Is online chatting cheating?

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Poniesarepretty
Poniesarepretty Posts: 77 Member
in Motivation and Support
So my best gal pal called me today in tears because she just found out her husband was talking with people on-line and even calling them to...uh...you know. I think that this is cheating...what do you guys think? She is thining of leaving him...I think that this might be over reacting but I have nothing to go from here. Help! Any opions/advice would be appreciated!

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  • MrsMrtz
    MrsMrtz Posts: 73
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    does he try to hook up with them?
  • albinogorilla
    albinogorilla Posts: 1,056 Member
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    So my best gal pal called me today in tears because she just found out her husband was talking with people on-line and even calling them to...uh...you know. I think that this is cheating...what do you guys think? She is thining of leaving him...I think that this might be over reacting but I have nothing to go from here. Help! Any opions/advice would be appreciated!


    chatting no...........but the "calling them to...uh...you know" part sounds like it could qualify, whatever that means...........
  • aelarek
    aelarek Posts: 83 Member
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    Chatting-no.
    Flirty chatting-yes.
    Phone sex-definite yes.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    Do any of these conversations involve either party's party parts?
  • Joie89
    Joie89 Posts: 4
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    it really depends what they are talking about. if its just like forum type talk she is OVERREACTING. If he is seeking attention form other women then she better step up her game. i think a lot of women let go of themselves when they get married and think that just because they have a life partner they don't need to try as hard where as in fact they should try harder. If he's asking them to meet up to "play" then she should leave his *kitten*.
  • jplucheck
    jplucheck Posts: 275 Member
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    I guess it all depends on how you look at the situation. Did he actually cheat? Or just acted it out? Either way sounds like thee might be some problems with the relationship in the first as he is seeking attention elsewhere. He may not be physically cheating but the intention is certainly there.
  • cardiokitten
    cardiokitten Posts: 401 Member
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    In my opinion, yes. There's a big difference between say, casually watching porn and actually trying to contact girls online to chat with sexually. The act itself is deceitful and I would label that as cheating itself, but I'd also be worried that a guy who would do that wouldn't really have boundaries when it comes to say, chatting her up on the phone or setting up a meet in-person.
  • therealangd
    therealangd Posts: 1,861 Member
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    So my best gal pal called me today in tears because she just found out her husband was talking with people on-line and even calling them to...uh...you know. I think that this is cheating...what do you guys think? She is thining of leaving him...I think that this might be over reacting but I have nothing to go from here. Help! Any opions/advice would be appreciated!


    chatting no...........but the "calling them to...uh...you know" part sounds like it could qualify, whatever that means...........

    This. What is "uh... you know"?
  • TheReese1206
    TheReese1206 Posts: 238
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    It depends. Chatting like mfp, no flirting....then no.
  • RillSoji
    RillSoji Posts: 376 Member
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    Chatting-no.
    Flirty chatting-yes.
    Phone sex-definite yes.

    This. I would also add:

    Chatting with intention to do some sexual act with or without someone other than to who you are lawfully wedded. - yes.
  • thomassd1969
    thomassd1969 Posts: 564 Member
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    If he is talking to them with friendly conversation then no but if there is any sexual connotations then yes. Cheating doesnt have to be physical touch, emotional cheating is still cheating. She needs to re think being with him.
  • Sl1ghtly
    Sl1ghtly Posts: 855 Member
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    You should try to hook up with her husband. If you're successful in this venture, take photos for evidence of his infidelity. Your friend will be forever grateful.
  • Brenda_Pancakes
    Brenda_Pancakes Posts: 288 Member
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    If he is talking to them with friendly conversation then no but if there is any sexual connotations then yes. Cheating doesnt have to be physical touch, emotional cheating is still cheating. She needs to re think being with him.

    Ditto. She needs to call him out on it.
  • jplord
    jplord Posts: 510 Member
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    THe computer and the net have made it more accessible for people to be kids in the sexual candy store. Temptation is everywhere and it is easy to conceal - in the short term. The fact he is seeking on-line relationships indicates your marriage is in trouble. I speak from experience. Once the circle of trust is broken (The wedding ring is that symbol of the circle of trust - infinite) there is no way to repair it to what it was. Counseling helps to clarify and focus the issues that need to be addressed, but ultimately for the health of your selves and family and your future, you need to ask yourself difficult questions and decide on a path forward that's right for you.

    Kind of like asking yourself "Do I want that cheesecake? Or do I want to be healthy and true to my self?" Only cheating on a marriage is far more self-destructive and destructive of others than cheating on a diet.

    I asked myself over and over again "Do I solve problems or make more problems if we call it quits?" We are still together 6 years later and while things will never be the same, we remain good friends. Intimacy is a goal still we are growing towards.
  • foodfight247
    foodfight247 Posts: 767 Member
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    Depends on a lot of things in my personal view......

    I had a break (at the time thought it was over for good) with my other half of 15 years. However, during our break, I joined MFP and started forum chatting where I met some great people out there. Yes, I was a little flirty, but kept my options wide open. The bottom line being, that I got back with my other half and things have never been better - not for a long long time prior anyway. During the time apart, I actually built up my self esteem and confidence in speaking/chatting to other people, flirtaciously or not. This was a break through for me and actually made me look at alot of things differently.

    All I'm saying is, that general chatting and light flirtaciousness is fine, but if he's outwardly seeking other women especially, then he's definately broken that barrier of trust.

    When I got back with my other half, I openly admitted to joining MFP and chatting to other people, some of which are guys. He also admitted he'd joined a dating site and even met two of them - both ironically, and quite laughable really, actually knew each other! They chatted about my other half and nearly fell out over it allegedly! My other half aint for silly immature mind games like that. Nevertheless, he called time on them both and spoke to me about it. Said it made him realise, he doesnt want to go looking for anyone else and wanted to make things work with us. We are now working together to make our relationship work - and it is, so far, so good.

    On the whole, your friend needs to find out exactly wants happening, otherwise she may be under the wrong impression, dependent on the circumstances.

    Hope it works out ok.
  • Antigone
    Antigone Posts: 70 Member
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    To me cheating is anything that you woudn't do in front of your S/O or have lie to them about.

    If he was hiding these chats (basically a lie by omission) then yes, it's cheating. If he was trying to get offline hook ups with them? I'd be gone. Period.
  • snewsome7
    snewsome7 Posts: 189
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    Anything you wouldn't say/do in front of your SO is cheating. End of story.

    As the above poster mentioned. Didn't see that first haha
  • kalikelli
    kalikelli Posts: 22
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    BITE IT OFF!!!!!



    Seriously though there would need to be some cousiling to find out the root of the problem and a lot of work to get over it. If it what a cybersex or phonesex type thing then I don't think I'd be able to ever get over that.
  • Heartpath
    Heartpath Posts: 33
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    I think it should be defined by the two of them. It is their relationship.

    What does it matter what you call it if what he does causes her pain? If this is your significant other (or even your friend), you generally want that person to be happy, right? If your significant other doesn't care if you're happy or hurt, then it may be time to examine that person's place in your life.

    There are situations where one partner will try to keep the other from having friends or being around family, as a domestic abuse control kind of situation, but it sounds like she's specifically concerned about something of an intimate nature, not just him being able to chat to people, in general.

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