Messages in life that mess up up.

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emmab0902
emmab0902 Posts: 2,337 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
What is the one message from your childhood or later years that messes with your life (including weight issues) the most? Mine is growing up with the strong message that it was just as well I was highly intelligent as I wasn't blessed in the looks department, so for me it's the unattractiveness hangup that gets me most of the time.
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  • sunshinel397
    sunshinel397 Posts: 262
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    Confidence. Nothing I did seemed to please my parents so I feel the need to try to be a people pleaser. No more!
  • susannamarie
    susannamarie Posts: 2,148 Member
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    Having 'worthless' used as a constant insult. For the love of Pete, please don't ever tell your kids they're worthless.
  • DavidOfOz
    DavidOfOz Posts: 225
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    What is the one message from your childhood or later years that messes with your life (including weight issues) the most? Mine is growing up with the strong message that it was just as well I was highly intelligent as I wasn't blessed in the looks department, so for me it's the unattractiveness hangup that gets me most of the time.


    How wrong you proved them......
  • JenAiMarres
    JenAiMarres Posts: 767 Member
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    you look beautiful to me!

    I remeber a guy saying that brittany spears should have the decency to vomnit after her meals (this was while she still looked amazing way back when)...I thought "if she is fat..then I am HUGE!" It messed me up..
  • DavidOfOz
    DavidOfOz Posts: 225
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    Being labled "solid" by my mum! She passed away last year and even up until then would still comment on my weight almost every time she saw me....I think it made her feel better about herself!
  • Eats_With_A_Fist_Returns
    Eats_With_A_Fist_Returns Posts: 77
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    The one message from my life that has messed with me most over the years was constantly being treated (and often told outright) that I was nothing, and that I was never going to achieve anything significant with my life. With my health and everything else I constantly second guess myself. At the end of the day I have to always remind myself that regardless of what I was told, and regardless of who said it...I am responsible for my life. It's up to me whether or not what they said becomes true.
  • AlmstHvn
    AlmstHvn Posts: 378 Member
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    almost any word with the letters "n't" at the end. I spent most of my life convinced I couldn't do things ... until I stopped and asked Why Not?
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
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    My family used to consantly tell me how stupid and dumb I was. I was constantly told that my IQ was less than average and that I will probably be better off learning a trade than going to college. And, that my sister was so smart. She got a car given to her, college paid for, etc. She dropped out of college, and is basically a loser with 4 kids who have 3 dads.

    I still have a lot fo issues from that. Wow. I never even thought of this or considered it until you posted, and it just came floating up to the top of my brain. Holy crap. Explains so many things.

    I went on, however, to earn a Masters degree, and am very successful in my work. I have also achieved many things in my life and have done well. Even if it's true that my intelligence is below average, which it isn't, my tenacity and determination make up for it.

    Sometimes, family are *kitten*. I dont' really talk to any of them anymore. I could never really figure out why and felt bad about it, but now I understand why. I have underlying feelings of disgust for all of them, rather than respect and love.

    Thanks for the post. Excellent.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    Being compared by my brothers to this doll: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xjhwv8KEXhQ :laugh:
  • zeeeb
    zeeeb Posts: 805 Member
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    Finish every last bite on your plate.... don't waste food.

    therefore it is a struggle of mine to stop when i've had enough. there are people starving in this world you know? even if it's something i don't particularly like, and even if i'm feeling full, bloated, sick, i hate to waste perfectly good food.

    oh the memories of sitting at the table an hour after everyone else was finished, crying into my food, not allowed to leave the table until every last bite was gone!

    i must say, i don't do that to my kids, i never force them to eat. i say "if you're finished, that's it til breakfast, you know the rules, if you don't eat your tea, nothing else til breakfast" and then let them choose to give it to the dog.
  • xojox
    xojox Posts: 187 Member
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    being told off for putting too much ketchup on my plate, as it was going to be 'wasted' now!

    Have only recently learnt to leave food on a plate and eat til i'm full x
  • Meggles63
    Meggles63 Posts: 916 Member
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    Not being believed when I was telling the truth and being punished severely for it. And this happened more than once. To this day, I find myself trying to avoid conflict (usually to my detriment) and when I have to confront someone, I go completely ballistic. I am still learning, at age 48, how to deal with people and challenges head-on, unemotionally, and reasonably.
  • ElementalEscapee
    ElementalEscapee Posts: 552 Member
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    Finish every last bite on your plate.... don't waste food.

    therefore it is a struggle of mine to stop when i've had enough. there are people starving in this world you know? even if it's something i don't particularly like, and even if i'm feeling full, bloated, sick, i hate to waste perfectly good food.

    oh the memories of sitting at the table an hour after everyone else was finished, crying into my food, not allowed to leave the table until every last bite was gone!


    THIS^
  • privatetime
    privatetime Posts: 118
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    As it relates to having to lose weight now....it would be the message to "eat everything on your plate." it feels somehow wrong to take 3 bites of something and throw the rest away. But I get better at that, all the time. It seems every time I've been to a restaurant recently, I've asked them to make/serve me a half portion (or less); telling them, in advance, that I won't eat more than a few bites. Still, I often get, "Was there something wrong with it," based on how much I end up leaving.
  • 9kilos2loose
    9kilos2loose Posts: 17
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    My family used to tease me about how bad at sport I was, it was the running joke in the family. Is it any wonder that I hate exercise and can't stand to watch any kind of sport at all? I also hate competing for anything because I'm always scared that I'll come last so I usually give up or don't bother.
  • poedunk65
    poedunk65 Posts: 1,336 Member
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    The one thing that messes with me is being compared to a brother that is 10m yrs my senior.
  • silveryflutterby
    silveryflutterby Posts: 335
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    Finish every last bite on your plate.... don't waste food.

    therefore it is a struggle of mine to stop when i've had enough. there are people starving in this world you know? even if it's something i don't particularly like, and even if i'm feeling full, bloated, sick, i hate to waste perfectly good food.

    oh the memories of sitting at the table an hour after everyone else was finished, crying into my food, not allowed to leave the table until every last bite was gone!

    i must say, i don't do that to my kids, i never force them to eat. i say "if you're finished, that's it til breakfast, you know the rules, if you don't eat your tea, nothing else til breakfast" and then let them choose to give it to the dog.

    Same here. I still HATE to waste food. It's such a hard habit to break...
  • iamfranniefierce
    iamfranniefierce Posts: 305 Member
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    Being told to eat everything on my plate...still have issues of leaving food behind, SMH!
  • DataBased
    DataBased Posts: 513 Member
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    From my mother accepting abuse: I had to do whatever a man wanted me to, without complaining (including accept abuse).
    From my foster parents: I wasn't as important as their own children, except as related to the SS money they got for keeping me
    From past abusive partners: I wasn't worth taking to a dog fight

    From my husband now: I am strong, capable, and more important to him than anything in the whole world.

    I'm really happy now, and have gotten beyond most of the horrible messages. I do sometimes still have issues about feeling as though I truly "belong" - but I'm getting past those, too.

    :flowerforyou:
  • emmab0902
    emmab0902 Posts: 2,337 Member
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    Actually having thought about it more, I thin the most damaging message I had/have is the belief that people can love you one minute then wipe you the next (guess it's like fear of abandonment) which leads me to feeling insecure in relationships (athough the other person never knows as I keep it in my head and don't cling or reject etc).

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