Didn't really know where to post this, but ugh

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lizziegrace10
lizziegrace10 Posts: 47
in Health and Weight Loss
So, my morning..
Mum: Lizzie I've made you a bacon and fried egg sandwich!
Me: Mum I've already had breakfast
Mum: This is lunch.
Me: I'll make myself something in a bit
Mum: Why? Just eat this, don't be stupid
Me: Mum I don't want to, trying to be healthy
Mum: Stop being so stupid, you're looking skinny.

Bear in mind, I'm 5'1 and 140lbs, I know I'm not huge but I'm not skinny. I want to lose weight, I am overweight, even if I'm not obese or anything, but I'm not happy with myself and she's so unsupportive. Whenever I say I want to lose weight she says something like that. She buys me ice cream and chocolate bars out of the blue and I'm always like noooo!
Sorry to rant, but it drives me mental. She comes from a big family, Greek, and has a completely different idea to me of what a nice figure is.
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Replies

  • Numptcakes
    Numptcakes Posts: 145 Member
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    I can relate. My dad is very much the same. But we own our bodies and we make the choices. Try to explain to your mum that it's not about vanity - it's about feeling comfortable in yourself and making way for a better, healthier life. Good luck - keep at it!
  • lizziegrace10
    lizziegrace10 Posts: 47
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    So annoying haha, but you're right, it's our bodies. Just try and convince her that I'm actually trying to be healthy haha :)
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    So, my morning..
    Mum: Lizzie I've made you a bacon and fried egg sandwich!
    Me: Mum I've already had breakfast
    Mum: This is lunch.
    Me: I'll make myself something in a bit
    Mum: Why? Just eat this, don't be stupid
    Me: Mum I don't want to, trying to be healthy
    Mum: Stop being so stupid, you're looking skinny.

    Bear in mind, I'm 5'1 and 140lbs, I know I'm not huge but I'm not skinny. I want to lose weight, I am overweight, even if I'm not obese or anything, but I'm not happy with myself and she's so unsupportive. Whenever I say I want to lose weight she says something like that. She buys me ice cream and chocolate bars out of the blue and I'm always like noooo!
    Sorry to rant, but it drives me mental. She comes from a big family, Greek, and has a completely different idea to me of what a nice figure is.

    Lets consider this: have your doctor have a discussion on what is appropriate for someone 'in recovery' (I read your profile) - If that is a recent picture - you really do look healthy right now. Let a real medical professional determine what should be your ideal weight.

    As far as your mother is concerned, I really dont have much to tell you to be honest. At my age (37), I simply dont listen to my mother. But, when she gets preachy, I simply remind her that she is not my Primary Care Physician, Dermatologist OR my Endocrinologist so her opinions are not wanted.
  • SuzieZimm
    SuzieZimm Posts: 238 Member
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    I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that within my family. My friends love to eat out/splurge on bad foods...but as far as my mom goes, she's doing her own weight loss journey!! (she's doing Medifast...which I'm not sure I agree with..but she's almost my size now. We're almost competing for it!!)
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
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    Your mom sounds like she's well-intentioned, especially if she has been there through your struggle the last several years (read your profile). Maybe it's time for you and her to sit and talk with a doctor and/or a nutritionist about what kinds of food you should be eating and what weight goal you should be aiming for? Various charts I have seen put 105 on the very low end of the spectrum for someone who is 5'1" (which if you weigh 140 now and want to lose 35lbs, that's where you will end up). 122 is more of a target weight. I would suggest seeing your doctor, and bringing your mom to the appointment.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    Your mom sounds like she's well-intentioned, especially if she has been there through your struggle the last several years (read your profile). Maybe it's time for you and her to sit and talk with a doctor and/or a nutritionist about what kinds of food you should be eating and what weight goal you should be aiming for? Various charts I have seen put 105 on the very low end of the spectrum for someone who is 5'1" (which if you weigh 140 now and want to lose 35lbs, that's where you will end up). 122 is more of a target weight. I would suggest seeing your doctor, and bringing your mom to the appointment.

    ...which is exactly why I suggested this also....
  • susannamarie
    susannamarie Posts: 2,148 Member
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    Your mom sounds like she's well-intentioned, especially if she has been there through your struggle the last several years (read your profile). Maybe it's time for you and her to sit and talk with a doctor and/or a nutritionist about what kinds of food you should be eating and what weight goal you should be aiming for? Various charts I have seen put 105 on the very low end of the spectrum for someone who is 5'1" (which if you weigh 140 now and want to lose 35lbs, that's where you will end up). 122 is more of a target weight. I would suggest seeing your doctor, and bringing your mom to the appointment.

    Yes, and get it in writing.

    Your goal says "To have a healthy BMI" -- healthy doesn't necessarily mean "low". 105 is under 20, which is just barely over underweight. You could be in "healthy" range with 10 lbs and right in the middle of it with 20.
  • Lyra89
    Lyra89 Posts: 674 Member
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    My dad is home tonight from a work trip and he is insisting on us all getting a Chinese take-away! I told him I've already bought stuff my dinner (which I did...a veggie burger, sweet potato and some kale) and he knows how hard I'm working to try to lose the last stubborn ten pounds, I've told him like every day on the phone how great my eating has been going!

    I don't think they mean to be unsupportive, you just need to be strong enough to say NO! It is your body, your mouth, and your decision what goes into that mouth...nobody is going to shove anything down your throat. They may be pissy if you say no, but they'll get used to it eventually, and if you don't, build a bubble and ignore their negative & derailing comments xxxxx
  • Numptcakes
    Numptcakes Posts: 145 Member
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    Lets consider this: have your doctor have a discussion on what is appropriate for someone 'in recovery' (I read your profile) - If that is a recent picture - you really do look healthy right now. Let a real medical professional determine what should be your ideal weight.

    Lady has a point, and I was dumb not to have read up before responding. Plus looking at your food diary, your calorie goal is very low so you might want to think about upping that a bit. It will save you a LOT of bother in the long run. If you want to do this the right way, educate yourself (and let us help you) about the right ways to lose weight the healthy way.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    I looked at your diary and a goal of 1200 doesn't seem too low for someone that is only 5'1" to me, nor does 105 lbs seem a crazy low goal for someone your size. When I was your age I only weighed 10 lbs more than that and I'm 5'5" and I was not super skinny. I wore a size 5 or 7.

    You don't log your food everyday so no way to see if you are meeting that everyday, but what you do log doesn't seem unhealthy. As long as you keep the 1200 as NET and don't drop too low with exercise, you seem to be doing a good job. If you are working with a doctor just listen to them and stay on track.
  • mjterp
    mjterp Posts: 655 Member
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    Yeah...my hubby sabatoges my efforts, too. (he is thin, as are my kids.) Some days I am strong, some days not so much so.

    As a mom, let me throw this idea at you. Your mom wants to show you she loves you. Being Greek, (and this isn't exclusive to greek moms) that is how she shows her love. SO...the way to guide her away from using FOOD to show love, is to let her know what other ways she makes you feel loved.

    My hardest thing to do is reject the "treats" my husband offers WITHOUT rejecting HIM. I tend to say things like "I love that you are showing me love right now. I'm not hungry and I really don't want the empty calories that the _____ (gummy bears, good and plenty, mike and ikes, etc.) has. Can we go for a walk instead? (or can we play cards or...game or snuggle or watch a movie or....)

    Even once I had to talk to him about how frustrating it was that I felt he was deliberately sabataging my efforts. He apologized and it has gotten to be a LOT less.

    I wish I could help you with the way she invalidates your efforts. Maybe you could say something like "Mom, I feel hurt when you call my efforts silly. I'm sure you don't mean to, but it really bothers me."

    Best of luck to you! Keep strong!
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    Lets consider this: have your doctor have a discussion on what is appropriate for someone 'in recovery' (I read your profile) - If that is a recent picture - you really do look healthy right now. Let a real medical professional determine what should be your ideal weight.

    Lady has a point, and I was dumb not to have read up before responding. Plus looking at your food diary, your calorie goal is very low so you might want to think about upping that a bit. It will save you a LOT of bother in the long run. If you want to do this the right way, educate yourself (and let us help you) about the right ways to lose weight the healthy way.

    No, you werent dumb.... but the one thing that really concerns me is the profile picture. Very thin looking to begin with which is why I went and viewed her profile.

    Thats why I am stressing talking with a primary care physician who can possibly work in conjunction with an Eating Disorder Specialist to determine what is medically right and sound for her.

    I currently work in healthcare and have seen this all too often.

    To the OP - please... be careful but be smart about what you are doing... talk with a physician who can help you determine what would be appropriate for you.
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
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    I would imagine your mother is just scared of seeing you go back downhill, which is understandable. My own mother was the same and still gets upset if I get funny about food, as she watched me go down to 70Ibs at my worst point. I would say, you should not be aiming for the lowest weight within the BMI, as to me, that is a sign that you still have somewhat of an issue and are still concerned more with the number than with health. But that is me, and again, speaking from personal experience. I would suggest aiming for 110 perhaps and getting your mind turned more towards making your body smaller through strength exercise and tightening up, and genuine health, than towards getting the scale lower. You will need to reassure your mother that you aren't going back to where you were, and that you are just trying to find a way to eat that is healthy and comfortable for you, so that you don't end up getting unwell again.
  • navgrl
    navgrl Posts: 1
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    That's a tough one! My passive side would take the sandwich BUT tell her I'll eat it in a minute then when she's not around toss it in the trash can outside or give to someone else. Sounds like the direct approach will take awhile to get through to your mum. I liked MJTERP's idea of redirection of her expression of love.
  • freckledrats
    freckledrats Posts: 251 Member
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    Proud of your recovery! Congratulations on the hard work, keep at it! :) There is nothing wrong with wanting to eat healthy food instead of a bacon and fried egg sandwich, and your mom is probably understandably nervous that your diet may turn into a relapse. So maybe the trick is to talk seriously with her that you're staying within a healthy intake range, you have no intention of trying to be underweight, and all you really want is healthy food instead of fried fatty stuff?

    If she's anything like my mom, it won't work at all lol

    Lucky I'm older now and I moved away from her!

    Edit to say I'm 5'0" and my goal is 98 lbs, so 5'1" and 105 doesn't seem too weird to me. Now, my goal is open to change if I get to a solid size 4 and am not yet that low. For me it's more about the size than the number, I just based the number on what I remember weighing the last time I lost weight.
  • TheFunBun
    TheFunBun Posts: 793 Member
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    Depending on what's in the sandwich, I'd totally eat it and work it off. Mom can't sabotage exercise! If it's all cheesey mayo-y crazy, yeah, I'd suddenly adopt a horrifying disgust of mayo and cheese combined with egg.... but if it's some eggs on toast with tomato?

    I'm going to eat that sandwich, Mom. ... Even if it's not, I may eat that sandwich and specify the next time you feed me you do it right. ;)

    Edited... to add that I totally removed the bacon.
  • jedibunny
    jedibunny Posts: 321
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    My mother also feeds us to show how much she cares - even though none of us live at home any longer. She has the whole family over for dinner once a week and has birthday dinners/cakes for everyone (including cousins, close neighbors, friends)... and she loads on the carbs. That's a separate issue, but similar in that it's unhealthy. I never realized how much so until I started becoming active on here and I'll be honest, despite cutting out a fair amount of excess carbs overall, in the last couple of days I've fallen directly into the carb trap again because it's how I was raised. Long story short, your mom wants to feed you out of love and concern that you're not eating enough. My own mother is visibly shaken when I don't eat a ton of her pasta or homemade biscuits or scalloped potatoes - I used to eat much more, and she's now worried that I'm "unhealthy" because I'm not as hungry. I can't really change her mindset, so I don't try. Instead, I eat what she offers and balance it with other healthier options.

    What others have said here about talking to a nutrition or health professional and having your mom along is not a bad idea. I'd say talk to one anyway, whether or not you bring her along, and get documented information that you can learn from and share. I won't pretend to know how to advise you about your diet. :)

    Good luck!
  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
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    My mother is opposite. She would say "Danielle, are you sure you need to eat that, your butts looking a little big these days" god love her..
  • smgerkin
    smgerkin Posts: 4 Member
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    Most of our worse nemises on weight loss are those that love us. They love us they way we are and are afraid that we will change us if we change our bodies. Stick to your guns, when she makes such an unhealthy meal, remind her it is bad for your heart even if you only weighed 100 lbs. Maybe not remind her of dieting (trying to change yourself) just trying to live a healthier life and take care of your heart. It has worked for me with my mother in law. She is a 4' 10" southern cook that weighs 95 pounds and eats anything and everything she wants and always has. It took me a couple times of reminding her that I need to eat healthy so I can be around when I have grandchildren, but it finally sunk in. Good Luck with your weight loss!
  • treetop57
    treetop57 Posts: 1,578 Member
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    As a mom, let me throw this idea at you. Your mom wants to show you she loves you. Being Greek, (and this isn't exclusive to greek moms) that is how she shows her love. SO...the way to guide her away from using FOOD to show love, is to let her know what other ways she makes you feel loved.

    My hardest thing to do is reject the "treats" my husband offers WITHOUT rejecting HIM. I tend to say things like "I love that you are showing me love right now. I'm not hungry and I really don't want the empty calories that the _____ (gummy bears, good and plenty, mike and ikes, etc.) has. Can we go for a walk instead? (or can we play cards or...game or snuggle or watch a movie" . . .

    Brilliant!

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