Rude Sibling
My brother and I are five years apart with him being younger. When it comes to body types he was just lucky enough to have a slim build and a high metabolism. He doesn't work out nor eat right, he just stays slim. I have struggled with my weight which is why I am on MFP.
Although my brother isn't an athlete nor a nutritionist he feels the need to mock me for being overweight or about the fact that I have to watch what I eat because I am in the process of losing weight.
Today was one of those days where he went on and on relentlessly. While I was working out in the living room he says "You wish you looked like me, don't you?" or after a few comments on how 30ds was too easy and I should be able to complete it with more ease he said "Come on, you have to want it" and when I said. "Want what?" he replied "A doughnut" and laughed.
Now, after a day of feeling really crappy about myself I felt a little better knowing that I didn't cheat today and I pushed through my workout and as I was drinking water he said in a yoda voice...
"Fat you are
Skinny you must be
Workout you must"
So I spit out my water on him.
Anyway, it was just a rant. I am pretty used to it but today was just one of those days where I hated myself for being fat and sometimes I wonder if he would treat me better if I was thinner. I mean I love him to death, he is my brother and we are close but sometimes his words really hurt.
Although my brother isn't an athlete nor a nutritionist he feels the need to mock me for being overweight or about the fact that I have to watch what I eat because I am in the process of losing weight.
Today was one of those days where he went on and on relentlessly. While I was working out in the living room he says "You wish you looked like me, don't you?" or after a few comments on how 30ds was too easy and I should be able to complete it with more ease he said "Come on, you have to want it" and when I said. "Want what?" he replied "A doughnut" and laughed.
Now, after a day of feeling really crappy about myself I felt a little better knowing that I didn't cheat today and I pushed through my workout and as I was drinking water he said in a yoda voice...
"Fat you are
Skinny you must be
Workout you must"
So I spit out my water on him.
Anyway, it was just a rant. I am pretty used to it but today was just one of those days where I hated myself for being fat and sometimes I wonder if he would treat me better if I was thinner. I mean I love him to death, he is my brother and we are close but sometimes his words really hurt.
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Replies
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He is 14 years old, right? Sit down with him and tell him how much his words hurt you Tell him they are counterproductive to your success at your weight loss program. Continue to work at it and don't let his words discourage you. Hopefully he will stop and maybe he will actually support you. Communication is key.0
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I really can't give much advice because I haven't spoken to my brother in about 3 years because of this kind of thing. All i can say is nip in the butt now before it turns into three years of the silent treatment.
Good Luck. I feel for ya.
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I wish I could help, but sadly, if my sister said this kind of thing, I'd have kicked her in the shins. Whatever punishment I could possibly receive from the 'rents would be totally worth it. He's fourteen and has never struggled with his weight. He doesn't understand that it's difficult. But it really doesn't give him an excuse to be a jerk. Call him out on it!0
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I have a 14 year-old son (and a 12 year-old one) so I hear this sort of thing all the time. The one who does the smack-talk most is the 12 year old. And from my perspective, he does it because he's insecure and jealous. It will probably be a while, but I suspect that you'll someday find out that your brother felt you somehow had it better than he did and all he could do was pick on you for your appearance because he knows it tears you down inside.
For now, try to always keep a straight face. Don't let him know he's hurt you. Don't get up and leave, don't spit your drink, don't say anything back. Just have absolutely no reaction. Right now, whenever you respond to him he wins whatever game he's playing with you. He feels better than you for a split second. If you want to mess with his head - change the dynamic of what's going on. Stop playing his game with him. Ignore him. ONLY talk to him when he behaves how you want him to. When he talks *kitten*, pretend you didn't hear it. His words need to be respectful if you're going to hear them. (and don't tell him what you're doing with him. Treat him like a dog you're training. His reward is your positive attention when he's good to you.)0 -
Seems like a good *kitten*-whooping is in order. -.-0
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He's only 14... his habits could catch up to him in the future... but that doesn't help you now.
He's 14... he thinks he's being funny and he doesn't understand that he REALLY isn't.
He's 14... you've got a new habit and he's not part of it.
He's 14... yeah, he's gonna act 14.
Try having a sit down with him to tell him firmly that it bothers you and to knock it off. If he doesn't, learn to ignore it. Getting negative attention from you is better than no attention at all for him at the moment.0 -
Wanna be my sister? Cos I have a sister like that as well! She loves to rub in my face that I have gained my weight back that I lost and that I'm ugly! She is short and skinny and thinks she's the most beautiful thing ever,,,pretty she is, but when she opens her mouth, she turns ugly! I always tell her I can lose weight but she's gonna forever be a B*&^H!
Your brother and my sister can be siblings! LOL :-) Don't mind him! he doesn't understand our struggle. I understand your struggle and I will gladly say,,,U ARE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT,,,,TOGETHER ALL OF US HERE CAN AND WILL DEFEAT THE BATTLE OF THE BULGE!0 -
It's very likely he thinks he's helping, in his own way. He's a 14 year old boy. It's likely he's trying to push you, but to be light-hearted about it, and it's coming across very badly because it's a sensitive issue.
Make sure you tell him how you feel.0 -
I'd let him know how his words are hurtful. Also, he should be seeing you as an example. You see that you need to change and you are working toward it. GOod luck with your journey.0
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hang in there things will get better0
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14 year old boys are not known for their sensitivity to others. Tell him to **** off.0
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You look young so I'm guessing he's a teenager. Teen boys want to get a rise out of you. It makes them feel powerful. If spitting your water on him grossed him out, I'm all for doing it again. It was a reaction but it was not one he wanted. The trick is he can't see you get upset. You have to stay calm and cool.
Also, next time he wants something, tell him no. Ask him why you should put your time and effort into doing something for him when he's an @ss to you. Don't make a big deal out of it, just ask him that and walk away.
And always keep in the back of your mind, he knows you're going to be the attractive sibling soon. And that scares the crap out of him.0 -
My brother, who's 2 years older than me, was also blessed with slim build and high metabolism. He weight lifted in High School but even before that he would poke fun at his fat sister. No one believed us to be siblings. He looks just like our dad and I looks just like a fat version of our ma. He laid off the comments when I told everyone I was going to work to be 170lbs last August. He's encouraging me now but when I was growing up, it was bad. He'd call me COW and moo at me!! He would ask "Do you really need thirds, fat@ss?" So mean... So I know what you are going though, he messed with my head. If you'd like, we can be Pals on here and support each other!!0
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14 year old boys are not known for their sensitivity to others. Tell him to **** off.
This. Or you could just lay the smack down on his scrawny butt.0 -
That would have been my solution to the problem at 19. Now that I am a mom that still would be my solution. You need to talk to your parents and your parents have to check his behavior. It is rude, disrespectful, belittling and bullying. And it is WRONG. Your parents should not allow him to treat you that way or anyone that way. I'd honestly be really upset to know my son treated his sister with anything but love, respect and encouragement.Seems like a good *kitten*-whooping is in order. -.-0 -
What I found is that many of the people who were slim and attractive (and laughed at those who weren't) at school, fast forward 15 years and they have gained a lot of weight. I guess they have found that as they got older it's no longer possible to eat everything in sight and remain slim.
On the flip side, people who struggled with their weight at school have probably spent their lives battling with it and fast forward 15 years they often look far better than they ever did back then. Every dog has its day as they say!!
Your brother is immature at the moment and probably the best thing you can do is to ignore him and get on with your healthy choice of lifestyle. Sounds like you're doing a great job.
) 0 -
I think your beautiful
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Yeah....I think you are beautiful. So stay that way in and out. Just like sunkisses said. Best leave him be. May be ear plugs can help.0
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Okay, so what's wrong with him? Scrawny little legs? His ears stick out? Pencil-necked geek? Start making a little list of flaws he has (that you don't share). They don't have to be physical - "could get lost in a elevator" or "can't spll to saav his lief" will work fine.
Let's say he has some pretty bad acne -
The high road: Ask him how he would feel if you were forever giving him a bad time about his skin. If you called him "pizza face" and told him he should just wash his face once a week, that sort of crap. Point out that you could have been do this all along, but have held back out of respect for his feelings; and that people who live in pimple-covered houses shouldn't throw Clearasil (or something like that.
The not-so-high road (most effectively taken after you' been down the high road and gotten nowhere): when he's giving you crap about your weight, give him a calm little smile and say "You sure you're one to talk, Pizza Face?" Quirk an eybrow and ask him if he's washed his face this week. Stay calm and act as if you can barely be bothered to notice, let alone condescend to be amused by, his pathetic little antics. (And they indeed are pathetic little antics.)
(And if all else fails, work out in your bedroom, or in the garage, or somewhere. Asking your parents' permission to work out in their bedroom might even bring all of this to a screeching halt.)0 -
14 year old boys are not known for their sensitivity to others. Tell him to **** off.
This. Or you could just lay the smack down on his scrawny butt.
I lawled so hard at this!0 -
I think your beautiful
Thank you ^_^0 -
Yeah....I think you are beautiful. So stay that way in and out. Just like sunkisses said. Best leave him be. May be ear plugs can help.
Thank you!0 -
14 year old boys are not known for their sensitivity to others. Tell him to **** off.
This. Or you could just lay the smack down on his scrawny butt.
I lawled so hard at this!
Nah seriously. I'm 8 years older than my next brother, and yeah. Boys are idiots at 14. Just ignore him and chock it up to being 14 and stupid.0 -
My brother and I are five years apart with him being younger. When it comes to body types he was just lucky enough to have a slim build and a high metabolism. He doesn't work out nor eat right, he just stays slim. I have struggled with my weight which is why I am on MFP.
Although my brother isn't an athlete nor a nutritionist he feels the need to mock me for being overweight or about the fact that I have to watch what I eat because I am in the process of losing weight.
Today was one of those days where he went on and on relentlessly. While I was working out in the living room he says "You wish you looked like me, don't you?" or after a few comments on how 30ds was too easy and I should be able to complete it with more ease he said "Come on, you have to want it" and when I said. "Want what?" he replied "A doughnut" and laughed.
Now, after a day of feeling really crappy about myself I felt a little better knowing that I didn't cheat today and I pushed through my workout and as I was drinking water he said in a yoda voice...
"Fat you are
Skinny you must be
Workout you must"
So I spit out my water on him.
Anyway, it was just a rant. I am pretty used to it but today was just one of those days where I hated myself for being fat and sometimes I wonder if he would treat me better if I was thinner. I mean I love him to death, he is my brother and we are close but sometimes his words really hurt.
I would challenge him, I mean if he doesn't work out then maybe you can one up him!0 -
what a little sh*thead ...at 14 he should be gaining a little respect if nothing else .....I have 5 kids...2 of which are teens at 18 and 16 respectively ...this wouldn't happen on my watch grr .... and yes you are very beautiful!0
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I would kick him in the nuts everytime he insulted me. Soon he would learn that hurting me hurt him too. Simple aversion therapy ; )0
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little brothers are monsters at that age. they're hormone crazed little jerks. trust me, when i was your age, my brother was doing the same things to me.
i dealt with it all wrong, i would get so mad that he was making fun of me that i would yell and scream. not the way to keep a bratty brother from making fun of you.
you have to laugh with him. you have to let him know it doesnt bother you, that you think its really funny, that yep, i need to exercise more you skinny little monster! you dont have to name call of course. let it roll off your back, dont wrap your self worth up in his stupid rants.
the more you agree with him the more wind you take out of his sails. if he cant get a rise out of you, then its no fun.
he's being a jerk, but hes also jealous of you for other reasons, so he takes the opportunity to make fun of what he can.
good luck.. by the time hes in his mid twenties, he'll want a normal relationship with you, he just needs to get some perspective. my brother and i are great friends now. it just took some time to fix the relationship.0 -
When me and my brother were younger he used to always make fun of my weight. He said it was his way of trying to motivate me to lose weight....I told him that making me feel like *kitten* isn't going to motivate me, it makes me wanna eat more. :P We're a little older now, he's 28 and I'm 23 and he doesn't make fun of me anymore and hasn't for a long time. Just talk to your brother about how you feel.0
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when my skinny *kitten* cousins used to give me crap about my weight i would sit on them when they least expect it.
Now, im the smaller one. They have beer guts.0 -
I would kick him in the nuts everytime he insulted me. Soon he would learn that hurting me hurt him too. Simple aversion therapy ; )
yes this!!!!!!!!!!0
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