Dealing with unsupportive friends and family

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Jbarbo01
Jbarbo01 Posts: 240 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So I finally got into a groove with weight loss for the first time ever, and within the first few weeks I had a best friend let me know she felt competitive with me because Im losing weight. Not in a good way, and it really discouraged me. I understand its her issues, but I still feel guilty for succeeding now. Its gotten in my head.

Has anyone else dealt with not supportive friends and family while trying to lose weight? How did you deal with them and how did you let it not effect your progress?

Replies

  • coopersmom2006
    coopersmom2006 Posts: 839
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    My Mother pretends to be supportive (when I talk to her about my fitness goals/weight loss etc which I usually don't bother doing) but then she goes behind my back and talks about me like I'm starving myself to death or something. I weigh what I'm supposed to weigh for my size (lost 30lbs and went from a snug 12 to a comfortable 4 in a year's time), workout 6 days a week and eat healthy so I'm not sure what exactly I'm doing wrong in her eyes. Then again, she's VERY overweight, yo-yo dieted all the time when I was little and eats like crap so I think part of seeing me succeed makes her feel her failures. Maybe that's what's going on with your friend? My way of dealing with it is to not discuss it with that person. Be proud of yourself and don't let anybody take that way from you!
  • warmachinejt
    warmachinejt Posts: 2,167 Member
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    i'm pretty sure just about everyone deals with people around being unsupportive.
    that's what makes getting results the better, you can rub it in their face
  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
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    Her bad feelings shouldn't stop you! Do it for you and good luck :flowerforyou:

    Most people in my family besides my papa are morbidly obese. So a 120 pound family member trying to lose weight gets me a LOT of gruff from them. I just ignore it and try and incorporate some yummy healthy meals for them :D
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
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    My husband makes higher and higher calorie foods and tries to hand me drink after drink, turns off my alarm and holds me in bed so I can't get up and exercise. My mom (who weighs just a little more than half what I weigh) tells me constantly that I don't need to lose weight, I am not fat and I look great.
  • AmoreCouture
    AmoreCouture Posts: 255 Member
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    Your friend needs to work out her own insecurities within herself. If she is so insecure that she feels that way toward you because you are losing weight, then maybe it's best to distance yourself. If you truly feel like she doesn't want you succeeding. Friends should be happy for each other in their successes. Not jealous.
  • darlilama
    darlilama Posts: 794 Member
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    Depends on who they are. If they are very negative and I don't have to be around them, then I don't. You can avoid being around most people most of the time, unless you live with them. :) If I have to be around them, then it's "this is what i'm doing. get over it." ... or if I really feel like they are someone who's "hurting", then maybe say in a positive way something like "Hey, why don't we do this together? You can join MFP and we can be friends. We can help each other be healthy and eat right. That would be so cool." I wouldn't mention "weight" per se... just that it's a healthy life style.
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
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    Emotions are contagious sometimes, and I think you caught hers! The idea here, is that she's supposed to catch your positive mood. :smile:

    Ask her if she wants to work out with you. Offer up info on what is working or not working for you and see if you can help her along.

    If not, then maybe you just need to hang out with her less until you are further along in your progress. You can't let someone else's feelings dictate what to do with your life.
  • ErinRexia
    ErinRexia Posts: 7 Member
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    I know the feeling. Only it's less competition and more mocking. My siblings and friends will taunt me sometimes when I eat salads at a burger place. My friends grandmother even called me a snob once for turning down the "famous" food at the local diner in favor of a chef salad. It's really discouraging, but your life is yours, and you need to live it how you want to.
  • lightstruck1
    lightstruck1 Posts: 52 Member
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    I mostly deal with my friends being VERY unsupportive of my decision of being vegan and are constantly making fun of me.
    It gets to me sometimes, but all you have to remember is that you are doing this for YOU, not them. This is your life and you shouldn't feel guilty or bad because of the words they say, or the way they act. All that matters is that it makes you happy! Stay strong and don't let them bring you down. Haters are gonna hate!
  • Pifflesmom
    Pifflesmom Posts: 134 Member
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    As I've learned throughout this process and life - not everyone is going to root for you to win. Sad, but true.

    Some people can't stand the fact that you are making healthy choices/decisions in life when they themselves can't - or won't. It's NOT YOUR ISSUE, IT'S THEIRS. This decision you've made to become healthy - for whatever reason is yours and yours alone. Don't let someone elses insecurities bring you down. You're doing this FOR YOU AND YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON.

    If possible, let this friend know that her 'competitive nature' makes you uncomfortable and ask her to please stop. Hopefully, she'll understand, but know that it's entirely possible that it will only make things worse; you'll have to prepare yourself for either outcome.

    Be strong! You are on the right path!
  • chicpeach
    chicpeach Posts: 302 Member
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    I want to encourage you to do what's best for your health, your body and your own self worth. Let other people do what's best for their own health, their own body and their own self worth.
  • Kassieisproud
    Kassieisproud Posts: 149
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    I dont think anyone expected me to succed before i always used to say i wanted to lose weight and my friends would always say i couldnt do it Mind you all of them are naturally very skinny or guys But now that ive actually lost weight now that ive made it a lifestyle i feel like people are waiting for me to fail lots of people see the way i eat now and think im starving myself I just tell them im not your just over eating
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    One of the reasons I haven't told my family (only my mom knows) is because I have a cousin who is really just the definition of a child and she's been on a weight loss craze for years because she has bad luck with guys and she thinks it's her weight. And she isn't overweight, she's in the healthy range for her height. But I feel like if I say "Hey guys I'm on a weight loss plan and I've lost x amount in x weeks" she'll start treating me worse than she does now. I'm 22 and she still holds a grudge because of when she babysat me at 5 years old and I threw a fit over peanuts being on a sundae she bought me.

    Family, you can't really pick. Friends you feel like if they can't support you in what you're doing, then you're a bad person. (and believe me, I had a friend like that and she is no longer in my life for it) But you can't control what your friend does or doesn't do, what they weigh, or how they react to you doing anything. You've made the choice, you're sticking to it, and if there's ill feelings on their part then that is entirely their problem, not yours. If they let it hinder your friendship then it tells you how much you meant to them to begin with.
  • coopersmom2006
    coopersmom2006 Posts: 839
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    Her bad feelings shouldn't stop you! Do it for you and good luck :flowerforyou:

    Most people in my family besides my papa are morbidly obese. So a 120 pound family member trying to lose weight gets me a LOT of gruff from them. I just ignore it and try and incorporate some yummy healthy meals for them :D

    Are we long lost siblings? This pretty much sums up my family to a t! When I went home to visit last month I cooked an amazing healthy meal for everyone. They loved it and I felt great knowing that they at least had one meal of not crap while I was there!
  • mmapags
    mmapags Posts: 8,934 Member
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    My goals are my goals and they have nothing to do with what anyone else thinks about them. I like encouragement but I don't need it to keep going because I'm not getting fit and lean for anyone else. You are not responsible for your friend's (?) feelngs. She is. When you make a decision to improve your life you will sometimes remind others of the own failures to do the same. While you can empathize with this, that is on them. Not on you. You are improving! Bravo!!

    Maybe you need more supportive friends and not ones that want to hold you down and "compete" with you?
  • JoolieW68
    JoolieW68 Posts: 1,879 Member
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    I've read several of these threads recently and would seriously like to give your loved ones and friends a piece of my mind.

    It also makes me so thankful that I have had nothing but supportive friends and family who respect my food choices and workout times, especially my husband (who is reaping the benefits of my new found, um, flexibility :love: )
  • samhelen
    samhelen Posts: 98
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    I have been extraordinarily blessed to be surrounded by people that are nothing but supportive of my journey. My parents, siblings, in laws, husband and friends have all been very good about this process -- even my five year old says lets go exercise mommy I have to burn calories.... That being said, there was a time in my life when that wasn't the case which made it very hard to progress beyond the first few pounds. Just know that it won't last forever.
  • captainfoxtrot
    captainfoxtrot Posts: 10
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    I think one of the most discouraging things one can be told when you're trying to lose weight is "You look fine, why do you need to lose weight?" or "Why are you eating so little?"

    I basically don't tell anyone that I'm dieting, because I don't feel like dealing with their reactions.
  • Doingit4me45
    Doingit4me45 Posts: 9 Member
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    Well I am very blessed to have family that is very supportive but I have one friend sometimes two who are quite annoying about it. If I eat something that isn't neccesarily 'healthy' they will be like "Oh thats got sugar/fat in it! You can't eat that or you will get fat again" its quite frustrating considering I allow myself a small treat to stop any cravings I might get later on and save myself from binging on crap.
    I just don't talk to that person about weightloss or even eat around them anymore.

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