Anorexia n starvation mode

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hi all :) so I'm 25 (26 in 1.5 weeks) I'm 5 foot 8 n weigh 135lbs!!!!! I am here to find out if anyone has any eating disorders, I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa in high school n it's something I still struggle with today!!!! Calories scare the crap out of me n the fear of gaining weight is so controlling that I sometimes go days with no real food but instead filling my stomach with diet pepsi!!!!!! Is anyone else here in a similar situation? Or does anyone have any advice??? I don't want to lose anymore weight since u can see all my bones but I'm terrified of gaining!!!!!!

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  • lizard053
    lizard053 Posts: 2,344 Member
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    What if you begin to put muscle on? That will weigh more, but make you look a lot better! I seriously suggest you see a counselor about the eating disorder. If your fears are debilitating, you need help to get through them. No shame in that! If you literally cannot eat, you're falling back into that anorexia frame of mind. That's not great! Food is necessary for life! Please take care of yourself!
  • Aliciah130
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    What if you begin to put muscle on? That will weigh more, but make you look a lot better! I seriously suggest you see a counselor about the eating disorder. If your fears are debilitating, you need help to get through them. No shame in that! If you literally cannot eat, you're falling back into that anorexia frame of mind. That's not great! Food is necessary for life! Please take care of yourself!

    Thank u :) I was doing really well I was working out 4 days a week at my local planet fitness (building lean muscles) but I screwed my back up so my automatic rational was "ok can't work out so can't eat" it's scary especially since I have 2 10 year old nieces who r seeing this n thinking it's normal :-/ I do see a counselor but they just threaten to admit me to a clinic n I refuse I'm not that far gone yet n hoping to never be again!!!!! :)
  • EmmaR84
    EmmaR84 Posts: 103 Member
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    Hi,
    I'm sorry you're going thorugh this, I've sufferd with eating disorders (or disordered thinking) since I was 11. When I began to lose weight recently it was because after years of being able to ignore the negative thoughts I was hit with them stronger than I have in a long time.
    I immediately cut my calories back to a level which wasn't healthy and I don't want my children to pick up on it. From my first post on here I've asked people to give me a kick up the a*se if they notice i'm under eating.

    I've set my calories to 1200 (which despite what your brain might say is NOT a lot) and I'm trying to net as close as possible to it. Although on days like today when I've earnt 1091 calories the thought of eating that many extra scares me too and I'm trying to see them as an investment in becoming healthy, I struggle some days too.

    Look for healthy options which will give you pleanty of nutrients withouy makign you feel too bloated/ill, you don't want to start purging because you're too full. Bananas are my food of choice for when I need a calorie boost.
    Diet pepsi is only going to bloat you, try swapping it for water.

    Most importantly go see your doctor for a referral to a counsellor/support groups, it is an awful disease and one you are unlikely to beat on your own (I'm 27 now and still struggling).

    If you want to add me as a friend please do. Please be aware, Iw on't encourage the negative/unhealthy thoughts but I will be a supporting ear (keyboard) when you need it.
  • Aliciah130
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    I've set my calories to 1200 (which despite what your brain might say is NOT a lot) and I'm trying to net as close as possible to it. Although on days like today when I've earnt 1091 calories the thought of eating that many extra scares me too and I'm trying to see them as an investment in becoming healthy, I struggle some days too.

    Mine are set at 1200 as well but I usually only eat 400 if even :( sad thing is, I'm an LPN in the state of NY n I specialize in psychiatric nursing so I know the things my patients experience first hand. It's hard looking at a teenager with an NG tube telling her she has to eat while I'm secretly starving myself!!!!
  • EmmaR84
    EmmaR84 Posts: 103 Member
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    I've set my calories to 1200 (which despite what your brain might say is NOT a lot) and I'm trying to net as close as possible to it. Although on days like today when I've earnt 1091 calories the thought of eating that many extra scares me too and I'm trying to see them as an investment in becoming healthy, I struggle some days too.

    Mine are set at 1200 as well but I usually only eat 400 if even :( sad thing is, I'm an LPN in the state of NY n I specialize in psychiatric nursing so I know the things my patients experience first hand. It's hard looking at a teenager with an NG tube telling her she has to eat while I'm secretly starving myself!!!!

    First rule, you can't counsel yourself.
    After I had my children I was diagnosed with PND and I was so annoyed with myself that whilst on a daily basis I worked with my clients focussing on CBT and helping them address what was keepign them stuck in their addictions and depression, if I could help them why couldn't I do the same to myself?! It just doens't work like that, you have to be able to accept the help of others because no matter how well trained you are, no matter how much you can help others you will always have *your* thoughts and it can become increasingly difficult to seperate them.

    400 calories is not enough to survive off, you know it and so do I no matter what that evil voice is telling you. Jumping back up to 1200 is unlikely to work for you but try taking small steps. Try to make the next few days or even a week of eating 450-500 a day and when you feel able increase it by another 50-100. Small steps each week will help you readjust to more food.
    Most importantly, please, go speak to your dr/counsellor. It's scary and to admit it to a professional is never easy but if you want to beat this, even if only a small part of you wants to beat this, you need to.
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
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    Mine are set at 1200 as well but I usually only eat 400 if even :( sad thing is, I'm an LPN in the state of NY n I specialize in psychiatric nursing so I know the things my patients experience first hand. It's hard looking at a teenager with an NG tube telling her she has to eat while I'm secretly starving myself!!!!

    no offense but this is truly scary. I would get some professional counseling. Perhaps your employer has programs or suggestions. Your health is more important than your fear (if you have any) of what an em[ployer might say or do.

    Please get some help..

    good luck