Confidence needed with changing shape

F1uffy2 · April 2012

Not quite sure where to start really so I'll try to paint a picture for you. I signed up here in the New Year and it's one of the best things I have ever done as it's the first time I have actually stuck to an eating plan over 3 weeks. I've lost 22lbs to date and dropped 3 dress sizes. I'm doing great, I know, but I'm really struggling with all of the attention I am now getting. I thought I was actually a confident person but am starting to feel embarrassed and uncomfortable every time I have something new on and it gets noticed.

I know you will all say it's great and well done but I am not used to having the focus on me so often and for so long. When I was heavier I would get the 'You look nice.' comments and then the conversation would turn to other things or other people. I could sit in a room in the background and join in conversations or stay quiet when I wanted to. I could be seen but not highlighted. But now it can go on for up to 5 mins at a time where I am then made to 'Give us a twirl then' or 'Crikey you need to go shopping those are so loose on you' comments.

I like attention. Heck I'm a woman, who doesn't? But not that much. I like to be noticed with an appreciative glance not a full on conversation about the size of my new rear. I wasn't comfortable with myself the size I used to be which is why I signed up, so am struggling to have myself dissected publicly by others. Does that make sense?

I'm not complaining about losing the weight, believe me. I am so proud of myself for getting to this point and know with MFP's support, and my great friends on here, I will get to goal and maintain for the first time in my life. I feel such a fraud for actually feeling this way too because deep in my heart I must have known people would notice. I just didn't think they would go on about it so much and so often. I guess I don't see me as much as others do so bar standing infront of the mirror 24/7 till I am bored to death of looking at myself I really don't know how to give myself a confidence boost. You see in the past I would have just grabbed a bag of crisps or a bar of chocolate to make me feel better about myself. I know that a) I don't want to do that and b) it doesn't work anyway.

I don't want to get blasÃ© about losing either where I am then brushing off comments of congratulations but I just find myself wanting a bolt hole to put my head in sometimes. Somewhere that I can hide maybe. I was used to hiding behind my clothes before as it was the only thing to cover up the bits I hated. Now that style of clothes doesn't look right on my body shape which means there is more of me on view (not skin wise I just mean shape wise).

Aaaah! Sorry for waffling but I hope you will understand (kind of) where I am coming from.x

BeautyFromPain · April 2012

i totally understand and am excited to hear other answers

jennyb612 · April 2012

First, Congratulation! You do look wonderful. I'm not sure how helpful this will be, but here is my story. In my early 20's, I weighed close to 200 pounds and sort of suddenly decided to lose weight. Over about a year I lost more than 80 pounds. The attention I got for it was nice, but quickly made me very uncomfortable and nervous. My boss would introduce me to a new client and tell them how good I looked, "now". my parents and friends talked about it all the time. Also, I got a lot of attention from men. Although the attention was benign and no one else did anything wrong, it made me feel like I was in a fishbowl and that led to anxiety. The Anxiety didn't go away. In fact, as I and everyone else got used to my new shape, the anxiety intensified. I have now dealt with this Anxiety (sometimes almost crippling) for almost 20 years.

My advice is to keep and eye on this feeling and possibly to seek therapy. I went to see a therapist for a while and he indicated that some of the issues I was experinecing were not uncommon. (Due to other factors in my life at the time, I discontinued therapy before I was ready.)

Good luck to you and listen to yourself about this- you're NOT being ridiculous even though most won't understand. Folks think that there is only happiness with weight loss and while thats mostly true, there are other really complex things going on.

F1uffy2 · April 2012

Thank you so much for your kind words of advice. It is nice to know that I am not alone with this. I can totally relate to your story too.x

b4s1l · April 2012

*bump

padraigin67 · April 2012

I know what your saying. I have always had a big chest. In high school I weighed 128lbs and had a 38C chest size. I wore a size 6 in pants/shorts and a size 10 in shirts and dresses because I wanted them to be baggy and loose. After my son was born I popped up to 145-150 and wore an 8 pants/shorts and a 44DD in chest. I was always looked at as a sex object and I hated that. I was so much more than my breasts and skinny body. When I started putting the weight on, I actually liked myself better. I did not get the looks, comments and other things that caused me to feel bad about myself. Why do men think it is ok to swat their waitress/server on the butt just because they are cute or sexy? I was starting to get scared. Because with losing the weight, I still have a size 36 DD and starting to get the comments and attention. Then I realized I can look good and just be more verbal about the comments. Example; "Wow you've lost a lot of weight, bet you are tearing it up in the bedroom?" An actual friend of my husband's said that to me when my husband was away from me. My reply as my husband walked up to us. "Umm, I do not know lets ask him. Honey, am I tearing it up in the bedroom now that I have lost weight? He wants to know!" Needless to say he stays away from me now. I take the comments in the spirit they are given and I also call those that are obnoxious about it on their behavior by turning it back on them. Your doing so wonderful and I know you will master this as well.

F1uffy2 · April 2012

I know what your saying. I have always had a big chest. In high school I weighed 128lbs and had a 38C chest size. I wore a size 6 in pants/shorts and a size 10 in shirts and dresses because I wanted them to be baggy and loose. After my son was born I popped up to 145-150 and wore an 8 pants/shorts and a 44DD in chest. I was always looked at as a sex object and I hated that. I was so much more than my breasts and skinny body. When I started putting the weight on, I actually liked myself better. I did not get the looks, comments and other things that caused me to feel bad about myself. Why do men think it is ok to swat their waitress/server on the butt just because they are cute or sexy? I was starting to get scared. Because with losing the weight, I still have a size 36 DD and starting to get the comments and attention. Then I realized I can look good and just be more verbal about the comments. Example; "Wow you've lost a lot of weight, bet you are tearing it up in the bedroom?" An actual friend of my husband's said that to me when my husband was away from me. My reply as my husband walked up to us. "Umm, I do not know lets ask him. Honey, am I tearing it up in the bedroom now that I have lost weight? He wants to know!" Needless to say he stays away from me now. I take the comments in the spirit they are given and I also call those that are obnoxious about it on their behavior by turning it back on them. Your doing so wonderful and I know you will master this as well.

You always seem to hit it on the nail my friend and give me a different half cup to look at. Thank-you so much. I will try harder to toughen up and get some quick quips ready.x

Confidence needed with changing shape

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