Depression, self harm. Need help !!

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RondoodooLamby
RondoodooLamby Posts: 13 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I'm Marion. I'm french. I'm very young and I've always had issues with my weight, even since I was a little kid. I grew up happily though but I knew that I needed to do something about my weight.
In junior high school, I started to cut myself. It was very little scars at the beginning on my wrists and then I started to cut my thighs and it got worse. Fortunately, when I went to high school, I stopped that.
I think I joined MFP two months ago and I always feel happy and helped here. You guys are awesome. During a short time, I ate right, I worked out a lot ( every day) and I got results ! But quickly after the beginning of my journey I gave up. I was feeling like a failure. Everything was going wrong in my life and I was sad and depressed. So, I started to cut myself again !
But then, last week, I got back on track and I lost 4 more pounds ! Unfortunately, last week-end we had a party and I ate a lot during ONE day. And the morning after this day I found out that I gained 4 pounds ! ( in one day !!) so first I thought it was crazy, that it was just that my body didn't eliminate the food I ate the previous day. but shortly after? I felt bad again because of this gain, so I started to feel bad again.
I started to feel that I'll never do things right, I'll never be strong enough. & I binged I ended up feeling even worse. Now, I feel like a total failure and I cut myself again last night. I cut both of wrists really badly. The scars are huge and I'm trying to hide them with a lot of bracelets. ://

I need your help. Have you ever been in my situation ? or do you know somebody who went through this ? How can I get my motivation back ? Help me please because I'm desperate. ://
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Replies

  • Smuterella
    Smuterella Posts: 1,623 Member
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    Sweetheart, you really need to talk to comeone in your family or at school and find some professional help. i know that sounds scary but you need to stop this behaviour before it becomes too much of a habit.
  • AthenaErr
    AthenaErr Posts: 282 Member
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    Hi,
    You are strong to ask for help. That is brave and good. You need to see someone with expertise, who has the knowledge and skills to help you. I know I dont have this but I wish you well and I send you more strength. Please take care of yourself and speak to your doctor.
    Athena
  • shivanimaharaj
    shivanimaharaj Posts: 1 Member
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    Hey sweetie. I have been diagnosed with depression. The only thing that helped me get my life on track was speaking to a professional. Psychologists and psychiatrists offer unbiased opinions and are not there to judge you; only to help you.

    I have been on medication for a number of years now and together with therapy, I've been doing very well. It is hard work. I exercise and I eat well but I take it one day at a time.

    It gets better. You also need to be able to talk to someone in your family or group of friends. Support is very important.
  • cushygal
    cushygal Posts: 586 Member
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    Hey sweetie. I have been diagnosed with depression. The only thing that helped me get my life on track was speaking to a professional. Psychologists and psychiatrists offer unbiased opinions and are not there to judge you; only to help you.

    I have been on medication for a number of years now and together with therapy, I've been doing very well. It is hard work. I exercise and I eat well but I take it one day at a time.

    It gets better. You also need to be able to talk to someone in your family or group of friends. Support is very important.

    I completely agree with this - please get some help, talk to a professional - IT WILL HELP..

    Positive thoughts and strength sending your way
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    Good on you for asking for help. I agree with the others, that you need someone to talk to, in person, who understands what you are going through and can help you. There are a lot of people who can do this. There are many professionals that understand cutting and eating issues and won't judge you or not understand. You may want to look for someone who specializes in eating disorders--they will understand how your body image, food, and self-injury are intertwined.

    I don't speak French or have any awareness of any of these hotlines, so I am not recommending them, but I did find this link:

    http://www.counsellinginfrance.com/HELPLINES.htm

    Someone at a helpline can definitely help you figure out how to navigate your country's healthcare system if you don't know how. Best wishes!
  • kasicrawford
    kasicrawford Posts: 33
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    You are a beautiful girl!!!!! Please please please get some help!! Talk to your parents, friends someone please! You have to feel beautiful on the inside first to feel beautiful on the outside!! You have your whole life in front of you!! Don't let a 4 pound water weight gain to get you so down!!... Stop weighing yourself if it gets you so depressed! I know it easier said then done....
  • twogirlsmama
    twogirlsmama Posts: 45 Member
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    Being young is harder for some than others. I was and still am the "fat" girl in school. I struggle with self confidence and depression. I was a cutter in high school and my parents eventually caught me and provided me with the needed help.

    You can come through this and be a functioning adult. It takes time and the proper professional help. There are many underlying issues that you are probably unaware of. Please stop the destructive behavior and seek help. You are beautiful and you deserve to feel peace within yourself.

    Life is far more valuable, mistakes and all. Remember your human just like the rest of us.
  • Kebby83
    Kebby83 Posts: 232 Member
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    When I was 17 I tried to kill myself. I had self injured since being a young child, I suffered with agoraphobia (i stayed in a room for two years). I had bulimia, ptsd and depression. Losing weight won.t make it go away. It won't fix you. I stopped hurting myself and worked (WORKED) my way to some type of normalcy. It doesn't come naturally, just like my wish for a high metabolism.

    You need to talk about it. When you want to hurt yourself working out helps (it releases the same endophins). There are online groups you can go to (find one that challenges your behavoir rather than one that makes it seem normal and accepted - it will help more). Irl help is 100% better than online. If you broke a leg you wouldn't hesitate to see a dr - your brain has chosen an unhealthy coping mechanism and could have a chemichal imbalence - it needs treated as such.

    If trying to lose weight isn't coming easy and is making you hurt yourself then you are right and you will fail and you aren't strong enough to continue - you're doing it wrong. Get help.

    By the by - I am 29 this year, just got remarried, have a beautiful child, and feel normal most days - and love trying to get healthy no matter what the decieving scale indicates!
  • katejkelley
    katejkelley Posts: 841 Member
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    I agree with Lisa. Please talk to someone about this before you hurt yourself too badly! Our weight doesn't make us who we are, so we shouldn't let it dictate how we feel about ourselves or how we take care of ourselves. You area beautiful young woman. Please call a counselor!
  • BarbWhite09
    BarbWhite09 Posts: 1,128 Member
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    I had an eating disorder & self harming issues throughout high school. I kicked the self-harming one after a couple years, still have some issues with food though. You just have to take a step back & realize you need a positive change in your life. Being miserable sucks. We make ourselves miserable - instead we can make ourselves happy. Focus on the good. :)
  • Pollyfleming
    Pollyfleming Posts: 147 Member
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    Hi Marion, Please get help. And if you don't like the person or place you go, try somewhere else until you get the treatment you need to feel better.

    I was diagnosed with depression about 20 years ago. It was tough but it did get better and now, even thought I have moments of anxiety and sadness, my life is great.

    You are being hard on yourself for the one bad day. If I had a bad day, would you think I was a failure or would you encourage me to keep going? Be as kind to yourself as you are to others.

    I'm sending you positive thoughts and prayers. Things change and get better. You will see.
  • AbsoluteNG
    AbsoluteNG Posts: 1,079 Member
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    Try taking omega 3 fish oil.
  • skylark94
    skylark94 Posts: 2,036 Member
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    I too was a frequent cutter in my teens. I've still got the scars to show for it. I'm 36 now, married with 2 kids and I still feel the temptation to do it from time to time.

    Your eating problems are not the cause, but rather a symptom. You need to find the courage to tell someone in your life what you have told us here. A friend, school counselor, relative, or doctor. What you are going through is not unusual and can be treated. It will get better, but you have to take the first step.
  • katiej122
    katiej122 Posts: 125 Member
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    I cant offer very different advice to everyone else because they are right, you need to get help now. Dont let it spiral any further. I was diagnosed when I was 13, and I'm 18 now, and I wish more than anything in the world that I'd properly gotten help when I was younger, and comitted to it, and trusted everyone around me because its gotten worse. But it can also get so much better I promise. You just need to trust yourself, open up, and you'll be shocked at how many people there are around you that care about you and want to help. Getting proffessional help is really the most surefire way to recover. Its a really frustrating process, but its just like weight loss, you need to believe it can be done for it to work.

    Its the worst thing in the world, I'm very sorry its happening to you but it can turn around. You can add me or message me any time if you need some support or someone to talk to, I'd be more than happy to try and help.

    Good luck, and I hope you have a better day today :)
  • darcie81
    darcie81 Posts: 69 Member
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    oh honey please get some help, i don't mean this in a bad way, just my mom, my little sister and most of friends and ex's were cutters. please be careful and remember you are special you don't need to make your self suffer. add me if you like and i'll be a shoulder if you need it anytime and support system.
  • beccadailly
    beccadailly Posts: 8
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    Hey, I'm only 18 but I have been through everything like that too. You feel guilty for not suceeding so you punish yourself and begin to hate yourself. But you and your skin are beautiful, don't ruin it.
    I struggled with self harm for years and now I regret it so so much, the scars on my legs and arms are ugly and make really awkward conversations so stop as soon as you can.
    However, the cutting is not the main issue it's what's making you feel this way that you need to change. Try some counselling which will help you to feel positive about yourself and let out any anger or pain through a different way rather than cutting. Think about how young you are and how long you have to change everything. You will make it through it and become a happier person. Think of the happy influences in your life, I know when my brothers found out about the cutting they blamed themselves. It really does affect the people around you more than you would realise.
    Next work on the cutting, depression does stay with you but when you grow stronger you will be able to break through it. Of course sometimes you will feel awful and if you need an outlet of pain and anger then punch a pillow, swear,scream,cry - whatever you need to do.
    You're a beautiful girl so don't ruin it babe
    x
  • jenlarz
    jenlarz Posts: 813 Member
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    I agree with most of the others. Find a therapist. Don't be afriad to find help. You need to develop some coping skills to deal with stress/unhappiness that aren't harmful. Please next time you feel the urge to cut please call for help or start a journal! Writing things down can help, then you can keep it or get rid of it, whatever works best for you.
  • elsalily
    elsalily Posts: 47 Member
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    Je pense qu'un psychothérapeute comportementaliste serait la meilleure aide dans ton cas.
    aftcc.org pour la liste des thérapeutes en France. Bon courage, tu vas t'en sortir :)
  • blantonjm1
    blantonjm1 Posts: 74 Member
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    You're done a great thing in sharing your struggle now allow us to help you by saying seek out a professional. They can help you work thru the things that you are battling. You can't fix this on your own. And that's ok. we all go thru things that we can't battle on our own. Please take the next step to becoming all that you dream to be. Each step will bring you closer and closer to that goal. You are beautiful and you need to see that, 4 pounds doesn't change that and no amount you lose will change that either. You are beautiful for who you are and right where you are. Let us know when you've talk to a counselor it will be the best decision you'll ever make.
  • angella_zumba
    angella_zumba Posts: 32
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    Sweety.. what you need goes beyond just the weight issues.. YOU need to seek counseling as soon as possible and find out what makes you feel so depressed and sad and find out why you are cutting yourself...

    Once you seek counseling thing will get better!

    PLEASE PROMISE ME YOU WILL!
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