HELP! Housemate ruining my life!
I've known my housemate, Anne, since I was 12. I moved in with her after my Mother passed away, she offered a room and I accepted.
In the beginning it was great! We hung out, shopped together and did everything together. Then she started with mood swings. I'm pretty intuitive some of the time, and I sensed something wasn't right.
Since then, her swings have become violent. Not physically but emotionally. She is incredibly emotionally manipulative.
She only communicates in text, to my face she is totally together and normal....but in her texts, she lists everything I did wrong in her eyes and she says she can't take it and basically tells me to leave.
My initial response was to stand up for myself and argue back, but I'm finding that this just fuels the fire. She gets angrier and rips into me, like I'm the worst person in the world!! And if I stand up for myself, I'm , in her mind, treating her like ****.
THEN she will text an apology saying how it's not my fault, she's struggling and blablablabla....The next day it starts ALL OVER AGAIN!
Among her gems are "You need to leave because I'm going crazy and you didn't wash the dishes (there were her 4 mugs on the sink when she got home) and I'm not coping", "You obviously don't value our friendship because you do these things and upset me" and then when i defended her boyfriend she wrote "Well then you two can live together, I'll pack tonight".
I have no doubt in my mind she is an emotional bully. She always has been. But this has grown into something awful and our friendship won't survive (I'm not too upset about it...I'm too old to take that crap anymore).
I don't know how to handle her. I'm hopefully moving out in 2 weeks, but how do I cope with her insanity til then?? One minute she's super interested in what I'm doing, then she can't tell me how **** I am fast enough! I'm over it!!
PS She has admitted to "seeing things" and being paranoid. Help? What do I do? i've blocked her number so I get no provocation.
Sorry this was long...I'm just at a loss
I'm sick of the drama and attention seeking crap!
In the beginning it was great! We hung out, shopped together and did everything together. Then she started with mood swings. I'm pretty intuitive some of the time, and I sensed something wasn't right.
Since then, her swings have become violent. Not physically but emotionally. She is incredibly emotionally manipulative.
She only communicates in text, to my face she is totally together and normal....but in her texts, she lists everything I did wrong in her eyes and she says she can't take it and basically tells me to leave.
My initial response was to stand up for myself and argue back, but I'm finding that this just fuels the fire. She gets angrier and rips into me, like I'm the worst person in the world!! And if I stand up for myself, I'm , in her mind, treating her like ****.
THEN she will text an apology saying how it's not my fault, she's struggling and blablablabla....The next day it starts ALL OVER AGAIN!
Among her gems are "You need to leave because I'm going crazy and you didn't wash the dishes (there were her 4 mugs on the sink when she got home) and I'm not coping", "You obviously don't value our friendship because you do these things and upset me" and then when i defended her boyfriend she wrote "Well then you two can live together, I'll pack tonight".
I have no doubt in my mind she is an emotional bully. She always has been. But this has grown into something awful and our friendship won't survive (I'm not too upset about it...I'm too old to take that crap anymore).
I don't know how to handle her. I'm hopefully moving out in 2 weeks, but how do I cope with her insanity til then?? One minute she's super interested in what I'm doing, then she can't tell me how **** I am fast enough! I'm over it!!
PS She has admitted to "seeing things" and being paranoid. Help? What do I do? i've blocked her number so I get no provocation.
Sorry this was long...I'm just at a loss
I'm sick of the drama and attention seeking crap! 0
Replies
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Talk to her less? Find reasons to stay outside the house? Ignore the texts?0
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It's a pretty small house
Just think of her as invisible, maybe? I guess she won't ever say anything to my face and I've blocked her number 0 -
Refer her to a mental health authority. Manic Depression + Schizophrenia = bad.0
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Refer her to a mental health authority. Manic Depression + Schizophrenia = bad.
Her family does have mental illness issues running through it, I don't know if it's hereditary or not. Maybe I'll see if I can get someone to call her...she wouldn't go willingly, she thinks it would be a waste of time and she can handle it (Obviously she can't).0 -
Get out ASAP and avoid conflict until then. No need to stand up for yourself. You can't reason with crazy. If she's fine is person then just pretend everything is fine. I wouldnt leave anything valuable lying around in the meantime. Good luck and stay safe.0
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Hide things in the house, move them around, deny all knowledge of touching them. Tell her you feel a presence in the house and think you see people there when she is out. Get your friends to stand outside at night wearing white sheets at rattling chains.
When she finally is carted off to the madhouse you will have the house to yourself. Problem resolved!
No need to thank me for this great advice.0 -
Get out ASAP and avoid conflict until then. No need to stand up for yourself. You can't reason with crazy. If she's fine is person then just pretend everything is fine. I wouldnt leave anything valuable lying around in the meantime. Good luck and stay safe.
That does worry me. I also worry she'll lock me out or break something of mine or, worst case scenario, hurt me.
Thanks for your advice! I think when it comes down to it, I have to put my head down, do my absolute best not to rock the boat and GTFO. Doing that and just keeping away from her. Sad a friendship can be ruined like this, but i guess it's part of growing up 0 -
Hide things in the house, move them around, deny all knowledge of touching them. Tell her you feel a presence in the house and think you see people there when she is out. Get your friends to stand outside at night wearing white sheets at rattling chains.
When she finally is carted off to the madhouse you will have the house to yourself. Problem resolved!
No need to thank me for this great advice.
Actually, my brother told me to do these EXACT things! He also said I should buy a bunch of random stuff and put them in plastic bags on the table. Then when she asks what they are, tell her she bought them and ask why she doesn't remember. Made me laugh haha! Part of me wants to, but the other part doesn't want to get stabbed in the face.
Damn conscience >.<0 -
Get out ASAP and avoid conflict until then. No need to stand up for yourself. You can't reason with crazy. If she's fine is person then just pretend everything is fine. I wouldnt leave anything valuable lying around in the meantime. Good luck and stay safe.
That does worry me. I also worry she'll lock me out or break something of mine or, worst case scenario, hurt me.
Thanks for your advice! I think when it comes down to it, I have to put my head down, do my absolute best not to rock the boat and GTFO. Doing that and just keeping away from her. Sad a friendship can be ruined like this, but i guess it's part of growing up
Is there anywhere else you can go between now and getting your own place? At the very least you need a plan if you get locked out or if she gets violent.0 -
Get out ASAP and avoid conflict until then. No need to stand up for yourself. You can't reason with crazy. If she's fine is person then just pretend everything is fine. I wouldnt leave anything valuable lying around in the meantime. Good luck and stay safe.
That does worry me. I also worry she'll lock me out or break something of mine or, worst case scenario, hurt me.
Thanks for your advice! I think when it comes down to it, I have to put my head down, do my absolute best not to rock the boat and GTFO. Doing that and just keeping away from her. Sad a friendship can be ruined like this, but i guess it's part of growing up
Is there anywhere else you can go between now and getting your own place? At the very least you need a plan if you get locked out or if she gets violent.
I've spoken to my sister, I might call my brother too. They're both close by and know the situation.
The whole "You can't reason with crazy" is so true in this case! She accused me of never cleaning (i definitely have witnesses) and I said "Yes I do! every weekend I clean" and she replied with "YOU ALWAYS have to argue with me! If you were my friend you'd understand how I feel, but you always argue" WTFFFFFF???? Defending oneself isn't arguing! But in her eyes, I'm always guilty. I could perfectly and rationally explain my position and she'd still accuse me of something0 -
If you can, encourage her to go to therapy. She needs it. I don't have any suggestions for the next two weeks, sadly. ...work late?0
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Hug her good bye on the day you move out and not talk to her for a while she will get the hint!0
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If you can, encourage her to go to therapy. She needs it. I don't have any suggestions for the next two weeks, sadly. ...work late?
That's an idea, actually! Sadly enough, her boyfriend works late some nights to avoid her. I don't work tomorrow, but I can go hang around the shopping centre. Window shop for the day!
She would never do therapy. She actually works with mentally ill people. Odd!0 -
Refer her to a mental health authority. Manic Depression + Schizophrenia = bad.
**THIS** Refer her as you are leaving and do not tell her where you are going. If she is indeed "seeing things" and paranoid it is not safe to stay there.0 -
Refer her to a mental health authority. Manic Depression + Schizophrenia = bad.
**THIS** Refer her as you are leaving and do not tell her where you are going. If she is indeed "seeing things" and paranoid it is not safe to stay there.
Thank you for your advice! I'm not sure how I refer someone to a mental facility here. And I haven't told her much about where I'm going. Just that it's nice. I don't want to run the risk of her wanting to "hang out". She is very delusional, believes her boyfriend and I conspire against her (utter utter nonsense). She does constantly think her boyfriend is going to cheat on her, too. Just a yucky situation0 -
Whoa! I have totally been there and I know it is no fun. Nothing is worse than feeling like you can't be "home" in your own home. I have lived with random people and people I knew. The ones I knew before I don't know now. Living with someone really shows their true colors, sad but true. As for your friends problems, she is totally spiralling in to a dark hole. On the one hand, you are definitely trying some self preservation because she is all over the place, but she is definitely needing help. In my own experience I have found that the people that need the help have to get to whatever rock bottom they have to get to before they are even open to listening to any advice. No one wants to think that they are messed up and no one wants to think that they really, REALLY need help. Just be kind, keep your distance and maybe leave something (like a pamphlet for a mental health clinic) on the way out when you have moved all your stuff out of the house. It will be hard to prove that you still do care about her even when you are leaving and distancing yourself with blocking her number. Just try to help her but watch out and take care of yourself.... you are number one in this situation. Good luck!!!0
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If I were you.. I'd ask a friend or family member if I could stay on their couch for a week or two. No need to put yourself through any more than you have to. You will not be able to rationalize things with someone that's not in a rational sate of mind. At this point, you need to make sure you are safe and get out.0
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She sounds bi-polar. Unfort sometimes living with really good friends change how things are. Try to do other things outside the house in the mean time and just act very nice. Most people don't know how to respond when they are yelling at someone and the other person is acting perfectly ok. You can't yell at someone who doesn't react. She is just trying to get your to lash out as well. Maybe she is having some relationship problems and is taking it out on you. I hope you can manage the next 2weeks and just think, it's only two weeks Good luck0
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Whoa! I have totally been there and I know it is no fun. Nothing is worse than feeling like you can't be "home" in your own home. I have lived with random people and people I knew. The ones I knew before I don't know now. Living with someone really shows their true colors, sad but true. As for your friends problems, she is totally spiralling in to a dark hole. On the one hand, you are definitely trying some self preservation because she is all over the place, but she is definitely needing help. In my own experience I have found that the people that need the help have to get to whatever rock bottom they have to get to before they are even open to listening to any advice. No one wants to think that they are messed up and no one wants to think that they really, REALLY need help. Just be kind, keep your distance and maybe leave something (like a pamphlet for a mental health clinic) on the way out when you have moved all your stuff out of the house. It will be hard to prove that you still do care about her even when you are leaving and distancing yourself with blocking her number. Just try to help her but watch out and take care of yourself.... you are number one in this situation. Good luck!!!
Fantastic advice, thank you! I will send away for an info pack, they have them for free here. Sadly I think the only way she will get help is when she has lost her boyfriend...he'll either go soon or after they marry and have kids.
She has a superiority complex, really thinks she knows all about life and is the strongest of all, so it will take a huge fall to move her. I think the only way I can help is to not take her insults personally and just refuse to participate in arguments. Diffuse them as best as I can and not take the bait.
And you are so right, people don't want to be seen as weak in any way. It's understandable, but no one is perfect. We all have weaknesses.
Anyway, thanks again! I will get onto those pamphlets now!0 -
Good thinking! I've texted my brother and sister. Might escape for a day or two, with people I love. Give her no reason to contact me or nitpick anything I do. She does start twisting my words around and makes every situation convoluted.If I were you.. I'd ask a friend or family member if I could stay on their couch for a week or two. No need to put yourself through any more than you have to. You will not be able to rationalize things with someone that's not in a rational sate of mind. At this point, you need to make sure you are safe and get out.
I'm keeping my back to the wall and looking at more places to move ti. Keep my options open!0 -
She sounds bi-polar. Unfort sometimes living with really good friends change how things are. Try to do other things outside the house in the mean time and just act very nice. Most people don't know how to respond when they are yelling at someone and the other person is acting perfectly ok. You can't yell at someone who doesn't react. She is just trying to get your to lash out as well. Maybe she is having some relationship problems and is taking it out on you. I hope you can manage the next 2weeks and just think, it's only two weeks Good luck
My mum would have suggested the same thing haha! Just smile and when they lose their temper, they lose the argument.
I think you are right about the relationship problems. Her partner goes out a lot without her, and she has severe trust issues. She did say in one apology text that she didn't want to take her problems out on me, and my gut tells me it's something with those two.
Let's hope two weeks goes by quickly without incident! Luckily I have hardly anything, so I can slip out easily.
Cheers for the advice!0 -
She sounds bi-polar. Unfort sometimes living with really good friends change how things are. Try to do other things outside the house in the mean time and just act very nice. Most people don't know how to respond when they are yelling at someone and the other person is acting perfectly ok. You can't yell at someone who doesn't react. She is just trying to get your to lash out as well. Maybe she is having some relationship problems and is taking it out on you. I hope you can manage the next 2weeks and just think, it's only two weeks Good luck
My mum would have suggested the same thing haha! Just smile and when they lose their temper, they lose the argument.
I think you are right about the relationship problems. Her partner goes out a lot without her, and she has severe trust issues. She did say in one apology text that she didn't want to take her problems out on me, and my gut tells me it's something with those two.
Let's hope two weeks goes by quickly without incident! Luckily I have hardly anything, so I can slip out easily.
Cheers for the advice!
Also, I would suggest moving out when she is not home. That way there is no confrunting.0
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