Relationship Help

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sharpie1234
sharpie1234 Posts: 4
in Chit-Chat
So I just need advice no judgement or anything as this is hard!

I am in a relationship have been for 3 years. We recently got engaged... Some of the wedding is planned.

I recently found something that has really caught me off guard.
An email left open of my finace going to meet up with a guy.
I confronted him about this and he said it was an act of self destrction as he didn't know how to deal with actually being happy as
When I asked him for details and such he informed me it has happened 4 times since we been together,... He said that the only thing that happened was him giving a BJ,..,,,, ( i know messed up) said that is was a way for him to hate himself and be used and treated like ****....
Would you leave him? Do you think he is gay and just not ready to come out?

He was in a past relationship where he was engaged.. the chick cheated on him all the time.. and one reason was becuase he wouldn't have threesomes with her and a guy... so I dont even know what to think
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Replies

  • jegg0425
    jegg0425 Posts: 37
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    He needs you as a friend right now. Not a fiance. Get counseling together.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    Run the other way.
    It doesn't matter if it's a guy, girl whatever. He cheated and lied. You are about to MARRY this guy.

    No no no!

    I was married to a cheater and although he didn't cheat on me before we were married, if I would have known, I would have ran. I know you love him obviously, but don't marry him.

    You can be his friend and all but trust and all that jazz is not to be taken for granted.
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
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    That's one hell of a 1st post to have on a fitness site.
  • Lauren8239
    Lauren8239 Posts: 1,039 Member
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    I don't believe a word of it.
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
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    this will probably be the highlight of my afternoon. waiting to hear the responses. i will be right back. going to grab some popcorn
  • sharpie1234
    sharpie1234 Posts: 4
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    well i have a different account but want this to not be a part of that. I just need advice. and help cause i really dont know what to believe
  • TheNewDodge
    TheNewDodge Posts: 607 Member
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    Gnar
  • Ohjeezitskim
    Ohjeezitskim Posts: 129 Member
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    Keeping things from you and cheating on you.. Guy or girl it doesn't matter. You either need to talk to him asking him what's wrong and say that he can't keep doing this and if he decides that he's not going to stop leave him. Or just leave him. Cheating is cheating.
  • pineapple1989
    pineapple1989 Posts: 195 Member
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    That's one hell of a 1st post to have on a fitness site.

    Exactly what I was thinking!! With regards to your predicament, get out whilst you still can, wether its a guy or a girl is irrelevant, cheating is cheating and he could have said no.
  • sharpie1234
    sharpie1234 Posts: 4
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    agreed! He went to talk to someone and still is... Has gave me full access to everything and makes sure when i doubt he proves where he is and who he is with

    I know cheating is cheating regardless....
  • jegg0425
    jegg0425 Posts: 37
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    I got dumped for waaaaaaaaaay less. See Topic: Relationship Disaster.
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
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    im so sorry...
    but you need to figure this out on your own.

    if it was me, i would be done. no one will ever treat me like that again. if he loved you, he wouldnt have cheated. end of story. i dont really care if he said it was a way to hurt himself, because he hurt you too.
  • LuLuSUPER
    LuLuSUPER Posts: 189
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    well i have a different account but want this to not be a part of that. I just need advice. and help cause i really dont know what to believe
    believe him! he told you what he is doing and why! there it is plain as day, now what you gonna do for yourself is unknown. but he clearly mad e his choice as a cheater. why contimplate being with someone whom endangers your life?!
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,121 Member
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    :huh:
  • htmlgirl
    htmlgirl Posts: 314 Member
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    Do you want to be with someone who lied and cheated on you? The fact that it was with another guy is a huge red flag to me and his reasoning sounds a little disturbed to me.
  • neelia
    neelia Posts: 750 Member
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    Ummm....I would leave this dude asap.

    There are a few things:
    (1) He may be gay
    (2) He cheated
    (3) He lied

    Take your pick.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    Generally a man who wants to have oral sex with another man is gay or bisexual, just like a woman who wants oral sex from another woman. There's nothing wrong with that...unless they're in a heterosexual relationship at the same time! You guys are probably really close, so be friends, but don't get married.
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
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    Become his Grace or his Karen Walker.
  • sharpie1234
    sharpie1234 Posts: 4
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    I agree with everything being said.... He compares it to cutting himself... its a self distructive behavour

    I know its a red flag... trust me ive been thinking about this for months...

    But do you think its possible it could infact be a self distructive thing?? is more or less what im trying to figure out
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    I agree with everything being said.... He compares it to cutting himself... its a self distructive behavour

    I know its a red flag... trust me ive been thinking about this for months...

    But do you think its possible it could infact be a self distructive thing?? is more or less what im trying to figure out

    It can be self destructive *while* being gay. He still cheated, and regardless of how, to me that's inexcusable.
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