How do you find support?

cellorocker · August 2009

It's seems like there's none in my family.
I just hate hate hate the way things are right now.
My sister works at Baskin Robbins, she's 17 and weighs 250 pounds, and has absolutely no interest in losing weight.
My dad weighs 260 pounds and constantly says "I need to lose weight, I need to lose weight" but never does anything about it! And if he does try to do it, he gets my mom to cook for him every single meal and snack. And then he goes back to eating crap, and then gains it all back and some.
Then there's my mom. Oh my god, there's my mom.
I'm not trying to offend anyone who's had gastric bypass surgery, but I hate my mom for doing it. I'm sorry, but I can't stand her now. She took the cop out. She's all like "Tiffany, if I lost the weight, you certainly could too." BUT IT'S DIFFERENT. She CHEATED. She can't eat the crap she used to. Soda makes her sick from the carbonation. Bread and pasta get stuck. It's made her lactose intolerant, so milk and ice cream are out. And if she eats anything with too much sugar, or when she eats more than her little stomach can handle, she throws up.
Yeah, she lost the weight. Because she was forced to eat right.
I've been overweight since I was 5. This is something I never feel like I'll get over.
My mom's just constantly saying "You are so fat. You need to lose weight. You're going to have a heart attack at age 20. I lost weight, so can you. You're such an embarrassment to be seen with. Why are you eating that, it's so unhealthy, blah, blah."

And so FINALLY when I try to do something about it, she doesn't support me. She says I'm starving myself, I can indulge every now and then.
It feels like she's purposely trying to ruin my diet. I ask her NOT to buy the ice cream and the cinnamon bread, the chips and soda, and all the other junk. But no, she buys more of it.
There are THREE BAGS of the same kind of chips in the house. THREE FREAKIN BAGS.
When I try to eat healthy, she says I'm not going to lose an weight that way, that I need to exercise instead.
And when I try to exercise, she says if I just ate less and healthier, I'd lose weight.
I just hate not getting support!

For example, I was being very good today, I'm still under my calories, even with the Chocolate Fudge ice cream, the Pepsi, and the three bags of chips sitting in the house, I've managed to not eat ANY of that. So finally, I cave, and allow myself ONE serving of chips. I needed to bring the bag into the kitchen to weigh the chips, but my sister has them in her room, cramming them into her mouth, and won't give me the bag. I try to explain that I just need the bag to measure, and I'll bring it back, but she says "God, you don't need to measure. Why are you always trying to lose weight? Just grab some and eat them."
ARGH. I need to freakin measure I don't go nuts and grab a huge bowl and just pour the chips in there and screw up my whole day. But she doesn't get it. She doesn't care.
Another example: My mom made corn tonight, and I had already eaten dinner. I figure I could have one ear of corn, no butter or anything, and I'd be okay. 100 calories is doable.
So my mom makes the corn for me, and I'm bringing it to the table, and she says "What? No butter or salt?" And I said, "No, Mom. I don't need that on my corn. It's fine the way it is."
And then she flips out, saying I'm going anorexic, that butter isn't bad for me, I need to stop focusing on my weight, if I just exercised the pounds would come off.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And then, about twenty minutes ago, my dad was in the living room, with a huge bowl of ice cream, and says "Hey, have some ice cream." And I was like "No, I'm alright"
And then of course, he says "You can indulge every once in awhile. Stop being so uptight."
*moan*

My parents get made when I measure my food, when I try to exercise, they tell me I'm just a kid and I shouldn't worry.
But when I'm not losing weight, they're pissed and say I'm a fat, fat child, and I'm going to die soon, why don't I try to lose some weight?

I just feel like I can't get any support in my house.
And I know there's support here, but that can't stop the ugly things my parents say, the stares and criticism I get when I'm trying to be healthy.

What can I do if there's no support in my home?
I feel like I can't stay on this track if I'm being beat down every day.
How do you do it?
I need some serious help or I don't think this is going to happen.
I'm only 15, but I'm 60 pounds overweight. I need to lose this weight, because I'm cutting short my life by a lot right now.

What's something I could say to my family? They don't understand how badly I need to lose weight. They just don't get it.

cellorocker · August 2009

Argh, that post was really long (sorry) and yet it still feels like I didn't even get to explain half of what I'm feeling.

barbiecat · August 2009

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
You've come to right place for support.

Don't even try to get any support from your family. don't expect them to understand

Practice saying "no, thank you" so you can be gracious and refuse any food you haven't already logged in for the day.

Stay out of the kitchen except when actually preparing the food you have chosen to eat (only healthy stuff)

go for a walk

read through the posts on MFP to find a group that you can check in with every day. People on MFP will remind you of your goals and congratulate you for a job well done.

Never, never, never, give up:bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:

HealthyKt78 · August 2009

Okay for one I do have to say that the gastric bypass isn't cheating and my mom (who also had it) tell me that all the time. It's not a magic pill and you don't lose the weight overnight. Your mom's stomach will eventually get used to the sweets and bad foods she's trying to eat and she will gain back the weight if she continues in that direction.

Ignore their criticism. If its getting to be too much just tell them you need to blow off some steam and take a walk or go into your room and listen to some music. I don't know how old you are but I'm assuming at least upper class high school? I was there just a year ago. I understand how hard it is to eat right when other people are controlling the food that goes into your house. Fortunately my dad tries to be really healthy and my mom still can't eat everything and now doesn't want to cause she knows how bad it is so I'm pretty lucky. Maybe you can show your parents the site and how easy it is to lose weight and see if they'll join. A good (maybe even fun) experiment would be to follow your sister around everyday and log what she eats. Show her how many calories and bad things she's consuming compared to how many calories someone her size trying to lose weight should be and see if that opens her eyes. Tell your parents that your not anorexic by trying to be healthy and if they would like to take you to a doctor just to be sure go head. Maybe a doctor will talk some sense into them since they are preventing you from being healthy. You may only need someone on the outside of your family telling your parents "Hey, you might be making the choice to live an unhealthy lifestyle but if your daughter chooses to healthier, look better and have a longer life by all means you need to let her"

cellorocker · August 2009

Okay for one I do have to say that the gastric bypass isn't cheating and my mom (who also had it) tell me that all the time. It's not a magic pill and you don't lose the weight overnight. Your mom's stomach will eventually get used to the sweets and bad foods she's trying to eat and she will gain back the weight if she continues in that direction.

My mom had the surgery December of 2005. She's still not used to the foods, they told her she never would be. I know she didn't lose the weight overnight.

I'm just upset with my mom because she never would have cared about all this, she never would have been so materialistic (for lack of a better word). Now she's all "ew, I can't wear this skirt, my legs are too FAT." And she weighs like, 125 pounds now.

And, also, my doctor is the one who showed me this site, and told me to lose some weight.
And my mom said "I know, I've told her many times before."

Andd, reading through this message, I've realized it sounded a bit harsh.
FWI, wasn't trying to sound harsh.

awinmac · August 2009

Hey it can be really hard to stick to your guns. But you seem to be doing it! That is so awesome!
You need to tell your parents (even if their behavior doesn't change) that you need their respect and support right now and you do not appreciate the double standard. In the end it doesn't matter what they think, you are making choices for yourself and for your future health and well being and that is the most important thing. Being so young and still at home you will probably have to put up with thier irritating personal habits and comments for a while yet. Check out some books from your public library like "The Natural Makeover Diet" by Dr. Joey Shulman or "The Eat Clean Diet Cookbook" by Tosca Reno, show them you mean business. Find something that works for you long term and stick with it. Both of these books are about eating better to support proper digestion and not about counting calories or depriving yourself of food.
You could always join a walking group or a fitness class at your local community centre or gym for added support.
Good luck!
-Amber

VballLeash · August 2009

Wow you've got a tuff situation on your hands, I'm really sorry.... Well first of all kudos for trying to change your ways and lose weight, that is great. Secondly, who cares what others think, unfortunately your just going to have to try and ignore them but first I would talk to them, really sit them down and explain how you are feeling. Being your parents I hope they will understand and try to keep their mouth shut. Lastly, don't give up!!! ... EVER... you can do it you just have to remember you are doing it for yourself, its your life :happy: Good luck and just come here whenever you need a lift!

~Leash

skywalker · August 2009

First of all, I see that you're only 18. What is the possibility of moving into your own place? Going away to college? Working? Not suggesting you alienate your family, but this environment sounds toxic. It's great that your mom was able to lose the weight, but in my opinion, you've chosen the healthiest path. You've chosen to make a lifestyle change. That's the most permanent form of weight loss and you've come to this concusion at 18 years of age (I'm 2 x 18:laugh: ). Stay with this site and your goals. You can do this. Stick with your plan. We're all behind you!!!
:flowerforyou: :drinker: :flowerforyou:

cellorocker · August 2009

First of all, I see that you're only 18. What is the possibility of moving into your own place? Going away to college? Working? Not suggesting you alienate your family, but this environment sounds toxic. It's great that your mom was able to lose the weight, but in my opinion, you've chosen the healthiest path. You've chosen to make a lifestyle change. That's the most permanent form of weight loss and you've come to this concusion at 18 years of age (I'm 2 x 18:laugh: ). Stay with this site and your goals. You can do this. Stick with your plan. We're all behind you!!!
:flowerforyou: :drinker: :flowerforyou:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/61400-mfp-spitfires-cycling-club-week-5

I'm actually not 18. I sorta fudged on that. I'm almost 16, in a few months.
And thanks.
College is my next escape after high school's over with.

skywalker · August 2009

I joined weight watchers when I was 16. It worked for a while, but obviously I fell off that wagon. You sound more evolved than your parents. Again, stick with your plan. Don't let anyone sway you. You've chosen a healthy lifestyle. You should be proud of yourself :flowerforyou:

andreasoulcastle · August 2009

WOW, this hits home for me. First of all I know it is hard to hear, but it sounds like your mother is abusive...she might not be physically abusive but emotional abuse is just as bad, good for you for being strong. It is not right for her to compare her situation to yours ...especially since you are doing it the natural way. Also, to then confuse you by stating that you need to lose weight and are and embarrassment ( wow can't believe she says this stuff to you), then to turn around and say that you don't need to be watching what you eat and that you are young to be worrying...personally it sounds like a game. You are in control of what you do, try to keep all of these negative influences from keeping you from reaching your goal...I come from a family that is the exact same way and things have been MUCH better since I moved out. YOU CAN DO THIS!

ANDREA

havingitall · August 2009

It is very difficult to try and live a healthy lifestyle when those around you aren't. You are oviously very frustrated but you do need to realize that your family doesn't know any better. If they did, do you think that they would continue on this way?

My mother used to get at me about my weight all the time, but she never showed me how to eat properly. She always cooked with lots of gravies and there was always desserts. How was I supposed to learn to eat right if my family didn't teach me?? You are in the same boat. You need to stick to your guns, maybe show them MFP and explain how you are trying to lose weight. Instead of them teaching you, you become the teacher. I have a 17 year old daughter and a 19 year old son and I have realized that I can learn from them as much as they can learn from me.

Good luck on this, it is hard to change people's perceptions.

Poison5119 · August 2009

You weren't being harsh, Tiffany, you're just a really good writer :laugh: and you're frustrated - this is where you can come to vent and yes, get support. I read EVERY WORD!!!

Toxicity is all around us, waiting to ambush at every moment. Among other things, one of the ways you can use your family situation to benefit yourself is to change your own pov rather than wait for them to change! Obviously they're not there yet, and may never be. To change your pov, simply look at the way they behave (and their weight!) and use that as a power of example for yourself. Instead of looking at it as a frustration, look at it as a way to reinforce your own positive habits! Nothing kills my appetite faster than looking at a heavy person - it reminds me where I COULD be and reestablishes my commitment to myself!

I would also consider (this might not be possible - I don't know what your family circumstances or relationships are), having a 'self-intervetion'.... Prepare something, in writing if need be, that is short and sweet, explaining why you must travel the path you are on, and read it out loud to them, and tell them that they MUST respect your lifestyle, and that if they don't like the way you have chosen, they can stick it, and that someday you might be dancing on their graves in a red dress! WEll, no, you might wanna skip that part, but you get my meaning!

And think of it this way -- you're particularly challenged because of the situation - which makes you all the stronger for whatever successes you will have!!! YAY YOU!!!! :flowerforyou:

How do you find support?

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