I need to vent so I don't snack!!!
dlyeates
Posts: 875 Member
I'm very sad and frustrated!!!! My 1 time a month (okay just the last 2 months but would love it to be monthly) cheat/spike meal was supposed to be tomorrow (a workout day) with one of my friends. My hubby said that he might be working late but would try to be off early enough and that should be guaranteed. Now he's saying he won't be home early enough because of work and I had to cancel with my friend. And now we probably won't get to do it until April some time. I'm beyond pissed since I've been telling him I need a break, I need a girl's night, I need to get out!!! I'm a working mom who still does 95% of the grocery shopping (the other 5% is when we all go together or I just ask him to pick up something if he's out), 95% of the cooking (yes he sometimes puts the frozen meatballs in the microwave and heats up the veggies for meatball sub night) and more around the house than would be equal.
He travels for work every now and then and even though I know he misses us he gets to go out for the $50 steak dinners, bottles of wine flowing and then out to bars afterwards where he can't be back in the room to Skype with me before I go to bed at 10:30 pm (it's 11:30pm where he travels to). And then gets to sleep in until 7 am with no kids in the bed before going to breakfast even before his meetings. I know he misses me but I'm incredibly jealous.
And even though he says I can go out whenever it's not the same......he can text and say "oops I forgot I'm going out with my co-workers after work" and it's all good. I have to pre-plan in case he needs to drive to pick up the kids or I have to wait until I've picked up the kids, picked him up from the train, get them home and usually get dinner together for all of them before I can go out. I'm just frustrated at the inequality and the lack of consideration that I seem to get. Sorry for this!!! Vent over!!!
He travels for work every now and then and even though I know he misses us he gets to go out for the $50 steak dinners, bottles of wine flowing and then out to bars afterwards where he can't be back in the room to Skype with me before I go to bed at 10:30 pm (it's 11:30pm where he travels to). And then gets to sleep in until 7 am with no kids in the bed before going to breakfast even before his meetings. I know he misses me but I'm incredibly jealous.
And even though he says I can go out whenever it's not the same......he can text and say "oops I forgot I'm going out with my co-workers after work" and it's all good. I have to pre-plan in case he needs to drive to pick up the kids or I have to wait until I've picked up the kids, picked him up from the train, get them home and usually get dinner together for all of them before I can go out. I'm just frustrated at the inequality and the lack of consideration that I seem to get. Sorry for this!!! Vent over!!!
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Replies
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Get a sitter send Hubby the bill0
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I like that answer!! hahaha!!! But he's got no money......he knows it's all mine!!!0
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I can relate! I am sorry. I told my hubby that I am going to go to a hotel for a week without him or the kids. That didn't go over too well either!
((((Hugs))))
Audrey Louise :flowerforyou:0 -
OMG i know EXACTLY how you feel! The not so bright side of being "Mom". We get stuck with the not so glamourous. I agree with the other post...in the sense of looking into other sitters besides your husband. Perhaps a friend or family member...maybe even ask their teachers or childcare providers for babysitter suggestions. I stopped relying on my daughters father long ago! And your girl time as well as alone time is SO crucial to your dieting and SANITY!!!! Also it wouldnt help to explain how you feel to him n see if he can make more effort in being PROACTIVE rather than wait for you to ask for time alone or with your friends. He may also help you brainstorm childcare ideas
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My parents are my childcare and are with them everyday so I don't like to ask too much from them. My son is very particular and has only ever stayed with our neighbors and one of our old neighbors a handful of times and I don't like imposing on people.
My hubby is great and I don't feel like it's relying on him for childcare. He's their father and part of the family. It's just that his work sometimes gets in the way and I start feeling neglected in what I want to do. I'm just jealous of his freedom and my lack of it and I wanted to vent vs eat!!!
Thanks all!!! Means a lot to me that you even read through this!!!0 -
Oh girl! I totally relate to this! My hubby travels often for work and it's the same thing. He goes out to dinner eating all this great food and even though he's working he has none of the home responsibilities that I do. I went out of town a little over a year ago and made ALL the arrangements for our 7 year old for school and stuff. We have older kids (20 and 18) who helped with the kids but I made sure all of this was taken care of. This was for a 3 day trip!! He goes for a week or more most of the time and he just packs his *kitten* and leaves! Never questions or tries to find out what's going on here that he could help with before he goes. He leaves on the 29th again and my older son and I have plans. Guess who made the arrangements for who was going to watch the 7 year old? Yup! Me! Even though my plans were made before his trip was known about!
I don't know what the solution is but just know that you're not alone!0 -
See if you friend can bring takeout over and let the kids watch a movie.0
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See if you friend can bring takeout over and let the kids watch a movie.
^^^^^this. if getting an outside sitter for a few hours is not doable. put the kids in a room with a movie- popcorn, let them think THEY are getting a special treat- when really it's you needing a hour or so to giggle talk eat and drink with your friend. sure the room may be a mess but you will have gotten some much needed relax time of your own.0 -
I hate to say this, but we've trained them well to know that they don't have to hold up their end of the marriage bargain. I made my husband buy the gifts for his family over the winter holidays. It's our new tradition.0
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Being a husband who travels at least every other week for business my wife KNEW of your pain. One day, my boss who's a single woman gave me some advice that improved our marriage.
When I'm home during the week I cook, (not a microwaveable meal), when I'm going to be away for a few days, I pick up the kids when I return for the amount of days I've been gone (for example if I'm away Monday and Tuesday I pick up the kids from school Wednesday and Thursday) and cook those nights as well.
Have a honest, non interrupted conversation with your husband. Stroke his ego a bit, tell him you'd like to spend more "intimate" alone time with him because he's so wonderful and you enjoy him in every aspect (we guys love hearing that). And in order to spend more time together as a couple you need help with running the household.
If you both work, running the household is a team effort.
For years when my wife didn't work, I'd arrive home and she was to exhausted at night to spend any romantic/intimate time with me. I'd wonder WHY, how hard can it be running a household. In 2001 I was laid off for 2 years; now I'm an advocate of every man needs to run the household or at least HALF of the household for at least 6 months to truly understand his wife.
Again have a conversation with your husband, start it with this "How would you like to have more sex"? Whatever he's watching on TV or doing will immediately be stopped (What guy doesn't want to have more sex with his wife). Make sure you tie that first sentence to your needs of 50/50 household running and how you'll have more "intimate" time to enjoy each other.0 -
Being a husband who travels at least every other week for business my wife KNEW of your pain. One day, my boss who's a single woman gave me some advice that improved our marriage.
When I'm home during the week I cook, (not a microwaveable meal), when I'm going to be away for a few days, I pick up the kids when I return for the amount of days I've been gone (for example if I'm away Monday and Tuesday I pick up the kids from school Wednesday and Thursday) and cook those nights as well.
Have a honest, non interrupted conversation with your husband. Stroke his ego a bit, tell him you'd like to spend more "intimate" alone time with him because he's so wonderful and you enjoy him in every aspect (we guys love hearing that). And in order to spend more time together as a couple you need help with running the household.
If you both work, running the household is a team effort.
For years when my wife didn't work, I'd arrive home and she was to exhausted at night to spend any romantic/intimate time with me. I'd wonder WHY, how hard can it be running a household. In 2001 I was laid off for 2 years; now I'm an advocate of every man needs to run the household or at least HALF of the household for at least 6 months to truly understand his wife.
Again have a conversation with your husband, start it with this "How would you like to have more sex"? Whatever he's watching on TV or doing will immediately be stopped (What guy doesn't want to have more sex with his wife). Make sure you tie that first sentence to your needs of 50/50 household running and how you'll have more "intimate" time to enjoy each other.
Run away with me :laugh:0 -
:frown: I can only relate in a small way, as I have no children. Sorry things are rough. I agree that open honest communication can be a key. He just may not understand your needs. Sometimes people aren't as intuitive as we think they should be.0
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Run away with me :laugh:
LOL!
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Stacey: You are hilarious!
Antonio: Pick me! Pick me!
You seriously need to find a couple of babysitters that you can call for such an occasion. If one is busy, you can call another, etc... I always had 3 different girls that I could call. I never went out a lot when my daughter was little, but when I did, I had people I could call.0 -
Have a honest, non interrupted conversation with your husband. Stroke his ego a bit, tell him you'd like to spend more "intimate" alone time with him because he's so wonderful and you enjoy him in every aspect (we guys love hearing that). And in order to spend more time together as a couple you need help with running the household.
If you both work, running the household is a team effort.
Venting is excellent stress release!!
We had this talk 38 years ago when we got married. I stated that if we both work we share the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shop together as much as possible. When my husband was deployed for short periods of time or confined to base for a couple of days for VIP meetings, etc. Then yes I did pick up the slack. When I was off work then I would do majority of the household chores. We waited 10 years before adopting and being foster parents, then we divided the extra errands. My husband ended up doing most of them pretaining to school & meeting with DHS. The Dr appt were mine.
I did not vacuum for the first 22 years of marriage and them just a hand ful of times. Yes, there is some chores he will not do so I must do them.
Anyother thing I find even now is we both have a small day planner and a master day planner calendar at home and we write everything - yes even you "girl" time down and when he updates his personal calendar when will learn not to schedule a conflict for that day.
You can not let up! When he accidently mess up then have a couple of high school girls lined up to fill in for you. You can get the school counselor help you locate a few girls and interview them. You could even arrange to have one come over before you need them for say 1 hour and you can show her where to locate items, phone number and etc. Plus she will be able to spend some time with each child so the can get to know her.
Susan0 -
Stacey: You are hilarious!
Antonio: Pick me! Pick me!
You seriously need to find a couple of babysitters that you can call for such an occasion. If one is busy, you can call another, etc... I always had 3 different girls that I could call. I never went out a lot when my daughter was little, but when I did, I had people I could call.
Stacey and Summerlove you ladies make me laugh. :laugh:
Hmmmmm I wonder if the OP had that conversation with her husband and the outcome. We'll probably never know....0 -
Great advice!!!!Being a husband who travels at least every other week for business my wife KNEW of your pain. One day, my boss who's a single woman gave me some advice that improved our marriage.
When I'm home during the week I cook, (not a microwaveable meal), when I'm going to be away for a few days, I pick up the kids when I return for the amount of days I've been gone (for example if I'm away Monday and Tuesday I pick up the kids from school Wednesday and Thursday) and cook those nights as well.
Have a honest, non interrupted conversation with your husband. Stroke his ego a bit, tell him you'd like to spend more "intimate" alone time with him because he's so wonderful and you enjoy him in every aspect (we guys love hearing that). And in order to spend more time together as a couple you need help with running the household.
If you both work, running the household is a team effort.
For years when my wife didn't work, I'd arrive home and she was to exhausted at night to spend any romantic/intimate time with me. I'd wonder WHY, how hard can it be running a household. In 2001 I was laid off for 2 years; now I'm an advocate of every man needs to run the household or at least HALF of the household for at least 6 months to truly understand his wife.
Again have a conversation with your husband, start it with this "How would you like to have more sex"? Whatever he's watching on TV or doing will immediately be stopped (What guy doesn't want to have more sex with his wife). Make sure you tie that first sentence to your needs of 50/50 household running and how you'll have more "intimate" time to enjoy each other.0 -
I'm not married, but I have to say that I completely understand how you feel with the jealousy thing. My boyfriend of 2 years is in a band, and they go on tours every so often around the entire US. He'll be gone for sometimes up to a month (which I HATE btw), and he has the time of his life. They play music, meet tons of people (including the groupies...), go out to bars, stay in hotels, etc. I get so jealous because traveling is what I want to do most in my life, but he's the one who gets to do it. And I won't be that lame girlfriend who asks to tag along on their tours, so I'm pretty much stuck at home while he's doing all of this awesome stuff. It makes me so jealous! I only have a couple of close friends, so it's not very often that I get to go out and have a girls night. Anyway, I guess I don't really have any advice, I just wanted you to know that I get where you're coming from. Honestly, it sounds like your hubby is being kind of selfish - even if unintentionally. I'm also very picky though, so my opinion may be biased. But maybe you should talk with him and try to see if he can help out around the house more. Have him watch the kids one night while you go out and do something for yourself!0
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Thanks everyone for letting me vent and for the advice!!! Even after 10 years of marriage communication is still a work in progress and we're still working everything out.
We did have a little talk but we will be continuing the conversation. I get off of work earlier than he does so I do most of the shopping because it's easier than with 2 kids tagging along. I did tell him that something is going to have to give because I'm getting really burnt out and need some time to myself. I do acknowledge that my gym time can be considered me time but I want some fun me time.
As I said, this convo will be continued but with it getting warmer he will do more grilling which might lighten up my cooking load a little. I know this time isn't his fault because he has a big project, it's just that he said that he would most likely be done in time and then yesterday (1 day before) tells me that he'll be late. He doesn't seem to understand the inequality and I try really really hard not to take tally marks of who does what because I don't believe in keeping score in a marriage. But I'm not sure he'll fully ever understand I'm just hoping to come up with a better system. I think we're going to do the calendar thing so that is more visual!!! We'll see how it goes.
Sucky thing is that my friend that I was going out with tonight isn't available for dinner for a few weeks now and that makes me sad!!0 -
I was actually in this situation when my kids were younger and my husband had the balls to say one day that he earned the money and what I did was not actually a paying job. Then proceeded to ask me what I did all day. We had 5 children 11-1. So I proceeded to keep a log of every minute of the day for a week, I wrote down everything ( I mean everything!) that I did durning the day. I found out how much a sitter would be for the 2 little ones (like if I wasnt there), and I got prices for a cook, a maid, and a taxi to transport kids to and fro. Well it all turned out that he wouldnt be able to afford it if I was not doing (anything according to him) all day long. I showed him the logs and he studied it and ask why I didnt log when I went to the bathroom and I said BECAUSE I HAVENT YET! You might try this and maybe he will take you more seriously when you say you need a break! Good luck.0
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My parents are my childcare and are with them everyday so I don't like to ask too much from them. My son is very particular and has only ever stayed with our neighbors and one of our old neighbors a handful of times and I don't like imposing on people.
My hubby is great and I don't feel like it's relying on him for childcare. He's their father and part of the family. It's just that his work sometimes gets in the way and I start feeling neglected in what I want to do. I'm just jealous of his freedom and my lack of it and I wanted to vent vs eat!!!
Thanks all!!! Means a lot to me that you even read through this!!!
hiring a babysitter and paying them is not imposing on people. you're trading money for a service. you need to get your son used to someone else as a caretaker. How do you and your husband go out without using a paid sitter?0 -
I was actually in this situation when my kids were younger and my husband had the balls to say one day that he earned the money and what I did was not actually a paying job. Then proceeded to ask me what I did all day.
I remember saying something nearly the same to my wife in 2001 when she wasn't working and never had energy for anything. That same year in November, the day before Thanksgiving I was laid off.
Although unemployment and DSHS helped pick up the slack it wasn't enough which resulted in switching roles. (She worked and I was now Mr. Mom) For 2 years I looked for work and did ALL the household management, ALL OF IT! After 2 years of being Mr. Mom (I went through EVERYTHING Micheal Keaton did in the movie.... EVERYTHING) I had and still keep a very humble appreciation for stay at home Moms.0
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