Not that is matters, but...

leogirl724
leogirl724 Posts: 73
edited November 12 in Motivation and Support
...I am the eldest of three sisters
...I have always been the "fat" sister with the tragically low self esteem....
...I have also always been generous, thought, loving ....all that "happy crap"

The middle sister has been stunning since birth and was a model when she was young
The baby sister was and competitive ice skater for many years
I have always been the bookworm, quiet type that sat on the side lines and cheered them on

NOW
The middle sister is a mom of 3 with more on the way
The baby sister has struggled with her weight since starting college 5 years ago
and
I have been slowly but surely coming out of my shell, getting healthy and feeling more confident....

The Problem
I know they are both sensitive about their weight and lack of discipline....
since I know what it's like to feel that way, I don't talk about my successes,
I just see them occasionally, but when I do, I feel more and more ostracized...shut out...ignored.....such an odd feeling...
did they really love be more...when I was the FAT sister???

I just got a modeling gig for a wedding dress designer and I have exceeded my health and wellness goals every month since starting my "makeover". I have worked very hard and I feel like I can't share my happiness with them, b/c it actually upsets them....

Not sure how to feel at this point...I've lost friends before for ...being happy, but sisters....really??

thoughts?

Replies

  • BIGJIMMYU
    BIGJIMMYU Posts: 1,221 Member
    Time to love and live for yourself now. You have worked hard and deserve your happiness. If siblings cannot share it with you, it will be their loss not yours. Feel and stand proud.
  • rides4sanity
    rides4sanity Posts: 1,269 Member
    My guess is that they don't love you less they are just not confortable with themselves right now. It isn't fair, but seeing you be successful where they are not is hard especially since it is a reversal in your former dynamic. Give them a little time to get used to the new you and the new them and things will likely smooth themselves out. Live, love and forgive, it makes a difference.
  • 3ddynamo
    3ddynamo Posts: 3
    Don't let anyone take away your satisfaction and your sense of pride in regards to your makeover. I had a similar situation a few years ago when I initially began my makeover. I lost 40 lbs and lost my best friends. It is horrible that women and your case sisters have the constant competitive nature to "out do" each other ( which I blame a lot on society). I'm rambling, my point is, I let them get to me and put the weight back on. It may be important to lean on the ones that are truly happy for you and are supportive during this time and recognize that you might not get that support from your sisters....it's terrible, I know. But keep up the great work - you should be so proud!!!

    Congratulations!!!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,990 Member
    Envy and jealousy is a natural trait for humans, but how it's handled differs from person to person. Some use it as motivation, some use it a justification to ridicule, and it causes insecurity to some.
    There are many people who were slim and athletic in their younger years, but are now overweight and unhappy. But it's up to them to make the change, not you. You shouldn't feel guilty at all for being the best you that you want to be.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • AnnThereseRN
    AnnThereseRN Posts: 44 Member
    They love you. Yes, there may be some jealousy over your success, but they love you fat or skinny.

    Maybe share some success tips with them. Workout together. Swap healthy recipes.

    I am the youngest of 9 with two sisters. My sisters are stunning. They get fit much easier than I do, and even after three kids my oldest sister wears a bikini the other one's baby is 9 months and she is under her pre-baby weight. Meanwhile, I'm pumped to have dropped a few lbs to my wedding weight.

    We all try to just be encouraging of each other and share fun fitness strategies without the bragging or competition.
  • mamabear272
    mamabear272 Posts: 268 Member
    I am sure they don't love you less. The problem may very well be that they are used to being center of attention and "the pretty ones." Now that you have worked on yourself and look and feel better, it makes their insecurities more prevalent. They didn't have to work to be thin and you have worked your butt off (quite literally :laugh: ) to be where you are. If you've been able to share successes with them in the past, it shouldn't be any different now. If they are not receptive to hearing about it then don't talk about it with them but I wouldn't make a point to do things with them either. Be proud of your success!!
  • leogirl724
    leogirl724 Posts: 73
    You guys/gals are truly a Blessing...

    Thank You

    <3
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Coming from someone who was always the thin one and who gained later in life, I can tell you that it isn't YOU. It's very difficult to be reminded of who you were when you aren't that person anymore, and you are a living reminder to them.

    When you've always been thin, gaining weight makes you feel like you aren't even yourself anymore. You don't know how to dress or behave or exist. You lose yourself. And especially because their lives revolved so much around their looks and fitness before, it's even worse.

    Give them time. Just love them and they'll come around.
  • MrsBlobs
    MrsBlobs Posts: 310 Member
    You've upset the status quo (that's not bad...keep upsetting it!!), your sisters will get over it, or they won't, whatever. The fact is that this is your life and your body and your success. Don't let anything undermine that.
    I'm fairly certain that over time, they'll come round though. It's a bit of envy and as I said, you've upset the balance a bit (good, go you). It'll take time for them to adjust.
    Whatever you do, don't let this derail you!
  • leogirl724
    leogirl724 Posts: 73
    I think the hardest part is just that they treat me so differently...
    I don't act like a know it all
    I don't give them unsolicited advice
    I just am who I am .... now
    and
    Honestly it's a challenge being all Sunshine & Rainbows when they are all cloudy and rainy....

    anyway~I really appreciate all the responses.
    One of "The Four Agreements" is to not take things personally...so I will be working on that.

    Have a Sunny Day:flowerforyou:
  • leogirl724
    leogirl724 Posts: 73
    Coming from someone who was always the thin one and who gained later in life, I can tell you that it isn't YOU. It's very difficult to be reminded of who you were when you aren't that person anymore, and you are a living reminder to them.

    When you've always been thin, gaining weight makes you feel like you aren't even yourself anymore. You don't know how to dress or behave or exist. You lose yourself. And especially because their lives revolved so much around their looks and fitness before, it's even worse.

    Give them time. Just love them and they'll come around.
    I appreciate your perspective and insight
    Thank You
    :heart:
  • leogirl724
    leogirl724 Posts: 73
    Envy and jealousy is a natural trait for humans, but how it's handled differs from person to person. Some use it as motivation, some use it a justification to ridicule, and it causes insecurity to some.
    There are many people who were slim and athletic in their younger years, but are now overweight and unhappy. But it's up to them to make the change, not you. You shouldn't feel guilty at all for being the best you that you want to be.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    Your Wisdom is Appreciated, Good Sir~
  • BrienJD
    BrienJD Posts: 541 Member
    Deep sown sisters will love you no matter what, that's family. Right now it's YOUR turn now though. They had thiers when they were young you are getting yours NOW. Being older and wiser I think you tend to appreciate things a little more and are more apt to relish it than squander it. A hearty congrats on your success. Don't stop though, keep going, keep losing, keep feeling better about yourself. Sibling rivalry will always be present, but eventually they will come around
  • WhiteDoveStudios
    WhiteDoveStudios Posts: 7 Member
    Bud you be true to your self and the Lord you serve ...Love your self for who you are.... God Doesn't make mistakes and you arent one by far. They have their own issues that they battle with and there could be some sense of frustration within them selves at your motivation and new found confidence... but that's not your fault... and is nothing youve done wrong.... they will level out and see your good example and also your wonderful heart for not holding their frustrations against them :)
  • leogirl724
    leogirl724 Posts: 73
    Aww~You Guys are The Best!

    <3
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    Well, I dont know about jealousy, but I know personally that I have avoided many social occasions because I just didnt felt comfortable and even when I participated, I was feeling very self-conscious about it all. They're probably feeling the same way.

    Also, watching you, a true success is reminding them of what they were and what they are now. Doesnt mean they're jealous of you, just mean that watching you reminds them of their own better day.
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