Thank you, MFP people

I wanted to say thank you to people, particularly my MFP pals, but to those who have ever commented on my posts.

I started (or re-started) on MFP at the end of January. 2010 - 2012 I was starving myself, and by the end of 2012 I was in a really nasty starve / binge cycle. That turned to straight up binging, I gained almost 40lbs, and at the end of January I was desperate to get my life back in control and start feeling happy again.

I didn't come on here to get healthy. I came to track calories, and within days I was on between 700-900 calories (and netting around 200). But, thankfully, I realised after a few weeks I was just repeating the same old mistakes and that for me, starving very simply leads to binging, and thus starving ultimately would cause me to gain. Problem was, starving was my way of losing weight, and, as I've said to some of my MFP pals, I can give you heavily restricted or I can give you an epic binge. No in between.

That's when I realised this was not cool, and I was ready to recover. I was diagnosed with EDNOS, never believed it, never did anything about it, but by the end of February I was... I was just ready to deal with it. That's when I posted some stuff on here. I asked people for a little straight talk - I got it. I was done listening to my 'inner voice' and ready to listen to others. So for those who responded with straight talk - thank you.

I decided to increase to over 1000 calories and didn't know what to eat. I asked for advice on high calorie small snacks. I got it. And thanks to one commenter, I have a love of peanut butter on wholemeal toast and semi skimmed milk. That was what got me over 1000, and also what got me eating two meals a day.

Then I aimed for 1200+. My MFP pals encouraged me. Then, I was ready for hitting my BMR. I couldn't see how it was possible without breakfast, so I asked for advice, and yes, I got it. And now I have three meals a day, and I'm a new breakfast convert (and I will always love whoever suggested muesli and yoghurt, omlette, and avocado on crisp bread).

And so far, yep, it's going fine. Hard at times, I'm not by any stretch of the imagination chilled out with food. But my fluctuations are minimal, I'm losing weight, and the best - I actually feel in control. I know the difference now between control and fear.

And I'm getting there. I still net at around 1000 or less, but I'm working on it. Some people will say this is fine, some won't, however for me - I *want* to increase, but I'm still a little scared. MFP is no longer about tracking calories for me, it's about developing confidence with food. I didn't think I would ever net at 1200 calories, and I still haven't made it yet, but I am close. I've been on 1500-1600 calories for over a week now I think, and I *have* lost weight.

So thank you: thank you to my awesome MFP pals because they encourage me and put up with a few grumpy statuses. Thank you to MFP for basically being here, and thank you to people who aren't my friends but who took the time to read what I said and comment.

And, as I say, it's not just about tracking calories for me. It's not being scared any more. And I am, I do believe, a lot less scared.