Over time, my heart has changed :( for the worse!

Options
BoxingCoachMo
BoxingCoachMo Posts: 420
in Chit-Chat
Hi

i visited my mother and family today and like you do as you get older you think about your childhood and times you spent with your parents. When i was younger i did go through a patch where i was naughty and pretty horrible to my teachers etc, then eventually my parents stepped in and told me to behave. I then became a good boy with what i would consider a better heart than others. My parents made it cool to be the following :

1. Respecting elders
2. Respecting girls and not looking at them like objects.
3. Being honest in business and life.
4. Not cursing.
5. Taking pride in your appearance and self.
6. Giving to people.
7. Do not speak behind people's back.

About 10-15 years on (I am 27 now), i feel like the people i have met in life have really made my heart turn into stone. I now do the following:

1. Go on sick leave when morally i think it would be better that I quit and not get paid a penny for it, even though I am stressed i think the sick pay system is flawed and rewards people who may not genuinely have an issue.
2. Swearing.
3. Not giving a damn about how i appear on the outside and not cleaning my home.
4. I am so distant from my parents, i hardly call them or ask how they are. My Mother and Father love me so much yet i don't show a fraction of my love back to them.
5. Really not appreciating my situation. I have a house which is debt free, a job (which i am currently on sick leave for).

How do i become the kid with the heart that i once had?

Replies

  • laddyboy
    laddyboy Posts: 1,565 Member
    Options
    Hi

    i visited my mother and family today and like you do as you get older you think about your childhood and times you spent with your parents. When i was younger i did go through a patch where i was naughty and pretty horrible to my teachers etc, then eventually my parents stepped in and told me to behave. I then became a good boy with what i would consider a better heart than others. My parents made it cool to be the following :

    1. Respecting elders
    2. Respecting girls and not looking at them like objects.
    3. Being honest in business and life.
    4. Not cursing.
    5. Taking pride in your appearance and self.
    6. Giving to people.
    7. Do not speak behind people's back.

    About 10-15 years on (I am 27 now), i feel like the people i have met in life have really made my heart turn into stone. I now do the following:

    1. Go on sick leave when morally i think it would be better that I quit and not get paid a penny for it, even though I am stressed i think the sick pay system is flawed and rewards people who may not genuinely have an issue.
    2. Swearing.
    3. Not giving a damn about how i appear on the outside and not cleaning my home.
    4. I am so distant from my parents, i hardly call them or ask how they are. My Mother and Father love me so much yet i don't show a fraction of my love back to them.
    5. Really not appreciating my situation. I have a house which is debt free, a job (which i am currently on sick leave for).

    How do i become the kid with the heart that i once had?

    Easiest question on here.

    Answer - Find Jesus and get to know him.

    God Bless Bro!
  • sarah44254
    sarah44254 Posts: 3,078 Member
    Options
    Look at your earlier list and begin to strive to become that again. I cannot say what has changed to develop your current attitude. But I can say you can regain respect for yourself, your life, and your situations. First step? Call your parents today (or tomorrow if it is late where you are) just to reconnect and say hello.

    Take this slowly. Remind yourself that you are important and worth living well.

    If your job and the sick pay system bother you morally, then consider finding a different job. Sometimes happiness is more important than good pay. This is a tough decision and I recommend you take some time to think about it deeply.
  • honestlysweet
    honestlysweet Posts: 221 Member
    Options
    I think you still have the heart. You didn't mention a wife or girlfriend, but sometimes having someone to love brings it out. If you once had it, it's still there.
  • brechingirl
    brechingirl Posts: 19 Member
    Options
    Just a thought but this sounds like depression. talk to your doctor. sometimes we need some help to get to the point where we can see slearly again. Try and reconnect with your family and perhaps talk to your mom about how you feel. Don't take Pull up your socks as an answer!
  • Adina81
    Adina81 Posts: 252 Member
    Options
    Figure out what makes you miserable/sad/unhappy. Then ditch it or avoid it or even better: solve it

    Figure out what makes you happy/peaceful/strive. Capatalize on it.

    Everything else will fall into place
  • jplucheck
    jplucheck Posts: 275 Member
    Options
    Surround yourself with like minded people, if you continue to be around people who are disrespectful you will be too! Also take it one day at a time, today call your parents, tomorrow clean your house and so forth!
  • Thermogenic
    Thermogenic Posts: 11 Member
    Options
    Sounds like you are depressed. I'm 33 now and it's happened to me twice - once when I was in college around 20 years old, and once early last year. You'll get through it - just keep your head up and know that you are a better person than you are demonstrating. Make one or two new friends that can be positive influences - they don't have to be great friends, just people that will help put you back in a positive mindset.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    Options
    Just a thought but this sounds like depression. talk to your doctor. sometimes we need some help to get to the point where we can see slearly again. Try and reconnect with your family and perhaps talk to your mom about how you feel. Don't take Pull up your socks as an answer!

    ^This.
  • bethhyg
    bethhyg Posts: 209
    Options
    If you seek peace in your life and feel like there is a void not being filled. Then go with Laddyboys answer. Jesus changes people for the good. God Bless and I hope you feel better.:smile:
  • PercivalHackworth
    PercivalHackworth Posts: 1,437 Member
    Options
    I think we all go through phases - I can't talk on the religious side, I've lost my faith 3 years ago (hell **** happened to me, and while I faced my own issues, I wasn't able to put any faith on that after all the dedication I had).

    The only answer I could provide is look for some sort of inner cleansing. How ? I don't have the anwser - but ASAP for sure.
    I'v known people being pride for being rude, putting some "character" on that - as if being a jerk required some extra strenght. From my own life, I learned that telling to **** off to someone is way easier than telling you love him.
    I've been distant with my whole family, being convinced I couldn't have anything to do with them, so the same happened with friends. As the times passes, while you end as the only one on your boat - you notice how living with others is not as simple as cultivating hatress. That last in fact is an open-place. Love a closed-dungeon.
    It took me years (I left my family when I was 18) to fix back the link with my familiy (after my dad died), and guess what - I won't never go back. Some complain in such state, does living in community means dying alone ?
  • BoxingCoachMo
    BoxingCoachMo Posts: 420
    Options
    Even though i believe in Jesus , i see him as a messenger and seek guidance from the one Jesus sought Guidance from. ie God.

    Thanks for the tip however.
  • Feathil
    Feathil Posts: 163 Member
    Options
    I want to show you this based on the swearing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_osQvkeNRM

    But it sounds like you need a fresh outlook on life. But if you even take the small steps that jplucheck suggests, you'll feel successes along the way that will snowball into something really happy. That's what's happened to me in the last months.
  • donna_glasgow
    donna_glasgow Posts: 869 Member
    Options
    My up bringing sounds similar to yours, and through my life I also became very distant from my parents .... I have recently (in the last year) decided to become closer to them as they aren't all that bad really :) ... ...

    Like said above ... re check your "upbringing list" and strive to be that person again ......

    mark 4 days a month on your calender to call your parents and 1 day a month to visit ... and don't break it. get the ball rolling ... it will get easier with time.

    hugs (((((( ))))))
  • mzhokie
    mzhokie Posts: 349 Member
    Options
    Change comes from within..... take it one step at a time and make small changes.

    Get your resume ready to look for a new job. Read the want ads and see what's out there. It is so much easier to find a job while you have a job.

    Do little things like making sure you say Thank You when you get things from a store, fast food, etc. Smile more. Take walks/runs to clear your head. Listen to upbeat happy music.

    Find something you love doing and start doing it as a hobby. You might be able to turn it into a job.

    I find my self worth changes with my weight too... so diet/exercise/meditation are all good for your self worth too.
  • Buddhasmiracle
    Buddhasmiracle Posts: 925 Member
    Options
    Even though i believe in Jesus , i see him as a messenger and seek guidance from the one Jesus sought Guidance from. ie God.

    Thanks for the tip however.


    Then maybe you have answered your own question.
    Compassion and kindness for others starts with having the same for yourself.
    I appreciate that many folks do not come about it this way, but Christ's love doesn't have any strings attached. He loves you as you are He loved the 15 yr old you and He loves the 27yr old you. I hope you can find a way (and many good suggestions here from other posters) to do the same.

    Another poster mentioned this-- maybe a call to your folks this week. No big deal. No, "well sorry I haven't called" stuff. As difficult as it may seem now (practice if you want to) you have no idea the gift you will bring them. Don't make any promises you can't keep right now like "see ya soon," or anything like that. Just a sincere hello and how you doin? The next calls after that will be easier.

    Hope for you.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
    Options
    The first thing to recognize is that no one has made you do anything,where you are today is a choice you have made.
    It may be a reaction to situations but it is still your decision.
    That sounds cold but it really isn`t,it is simply the truth and the good part is that means it is 100% in your power to choose to be someone different.

    You don`t need advice how or a plan,you just need to want that more then being what you are.
    Sure,some habits are going to be hard to break but you can break them.

    If you are religious then let that play a part and seek out friends that place you in areas where it isn`t as easy to fall back to bad behavior.
    Talk to your parents,get a relationship back with them.
    It is very doable.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
    Options
    There are many good answers and good advice to be had from this thread. I really believe that you are probably suffering from depression. I haven't read through the entire thread, but in case someone else hasn't mentioned this to you. I think you should seek some professional help. I would first advise visiting a qualified psychologist before relying on medicinal treatment. It may just be as simple as learning how to cope.
  • BoxingCoachMo
    BoxingCoachMo Posts: 420
    Options
    i agree some great answers, to help me find a way back. Tomorrow is a day i clean my house :), step one ;)

Categories