Lesbian crushes

SkrillexFan
SkrillexFan Posts: 42
edited November 12 in Chit-Chat
I met one of my closest friends two years ago, but lately we've been drifting apart and even though she's straight I can't help but to have feelings for her. I don't know if our friendship can even continue at this point because its adding so much to my stress levels, which is something I assumed would go down with the help of exercise. /: I really don't want to lose her as a friend but I just can't see myself getting over her when we're still close, and her constant calling and texting has done nothing but give me false hope.

I just need some advice about what to do, or how to handle it, this is my first time in this kind of situation.

Replies

  • Farfourah
    Farfourah Posts: 896 Member
    Does she know you're a lesbian?

    You have a pretty cute face, I'd beat....maybe.
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,860 Member
    I'd suggest you talk with her about it. Maybe bringing it out in the open with her will allow you to move past it.
  • SkrillexFan
    SkrillexFan Posts: 42
    Does she know you're a lesbian?

    You have a pretty cute face, I'd beat....maybe.

    She knows that I'm pansexual, but she's completely oblivious to the fact that I'm attracted to her.
    I'd suggest you talk with her about it. Maybe bringing it out in the open with her will allow you to move past it.

    I don't want it to change the way she views me or our friendship though
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,454 Member
    When one person develops romantic feelings and the other doesn't, the one with the feelings is the one who is miserable.

    I'd definitely talk to her about it....maybe she would be on board....


    If not, you are probably better off cutting off the relationship for a while until you can get her out of your system.
  • SkrillexFan
    SkrillexFan Posts: 42
    When one person develops romantic feelings and the other doesn't, the one with the feelings is the one who is miserable.

    I'd definitely talk to her about it....maybe she would be on board....


    If not, you are probably better off cutting off the relationship for a while until you can get her out of your system.

    She's completely straight :P But thanks I think you're right about ending the friendship now rather than digging myself in deeper
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,860 Member
    She knows that I'm pansexual, but she's completely oblivious to the fact that I'm attracted to her.

    OMG! You do it with a pan??? Like a cast iron skillet?

    I'm kidding.
  • Farfourah
    Farfourah Posts: 896 Member
    Does she know you're a lesbian?

    You have a pretty cute face, I'd beat....maybe.

    She knows that I'm pansexual, but she's completely oblivious to the fact that I'm attracted to her.
    I'd suggest you talk with her about it. Maybe bringing it out in the open with her will allow you to move past it.

    I don't want it to change the way she views me or our friendship though

    If she isn't into women in the slightest way, I wouldn't tell her especially if it's a valued friendship. But ya also said that your friendship has dwindled down so maybe you don't have anything to lose...
  • SkrillexFan
    SkrillexFan Posts: 42
    OMG! You do it with a pan??? Like a cast iron skillet?

    I'm kidding.

    You'd be surprised how often I get that :P Usually when people ask I just say I'm bisexual, but there is a slight difference between the two.
    If she isn't into women in the slightest way, I wouldn't tell her especially if it's a valued friendship. But ya also said that your friendship has dwindled down so maybe you don't have anything to lose...

    I do want to open up to her about it, but my biggest fear is that it would change the way she looks at me or our friendship, and if that was the case I'd rather just end the friendship with some sort of dignity than discuss it at all.
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,860 Member
    I do want to open up to her about it, but my biggest fear is that it would change the way she looks at me or our friendship, and if that was the case I'd rather just end the friendship with some sort of dignity than discuss it at all.

    That's kinda not giving her much credit, is it? I mean, she is your friend after all.
  • Scarlett_S
    Scarlett_S Posts: 467 Member
    If you know she is completely straight, I wouldn't tell her, personally. Its pointless and it might make her feel her weird about the friendship.
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
    Sounds like a tough situation. I'd say if you are certain she is straight, don't go down that road. It could really hurt your friendship and I am sure you will find someone awesome. I'd try and put some distance between you (meaning try branching out and meeting new people) so you can try to get over her. I hope you get it figured out :)
  • ONE03
    ONE03 Posts: 125 Member
    Gotta agree with the mr. up there. I think you should talk to her about it and see how it goes. Worse case scenario, yea, she'll see you differently, but so what? It's better for her to see you completely and let the friendship fall apart, if that happens... hopefully not. What's the point of a friendship, if you can't open up to them?
  • SkrillexFan
    SkrillexFan Posts: 42
    That's kinda not giving her much credit, is it? I mean, she is your friend after all.

    Growing up in a strict and catholic community, I've never been fully accepted by anyone and I don't think she'd ever look at me the same afterwards.
    If you know she is completely straight, I wouldn't tell her, personally. Its pointless and it might make her feel her weird about the friendship.

    I was thinking the same thing, but now that everyone's telling me the exact opposite I'm just extremely confused.
    Sounds like a tough situation. I'd say if you are certain she is straight, don't go down that road. It could really hurt your friendship and I am sure you will find someone awesome. I'd try and put some distance between you (meaning try branching out and meeting new people) so you can try to get over her. I hope you get it figured out :)

    Thanks, I'm definitely going to try to distance myself regardless of whether or not I actually talk to her about it
    Gotta agree with the mr. up there. I think you should talk to her about it and see how it goes. Worse case scenario, yea, she'll see you differently, but so what? It's better for her to see you completely and let the friendship fall apart, if that happens... hopefully not. What's the point of a friendship, if you can't open up to them?

    It's not that I can't open up to her, my hesitation to tell her has to do a lot more with my fears than the faults in our friendship.
  • ummlovelovesyou
    ummlovelovesyou Posts: 1,024 Member
    In high school best friend was a lesbian and crushed on me for awhile, she made it known to EVERYONE and I kind of messed around with her for awhile but, it was one of those things I tried and was fun, but I prefer men! Liked her a lot but deep down inside I knew I could never seriously see myself with another female, therefore it was a bunch of drama right before she left to the East coast for college (I stayed here on the West coast) and it ruined everything, our friendship and all, she actually really annoys me now when I see her every now and then on breaks.

    IN MY OPINION, just don't say anything. Time will heal all wounds. Keep your friendship! :flowerforyou:
  • SkrillexFan
    SkrillexFan Posts: 42
    In high school best friend was a lesbian and crushed on me for awhile, she made it known to EVERYONE and I kind of messed around with her for awhile but, it was one of those things I tried and was fun, but I prefer men! Liked her a lot but deep down inside I knew I could never seriously see myself with another female, therefore it was a bunch of drama right before she left to the East coast for college (I stayed here on the West coast) and it ruined everything, our friendship and all, she actually really annoys me now when I see her every now and then on breaks.

    IN MY OPINION, just don't say anything. Time will heal all wounds. Keep your friendship! :flowerforyou:

    Thanks (:
  • GoreWhore72
    GoreWhore72 Posts: 190 Member
    If she is straight, you may be setting yourself up for heartache.
    I get hit on all the time by Lesbians, and I am not interested in women.
    I'm sure if you tell her, it will be okay, and you'll still be friends, but be careful.
    I really don't like it when a Lesbian makes a pass at me, especially when she knows I'm straight.
    That's when boundaries are broken, and it's disrespectful.
    I hope you guys can keep your friendship.
  • SkrillexFan
    SkrillexFan Posts: 42
    If she is straight, you may be setting yourself up for heartache.
    I get hit on all the time by Lesbians, and I am not interested in women.
    I'm sure if you tell her, it will be okay, and you'll still be friends, but be careful.
    I really don't like it when a Lesbian makes a pass at me, especially when she knows I'm straight.
    That's when boundaries are broken, and it's disrespectful.
    I hope you guys can keep your friendship.

    I've never hit on her or come on to her or anything, I have so much more respect for her than that and have a tendency to keep my feelings hidden. I don't want to try anything with her either, I just really want to get over my feelings for her.
  • raybanfan11
    raybanfan11 Posts: 12
    Don't talk "talk" to her about it. First sing "I kissed a girl and I like it," and then start the conversation from there.Just start with "I'm curious." And asked, "Aren't you curious?" and if she says "Yes," then you can ask her "wanna try?" If she says "No," then just tell her "Well, I'm still curious, I'm available if you wanna try," and keep on singing. And if she say's "sure," then bam! there goes a kiss! Don't be too serious about it, just flirt with her for a while. Don't just shock her. After you get rejected wait a few more times and tell her she is gorgeous and tell her that you "think" you are crushing on her. I'm a lesbian... now a butch... so... yeah.. I hope this advise will help. If you don't want to lose her as a friend just act cool about it.
  • liftandcycle
    liftandcycle Posts: 209
    I get hit on all the time by Lesbians, and I am not interested in women.
    I really don't like it when a Lesbian makes a pass at me, especially when she knows I'm straight.
    That's when boundaries are broken, and it's disrespectful.

    I take offence to this.. and I dont know why.. maybe bc.. UR LYING... come at me! anyways.. to the OP.. honey just be her friend.. been there done that.. she will try it with you.. trust me she will.. but eventually she will leave bc... well.. shes not into girls.. my ex of 3 yrs was straight... and little did I know she was cheating on me with men.. so i wouldnt recomend it..
  • Farfourah
    Farfourah Posts: 896 Member
    Don't talk "talk" to her about it. First sing "I kissed a girl and I like it," and then start the conversation from there.Just start with "I'm curious." And asked, "Aren't you curious?" and if she says "Yes," then you can ask her "wanna try?" If she says "No," then just tell her "Well, I'm still curious, I'm available if you wanna try," and keep on singing. And if she say's "sure," then bam! there goes a kiss! Don't be too serious about it, just flirt with her for a while. Don't just shock her. After you get rejected wait a few more times and tell her she is gorgeous and tell her that you "think" you are crushing on her. I'm a lesbian... now a butch... so... yeah.. I hope this advise will help. If you don't want to lose her as a friend just act cool about it.

    Don't do this...it's ****ing weird.
  • SkrillexFan
    SkrillexFan Posts: 42
    Don't do this...it's ****ing weird.

    Wasn't planning on it
    I take offence to this.. and I dont know why.. maybe bc.. UR LYING... come at me! anyways.. to the OP.. honey just be her friend.. been there done that.. she will try it with you.. trust me she will.. but eventually she will leave bc... well.. shes not into girls.. my ex of 3 yrs was straight... and little did I know she was cheating on me with men.. so i wouldnt recomend it..

    I doubt she would be up for trying anything, besides how innocent she is she's just so dead set in her ways. Thanks for the advice btw, it means a lot more coming from someone who truly understands the situation (:
  • htmlgirl
    htmlgirl Posts: 314 Member
    If you know she's straight, then I would suggest cutting off contact for now until you get over her. Otherwise you will just keep feeling miserable. I don't think you should tell her that you have a crush on her because it'll probably make her feel weird and you might lose her forever as a friend. Just my opinion.
  • liftandcycle
    liftandcycle Posts: 209
    .
  • raybanfan11
    raybanfan11 Posts: 12
    it is only weird if you are not close to the person. she said it is her best friend. it will be weirder to have serious talk and much much, more painful.
  • PlunderBunneh
    PlunderBunneh Posts: 1,705 Member
    My best friend and I have known each other for almost ten years. We had our first crushy-crush experiment time ages ago, and from time to time still get together for a bit of fun with our partners. I'm pansexual as well, and as much as it sucks, she just isn't my type. I love and adore everything about her, but not in the way that she admires me. There was a brief period a few years back where she brought her feelings into the open, even though I was already married, and she prefers to date men. It did kind of make it weird, but I would have been heartbroken if she had just drifted away without saying anything as to why. I mean, hell, of all the reasons you can give someone for needing some space, "Because I think I love you," is much kinder than what I would have come up with in my head. And from the other perspective, I had a massive girl crush on a friend way back, and instead of sharing my feelings, I tucked them down, deep inside, and drifted off. I still regret that. I certainly don't imagine we would have made a great couple that lasted forever, but it bothers me that I never even gave her a chance.
    I don't know what to tell you, except that honesty is always the best answer. I hope everything works out for the best.
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