It’s time…38 year old female, finally taking charge

Hi all,

Just wanted to stop in and introduce myself. I’m 38 (heading toward 39 in July) and have finally decided to take control of my health/body. I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life – no, struggle isn’t the right word. I’ve just accepted it, in the most passive and defeatist of ways. When I was younger my mother would comment that I should lose weight (the old – you’d look so much cuter if you shed a few – thing), but the food in the house never really reflected this. My dad was very much a meat and potatoes, chips and ice cream kind of guy – and the food bought and served definitely reflected that. I’m totally not doing the “blame my mother” thing. She did the best she could, and I’ve been a grown up for quite some time now. It’s just a little background of how I didn’t really grow up with healthy food habits. As a side note, I was recently looking back at some photos and videos from high school and wish to hell someone had told me how fabulous I looked. I was curvy, and weighed more than my peers, but I had a great shape (not the too big stomach and thighs I have now) and was very proportionate. I’d kill to have that figure and be that weight now. Reminded me of lyrics from the “Everyone’s Free to Wear Sunscreen” song: “Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.”

About 5 years ago I tried to lose weight. I’d joined a gym and was going regularly and had lost 12 pounds before I was stopped cold by the crippling pain of the endometriosis I didn’t know I had. It was bad, and completely derailed my gym going. I probably would have felt better had I continued to go, but the pain just completely drained me. By the time I finally had it under control (through surgery) 8 months had passed and my newly accomplished good habits were gone (apparently not to be seen again for a long time). Around the same time I met the man I’ve since married. He’s completely fabulous and part of the reason I’m here. He absolutely loves me the way I am, so I have no worries in that regard, but he’s super active, and hard to keep up with. We travel a lot, and I inevitably end up cranky because I can’t really be on the go in the same way he can. I also end up self-conscious about my body. All of this leads to anxiety and puts a damper on my enjoyment of travel and life. I’ve finally decided enough is enough.

I’m not sure why, but last month I decided I was going to give up soda. I would typically have a Mountain Dew with breakfast (not a coffee drinker, so that was my caffeine to wake up with), and then typically some Diet Coke throughout the day. Maybe a couple sodas with dinner if we ate out. I decided my body deserved better than soda, and spent the last week of February swearing each drink would be my last. March 1st turned out to be the day that my “this is my last soda” pledge stuck. I have been soda free since March 2nd. A few days later I was on a message board where someone was mentioning their desire to get into shape and make change. The recommendations for this site came flying in (post after post), so I found my way over here.

I’m 5’5” and currently weigh about 255 (I was hovering at 260 when I kicked the soda to the curb at the beginning of the month). I’ve made little changes along with the soda thing. I’ve started using the stairs at work (to go down from my 7th floor office – going up is going to take some time, LOL), and I’ve added walks at lunch time. I’m trying to add in new things gradually so that things will stick – let myself master one thing at a time rather than trying to change 38 years of bad habits in one fell swoop. So many more changes to come. I don’t want to be “on a diet” I want to “eat a healthy diet”. This has to be about changing my life, not just about losing weight, as I know that’s the only way to make it stick. I’ve started tracking here, though I haven’t mastered it yet. I need better tools for figuring out the foods that don’t have easily available stats for. I’ve set my initial weight goal as getting down to 150. It’s a nice round number at which I’d be able to re-evaluate how much work I need, but that’s certainly a number I would never want to be above again once I get below it. As for the time-line, my mantra is Fabulous by Forty! I don’t know that I’ll be at the weight I want by then, but if I stick with this and make the changes I’ll certainly be healthier and well on the path of change.

So, that’s my story, but I’m NOT sticking to it. Time for it to change. Thanks for reading.

Krissy