Ever try to help...

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tracielinn
tracielinn Posts: 113 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
...and then just get frustrated? A co-worker of mine has been working out with a group for about 8 weeks. She was complaining about how she's been exercising for 2 hours a day, making changes in her diet, but isn't seeing results. I asked her what her trainer was doing regarding their nutrition. She said he asks people at random what they ate throughout the day, then punishes them with pushups (or situps) if they eat something bad...in her case she had to do 10 pushups for a "free pour" with salad dressing. She is getting no nutritional advice other than what to cut back on or avoid if possible.

I asked what she was eating throughout the day, and from all that I've learned here and through my trainer/nutritionist, I don't think she's eating enough or the right types of food. I showed her MFP and my page, about how it helps track not only calories but carbs, sugars, proteins, etc and that you can tailor it to your own needs. I showed her the exercies tabs and about eating back calories. I showed her an example of what is in a banana, to which she said snarkily..."I didn't know there were so many carbs and sugars in a banana! Maybe I should recommend this to another gal that works out with us. She could really use it." Then I listened to her complain about how people at her class aren't accountable for their workouts, how it's not fair that she's working hard but other folks aren't. I told her that each person should be held accountable for themselves, and it's a waste of energy focusing on someone else's progress or lack of.

Apparently she didn't like this comment, and changed the subject to her own challenge of beating her sister into a single digit size pair of jeans. I asked if she had set a date for this challenge and she told me. I suggested setting mini goals for herself throughout so that she doesn't get discouraged. And at that point she left.

For those of you who inspire and help people daily, I thank and commend you. It is not an easy task, especially when folks want to blame others for their lack of progress. Now...on to focusing on me for the day!

Replies

  • kantone999
    kantone999 Posts: 174
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    Sounds to me like she just wanted someone to agree with what's she's doing (even if it's ineffective) and then commiserate with her at her lack of progress. If you did this, then her next step would be to try to discourage you since she wouldn't want you to show her up or prove her wrong.

    Write her off as a loser (and I don't mean weight) and stay with your plan.
  • swthrtsmrf
    swthrtsmrf Posts: 384
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    Sometimes unfortunately you cannot help everyone. My mother-in-law is similar to that lady in a different way when it comes to offering advice or how you are doing something that works. Take what people like that say with a grain of salt. I am sorry you had to deal with that.
  • MsMargie1116
    MsMargie1116 Posts: 323 Member
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    Awe, she sounds like my sister... The other day, she talked about how she was craving a Banana Fudge Sunday, so she went to Braums and ate one, she said that was her dinner!!! I was like, "That's not a dinner." Then she kind of frowned and said, "Well, they always say that when you crave something to give into the craving!!!" Haa, :laugh: I told her, "That's true, but in SMALL portions, not a whole double sundae!!!"... Bless her heart, and not thirty minutes before that whole conversation, she complained that she needed to get to the gym and work out and that she needs to lose weight!!! I just shook my head and finished cooking dinner. :noway:
  • AdamBellfpt
    AdamBellfpt Posts: 224 Member
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    Motivating an supporting others is great. But there will be times when you do get annoyed! So I can completely empathise with where you are coming from. In your friends case, she seems to point the finger ant what others aren't doing and isn't really acknowledging her own mistakes...its important for us all to remember that for every finger we point, 3 point back at ourselves!

    I teach classes and one of the first things I say is that people should worry about themselves, as an instructor I'm there to worry about the others. My job is to keep clients motivated and I find that sometimes it can be hard when they are struggling to stick to a diet or Aren't training as much. But at the end of the day they are in control of their destiny. I can help, support and give them tools but they have to want it and implement it.

    As for the lack of advice se is receiving on her nutrition, it's difficult because there are soapy myths etc about what's good and what's not!

    My advice would be make sure you focus on yourself and if you have the time and energy try again with your friend.
  • grumpya
    grumpya Posts: 54 Member
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    Some people don't want to hear sensible advice, it drives me nuts with some of them, with others I can accept that my opinion is different to theirs I believe I am right backed by what I have read, researched etc but they are entitled to theirs but if they ask for help & then don't want to hear the answer that drives me nuts.
    I guess those people don't want an answer they want to carry on as they are & they want a bit of sympathy. I used to go to WW & despite being in a wheelchair I lost most weeks, my OH's thyroid failed but he lost most weeks too & we used to get tired of people who came in week after week saying they couldn't lose any weight cos they had a stiff ankle or cos they had a "slow metabolism".
    Still the world would be a boring place if we were all the same !

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