What to say back when friends/family bring you down

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Replies

  • niknak2308
    niknak2308 Posts: 315 Member
    I can only echo what everyone else has said... You look fab in your goal weight picture. And tell the family, sternly, that at the end of that day once you are lower than a healthy BMI they can start to worry, and until then, can they take their negativity elsewhere. x
  • ahealthy4u
    ahealthy4u Posts: 442 Member
    We are always told at a young age that we come first and we need to do what makes us happy. You know your body better then anyone besides a doctor so I would say if you are not happy and you want to change get back in there. My family really don't say much but thats nice or she is just doing that stuff again. They just don't understand and no matter home much I try to explain they just don't get it. So I let the comments roll off and do what is best for me. Good Luck to you
  • jessashcher
    jessashcher Posts: 155
    I would be totally honest with them, tell them what they are saying is hurtful and this is your goal to be healthier and you would really appreciate it if they would leave rude remarks or comments to themselves, remember if you have nothing nice to say then don't say it at all. Tell them you would appreciate it if they would try to be a little more supportive and pray on it.
  • ReinventingLisa
    ReinventingLisa Posts: 104 Member
    Are you still on the shot? The #1 side effect is weight gain and depression. In addition you get loss of bone densitiy. Please stop taking this if you are still on it. Plus it will STOP you from losing weight. I am speaking from experience. Regarding your actual request for advise - Once they start talking about weight - either change the subject or just tell them that you don't want to discuss it as you always end up walking away with hurt feelings - you're not lying and you won't have to hear the negative comments. Being mean back does not help anyone!!

    Def not on the shot anymore! I gained 20lbs in a month from taking that from April-May 2011 and I'm never taking it again!
  • ReinventingLisa
    ReinventingLisa Posts: 104 Member
    Thanks for all the replies! I was wondering myself if they were just being jealous.. I have a friend that would bring up my weight when we weren't even talking about my weight. The last time she did that, I lashed at her and told her straight up that it was my body and I'll do what makes me happy so stop bringing it up cuz it just pisses me off. That was probably 2 years ago, when I was only 20lbs from goal. She hasn't said anything about my weight since LMAO!

    I do have one positive person in my life, and luckily it's my boyfriend that I live with. He joined a gym with me even though he didn't have to, and we were going together up until I started my new job which has us on a different schedule. Hoping my schedule will change in a few weeks since this schedule is only temporary for training. And since we're going to North Carolina for vacation in September, it would be even better if I were near or at my goal weight by then. If I lost 10lbs a month, I'd be at my goal weight by that time. I'd love to have a killer beach body by then even though it is after summer. :happy:
  • stubbysticks
    stubbysticks Posts: 1,275 Member
    It kind of surprises me to see so many responses suggesting you tell your loved ones to shove it. Here's the deal:

    Your family does not have to like what you are doing. They don't have to understand what you are doing. They are not obligated to say what you need to hear or say positive things at all. The only person who is "supposed" to do anything to support your weight loss/fitness efforts is YOU. Of course, it's NICE to have your friends/family be supportive, but it's not reasonable to expect other people to behave a certain way just because you decided to make a change in your life.

    That aside, it wouldn't hurt you to be a little more empathetic. You can't really think that they're saying the things they do because they're retarded jerks who don't like you. If you put your defensiveness aside, you might recall that they have their own obesity issues to deal with & for whatever reason are not ready to tackle it head-on like you are. That doesn't make them bad people. Didn't we all have to go through it for a while before we became ready to take action? Before you got serious about this effort, were you crazy about being around other people who were super gung-ho on nutrition & fitness? I doubt it.

    People tend to have difficulty when confronted with others who remind them of the very things they are avoiding, Just because they aren't dealing with it in the most elegant way is no reason to kick them to the curb.

    Stop taking it so personally because it's not about you, it's about their issues with what you're doing. Once you stop taking it personally, you'll find that it bothers you less & when you're around them, you'll be less likely to engage in those conversations with them. You don't owe anyone an explanation for trying to improve your health.
  • stubbysticks
    stubbysticks Posts: 1,275 Member
    OAN...they could also be feeling like you're judging them for not being as health-conscious as you are. You do love them for other reasons, right? So focus on those things when you're around them & steer the convo away from weight loss whenever possible. Try to come up with diplomatic responses to the snarky comments. If someone asked if I was pregnant & it was clearly a dig, I'd say very matter-of-factly, "Wow, that's a really mean thing to say to someone you know is NOT pregnant. Why would you say something so hurtful?" I'd say it in a way that made it clear it didn't bother me personally that they said it, I just wanted to point out that it made them look like an a-hole.

    If they said I look better now than I did when I was thinner, I'd say, "Nice of you to say, but my health was much better then so that's what I'm trying to work on. We could all benefit from getting more exercise, wouldn't you agree?" And if they were being vindictive about it, I might add on "...what have YOU been doing for exercise lately?"
  • Amalthia79
    Amalthia79 Posts: 38
    First, you look fantastic at that weight! So you are NOT aiming for something unhealthy. And any time a family member brought it up I would turn the subject back on them. Something like "I'm sorry you think living a healthier life is not a good idea for me. Have you thought about why your ideas of healthy and fit might be a bit skewed or just plain wrong?" Make them see that they would never want someone talking to them about their weight and how they should live their lives.
  • arc_82
    arc_82 Posts: 9
    People tend to have difficulty when confronted with others who remind them of the very things they are avoiding

    This is head on. It is more about insecurity than jealousy. You could really insert "insecure about" for avoiding.

    I had serious issues with my sister-in-law when I went through this about 4 years ago (before I had my baby). I lost 80-85 lbs over about a year and half. She is incredibly insecure about her weight, constantly talked about my weight, would discuss fitness/eating with me constantly, and then run around saying I had changed and was judgmental and b!tchy behind my back.

    Her husband (my brother-in-law) actually walked into our home and commented on a photo of me from when I was at my heaviest and said "I think you looked better then, I like that better." Not surprisingly, he is a yo-yo dieter/exerciser and has weight issues of his own. One of my motivators for losing weight was to get him to stop talking about my "big thighs" or whatever else constantly.

    This same thing happens to new parents, when people buy homes...basically any lifestyle change. I don't have a solution to your issue other than to try to be graceful about it. Just change the subject, tell them you'd rather not discuss it, try to be sensitive to their issues, but don't stop what you are doing or let them get you down. You are doing this for you. You know what you want. You have set a healthy goal. Just stick with it.

    Haters are gonna hate no matter what you do, and the reason people hate is because of their own insecurities. There is nothing you can do about that.
  • PINKSPARKLEPRINCESS1965
    PINKSPARKLEPRINCESS1965 Posts: 8
    :brokenheart: Yes I agree I have a friend hat since I met them have brought my spirit down over and over again How in the world could I had not seen this person for who they really were not a friend of mines.. never was never will be.. ever has been I feel so stupid I really do to had let this go on and on and on fro so long.. I admit Im stupid as can be.. But ive learned tonight a treu friend will be there to left you up not tear you down not amke fun of you try and hurt your feelings everyday know how much you are in need of help and frankly just doesnt give a damn about if I was hit tomorrow nad died I never want to see this perosn again in this life
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
    I would not respond. Silence and a stare can sometimes say more than words. Or "I feel really hurt right now and need to take a walk and boost my morale."
  • Lobster1987
    Lobster1987 Posts: 492 Member
    No need to explain. Just do. And ignore their comments.
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
    Your photo looks healthy and fit. I think they are wrong.

    Dr Dre once said: "B*tches ain't *kitten*".

    Perhaps this applies to them.
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
    Really, they own this problem. That being said, their CONCEPT of what is HEALTHY is askew. This is going to be hard to break. It may be difficult but perhaps the best thing to say is NOTHING... I know you love your family and it is important to you that they have a healthier life. You know both sides of the fence... You know HEALTHY and how that feels and you know overweight and don't like what that does to you emotionally as well as physically. Imagine if you will if all you have ever known is how you feel right now... at 195 lbs. (or even more)... Then you see somebody coming in with a different and healthier mindset and you tend to reject it... Your life revolves around FOOD... and FOOD= HAPPINESS. Of course you know better than that... but that is the mindset. Best wishes on your endeavour.
  • cdnwinter79
    cdnwinter79 Posts: 26
    I just won't tell them I'm trying to lose weight to be healthy.
    It's probably a little easier for me because my family is across the country from me, so I don't get the every day comments.

    I did have one lady that I work with that is quite petite tell me that I don't need to lose weight, that I'm perfect the way I am. Well guess what? I'm not, I don't like looking at myself in the mirror, I know what it's like to be super skinny and overweight, I just want to be healthy for myself, and for my husband and future kids, I want to be able to go on hikes which I love doing without wanting to die.

    But really, when they get on your case about "losing too much weight and looking anorexic" just tell them to take a long hike off a short cliff.
  • Rover234
    Rover234 Posts: 17
    People are uncomfortable when it comes to change. Chances are you are doing something that they know they need to do themselves but fear doing. Keep up the motivation to be successful with your goal!
  • PINKSPARKLEPRINCESS1965
    PINKSPARKLEPRINCESS1965 Posts: 8
    know when you are loved and you are not ,, review your friend action if they dont line up with supporting you.. not back biting laughing at you sititing in a arena watching you being torn to pieces by the world and not lifting a finger to help you shall I say anymore as to what a true friend shouldnt be. I think not .. My friend is and always be the Lord. I tuen to HIm for my support
  • Musikelektronik
    Musikelektronik Posts: 739 Member
    Remember that scene in "Smokey and the Bandit," when Burt Reynolds' character says to Jackie Gleason's character: "Do the letters F.O. mean anything to you?"

    That's what I'd say. :laugh:
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