Dinner with an in-law.

braign
braign Posts: 89
in Health and Weight Loss
I don't know how to get around the problem of dinners with one family member in particular. He serves SO much food, like 2lbs of pasta, 10lbs of meat, salads full of cheese, full-fat dressings, huge slices of bread, and even boils his vegetables with butter!

If the quantity of food was the main issue, I'd be glad that we can mostly serve ourselves (though sometimes he dumps a heaping helping on my plate without asking!) and I'd just pick the salad apart and have small portions. But he's kind of a bully too, and says I 'eat like a bird' and acts as if I'm wasting food by not eating the whole 5lb bag of potatoes. :sad:

I'm not blaming him for my stalling progress (my weight loss was going fine, then I got married and moved to the USA and gained 20lbs, so I'm starting from scratch) but I wondered if anyone has experience with this. I could very well refuse to go to dinner more than once a week or something, or work out extra hard after one of his meals, or I might just have to suck it up and put my foot down and tell him I can't eat like a 300lb man!

Replies

  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,422 Member
    I could very well refuse to go to dinner more than once a week or something, or work out extra hard after one of his meals, or I might just have to suck it up and put my foot down and tell him I can't eat like a 300lb man!


    Good answer.
  • Nimbkar
    Nimbkar Posts: 63 Member
    Be honest and tell him you are on a diet.. So you would like to bring some salad to the dinner or ask him to cook something healthy for you
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
    I am pretty aggressive when it comes to me and my health. I have no problem in standing up for me, no matter who it is. No one can make me eat or drink anything I do not want to, and bullying me will only get me marching out the door.

    I suggest that you explain that it is important to YOU that you eat in a manner in which you feel comfortable and would appreciate some support. And then in a manner which is respectful, you can also state that he must know that eating in that manner is not responsible nor healthy, 2 things in which you are striving for.

    BTW, there are some people that are known as "feeders" that kinda get off on seeing people eat in this manner. It is not your responsibility to appease this person, period.
  • braign
    braign Posts: 89
    I think he KNOWS it's not healthy, but he's bullheaded to the point of thinking everything he does is right all the time, so if I disagree I must automatically be wrong. I think he has the old-world attitude from a time when there wasn't much known about nutrition/calories (he is like 70). My husband has tried telling him too and it just absolutely confuses him that someone can't eat that much every day. I should work standing up for myself more, and he'll have to eventually get used to my plate only being 'a quarter full'.

    Thanks guys for helping and letting me vent!
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
    I think he KNOWS it's not healthy, but he's bullheaded to the point of thinking everything he does is right all the time, so if I disagree I must automatically be wrong. I think he has the old-world attitude from a time when there wasn't much known about nutrition/calories (he is like 70). My husband has tried telling him too and it just absolutely confuses him that someone can't eat that much every day. I should work standing up for myself more, and he'll have to eventually get used to my plate only being 'a quarter full'.

    Thanks guys for helping and letting me vent!

    Standing up for yourself is going to make it easier for you if and when you ever have a child. You will for sure not want your baby eating like that.

    Bless you dear, I know this is hard for you because there is no changing a 70 year old man, period. The only thing you can do is be okay with the fact that if he gets mad at your good choices, HE has to live with that, not you.

    I am a recovering alcoholic. There have been a few times on this journey someone got out right mad at me for not drinking, no matter how hard they tried to bully or push me into having "just one" it did not work. They would get mad at me, not because of the fact that I refused to drink, but for the fact that they were unable to stop themselves. :ohwell: I am not, and will not, do damage to me to make someone else feel better about themselves.
  • papergirl22
    papergirl22 Posts: 21 Member
    Stand your ground. Be firm. Serve your own portions or bring your own food to the family gathering and if he tries to serve you more pull the spoon out of his hand and say NO.

    These types of people are frustrating to deal with at times, and its easier to just give in to keep the peace, I know. Been there done that and now I'm working my A** off to undo it...And until you lay the law down yourself about YOUR choices, he will continue to press. I totally agree with the person who said to get it under your control before you have children so you can be in control of what gets shoved in front of them as well....

    I'm sure all of us find along this journey that there are people who we thought were supportive that suddenly turn into poison when WE start being in control of our lives....and truly...controlling what we put in our mouths is a piece to the overall puzzle of controlling OURSELVES. For many of us it's the first time in our lives we've stopped to take things under our own power. I've found the vast majority of people really don't want others to be fit, happy, healthy, lose weight, get muscles, accomplish our goals, whatever because they are so miserable with themselves that our successes or attempts at improving our life are a slap in the face to everything they decide the CAN'T achieve for themselves or don't have the guts to attempt. The saying is "it's lonely at the top"...and I think that's true in the world of getting fit and healthy as well...and that's why you have to be comfortable with yourself and choose the non-toxic folks in your life for support and advice.

    Do your thing. If people can't handle it that's their issue not yours. You cannot change others, you can only take control of your environment even if its just the space you stand in or the plate in front of you. Others will get over it or they won't.

    Blessings!

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