Lack of Support at home/Need to vent

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time2bhealthy
time2bhealthy Posts: 211 Member
in Motivation and Support
Talk about lack of support. I have always enjoyed working out, but have done it pretty much daily since Sept. 2011. Last night after my first P90X workout, my husband said to me "What are you aiming for anyway? Do you think you are going to get ripped or something?" He was very sarcastic about it. I know he doesn't want to join me in this journey, but a little support would be nice. Does anyone else have this problem? I am feeling so frustrated and alone. I have tried everything in the past to get him to join me, but he always says no. He refuses to eat healthy, take care of himself, or even go for a short walk with me. He thinks I am "obsessed" with this. He has even gone to the point of saying "I don't know why you are working so hard to be healthy, you could still drop dead tomorrow." I am at a total loss. Any suggestions? He is not one to "talk" about these issues and typically blows me off or changes the subject. If you have lack of support at home, how do you get through it and not feel so alone?
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Replies

  • reztib
    reztib Posts: 151 Member
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    Sorry this is a challenge for you. I don't know you guys very well so I would say I can only offer that you try to get to the cause of what he is saying. This sounds very marriage counselorish but you should talk about this more. Express to him that it hurts or demeans you when he makes offhanded comments. My wife is in a similar boat but has been pretty supportive for me. Sorry I can't relate directly to your experience.

    Kudos to you for trying to take advantage of your health. Yes, we could die tomorrow. But if we live, we want to be the healthiest that we possibly can be. I would also express that you would want to be alive together as long as possible and, God willing, most of that time will be spent without any major health ailments. I would get statistics of people who exercise/eat responsibly to back you up. It should be common knowledge but having that kind of ammo doesn't hurt.

    My other guess is he is probably a little defensive. You are taking charge of your lifestyle and he isn't. He might even think you look down at him for not taking advantage of his own health. I would suggest not trying to shame or nag him but only be responsible for what you can control. You have us here at MFP for support as well. Good luck.
  • reztib
    reztib Posts: 151 Member
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    Missed your comment that he is "not one to talk". I would just state that if he isn't going to make supportive comments then follow the rule of Thumper. "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." If he makes a comment ask if he wants to talk about it. He will either stop or engage in a discussion. Try to cut it off right away.
  • djsupreme6
    djsupreme6 Posts: 1,210 Member
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    to be very blunt he sounds jealous of your success and some fellas can be like that at times...he may know he needs to do something especially on those times when he's feeling like crap but isn't gonna admit it...if you've been doing it this long then just keep on a moving and if you've been doing it this long without positive support from home then great job to you...its from within that you've brought the desire and I for one commend you on it for sure
  • kjraye5
    kjraye5 Posts: 40
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    Lack of support sucks...especially at home. My husband is supportive of me, but he doesn't help me. Does that make sense? He just rolls his eyes and tells me he thinks I look fine, but won't discourage me from doing anything.

    I think the best way to handle it is to come on here and vent. =) I have always thought that those people who can't support me or at least keep their negative comments/opinions to themselves should not be a part of my life, however it's a little hard to say that when it's your husband or any other family member. Maybe write down how it makes you feel and let him read it. I think it's important that he understand how much all this means to you.

    Sorry I couldn't be more help. =( Always here to listen if you feel the need to vent.
  • jaxbeck
    jaxbeck Posts: 537 Member
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    I agree with the jealous comment, people, even those close to us, can feel threatened when we are doing things to better ourselves and they are not. I would ignore it as hard as that sounds, you will need to in order to press on. Luckily I don't have to deal with this b/c my hubs is also trying to lose weight and both want to see the other succeed.
  • smc1277
    smc1277 Posts: 239 Member
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    Just look at them and realize they will be dead sooner than you and then you can enjoy your healthy lifestyle with someone who can appreciate it.
  • Stinkerbelle84
    Stinkerbelle84 Posts: 328
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    It is just recently that my husband has become supportive of my weight loss. He likes to eat out ALOT, and that is not really easy when trying to make a lifestyle change. Once he saw how excited I got when the scale creeps down, he got excited too.
  • mikeyboy
    mikeyboy Posts: 1,057 Member
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    Talk about lack of support. I have always enjoyed working out, but have done it pretty much daily since Sept. 2011. Last night after my first P90X workout, my husband said to me "What are you aiming for anyway? Do you think you are going to get ripped or something?" He was very sarcastic about it. I know he doesn't want to join me in this journey, but a little support would be nice. Does anyone else have this problem? I am feeling so frustrated and alone. I have tried everything in the past to get him to join me, but he always says no. He refuses to eat healthy, take care of himself, or even go for a short walk with me. He thinks I am "obsessed" with this. He has even gone to the point of saying "I don't know why you are working so hard to be healthy, you could still drop dead tomorrow." I am at a total loss. Any suggestions? He is not one to "talk" about these issues and typically blows me off or changes the subject. If you have lack of support at home, how do you get through it and not feel so alone?

    Do it for yourself and maybe he will catch up. If not, you still won!
  • connie_messina
    connie_messina Posts: 495 Member
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    I don't even have a husband I have my daughters 18 year old boyfriend tell me im obsessed lol i don't get it!! maybe their (sp) scared of change..
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    OMG this is exactly how my hubby was when I stepped up my workouts and went from 2-3 a week to 6 a week. He said to me "So now you're going to be jumping around the lounge every night?" My reply was YESSS!!! Then I get "Aren't you getting obsessed with this?" My reply was, No I'm dedicated!!:bigsmile:

    He then complained about how he couldn't watch TV with my 'jumping around'....this from a man who doesn't watch TV and says people that do are dumb, LOL!!!!

    Anyway, he's now very supportive, has even joined my with some of my workouts!!:tongue:

    So, bascially ignore him and carry on!
  • ensoleille
    ensoleille Posts: 56
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    I would just carry on as you are, he will see your progress and soon realise you are right!

    When I was younger my parents suddenly changed from being fairly relaxed to health crazy (in terms of food, eating 5 fruit a day ect) they tried to make me like this but I resisted as much as I could. It is only now I realise the benefits.

    Hope everything goes well! :)
  • connie_messina
    connie_messina Posts: 495 Member
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    It is just recently that my husband has become supportive of my weight loss. He likes to eat out ALOT, and that is not really easy when trying to make a lifestyle change. Once he saw how excited I got when the scale creeps down, he got excited too.

    so sweet!!
  • JoyceJoanne
    JoyceJoanne Posts: 760 Member
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    Keep doing what you're doing. Try to stay positive. Don't let his negativity get to you. Show him tgat you are "in" it and will be no matter what. He may come around to join you. My hubs did finally... took him almost 18 months. Then hopefully you can do it together. Until then, find your support with other friends and us here on mfp. :-)
    Good luck.
  • lynheff
    lynheff Posts: 393 Member
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    Unfortunately the only person you can control is you. Just keep on doing what you are doing to be healthy. He may eventually see the light and get on board--or not. Comments should just be met with " I am in control of my body and I am doing this for me". Maybe he will see your results and get on board. If not, you are headed in the right direction. Good luck.
  • hemlock2010
    hemlock2010 Posts: 422 Member
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    My family was not very supportive when I started (I think because they were afraid it would rub off on them!), but they got more supportive when they got to the point where they could trust that I wasn't going to try to force them to change just because I was changing.

    My husband was also quite dismissive of my doing P90X at the beginning, but I did get ripped, and he stopped laughing.
  • ladyfox1979
    ladyfox1979 Posts: 405 Member
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    I agree with all the above comments

    I personally would just flip him the middle finger and start strutting my healthy fit self around him and make him realize what he could lose if he keeps up with his crappy attitude.
  • tjklloyd
    tjklloyd Posts: 13 Member
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    Sounds like an insecurity thing...I know that for a long time when I would exercise or put on make-up, my husband would ask me who I am getting all dolled up for, or who I want to lose weight for b/c he is fine with me. I couldn't' accept that it was for me. Maybe you haven't done anything to cause your husband to not trust you, but, maybe he has been treated wrong in the past and it is making him a little insecure!? Re-assure him that it is for you, and if you feel better about yourself, then he'll reap the rewards too! :) Good luck!
  • connie_messina
    connie_messina Posts: 495 Member
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    My family was not very supportive when I started (I think because they were afraid it would rub off on them!), but they got more supportive when they got to the point where they could trust that I wasn't going to try to force them to change just because I was changing.

    My husband was also quite dismissive of my doing P90X at the beginning, but I did get ripped, and he stopped laughing.

    I did get ripped, and he stopped laughing. haha i love it!!!!
  • carrieo888
    carrieo888 Posts: 233 Member
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    Oh there is definitely more under the surface here. He doesn't get to just drop bombs and expect you to be okay with that. Don't let him get away with it either. When MDH got sass-mouthed, I always had a rational (a.k.a. not emotional) response. So, now he is very supportive. When he said, "Hey yer butt looks like two hams in a bag" (this while I was on the elliptical in my workout gear), I nicely responded with, "I know you think you are being funny, but I am trying to get my butt to look better and your comment does not help."

    My recommendation is that when he says something sassy to you, ask him what he's really concerned about. Is he worried about other men who might be looking at you? Is he worried that perhaps such a man would be able to tempt you away from him? Assure him otherwise (and here I make the assumption that that is true).

    And oh yeah, you COULD die tomorrow, but you are going to look damn good at your funeral, right? :-D
  • amymimi12
    amymimi12 Posts: 51 Member
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    I'd guess it may be less about jealousy than about the fear that you're going to leave him behind. In my (somewhat limited) experience he may be concerned that if you get fit and healthy, you won't be attracted to or interested in him anymore. He probably needs reassurance that you're not going anywhere and you love him the way he is... but you still want to be healthy and you hope that eventually he'll want that for himself and your relationship too. Then just go about your business and try not to make him feel bad about where he's at. He has to get there in his own time... and in the same vein, he has to let you do your thing, so cut him off before he starts rolling his eyes or making you feel bad about what you're doing. You're going to be happy and healthy!!

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