My Attitude

Inglebert · March 2012

Hello.
I'm trying to get more active, but over the last 5 years I've tried many times, and don't really get anywhere. I need to do this!

I used to be very fit and busy. I was a rower, and up till I was pg with my first, I was training 5-6 days a week. This included rowing(4-9 hours on water a week depending on time of year), obviously, erging (weekly), running (2-3 times a week), circuits (weekly)(we, cycling (21 miles a day!) and my first love, swimming. I loved working hard, I loved feeling sweaty, I loved feeling my muscles tire.

Now, I almost feel afraid of getting out of puff and of getting sweaty. I seem to have dropped over a line and can't get to the point where I actually work out and benefit from it. I'm about 30kg overweight (is that about 70lb). So physically there's a lot of me getting in the way.

I keep trying to get running again, trying to do Couch to 5K and to do a 5K in June, but I keep putting off actually running. We have a treadmill too.
We have a waterrower at home, and in the last few weeks I've managed to get myself on it, and do bursts of 5-10 mins, at reasonable effort, for up to 25mins. But I never quite sweat.
I have 30day shred, and wii zumba, but I've only done the first 3 times, and never opened the zumba.
And my swimming club. I just can't get myself to go because I've reached the point where i'm even unfit for that (1hr masters coached session).

My husband is away a lot, so I can't get out in the evenings (in the past I've hired a babysitter to let me get to swimming, but we can't afford this at the moment) - he's away for 6 weeks at the moment, due back in 2 weeks. I have 3 schoolage kids, and sometimes have half an hour to walk dogs after dropping them at school and going to my job/study/etc, maybe 2 days a week - not quite enough time to run though (shower needed). Other than that, I can't free up child-free time in the day (no local family or friends with spare daytime!).

I hear me making excuses. But in the evening I'm often so shattered from coping that I'm finding it hard to get on the rower or treadmill. I know I'd do it if it were sociable, but I can't make that happen while "he"'s away, and living in the sticks it's expensive to make that happen when he's here!

So... I don't know, I know I just have to do it, but how do I get back to being the sort of person who can get absolutely worn out? I just feel like there's a mental block there stopping me putting the effort in.

Please, has anyone been like this, and got through it? I almost feel like I'm hampered by knowing how good it feels to be fit and able to do anything.

Sorry for being so long-winded!

gmjminsz · March 2012

Firstly, you need to sort out your mental attitude and decide you're going to change your lifestyle. Only you can do that. Frankly, 30kg overweight is perhaps dangerously unhealthy - use the goal that a healthy mum/wife will benefit not just you but your your family.

Secondly, you need to sort out your diet. As you're on this site I'm guessing you're calorie counting, which is a good start.

Thirdly, steady state cardio is not very effective for fat loss. Also, HIIT (intervals) isn't appropriate given your current fitness level and weight.. At 30kg overweight, I'd suggest fast walking as your cardio when you take your dogs out. I'd keep the rowing, but 5 mins is fine at a high setting where you're using back and arm strength more than for cardio. At your weight, I'd say running is a no, and will badly impact your knees/ankles/hips.

I would also suggest you do body weight exercises - e.g. squats, press ups, core work (planks, V sit ups, bridges, supermans etc) done as a circuit. You can have a killer workout in 10 - 15 minutes that is much more effective than zumba etc. Body weight exercises are safe and, unless you're kids are really young, maybe they could join in? They would get into healthy habits too.

ellie0213 · March 2012

Hey there! I can see that you are trying everyday! That's great. It was hard for me to get back at it and push hard again. I tried to do a little more each workout. I agree with gmjminsz about the body weight exercises. And do involve your kids...good for them and fun for you! Also try a 5 minute warm up walk on your treadmill and then same cool down. Then start increasing it a minute every time you workout. You will build back up quickly. You really will. I started ripening again in January after nearly four years off after a bad fall. I could barely run a half mile without feeling like I was going to die...this morning I ran 7 miles. You can do it too. You have the dedication to log in here every day...you will be great! Cheers!

Inglebert · March 2012

Thanks guys for your time.

gmjminsz - you're well aware of exactly my problems - your post talks to me how I talk to myself and it doesn't "sort out my mental attitude" - please don't misunderstand, I'm pleased you see how it is and that's why I wrote this post. I just don't seem to be sorting out the attitude, I think I have, and then I struggle because I have no day-to-day support with it, I think. Am currently getting to grips with it's just down to me. Do you know what though, I'm sick of thinking of me being a wife and mum. I'm sodding me. Me. I want to be fit for me, and I think I overeat because it's the only part of my life where I am able to lose control.

I am going to have a hard think about what you've said, and how I can do that in a way that I'll keep doing. I need to have a routine don't I? A circuit. What you suggest is what a PT did with me a couple of years back, but I couldn't afford to keep doing that, and I wasn't backing it up with eating right. But it's hard to do that without someone encouraging you along. I'm not a natural loner! Are there any good online resources for this? Or DVD? I have Shred, it's got a fair bit of squat etc. Is that a good move? I should say I've also got a physio ball and free weights. So I should be able to come up with a decent workout thank you.

Diet - I'm doing better with that right now, though still problematic (binge-eating, but it's a cycle of misery, and the better I do the better I feel, etc). Have clicked that I need to aim at steady slow weightloss to avoid gall bladder problems amongst other things. I am currently trying quite hard. Just that I screw it up when I get down and lonely. But these are getting further apart at the moment.

You're spot on about running as every time I try to start I get PF and Achilles tendonitis. But it is the exercise that fits in best so I'd like to aim to get at it. Not sure what you meant about rowing - I row well, so it's my legs I use mostly.

ellie - thank you for your support too.

So for an evening workout - I could do a 5 min warmup on erg, 5 min walk on treadmill, 10-15mins circuit of bodyweight stuff, 5 mins more on treadmill and 5 min cooldown on erg? Enough variety there to stop me getting bored.

If you can help me sort out a circuit of the body weight stuff, I'd really appreciate it!

sportsciencegirl · March 2012

I feel exactly the same as you (without the child though) - I was a serious, competing athlete, suffered some injuries, comfort ate and now I'm in need of losing around 4 stone!

Like you, I struggle with my mental attitude!! I'm going through it right now and still haven't seem to crack it! I can't keep my focus! Everything I was once tuned to do, seems so much more difficult now! I've been diagnosed with depression and feel like I'm stuck in a big dark tunnel with no light at the end of it! I keep "hoping" it will click someday and I will get the right attitude.

I'm working towards setting goals, planning, organising my life - but that's it - no 'get up and go' - so ashamed of myself, annoyed with myself, really don't like myself!

I feel I have a lot going for me - I'm smart, about to graduate, have a job! But my health is holding me back from being the best I know I can be! I wanna travel, see the world, live!! Eventually I wanna own my fitness business (I'm studying sport and exercise science) - but I need to sort myself out because I feel I can't do any of that without getting into a better frame of mind!

It's my dad's 50th birthday next week and we are all going out for a surprise birthday party - but you know what - I'm absolutely dreading it - even though it's just my family (albeit large family) ... I'm too embarrassed, I have nothing to wear and I don't want to be in any photos! It's sad, cos it's my dad's birthday - a milestone one at that!

Don't mean to hijack your thread or anything, just want you to know you are not a lone, and I hope maybe we can get through whatever it is that's stopping us from doing this! I know we both can - I know I can do it, I had such a bright athletics future ahead of me and boom...I created my own downfall - I hope I can do it again! sorry, I know I can!

Anyway - if you want, add me as a friend! would love to help out any way I can!

Inglebert · March 2012

Hi sports - oh yes, please, will add you as friend! I find it hard that so much advice is aimed at people who have never done sport, or think they don't like it. Advice also seems to be aimed at people who've always been overweight, or who yoyo diet. That's not me. I was fit and healthy until 5 years ago (since child 2, and I have 3!).

To be honest at some points over the last 6 years, I believe I was clinically depressed. Over the last 2 years or so, I believe I have come out of that, and am sorting myself out. Sorting out my fitness/weight would be the final part of that. I've been retraining into a new profession, and am currently looking for a training post, which are really competitive, and I don't think my appearance is going to do me any favours - I'm already older than most by 15-20 years! 4 years ago I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid - which I think may have been responsible partly for me becoming depressed, but I don't think it is a reason why I haven't lost the weight (it's well controlled).

I imagine it's really hard for you because your friends/coursemates are really fit? My husband is slim (skinny) and maintains good fitness levels easily and doesn't understand why I've become the way I am, so it has stressed our relationship too.

Anyway, tonight, I did a 5 minute rowing warmup (I used the Rowactiv app for the first time for that, wasn't bad, much like my normal rowing warmup), and then level 1 30 day shred. Feels like I worked, which is lovely, and I did sweat! Didn't feel too boring either - the big problem with doing stuff on your own.

I hear you about the family party too. I thought I looked ok at my SIL's wedding last year... then saw the photos and I could die each time I see my massive great body. No way round it but to change my size.

Thanks for replying.

sportsciencegirl · April 2012

Gosh, you sound even more like me after your reply to my msg lol! (except for the children lol - actually this whole experience of gaining weight has made me a bit worried about having a child and then having all the issues resurface again - depression, anxiety etc)

You're so right, a lot of the advice is aimed at who you said - non-sporty and overweight/yo-yo dieters! I don't want to take away the difficulties experienced by people who have been overweight all their lives, it's sooo tough, but sometimes I feel worse because I've always experienced the fit/healthy/athletic lifestyle, and to have lost that is really hard - I keep having memories of what I used to do - sports, competitions, games, training...all that and then I think of myself now and it just makes me more depressed!

I'm glad you've managed to come out of the depression, well on your way...It's so hard...I think I'm starting to get there but I know I will feel tonnes better once I'm healthy. I don't know if you're UK or USA, but here in the UK I am a big soccer supporter - it's my main interest...and a lot of professional soccer players who have came out of retirement have reported feeling depressed, not knowing what to do with themselves because all they have known is soccer...basically their mental health is affected - this is how I feel....something has led me to get to this overweight stage and now I'm here, I'm suffering this depression which I feel is mainly down to my weight gain and losing my old lifestyle! Obviously there is a few other factors involved (like my work stress and uni work) but I feel I would't have these feelings if it weren't for the way I feel with my health!

I understand what you mean about appearance doing you any favours for getting that training post! I want to work in the sports performance/fitness industry, which obviously I don't think I can do unless I look healthy and athletic lol!

Also about the under active thyroid, I was conscious that was one of my problems, got it tested and she said I'm just below the cut off for under active diagnosis - don't completely understand it all, but my mum has an overactive thyroid.....I often wondered if it was one of my problems in losing weight and if, like you, I could get it well controlled, then maybe I would finally succeed. I'm sure it's really tough though, keeping on top of it, but at least you have it under control which is great! ....

Have you looked into you iron levels? I have a suspicion that mine could be low - number of reasons really, but I have a lot of the symptomns and I don't believe I eat enough, so I'm gonna get mine tested. Low Iron levels have been linked with depression also so I'm looking into that with the docs.

You're sooo right about my classmates/friends - when I started my course 4 years ago, I was one of the sportiest, fittest girls in the class - now I'm the biggest in the class and it's so embarrassing! When we finished 2nd year and went into our one year work placements for 3rd year I was still fit and healthy, but coming back into 4th year and not seeing everyone for a year made it even worse - so so embarrassing! I used to get the highest scores in our fitness tests - now I won't even take them cos I'm so embarrassed!

I also understand about your relationship and the stress, my fiancé is slim (skinny) too - but what's even worse is that he is also a model! how embarrassing I feel to be seen out with him at events! In fact I don't go anymore! He doesn't do the socialising thing models do - just the actual job, but it's still embarrassing cos everyone knows he models and then they see me and i'm this big tub next to him!

... but he says he loves me no matter what size I am - he really does, I can tell, he's so committed, but it has put a bit of stress on the physical side of things, as well as the social aspect because I don't wanna go out anywhere, and I don't want him to see my terrible stretch marks (I have PCOS, so they are so much worse)...

That's great on your 30DS and the rower - I love the rower...I'll have to try the Rowactiv app, never heard of it. ... I can't find my 30DS dvd

... I have it somewhere in the house but can't find it . I'm starting p90X on Tues.... me and the fiancé, together - he wants to add some muscle and I wanna get trim lol!

Nice to chat with you - sounds like you have the same sort of experiences and problems as me, so I can def relate to you!

sportsciencegirl · April 2012

Ooo embarrassing - I always write big posts - sorry guys!

slrrese · April 2012

Inglebert ans sports,

I am an almost 50 year old woman. When I was in high school, I was an ADVID racquetball player, loved to swim, my family had a sail boat and I was always very active. Even as I got out of college, I remained very active and in my 30s I trained for and did a biathlon. Then I married a man with children and my fitness/health was harder to maintain, and in the past several years I suffered debilitating migraines. I became 20lbs over a normal BMI and felt awful about myself.

First, it is a HUGE challenge when you are home alone without your spouse and have kids. It is also VERY frustrating when you remember how in shape you were and are not anymore. You need to forgive yourselves and start again!! I started exercising again in Jan with just 20 min on my bike. I am now up to 30 min twice a week, interval biking twice a week and weight lifting twice a week, plus I power walk the dogs several evenings a week. My goal is to be in the best shape of my life, one year from this April when I turn 50. I am not at my ideal weight, but I have dropped 20lbs and I have so much more energy. If this old lady can do it so can you!! You are both young and keeping that active, healthy life style is so worth it!!

Inglebert · April 2012

Sirrese - thank you, great supportive post. I do really think I'm getting somewhere at the moment. Been using mfp for about 6 weeks and getting a lot of benefit from it, and I think an NLP CD I've got is helping me too (especially with binge-eating). But I know that getting active in sports again is key for me. I'm having dreams of doing triathlon (I did one small one 20 years ago) and being competitive at Masters swimming (I've done a little, but not "up there" for my age group), and a bit of 10K. My kids love seeing Daddy or me doing sporty stuff - they're so easily impressed and it's fab! I don't want them thinking I can't do it. Nor do I want to be unable to join in stuff with all of them. (I'm not much younger than you btw, at 42).

Sports - I'm UK. Sort of between E. Midlands and Yorkshire. Is football your main sport then? Good luck with this P90x thing - I hadn't heard of it, just googled it. If you were borderline, you should get re-checked regularly for thyroid function, and it's possible that after childbirth you will become underactive. I suspect I was in between kids, and it recovered (it can), before giving up the ghost after the 3rd one. I was very fit before 1st pg, and recovered from that easily, was actually slightly lower weight, but nowhere near the same shape before my 2nd. All went pear-shaped (well, apple-shaped) from there! If your mother is over-active, I thought they usually removed part of thyroid and ended up underactive? The whole borderline thing is contentious though, and depends a lot on what doctor you see. Mine seems to have been straightforward pretty much - and the day I took my first thyroxine tablet, I felt like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders - honestly it was an awful feeling. I think my depression came about because we moved to middle of nowhere before 2nd kid, and I didn't have my job any more, and had to start again with friends, and my husband's job started to take him away more than we'd expected before. Has taken a lot of adjusting. Now I'm getting back out to work, I'm feeling better. And with that, must go to bed as I'm starting a new (voluntary = unpaid) post tomorrow and need to be fresh for it!

sportsciencegirl · April 2012

Hi Sirrese - what a nice post! You sound like you are doing awesome! Nice job! I WILL get there ( I was going to write I Hope, but I changed to WILL, as I need to maintain that positive attitude hehe) .... I am glad I have realised now the importance of a healthy diet and exercise - I think this whole experience of having it all, competing at a high level and then losing it and understanding the struggles of being overweight and leading and unhealthy diet, will help me in the long run! As you say, we are young and It's never too late to change! I'm studying Sport and Exercise Science and my nutrition module had a class about exercise, nutrition and diseases - and it really opened up my eyes of the risk of an unhealthy lifestyle and what it can lead to in later life, so I'm trying to change that now! I don't want to "diet" per se, but make a lifestyle change! My dad is approaching 50 on Tues, so he's just a year older than you, but he is pretty obese, but like you, he was very active when he was young and then he got married and had kids and for him, his health went downhill! He says this time next year, he wants to be able to run the marathon - so I hope I can inspire him too.

Inglebert - I'm from Northern Ireland, though I may have to move to England to get into the career I want in the near future! Yeh football is my main sport, though I was a competitive hockey player, as well as ice skater and ice hockey! lol....I will definitely keep on top of the thyroid stuff and get regular testing. I'm not sure on how my mums worked out but she lost a whole load of weight because of it and then she got diagnosed (I think) and now she maintains a healthy/lean figure/weight lol! I'm going to head to bed myself - early start to get some exercise in!

.... Good luck on your new post tomorrow!

My Attitude

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