Friend made me feel bad about myself..or I'm I just a sensit

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jgarrisond
jgarrisond Posts: 44 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I have a friend who had bypass surgery a couple of months ago and lost quite a bit of weight and she looks really good and I am proud of her and how far she has come..but the other day we were talking I had made the comment about my weight loss and she asked how much have you lost so of course me being all proud of myself but not wanting to show it say 17 lbs. She just looked at me almost with a look of that is it or I don't see it.....I was heartbroken I have been working hard measuring and weighing my food and watch my calorie intake and I am so proud of myself..don't get me wrong she has made comments about how good I have done, but I guess just the look on her face upset me..so am I just a sensitive Sally?
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Replies

  • hutchy100
    hutchy100 Posts: 103 Member
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    Senstivy u r doing it the proper wau not needing a opeartion so just remeber that
  • Faeriegirl74
    Faeriegirl74 Posts: 187 Member
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    Senstivy u r doing it the proper wau not needing a opeartion so just remeber that

    I totally agree! You are doing it the right way, remember - slow and steady wins the race!
  • lpblah
    lpblah Posts: 28
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    Congrats on your loss!! 17 lbs is great! Especially when you have to work hard for every single one of those pounds :) Not saying she didn't, but for your journey you are doing wonderful.
  • stephaneb74
    stephaneb74 Posts: 151 Member
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    Don't feel bad, she is the one that went the "easy" way..... you are doing a life changing operation and this will take long for longer results......
    17 lbs is not "that's it ?" 17 lbs is " wow great job ...."
  • ScubaAmyMN
    ScubaAmyMN Posts: 1,726 Member
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    I also have those days when I take too much stock in someone else's reaction. Perhaps she was surprised that it is "just" 17 pounds because you look so much healthier that she just thought it was more. Or maybe you caught her on an off-day. Or maybe she's jealous. No matter what, you're not doing this all for her, right? You are doing it for YOU, so you're the one who needs to be happy with all you've achieved. I think 17 pounds is amazing, and will sure improve health. So think about how hard you've worked, how much you've invested in a healthier life, and shrug off her odd reaction. Rock it and be proud!!!
  • kat65
    kat65 Posts: 124 Member
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    Ignore her. She took the easy way out. In addition, there are so many health issues associated with bypass surgery. And, since she did not deal and come to terms with what made her overweight, she will most likely gain all the weight back (a large number of people who have this sugery gain a large amount of weight back after 5 years).

    You are doing this the correct way. Please have no worries. If she gives you crap about how you are losing weight, she is no friend.

    Keep on trucking along. And, remember, we are all here to support you.
  • amurph25
    amurph25 Posts: 41 Member
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    I'd be a little upset too if a friend did that to me. Your friend had surgery to help her lose weight, and I take it you've been doing it all by yourself by eating right and working out, yeah? If so, I say GOOD TO YOU!!! 17 pounds is great!! I wouldn't let her get you down. Be proud of your hard work!! :)
  • slowturtle1
    slowturtle1 Posts: 284 Member
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    I can understand why your feelings would be hurt. You want her to be happy for you. You want her to notice the effort! The truth is, no one can MAKE us feel something that isn't already in us. I'm wondering if you have a tendency to judge yourself harshly. When we have trouble being proud of ourselves, then every time anyone doesn't acknowledge our hard work we feel that much more defeated. Every step you take toward your own better health is admirable and worthy celebration, whether others acknowledge it or not. Congratulations on your accomplishments and keep up the good work! You're worth it!
  • applekoko19
    applekoko19 Posts: 85 Member
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    Yup... I agree keep doing what you are doing. Friends shouldn't make you feel like that even if it is by accident. Maybe she is being a little weird about it because she feels self conscious.... You are doing it the 'normal' way and she had to resort to EXTREME methods. Each to their own though... Her way works for her and yours works for you :D
  • akjmart2002
    akjmart2002 Posts: 263 Member
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    Let it roll off of you.

    You're handling things correctly. Keep it up.
  • mem50
    mem50 Posts: 1,384 Member
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    So how long have you been "dieting"? If you started in Feb I would say you are doing great! As long as You are proud of it that is all that matters. Keep up the great work.

    I have a few friends that went for the bypass and yes, they lost weight rapidly.....but keeping it off.....another story.

    Slow and Steady wins the race. Kudos to You!

    P.S. Don't let the look bother you.
  • Goofy076
    Goofy076 Posts: 287 Member
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    I am sorry your friend made that comment, the hormone fluctuations after surgery are insane.. where as what she said was wrong and insensitive, It is really frustrating when people look at those who had surgery to assist with getting healthy with judgmental eyes and say well you are doing it the wrong way or the easy way..

    surgery is a very difficult decision and perm life change. Yes some people have abused it , BUT there are whose life depend on it so lets not get all on the WLS surgery band wagon and bash all the people who live day to day for the rest of their life with the decision to have to have the surgery to help live longer lifes for the ones they love.

    Congrats on your weight loss sweets!!! 17 lbs is amazing and you are looking fabulous!!! dont let anyone or anything make you feel bad about your hard work <3 those that matter are proud of you <3
  • Tami113
    Tami113 Posts: 117 Member
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    Just think how much better off you will be doing it the proper way. No surgery, anasethia (spelling?) no medications, no pain or discomfort, no rehabilitation after. You are working hard and you deserve to be proud. More proud than cutting corners with surgery. Don't get me wrong, i understand and appreciate that some people medically need surgery, but if it elective the pride might be lost.
  • Reeny1_8
    Reeny1_8 Posts: 277
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    Don't feel bad, she is the one that went the "easy" way..... you are doing a life changing operation and this will take long for longer results......
    17 lbs is not "that's it ?" 17 lbs is " wow great job ...."


    Agree completely^^
  • jlewis2896
    jlewis2896 Posts: 763 Member
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    17 lbs is amazing.

    I'm a little perturbed by all the references to gastric bypass being the 'easy route'... I have a couple friends who have had it done due to medical conditions, and it is NOT an easy thing -- it can be quite dangerous.

    But you and your friend are taking two very different approaches to weight loss. Her reaction is based on her own experiences. She has given you positive feedback and I'm sure it was heartfelt.

    Shake it off and carry on -- wish I could say I had 17 lbs lost!!!
  • Tennessee2019
    Tennessee2019 Posts: 676 Member
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    Even though a lot of people will disagree & get mad at me for saying this, I consider bypass surgery the "easy way" to lose weigh - unless it is medically necessary.
    I would rather battle the scale for the rest of my life than take a chance on something that is not guaranteed. It is not the miracle cure for weightloss because there is no such will be happy when I reach my goal weight knowing that I did it on my own.
    It is not the miracle cure (there is no such thing) & it works for SOME people, but not everyone. As proof - Carnie Wilson is having her second bypass surgery.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,248 Member
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    A good friend of mine had WLS. It's not an "easy" way at all. The weight might be coming off her faster, but there's nothing easy about a major surgery that permanently changes the way you're able to eat. My friend tried every normal way to lose weight, and it just plain didn't work for her. Some folks just have bodies that don't process foods normally. But what she went through wasn't easy. She's meticulous about what she eats, about getting the right nutrition on so few calories. I remember when she was on the liquid stage, and couldn't eat anything solid. She was so starved for FLAVOR that she'd stick her hand in a bag of Doritos just to lick the powder off her fingers. I had another friend die from complications after surgery.

    You're doing great doing things the way you're doing them. For all you know, that "look" might have been your friend thinking, "Damn, wish I could have lost 17 pounds since February without having a chunk of my stomach removed. Wish I could have lost weight without limiting myself to a liquid diet for months."
  • nikkay2desire
    nikkay2desire Posts: 36 Member
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    Never let anyone get you down... This is for you and your life! 17 LBS is a heck of an accomplishment.. I usually lose "inches" versus lbs.. and as long as you know you put in the work who cares what anyone THINKS? It was a bit insensitive to say "I don't see it..." but it isn't for her to see- YOU know it!

    Keep going and show them what hard work does!
  • Nopedotjpeg
    Nopedotjpeg Posts: 1,806 Member
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    She's emotionally retarded or rude. It's not just you.
  • dakitten2
    dakitten2 Posts: 888 Member
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    In my life I know several people who have had the gastric bypass and/or lapband surgery. I'm not here to bash the people who do, but for the ones I know, not a single one has been successful in the long run. I wish every one success in whatever path they follow. After years of yo-yo dieting, I believe that I've finally found the one thing that wll work for me long-term. I started my journey at 290 pounds, didnt even bother taking "before" pictures, as I felt that I was doomed to fail. My mindset right but the staggering amount of weight I had to lose was frightening. Now 23 weeks later at 222 pounds, I'm convinced that this path is the one I can live with the rest of my life.

    I still have a long way to go but I started setting 10 pound goals. At every 10 pounds, I would reward myself with something related to my new life changes. Things like a high tech bathroom scale, a high tech food scale to replace the rinky dinky $4 scale I used to measure my dogs food out each day, an HRM, a new pair of walking shoes, water weights for the pool, a Skinny Ms. Crockpot cookbook, etc. I got forward to looking for those 10 pound rewards. Plus I've gone from wearing a size 24-26 to wearing an XL top and 16 pants/shorts and lost a shoe size. LOL

    Like I tell my friends, every pound, every part of a pound, is a victory to be celebrated (just not with food). At this point in your journey 17 pounds may not sound as good as what your friend is losing, but I honestly believe in the grand scheme of things, when you reach your ultimate goal, you will be thrilled you did it the way you did.

    So be proud of every pound, every ounce that you lose. Don't let others pull you down or make you feel less worthy. YOU are worthy and you WILL succeed if you stick with the changes as lifestyle changes and not just as a diet.

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