. If you feel depressed and overweight and don't TELL your body that things are or will get better, your body just might listen and keep you where you are. You can do this. You are worth it. You are beautiful as you are and are only going to get BETTER. Forget what other people think - do this for you, and you'll get there.

    Good luck!!!

    :D Thank you!
  • ataylo30
    ataylo30 Posts: 25 Member
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    These are legit fears....after fading into the background for however many years it can be terrifying feeling like you are front and center.
    If you are a good person now, funny and light hearted etc., you will continue to be that person, if people wanna be catty because you are hot they will lose their clout when you turn out to be AWESOME and beautiful. The reason we all join this site is because we are tired of being afraid...afraid of heart attacks and not finding clothes in our size and embarrassing ourselves by knocking things over...don't let this last fear be the one that beats you. Good Luck!


    P.S. I totally just looked at ur pics and ur gonna be a HOTTIE. you look like my friend who is SO striking. I hope this doesn't make you more nervous (oops)!!! If you stay reserved ur gonna be the mysterious woman in the corner and who doesn't love her?!?!?! And no one loves her just because she is beautiful, we love her because we know she has a story and she will never tell us what it is.
  • Summerlove1993
    Summerlove1993 Posts: 102 Member
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    I've been there. My current method of dealing with it is by not focusing on my appearance, but rather on the health benefits. I feel better with just the 14 pounds weight loss. My feet and knees feel a lot better. My blood pressure is lower. I'm more comfortable in my clothes, some of which are loose now. I'm trying to embrace these changes and love my body since it is the only one I will ever have. How other people react to those changes are their issues, not mine. I cannot predict how I will feel as more weight falls off of me and the real me is revealed, but for now, this is how I am coping. Best of luck to you!
  • HiKaren
    HiKaren Posts: 1,306 Member
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    Well, your not in the boat alone. I've felt this way too. In a way it makes you stronger, on the inside. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself more, being that people & society do treat thinner women differently. I've been in both seats.

    Did any customers request me being over 200 lbs... Not as much as when I weighed 125 lbs. Why did they think a 125 lb woman could give a better haircut than a 200 lb woman? Well, in the beauty industry, the initial walk-in customers just judged based on the stylists looks from afar. Rather than observing the stylist for the end results of the patron before them. That used to _iss me off. I was the same person, with the same skills. So why would they request me when I was thinner? Did I get more tips? Yes...This goes the same with random people in the public. I know, sometimes its easier to hide behind our weight to avoid the comfrontations. But, you know, sometimes being heathier is more important, and the other part of this is, it makes us stronger. Don't worry, don't be afraid. You have many of us behind you. Supporting you. And if you need any of us, we are here. :wink:
  • chrissismone
    chrissismone Posts: 116 Member
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    I have def felt this way and am still a bit scared of this.However being smaller I think you could be a itch easy. You wouldn't have to eb more outgoing or anything. I mean I'm going to be me regardless. Haters are going to hate big or small. Men will gawk big or small. Now the thing is how badly do you want to be fit for you. I mean I care but then I don't. I want to be small and toned for me. I like the experience now so it will only get better with more loss. Don't get stuck on the what if's or unknown. Honey you thick and fine now you will be tone and fine soon.
  • LexieSweetheart
    LexieSweetheart Posts: 793 Member
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    I definitely feel this way. I worry when I am thin I won't know who I am. I am worried about losing my identity
  • jvschott
    jvschott Posts: 1
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    Omg that's awesome! Haha i love it! :)

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