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mamabear272
Posts: 268 Member
So we were at my mom's for breakfast this morning. My 7 year old comes up to me and says "guess what I just told Issy." (that's what he calls my daughter) I say "what?" He goes "I told her you're a big fat lady." Wow! What a slam to the ego! I know he's 7 and doesn't realize the full affect of what he said but dang! That hurt. 
I feel silly for feeling so hurt by it but I am and needed to vent it somewhere.
I feel silly for feeling so hurt by it but I am and needed to vent it somewhere. 0
Replies
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My son used to say a lot of that stuff too! It's hard b/c we all know that kids really say what they mean, but at the same time wouldn't it be a great testimony to him to show him that you can do anything you set your mind to?
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Ooo, that would have been a good learning time. I know kids say what they think, but they should also know some things hurt others feelings.0
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Harness that hurt and use it in a positive way. We all have those moments where we have to accept where we are at. Mine was when a daycare teacher at my daughters school asked her in front of me "Are you gonna have a baby sister or brother?"...I wasn't pregnant! Its moments like these that broke my haze of acceptance and made me get back on the health wagon. May you harness the hurt and move forward. I bet he will be one of the first to be really proud of you as you move forward.0
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I feel you.
Just the other day, my 4 and a half yr old said that I had a "really big belly"0 -
I totally understand. Kids don't realize they are being so hurtful sometimes. A few months ago my boss' daughter asked if I was pregnant and when I said "No. Why do you ask?" she replied with "Becuase your belly is so big!" I was so upset for days over a 8 year old's comment.0
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My little said that. It does hurt. We tried to have a talk about feelings, and she wanted to talk about facts. I was obese; it was a fact. I have lost a lot, and now I race her whenever we can. She hugs me and says "I am glad you're not fat anymore, daddy." I tried to have the talk about feelings, and I think we are getting somewhere.
Good luck on your journey, you are in the right place with the right people. 0 -
I'm sorry he hurt your feelings, but I also agree... good learning lesson time. He needs to know that he hurt your feelings and it isn't okay, and you still love him. Don't make it long and drawn out and all emotional, but make sure he understands that words really do hurt. *hug*0
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Please don't be upset...1st he's a boy and even some grown men don't get it so don't blame him...lol. My dad is the same way. 2nd thing is you're on here so you are headed in the right direction just keep pushing on. Don't cry please...add me. And next time your son says that...just tell him 'momma is a fat lady
now but I won't be for long baby...now go play'.0 -
Seven years old is not too young to begin learning about sensitivity and thinking a bit beyond themselves. Certainly you want to encourage curiosity and openness, yet you also want to start laying the foundation for developing empathy for others. Use this as a teaching opportunity--that words can have consequences, and everyone has a choice to use their words to build others up or tear them down. Certainly his comments came from a place of innocence, now is YOUR chance to keep such sentiments from becoming a habit that leads down the path to ignorance.
With regard to your feelings, use this to fuel your resolve to continue in your efforts to become healthy and happy. :flowerforyou:0 -
My 6 yo told my her dad he was fat yesterday. I know it hurt his feelings and she could tell too. A few minutes later she told him he had skinny calves lol.
All of my kids have said things about my big belly too. It stings but it's true. I'm trying to get rid of it--it's just not happening (yet).0 -
One of my motivations is that I don't want to be the fat mom. I went from about 150 when I got preg with my daughter. I was 19 and gained 51 lbs with her. Got down to 175 when I got preg with my son at 20. I don't even know my weights for a long time because I couldn't bear to get on a scale. I worked at a shipping company when I was about 25 and lost a lot of weight from the activity I did at work. I don't know how much but I was in a size 12/14. Then I worked at a bank and a doctor's office after the shipping company and put a lot of weight back on just because of the lack of activity. I had the 7 year old when I was 32 and when he was about 1 1/2 years old I was 216 and started Weight Watchers and got down to 189 then fell off. I've struggled ever since. Even now, I started in December and have fluctuated and at this point am only down 2 lbs since December. I just don't know what my problem is. I feel like I don't have it in me to do this. I know I do but can't find it.
We (my hubby and I) talked to him about how hurtful his words were. I don't want to make a bigger deal of it than it is but I want him to know that what he said hurt my feelings and that he shouldn't say that. I guess it was just something I didn't expect from my own child that I carried, birthed and took care of ya know? lol I think I'm more upset at myself for not being able to get on track.0 -
I agree with this. What a lovely replyPlease don't be upset...1st he's a boy and even some grown men don't get it so don't blame him...lol. My dad is the same way. 2nd thing is you're on here so you are headed in the right direction just keep pushing on. Don't cry please...add me. And next time your son says that...just tell him 'momma is a fat lady
now but I won't be for long baby...now go play'.0 -
I had things like that happen too- and I realized one day that I was letting negative comments about myself slip out in front of my kids.. they might have been playing in the background- but they were listening (as kids do when we don't think so!!). I was muttering things to myself like -boy I feel fat in these pants.. or "you'll always be fat if you eat this many cookies"! When I realized what was happening it made me careful about what I said about myself- especially in front of my daughter- who might then carry those thoughts around about herself later....0
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I was out of town for a funeral, staying with a friend in that town. Her six year old daughter was helping me get ready. I went to the closet to get my dress, she looks at it, and says, "are you really that fat?" I told her to get out.0
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I feel ya.. I babysit for 3 young girls and the 7 year old girl walked up to me and started rubbing my belly and told me, "You have a fat belly, you better get skinny or else you will only be able to marry a fat man!" :noway:0
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Don't forget to talk to your daughter. She may actually believe this. And it may have hurt her feelings too. Don't let her grow up thinking she is pre-destined to be fat or needs to fight it to the point of anorexia.0
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Don't forget to talk to your daughter. She may actually believe this. And it may have hurt her feelings too. Don't let her grow up thinking she is pre-destined to be fat or needs to fight it to the point of anorexia.
She's 20 and is at a healthy weight. She 5'7" and weighs 143. She was thin freshman and sophomore year of HS but then was up to 176 but has slimmed down in the last 6 mos or so. She cut out all fast food and is looking great.
I appreciate all the comments. It may sound weird but I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I just have to put on my big girl pants (no pun intended) and get my sh** together and do this right?0 -
Good attitude!
And I realized I had misread your son's comment initially, but still thought you might need to talk to your daughter, but sounds like you already did a good job there since she got those first moving out of home pounds under control in a healthy way.
Yeay, for you and for her!0 -
Ooo, that would have been a good learning time. I know kids say what they think, but they should also know some things hurt others feelings.
Totally agree w/ this...^^^^ I would sit him down and explain that we don't talk like that, and how much that hurt your feelings. My 7 year old has said things like that in the past, and I think the fact that I talked with him about it and let him know how hurtful his words were, made a big difference. He's starting to think before he speaks a little more. Hang in there and keep doing what you're doing...you'll get where you want to be before you know it!! *hugs* 0 -
When I was a little kid I didn't realize calling people big or fat was insulting. I still loved them. I bet he still loves you. Sorry you had to go through that, though!0
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Oh I know he loves me. I don't worry about that. It was just the sting of the words. Out of the mouths of babes right?
And damn it all if my day didn't get worse. I found out I wasn't accepted to the program at school that I'm working toward my degree in. This day needs to go away now! lol0 -
ohhh don't worry about that. I weigh 130 pounds and my lil cousins say i'm big
kids are kids 0 -
At Christmas I asked my 14 year old nephew for a diet Pepsi and he told me I needed to start a diet.....ouch!!!! And at that point I has already list 25-30 pounds. I do think of that every once in a while still but now it gives me motivation despite how bad it hurt at the time.
Keep your chin up....you can do it. Also as others have said...he's a male. They tend to say hurtful things. A few months ago my husband said I looked like a different person and he didn't know how he felt about it. He had gotten used to the way I used to look. ??? How do you take that??0 -
kids say it how it is. but in another year, he will have a skinny mommy, and be proud to show you off!!! 0 -
i know how that feels! my neice (who is 6, but she was 5) and I went into McDonalds one day (Pre MFP) and
i asked her want she wanted...
She said "I want a happy meal, what are you going to get?"
I said "Oh I dont know, maybe a cheesburger and a small fry."
MY NEICE..."Auntie Kaydee, you shouldnt eat that, you should get a salad and water because your fat."
wow!!! total bruise to my ego, I almost cryed right there 0 -
Ooo, that would have been a good learning time. I know kids say what they think, but they should also know some things hurt others feelings.
AGREE! Sorry, been there! My 6 yr. old still grabs my fat roll...0 -
Every one of my kids have called me fat in some form or fashion at one time. I know it stings. But they also have always said I am the most beautiful mommy in the world, even when I was "fat". Maybe they just don't see being "fat" in the same negative light as we see it.
My son also told me his Aunt Catie looked prettier with a baby in her belly, because she is too skinny now. 0 -
I thank you all again for being there for me. It's nice to have people who have been there who can really understand. Today is a new day and I'm going to keep plugging away at this and hopefully it will stick. It's my couch 2 5k day so I'll be at the gym at school on the elliptical.0
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