Messages in life that mess up up.
emmab0902
Posts: 2,338 Member
What is the one message from your childhood or later years that messes with your life (including weight issues) the most? Mine is growing up with the strong message that it was just as well I was highly intelligent as I wasn't blessed in the looks department, so for me it's the unattractiveness hangup that gets me most of the time.
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Confidence. Nothing I did seemed to please my parents so I feel the need to try to be a people pleaser. No more!0
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Having 'worthless' used as a constant insult. For the love of Pete, please don't ever tell your kids they're worthless.0
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What is the one message from your childhood or later years that messes with your life (including weight issues) the most? Mine is growing up with the strong message that it was just as well I was highly intelligent as I wasn't blessed in the looks department, so for me it's the unattractiveness hangup that gets me most of the time.
How wrong you proved them......0 -
you look beautiful to me!
I remeber a guy saying that brittany spears should have the decency to vomnit after her meals (this was while she still looked amazing way back when)...I thought "if she is fat..then I am HUGE!" It messed me up..0 -
Being labled "solid" by my mum! She passed away last year and even up until then would still comment on my weight almost every time she saw me....I think it made her feel better about herself!0
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The one message from my life that has messed with me most over the years was constantly being treated (and often told outright) that I was nothing, and that I was never going to achieve anything significant with my life. With my health and everything else I constantly second guess myself. At the end of the day I have to always remind myself that regardless of what I was told, and regardless of who said it...I am responsible for my life. It's up to me whether or not what they said becomes true.0
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almost any word with the letters "n't" at the end. I spent most of my life convinced I couldn't do things ... until I stopped and asked Why Not?0
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My family used to consantly tell me how stupid and dumb I was. I was constantly told that my IQ was less than average and that I will probably be better off learning a trade than going to college. And, that my sister was so smart. She got a car given to her, college paid for, etc. She dropped out of college, and is basically a loser with 4 kids who have 3 dads.
I still have a lot fo issues from that. Wow. I never even thought of this or considered it until you posted, and it just came floating up to the top of my brain. Holy crap. Explains so many things.
I went on, however, to earn a Masters degree, and am very successful in my work. I have also achieved many things in my life and have done well. Even if it's true that my intelligence is below average, which it isn't, my tenacity and determination make up for it.
Sometimes, family are *kitten*. I dont' really talk to any of them anymore. I could never really figure out why and felt bad about it, but now I understand why. I have underlying feelings of disgust for all of them, rather than respect and love.
Thanks for the post. Excellent.0 -
Being compared by my brothers to this doll: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xjhwv8KEXhQ :laugh:0
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Finish every last bite on your plate.... don't waste food.
therefore it is a struggle of mine to stop when i've had enough. there are people starving in this world you know? even if it's something i don't particularly like, and even if i'm feeling full, bloated, sick, i hate to waste perfectly good food.
oh the memories of sitting at the table an hour after everyone else was finished, crying into my food, not allowed to leave the table until every last bite was gone!
i must say, i don't do that to my kids, i never force them to eat. i say "if you're finished, that's it til breakfast, you know the rules, if you don't eat your tea, nothing else til breakfast" and then let them choose to give it to the dog.0 -
being told off for putting too much ketchup on my plate, as it was going to be 'wasted' now!
Have only recently learnt to leave food on a plate and eat til i'm full x0 -
Not being believed when I was telling the truth and being punished severely for it. And this happened more than once. To this day, I find myself trying to avoid conflict (usually to my detriment) and when I have to confront someone, I go completely ballistic. I am still learning, at age 48, how to deal with people and challenges head-on, unemotionally, and reasonably.0
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Finish every last bite on your plate.... don't waste food.
therefore it is a struggle of mine to stop when i've had enough. there are people starving in this world you know? even if it's something i don't particularly like, and even if i'm feeling full, bloated, sick, i hate to waste perfectly good food.
oh the memories of sitting at the table an hour after everyone else was finished, crying into my food, not allowed to leave the table until every last bite was gone!
THIS^0 -
As it relates to having to lose weight now....it would be the message to "eat everything on your plate." it feels somehow wrong to take 3 bites of something and throw the rest away. But I get better at that, all the time. It seems every time I've been to a restaurant recently, I've asked them to make/serve me a half portion (or less); telling them, in advance, that I won't eat more than a few bites. Still, I often get, "Was there something wrong with it," based on how much I end up leaving.0
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My family used to tease me about how bad at sport I was, it was the running joke in the family. Is it any wonder that I hate exercise and can't stand to watch any kind of sport at all? I also hate competing for anything because I'm always scared that I'll come last so I usually give up or don't bother.0
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The one thing that messes with me is being compared to a brother that is 10m yrs my senior.0
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Finish every last bite on your plate.... don't waste food.
therefore it is a struggle of mine to stop when i've had enough. there are people starving in this world you know? even if it's something i don't particularly like, and even if i'm feeling full, bloated, sick, i hate to waste perfectly good food.
oh the memories of sitting at the table an hour after everyone else was finished, crying into my food, not allowed to leave the table until every last bite was gone!
i must say, i don't do that to my kids, i never force them to eat. i say "if you're finished, that's it til breakfast, you know the rules, if you don't eat your tea, nothing else til breakfast" and then let them choose to give it to the dog.
Same here. I still HATE to waste food. It's such a hard habit to break...0 -
Being told to eat everything on my plate...still have issues of leaving food behind, SMH!0
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From my mother accepting abuse: I had to do whatever a man wanted me to, without complaining (including accept abuse).
From my foster parents: I wasn't as important as their own children, except as related to the SS money they got for keeping me
From past abusive partners: I wasn't worth taking to a dog fight
From my husband now: I am strong, capable, and more important to him than anything in the whole world.
I'm really happy now, and have gotten beyond most of the horrible messages. I do sometimes still have issues about feeling as though I truly "belong" - but I'm getting past those, too.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Actually having thought about it more, I thin the most damaging message I had/have is the belief that people can love you one minute then wipe you the next (guess it's like fear of abandonment) which leads me to feeling insecure in relationships (athough the other person never knows as I keep it in my head and don't cling or reject etc).0
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i remember being really hungry late at night and my mom heard me open the fridge. she wouldnt let me have anything besides water. and another time when my brothers got to eat icecream and i wanted to have some so my mom said i could have one scoop. my big brother winked and said "one joe sized scoop" and gave me a huge one. in my family women have a really hard time with gaining weight, where the men can eat all they want and be stick thin. my dad is ripped, 130 lbs, and has never gained weight in his life (farmer). my mom and i have to work out and eat only nutritious things to stay thin... i guess she was just trying to help me stay healthy, but an 8 year old isnt gonna understand that she cant have ice cream when her brothers can. my mom bought me pilates tapes off an infomershal and i lost weight without learning about nutrition. but then i broke my entire arm one summer and gained a tun of weight back. i also remember dieting with my mom and we kept food diarys. (i was around 50 lbs overweight in middleschool) i looked in her's once and some days she would only eat 800 or less calories so i would try it too.. by 8th grade i was a 'normal' weight, but reached it in very unhealthy ways, not quite an eating disorder but deffinitly was the start. also food was a reward. when ever we had money we would eat out as a treat. which wasnt very often, so we did it big. my mom also worked at pepsi and coke companies and would bring home soda all the time. nutrition and healthy eating was never really taught to me.
at the end of my freshman year i was working out 4-5 hours a day. 30 day shread, mowing achers of lawn with a push mower. trampoline. online vids. i had to find something for every part of my body. i was running around my property on grass, up the basement stairs for hours. no one said anything was wrong with it. infact my mom bought me equipment like jump ropes etc. i recked all my joints and couldnt do cardio any more. i got mad and would eat, then binge. i think thats when i realized i had a problem. because throwing up is not 'normal' i couldnt convince myself that i was normal. i ended up having a horrible relationship in highschool and developed a full blown eating disorder after a year when things started getting bad. i felt like no one would love me unless i was tinny. or because i had so many 'problems' with weight i must have a serious problem. (which i didnt i just wasnt toned at all). so i toned and toned but still looked 'bad" my mom even bought me diet pills when i was 17, and told me not to tell my boyfriend because he would acuse me of having an ED. "your just trying to lose those last 5 lbs right? then you will be done." the pills got recalled for killing a teen, and i freaked out and never touched them again. me and that guy broke up and it was horrible, i developed serious depression and thats when she realized i actullly had an ED. i got help, and my mom got me therapy too. but i cant help but think it was subtel things i heard that developed those thoughts in my head. deffinitly had something to do with the messed up boyfriend i had. never complimented anything, ever. i would fish and fish. nothing was good enough for him. he did care about me eating though, but him saying stuff was motivation for me to not eat in some twisted way.
also a few years after i got out of recovery i got a new DR. (not a pediatrition) and she said something like "oh i see you have gained some weight. do you know about dieting and working out? you are in blah blah percential" like SERIOUSLY you dont see on my chart that i recovered from an ED and was 110 lbs a few years ago? also when they ask you "are you taking any medications" my mom told them i was taking hydroxicut and i saw the nurse write "taking diet pills for no aparent reason" but didnt say anything bad about it.
i would also like to mention that my mom and dad are everything to me. they didnt mean to instill those thoughts into my head. they were just uneducated about messages they send to their children. i am now in college studying early childhood education and development. :]0 -
Mine was more what wasn't said. My parents never said that I was pretty or smart. Not even on my wedding day! I asked my mom why (recently) and she said it was because she didn't't want me to get a big head!! I had very poor self esteem for a long time, still do to some degree. I have a daughter now, and I tell her everyday how beautiful she is, her response is "yeah, I know". She has great self esteem and so does my son!0
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Family/people always told me it's just "BABY FAT" you will lose it. Sadly, I really believed them!!! Now here I am on MFP!!!! Baby fat my *kitten*!!!~ Idiots....LOL0
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My family used to consantly tell me how stupid and dumb I was. I was constantly told that my IQ was less than average and that I will probably be better off learning a trade than going to college. And, that my sister was so smart. She got a car given to her, college paid for, etc. She dropped out of college, and is basically a loser with 4 kids who have 3 dads.
I still have a lot fo issues from that. Wow. I never even thought of this or considered it until you posted, and it just came floating up to the top of my brain. Holy crap. Explains so many things.
I went on, however, to earn a Masters degree, and am very successful in my work. I have also achieved many things in my life and have done well. Even if it's true that my intelligence is below average, which it isn't, my tenacity and determination make up for it.
Sometimes, family are *kitten*. I dont' really talk to any of them anymore. I could never really figure out why and felt bad about it, but now I understand why. I have underlying feelings of disgust for all of them, rather than respect and love.
Thanks for the post. Excellent.
I'm so sorry you had that experience. My view of raising children is that the responsibility is to encourage children, and teach them how to succeed in the world. ...Build confidence, educate, support, inspire, and champion. It was a real surprise to me to learn not all parents see this as their main responsibility in raising children.0 -
Clothing manufacturers saying that a size 12 is a size 8.0
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Mum saying I looked like 'ten ton tessie' when I was about 15. This particular time I'd dressed in what I'd thought 'looked good' for a youth group outing to a fire station. Shattered my confidence regarding 'how to dress for social occasions.'
That was topped by the husband five years later (when I was 7, 8 months pregnant with #4 baby) that 'white makes you look fat.' I don't think I've worn a white top in the 18 years since. White lingerie? forget it.0 -
I was told when I was a child that I was "thick-waisted" and could never wear a skirt and top because it made me look too frumpy. I was also told by my mother that I should never wear a strapless gown because my back was as wide as a linebacker. I was 15 yrs old and weighed 125lbs and 5'2". I passed down a date to my Jr-Sr Prom because I didn't want to be embarrassed in a formal gown. REGRETS!!!0
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A lot was expected of me at school and I've always expected too much from myself. Very hard to deal with. Also from my ex that I wasn't good enough so I never feel good enough :-( x0
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Confidence. Nothing I did seemed to please my parents so I feel the need to try to be a people pleaser. No more!
Same here. I still don't have a lot of confidence, but it's there when I need it.0 -
My family used to consantly tell me how stupid and dumb I was. I was constantly told that my IQ was less than average and that I will probably be better off learning a trade than going to college. And, that my sister was so smart. She got a car given to her, college paid for, etc. She dropped out of college, and is basically a loser with 4 kids who have 3 dads.
I still have a lot fo issues from that. Wow. I never even thought of this or considered it until you posted, and it just came floating up to the top of my brain. Holy crap. Explains so many things.
I went on, however, to earn a Masters degree, and am very successful in my work. I have also achieved many things in my life and have done well. Even if it's true that my intelligence is below average, which it isn't, my tenacity and determination make up for it.
Sometimes, family are *kitten*. I dont' really talk to any of them anymore. I could never really figure out why and felt bad about it, but now I understand why. I have underlying feelings of disgust for all of them, rather than respect and love.
Thanks for the post. Excellent.
The best revenge is your success. You've got a lot to be thankful for, most of all for seeing past the negative.
Congratulations on moving past such a tough hurdle. Sometimes family members just suck.0
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