People with crazy Moms...

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  • cherdan
    cherdan Posts: 162 Member
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    Something eerie about this.. feels like some cosmic force picked to put this on the front page for me to read.
    My mother is definitely bipolar, never diagnosed and in complete denial about her emotional issues, of course. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, and she loves to mock me and tell me how "crazy" I am, how I need a life, how I'm a loser because I don't have a man, etc. etc.
    At least I own my issues. I've been completely sober 9 months. Since my half brother passed away, she went back to drugs and alcohol after 7 years of so of sobriety. It may "just" be pot and wine, but my mom is perpetually stoned/"buzzed," and she clearly indulges to self-medicate and "escape" her deranged mind.
    She's always been highly emotionally abusive, and in my teens became physically abusive, on and off.
    I finally began standing up to her when I was 18 and protecting myself, but in the last 2 years since my brother's passing, I have lost nearly 70 lbs and she has *gained* 70. So I completely avoid her when she is volatile toward me (which is 90% of the time), and just ignore her, but she has physically cornered me with her girth, and there are times when I have been scared for my safety. I feel like I am 16 again and she is this giant monster.. I feel so vulnerable.
    I decided a while ago I will at some point completely cut her off from my life, she will never meet my children, etc., unless she gets sober and works on controlling her anger. But at this point I think she's completely hopeless.
    She had a traumatic childhood, sexual abuse, on her own by 13 and in juvenile hall, but that doesn't excuse it. She gave me an amazing childhood but made my adolescent years absolute hell. I don't think I can ever forgive her for some of the stuff she did to me.
    It is so cathartic to see women who know how I feel. Funny how there's no male respondents to this, eh? It's like this female disease..
    Bipolar women, please take care of yourself and don't pass on the pain to your children..
  • cherdan
    cherdan Posts: 162 Member
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    Also, I'll admit I don't like my mother. It sounds horrible, but I don't really care. She called me a slut when I lost my virginity by being raped at 14, & that's only one of the things she did to emotionally & mentally abuse me (most of which she won't admit to later). She's not a likeable person. She may be my mother, but I don't believe in unconditional familial love (although she may be the reason why)

    I am so, so sorry about that.
    I had to respond to your post after reading that.. my mother told me she lost her virginity to rape at 13. She told me she was raped several times, and molested by an uncle.
    I was raised hyperreligious by her, completely different from my brother (I'm the only girl), and she put a lot of fears/anxieties into me about sex. When I was about 10 years old, she found a Teen Beat magazine I had bought, and, I'm not even kidding, *flipped the **** out.*
    "You wanna grow up?! You wanna have SEX?!" and threw it away.
    Funny, a few years later, at my private Christian school, a nutjob teacher (also one of my mother's longtime friends) found a teenybopper magazine in my possesion, and flipped out, on a similar scale.
    "Would JESUS read that??" and took it away.

    God forbid a heterosexual girl nearing puberty would wanna look at pictures of cute (clothed) boys!! It's just ridiculous.
    I wonder if that teacher had been violated as well.

    I really wish my mother had sought out help for recovery. People don't realize how much of their own issues they inflict upon those whose minds they are responsible for shaping. It's so wrong.
  • ThePunkHippie
    ThePunkHippie Posts: 213
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    Thanks. It was hard growing up in that sort of environment, but I like to think I bounced back nicely (as well as could be expected, maybe better - I'm pretty well adjusted when I don't have to deal with her)
    I don't even think my mother has an excuse for why she's the way she is. None that I know of at any rate. She's close to her parents & her family, & I've never noticed any tension between them, & she's not religious at all. *shrug*

    My biggest fear is that I'll turn into her. It's actually one of the reasons I'm not having kids, because I know there's parts of me that would be like her (low tolerance for noise & not much patience) but I manage to keep them under control in most situations.

    I don't think some people realize how badly their actions affect their kids...
  • travelprincess
    travelprincess Posts: 73 Member
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    Growing up my mother was also verbally abusive. Honestly I think she is the reason I have some eating issues. All of my brothers and sisters were super skinny and I was a little chunky, not bad though. When we went out to eat she wouldnt let me order things like a cheeseburger but the other kids could. She would tell me that I didn't need to eat snacks and take them away but again the other kids could. All of the other kids are around 5'7" -6'0 with blonde hair and light eyes. I am 5'4" with dark features, she would tell me I was found in a garbage can.
    I love her because she gave me life and help her when needed but I stay away as much as possible.
    Hang in there. Hugs.
  • reneepugh
    reneepugh Posts: 522 Member
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    I wanted to tell all of you that I truly appreciate all of your comfort and support. It has really helped. I haven't replied for a couple of days because my mom had one of her episodes and hit my husband in the face because he told her not to act like that in front of our 2 year old daughter ( she was screaming at me because my brother was moving and we were having a going away party for him and she is mad at him). So, we were kicked out of the house and weren't allowed to get our stuff. Stayed in an rv in the back yard without water and had to leave to go to the toilet. Husband was fed up and tried to walk in to get clean clothes and was hit again. My husband is a very mild mannered person and this is very uncharacteristic of him to be as assertive as he was. Finally, my dad calmed her down enough that we were able to get our stuff. We are staying at my sisters that is only 2 bedrooms and sleeping on the floor. We don't have enough money to get a house or an apartment right now and our credit is iffy which is why we were staying with them in the first place. We were working on clearing our credit and starting fresh. Not likely now. My kids are staying with my sister an hour away for their spring break having a blast and oblivious to the whole thing. Sad because they had their own rooms at my parents to now sleeping on the floor when they get back. I feel like a failure as a parent. Does this ever get better???
  • CrazyFly7
    CrazyFly7 Posts: 50 Member
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    Renee, I'm not sure where you are from but I work with individuals with psychiatric illnesses. I know that there are agencies that would be willing to reach out/and assist you to make sure that your mom is receiving proper care/medication, support and around other individuals such as herself. If this sounds like anything that might help, just shoot me an e-mail and I'd be happy to try to forward some websites that could be helpful.
  • Shellyyy7928
    Shellyyy7928 Posts: 78 Member
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    I am so sorry that you are in thsituation and my heart goes out to you. My automatic thought is income housing. I know around where I live there are apartments that the rent is based on your income. Maybe look into that.
    I am in a similar situation. My childhood was spent with a mother who slept alot, too much. She was depressed and though she had good days there would be weeks she would just sit on the couch in pjs. This eventually was joined by bi polar disorder and anxiety. Then she got on med and it was amazing. I had my fun mum back. She got alot better. Even well enough to stop th meds. I got pregnant at 17 and she really was excited because she loves children and I was pretty all set with school, even got to take four months off because I had enough credits so had time to get used to motherhood. Graduated top 15% of my class. Then went down hill. She just started getting angry. Would have her outbursts. During her better moments she would kind of apologize but if we (me my brother or dad) say anything about getting back on meds she freaks out and says that nothing gets done if she's on the meds. I turn 19 next month. Still live with them because I have no other options besides a shelter.

    You are not alone in this. You might even find support groups in your area if you call around. I sincerly hope the best for you and your family. Be strong and keep trying your best. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
  • reneepugh
    reneepugh Posts: 522 Member
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    I am so sorry that you are in thsituation and my heart goes out to you. My automatic thought is income housing. I know around where I live there are apartments that the rent is based on your income. Maybe look into that.
    I am in a similar situation. My childhood was spent with a mother who slept alot, too much. She was depressed and though she had good days there would be weeks she would just sit on the couch in pjs. This eventually was joined by bi polar disorder and anxiety. Then she got on med and it was amazing. I had my fun mum back. She got alot better. Even well enough to stop th meds. I got pregnant at 17 and she really was excited because she loves children and I was pretty all set with school, even got to take four months off because I had enough credits so had time to get used to motherhood. Graduated top 15% of my class. Then went down hill. She just started getting angry. Would have her outbursts. During her better moments she would kind of apologize but if we (me my brother or dad) say anything about getting back on meds she freaks out and says that nothing gets done if she's on the meds. I turn 19 next month. Still live with them because I have no other options besides a

    You are not alone in this. You might even find support groups in your area if you call around. I sincerly hope the best for you and your family. Be strong and keep trying your best. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.


    [/uqThank ttyou very much for your support. I completely understand the anger outbursts from your mom. My mom is like that most of the time now and it is really hard. Meds are just something we cant mention around my mom as well.

    We have found a few decent places hopefully they will come through for us. We are crossing our fingers and praying a lot.

    Hope your home life gets better. Hang in there.

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