Relationship Help

sharpie1234
sharpie1234 Posts: 4
in Chit-Chat
So I just need advice no judgement or anything as this is hard!

I am in a relationship have been for 3 years. We recently got engaged... Some of the wedding is planned.

I recently found something that has really caught me off guard.
An email left open of my finace going to meet up with a guy.
I confronted him about this and he said it was an act of self destrction as he didn't know how to deal with actually being happy as
When I asked him for details and such he informed me it has happened 4 times since we been together,... He said that the only thing that happened was him giving a BJ,..,,,, ( i know messed up) said that is was a way for him to hate himself and be used and treated like ****....
Would you leave him? Do you think he is gay and just not ready to come out?

He was in a past relationship where he was engaged.. the chick cheated on him all the time.. and one reason was becuase he wouldn't have threesomes with her and a guy... so I dont even know what to think

Replies

  • jegg0425
    jegg0425 Posts: 37
    He needs you as a friend right now. Not a fiance. Get counseling together.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    Run the other way.
    It doesn't matter if it's a guy, girl whatever. He cheated and lied. You are about to MARRY this guy.

    No no no!

    I was married to a cheater and although he didn't cheat on me before we were married, if I would have known, I would have ran. I know you love him obviously, but don't marry him.

    You can be his friend and all but trust and all that jazz is not to be taken for granted.
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
    That's one hell of a 1st post to have on a fitness site.
  • Lauren8239
    Lauren8239 Posts: 1,039 Member
    I don't believe a word of it.
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
    this will probably be the highlight of my afternoon. waiting to hear the responses. i will be right back. going to grab some popcorn
  • sharpie1234
    sharpie1234 Posts: 4
    well i have a different account but want this to not be a part of that. I just need advice. and help cause i really dont know what to believe
  • TheNewDodge
    TheNewDodge Posts: 607 Member
    Gnar
  • Ohjeezitskim
    Ohjeezitskim Posts: 129 Member
    Keeping things from you and cheating on you.. Guy or girl it doesn't matter. You either need to talk to him asking him what's wrong and say that he can't keep doing this and if he decides that he's not going to stop leave him. Or just leave him. Cheating is cheating.
  • pineapple1989
    pineapple1989 Posts: 195 Member
    That's one hell of a 1st post to have on a fitness site.

    Exactly what I was thinking!! With regards to your predicament, get out whilst you still can, wether its a guy or a girl is irrelevant, cheating is cheating and he could have said no.
  • sharpie1234
    sharpie1234 Posts: 4
    agreed! He went to talk to someone and still is... Has gave me full access to everything and makes sure when i doubt he proves where he is and who he is with

    I know cheating is cheating regardless....
  • jegg0425
    jegg0425 Posts: 37
    I got dumped for waaaaaaaaaay less. See Topic: Relationship Disaster.
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
    im so sorry...
    but you need to figure this out on your own.

    if it was me, i would be done. no one will ever treat me like that again. if he loved you, he wouldnt have cheated. end of story. i dont really care if he said it was a way to hurt himself, because he hurt you too.
  • LuLuSUPER
    LuLuSUPER Posts: 189
    well i have a different account but want this to not be a part of that. I just need advice. and help cause i really dont know what to believe
    believe him! he told you what he is doing and why! there it is plain as day, now what you gonna do for yourself is unknown. but he clearly mad e his choice as a cheater. why contimplate being with someone whom endangers your life?!
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,422 Member
    :huh:
  • htmlgirl
    htmlgirl Posts: 314 Member
    Do you want to be with someone who lied and cheated on you? The fact that it was with another guy is a huge red flag to me and his reasoning sounds a little disturbed to me.
  • neelia
    neelia Posts: 750 Member
    Ummm....I would leave this dude asap.

    There are a few things:
    (1) He may be gay
    (2) He cheated
    (3) He lied

    Take your pick.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    Generally a man who wants to have oral sex with another man is gay or bisexual, just like a woman who wants oral sex from another woman. There's nothing wrong with that...unless they're in a heterosexual relationship at the same time! You guys are probably really close, so be friends, but don't get married.
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
    Become his Grace or his Karen Walker.
  • sharpie1234
    sharpie1234 Posts: 4
    I agree with everything being said.... He compares it to cutting himself... its a self distructive behavour

    I know its a red flag... trust me ive been thinking about this for months...

    But do you think its possible it could infact be a self distructive thing?? is more or less what im trying to figure out
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    I agree with everything being said.... He compares it to cutting himself... its a self distructive behavour

    I know its a red flag... trust me ive been thinking about this for months...

    But do you think its possible it could infact be a self distructive thing?? is more or less what im trying to figure out

    It can be self destructive *while* being gay. He still cheated, and regardless of how, to me that's inexcusable.
  • hongruss
    hongruss Posts: 389 Member
    4 TIMES! Yet he continued to cuddle you & tell you he loved you whilst CHEATING & UNDERMINING YOUR FUTURE. Why he did it is irrelevant, the fact that he did is what counts, 4 TIMES!

    Russ
  • anorton45
    anorton45 Posts: 62
    you obviously have reservations and now doubts (and quite rightly so) or you wouldn't be asking for advice.

    Having been married to 2 cheaters, DO NOT MARRY HIM!!! If he's cheating now, and it makes no difference if it's men or women it's someone other than YOU, he will always cheat.

    I don't know you or anything about you, but I am fairly certain that you deserve to be with someone who loves you and only YOU, will treat you like a queen, and would rather cut off his right arm than do anything that would hurt you... and cheating hurts you.

    I'm not even going to try to analyze why he has been cheating with men, and I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with he cheating ex female fiance.

    You deserve better, and I think you already know that.
  • Steven
    Steven Posts: 593 MFP Moderator
    Folks,

    I'm going to close this item down, as it borders very closely on violating the following posting guideline:
    10. Multiple Accounts Are Not Allowed

    Creating a second account for the purposes of deceiving other members or to work around a Forum suspension is not permitted and will be grounds for a permanent ban from the site.

    I understand and respect the OP's desire for anonymity, but unfortunately posting under different guises to avoid recognition is considered to be against the guidelines of the site.

    Regards,
    Steven
    MyFitnessPal Staff
This discussion has been closed.

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