I've fallen off the wagon and can't get back on :/ HELP?!

First off the fact you've managed to maintain during this trying period is an achievement in itself. Don't look at it as a failure or anything other than the great success it is.

Second, you're not losing weight for your clients you're losing it for YOU. If your clients can't handle that then tell them to find someone else who has no idea what they're going through.

Lastly, you need to net more. I know you have to exercise so much because of your studies, but you simply don't eat enough food to keep your body going. If you can't cut down your exercise you need to find a way to get more nutrious (eh can't spell) foods in. You have some days you are netting at 200 calories. That is not healthy and will not help you feel better.

Finally, if it's getting to a point you can't cope consider going back on the anti depressants. They are not evil, they are necessary sometimes. There are plenty of medications that don't affect weight.

Oh, I'm terrible about stuff like that. I'm jealous that you've managed to do well at all, but congrat's! =3. I agree concisely that you shouldn't let these things get you down too much. We will all fall short of our goals sometimes, but you shouldn't let those fallbacks hold you back too much.

You've already come so far according to your ticker. You're halfway to your goal! That's a major achievement! And the fact that you've maintained is wonderful. It would have been so, so easy to backslide.

I've told you that I have depression, deep, dark depression at times. It's great that all the exercise made you feel good enough to stop taking meds. But if you feel the need to call out for help, you need to restart meds. They may not be perfect, and you may still get depressed, but they take the edge off. They make it possible to function.

I know exercise helped, and you want to be a personal trainer, but focus on one thing at a time. It's hard to get out of bed? Just focus on the exercise for a while--until you feel better, until you feel up to it. Focus, instead, on making your journey easier. Log, pre-plan, even if you have to do it the night before. When I'm depressed, it takes me an ungodly amount of time staring blankly at the screen, but I do it. And it helps. It keeps me on track more time than not.

Also, meet your calories. It's hard. I know it's hard. Eat calorie heavy food with high protein and good fats. Peanut butter is great for this. If you don't feel like eating, at least get 2 tablespoons of peanut butter in you--or another type of nut. Maybe some high protein Greek yogurt, which you can dress up any way you want. But honestly, I have problems even doing these things when in the depth of depression. So make it easy on yourself.

Healthy frozen dinners and lunches are not the devil when you can't be bothered to cook. Despite the arguments against them, they'll work, especially when cooking seems onerous and impossible. (I lost at least 40 pounds this way when I was at my worst and couldn't be bothered. When you're feeling more yourself, go back to cooking cleaner. But for now, it's okay to take the healthy, easy route. Be okay with that. Let yourself be okay with that.

If you're in need of comfort food, get some in those healthy frozen dinners. They have pizza and mashed potatoes and mac 'n cheese, an paninis, but the proportions are already there. There are even deserts. You don't have to think about it, and I know thinking about anything when you're depressed is just beyond you sometimes.

And when you fall, don't flog yourself. Guilt and shame only leads to more bad eating. Here's a trick I do. When I fall off the wagon, I promise myself to eat well for 24 hours. That's all. That's doable. You sleep away most of that. And when I'm done, I feel so much better about myself. Oh, I'm still depressed, and I still need easy dinners, but I'm back on track. That makes all the difference.

Also, your clients don't need you to lose weight. They only need you to be a good, knowledgeable trainer. If you're overweight, but you can do the exercise, show proper form, and keep up, that's all anyone should ask of you.

I hope some of this helps. It may not. Your mileage may vary, and so may your depression. Do what you can. Because you can do it if you try. It just may take some changes.