In Recovery, Resisting Relapse

Greetings!

I've joined MFP in order to make some changes to my body in a healthier way. I am in recovery from an eating disorder, and have found that when I don't keep track of how much I eat and exercise, I end up gaining or losing more weight than is probably healthy; years of being unkind to my body has made it very difficult to eat intuitively, and I'm hoping to use my mind for numbers and calorie counting in a constructive way this time around.

Long story short, after periods of weight gain and weight loss, I have an idea where I feel my optimum weight is - a weight at which I feel comfortable in my own skin and at which I have energy and motivation to be good to myself. I'm hoping to shed some weight from where I am now in order to get to that place, having gained weight post-college due to changes in lifestyle and medications. My hope is that by diligently logging my calories and exercise I can keep track of patterns and help myself see that I can lose weight in a healthy way without falling off the wagon.

I have relapsed several times in the past, and I tend to go through cycles of times where I feel destructive things about my body. This is one of those times. Initially I intended to use this website for myself only and not for communicating with others. However, the past few days have not been as good as I would like them to be, and my hope is that by declaring my intentions publicly I can cement my will to do things healthily, and possible also garner support from those who understand or are in a similar situation.

All of that said, hello! Today is a beautiful day.