Judgements on Weight Loss

I've recently gone into the forums again to look at the posts that people post and I have an observation: It seems like some members forget about the support portion of My fitness pal and attack others who are doing something different than they are doing. I would like to share my story and then ask others to think about what they are saying to other members and why the comments may be hurtful rather than supportive.

I grew up thin. I was always curvy, (and therefore never satisfied with my weight) but I knew that I was't overweight. I just spent my teenaged years trying to be 10 lbs lighter (like my best friend at the time). I went to college and gained the freshman 15. I wanted to lose the freshman 15 so I went to the school nutritionist. I truly had no idea what I was eating that was bad (fried chicken burgers with fries and chocolate chip cookie squares, anyone? I thought if i only ate 1/2 the bun, that was being "healthy"). So I went to the school nutritionist, looking to see if she had some healthy options that I could eat in the cafeterias that would help me lose what I'd gained in 3 months. This was at Dartmouth College, mind you, so you'd think they'd be hiring fairly qualified people. She spent the entire session trying to determine if I was anorexic. Some of the questions:

Nutritiionist: "Do you throw up?"
Me: "When I'm sick or drink too much..."
N: do you drink too much so that you'll throw up?
M: errrr. no? That's pretty gross.
N: Well, how thin do you want to be?
M: I want to fit into the pants i packed when I came here three months ago. I just don't want to buy new pants. They won't button.
N: Well...you're not going to get thinner than you are without starving yourself.
M: But I WAS thinner. Can't you just tell me what I should be eating at the cafeteria?
N: How thin do you want to be? Your thigh, for instance. Do you want it to be about the size of my arm?
M: (Bewildered). Why would I want that? Can't I just tell you what' I've been eating?
N: Well...you don't have an eating disorder.
M: I didn't think I did... I took health class in high school. I just want to lose what I just gained
N: Get used to it.

She then gave me a copy of the food pyramid. I swear, I'm not making this up. I wonder how many girls ended up with eating disorders after seeing this woman.

Fast forward 4 years. I worked as a waitress and suddenly I lost all of the weight that had been plaguing me in college. Then I got my first job and promptly gained it back, because according to the news fat was bad so I ate lots of pasta. I joined a gym and worked out. I spent most of my 20's in the gym. I did spin, rockclimbing, triathlons, rollerlablading, I ate what i wanted, i lost the weight, i looked good. Then I hit my 30's and met my husband. We ordered lots of ice cream and movies from a delivery sevice. All of a suden, my breasts stated growing and before i knew it my jogbras didn't fit. it was awful going to the gym...everyone would stare. i started a string of diets (read all of the books) tried a bunch, but it was atkins that caused the first big stir. I swear... I would go to restaurants and order a plain hamburger no bun and no fries and I would get a nutritional lecture from my waiter. Somehow it was fine to eat the burge with fries and a bun, but so unhealthy not to. Eventually, I just got a breast reduction.

Then in my late 30's I had a series of injuries. I went to a doctor to fix a foot problem, he made it worse, and I could barely walk. I was on a scooter in NYC. it was awful. And I was so depressed that i couldn't be active anymore...that was a large part of my identity. I gained a bunch of weight, even though I watched what I ate. I watched like a hawk but eventually, my weight increased to about 160...when I got pregnant. The pregnancy was awful. I couldn't eat or look or smell meat. My diet consisted primarily of fish and lean meats and veggies but plain pasta and perogies were the only things I could eat. I gained 85 lbs....i ended up somewhere around 213 after my son was born. Ironically, the pregancy stretched my feet out, which helped the foot problem. I started walking and biking again. I lost about 30 lbs and then stopped losing. It was my eary 30's again. i just stalled. I gave up. THere was too much with my job, my son, breastfeeding.

Finally, i tried a diet plan that my friend used. I started logging my food. I've lost another 41 lbs. But when I got on this site, I found that the posts were so judgemental. The diet plan in question was a magnet for mean people. You'll gain it all back! You're fat because you ate fast food and can't control yourself! Diets don't work! Calories in, calories out! I stopped reading the forums. I found a group on the same diet and they have been supportive and wonderful.

I just saw this post where this woman had the temerity to say that she wasn't eating her exercise calories back and she was practically crucified. Not everyone's body is the same. It's better to lose the weight faster and not be obese than it is to be obese. People judge you for being obese, they judge you for how you're losing it. I guess I'm just saying, stop judging us until you've walked a mile in our shoes.