Not a fun topic, but feel horrible.

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lizziegrace10
lizziegrace10 Posts: 47
in Chit-Chat
I know this isn't the place for stuff like this, but I feel terrible and I have no idea who else to talk to. There's some awesome people on MFP and I just needed to get this out on here.
Last night I got really drunk and spent the night with the guy that my best friend likes. He's a good friend of mine and I don't even like him in a 'more than a friend' way. I haven't seen or spoke to her this morning, I text her something unrelated and she hasn't text back, this could obviously be coincidence. But I'm really bad with words and explaining myself and confrontation (wow how awesome do I sound..) and I really don't know how to approach this, I may be blowing it way out of proportion, or I may have lost my best friend.
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  • shannoninBC
    shannoninBC Posts: 371 Member
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    Can't say I've ever been in a situation like that, but if it were me I'd say tell her the truth. It won't be easy but it's better than stewing over it.
  • SuffolkSally
    SuffolkSally Posts: 964 Member
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    I should ring her and tell her - explain that the situation just got out of hand. She's probably be pissed, not not as angry and betrayed as she will be if she finds out later. My (former) best friend had arelationship woth my ex and I felt totally betrayed, by all the lies as much as anything, and I have never forgiven her
  • Kirsty_UK
    Kirsty_UK Posts: 964 Member
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    It's happened, and you can't take that back. I'd tell her though, before she finds out another way. Be honest about what happened and how.
  • hongruss
    hongruss Posts: 389 Member
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    Hey firstly we all make mistakes BUT I am a believer that the answer lies within us; So ask yourself WHY? Did you sleep with this guy, who you say you are not that attracted to!

    Are you striking out at your friend?

    Are you hurting yourself?

    We can only gain knowledge if we are willing to accept the experience.

    Russ
  • Squidgeypaws007
    Squidgeypaws007 Posts: 1,012 Member
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    Mmmm, I have had this happen before and sadly I did lose a good friend over it. But, I was much younger and I probably didn't handle it well. I also vote go with the truth.

    I read your post on drinking, I won't post in both threads, but I'd maybe say this is what has catalysed your decision to stop drinking. Tell her what happened, tell her why it happened, tell her what you're going to do about it and then do it. Be clear with her and let her know what it's costing you to be honest with her. If she walks away from that, you'll know what kind of friend she was.

    She might not be happy with you, but they're not in a relationship (are they?), and although it's not cool, it's happened. Nothing you can do now but move forward. Good luck with both this and the drinking - got to say, I really admire you for stopping drinking, stopping now before you have liver disease or any other kind of nasty thing happen is a good choice :)
  • Pookylou
    Pookylou Posts: 988 Member
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    You can either brave it out and lie, forever, or tell her the truth. Honestly I did the same thing at university - was an epic mistake (he was a complete asshat) and I lost my best friend for a long time, we did make up but it wasn't the same, she continued to see him. For a couple of years and that constant reminder/pressure wasn't helpful.
    I told her straight away but I think that helped as I was at least honest about that with her. Good luck

    Edited for terrible spelling!
  • terrellc1
    terrellc1 Posts: 231 Member
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    Sounds as if you woke up with a moral hangover. I hate those. :grumble:

    Best thing to do is just tell her and get it over with.
  • ampa916
    ampa916 Posts: 189 Member
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    I agree with people have said here, you should tell her, better it come from you than from someone else. It might suck really, but it's better trust me
  • eatherhey
    eatherhey Posts: 147 Member
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    Go with the truth. If you hold it secret and it comes out later it will be *so much* worse.
  • lizziegrace10
    lizziegrace10 Posts: 47
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    I think I'll ring her. It needs to be done, no they're not together, but they slept together a few weeks ago and it was a bit of a turning point. I didn't actually sleep with him, but it was the thought that kinda counts. It's just circumstances that made it not happen. But that's too much information :P
    I think I'm a bit pissed at him too, because now you know this ^ it makes him look bad. I didn't think of that, but he told her he liked her and everything.. I'm not blaming him, was my fault too, but you know.
    I have a weird thing of being attracted to people when others want them. I suck. But @Squidgeypaws0 I totally think you're right about this being a catalyst for my decision against drinking. I hate the feeling of not being in control of my actions, not to mention the calorie content haha!
  • korsicash
    korsicash Posts: 770 Member
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    My personal philosophy is it is easier to tell the truth and handle the little repercussions than to lie and have to back peddle with bigger repercussions. I also don't think fast enough when met head on with a direct question my head says you did this say this. SO tell the truth. And then soul search to find out why you did it.
  • SeasideOasis
    SeasideOasis Posts: 1,057 Member
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    Never been in this situation, but when it comes to friends.....TELL THE TRUTH.

    The truth always comes out in the end. Just tell her what happened. You got too drunk and made a poor decision. If you dont tell her and she finds out in a month or two, she will not only feel hurt but betrayed. Rather have a pissed off friend than no friend at all.
  • BIGJIMMYU
    BIGJIMMYU Posts: 1,221 Member
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    Yup, tell the truth. Especially if the guy doesn't know your friend likes him. If he already knew he is a scumbag anyway. Save the friendship as best you can by being truthful and your friend from the jerk at the same time. If he doesn't know your friend likes him then even though it is all your fault, be truthful. Your friend will at least respect you for telling her after a "pissed off at you cool down period".
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    Something really similar happened to me - I ended up grinding for a long time with my friend's crush at the bar. She was really upset and I could tell right away. My honest intention had been to dance with him and then get her close so she could dance with him. The next day, she wouldn't talk to me. I had to take a day to think of what to say, and so the next morning, I said "Hey, I just have to tell you that I'm really sorry about Saturday night at the bar. That was wrong of me." She accepted it and eventually we got back to normal.

    So my advice to you - go find her and sit down and talk to her. If she knows, it might not end well. But you're going to be more upset if you don't apologize. It makes you feel 100% better.
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    I think I'll ring her. It needs to be done, no they're not together, but they slept together a few weeks ago and it was a bit of a turning point. I didn't actually sleep with him, but it was the thought that kinda counts. It's just circumstances that made it not happen. But that's too much information :P
    I think I'm a bit pissed at him too, because now you know this ^ it makes him look bad. I didn't think of that, but he told her he liked her and everything.. I'm not blaming him, was my fault too, but you know.
    I have a weird thing of being attracted to people when others want them. I suck. But @Squidgeypaws0 I totally think you're right about this being a catalyst for my decision against drinking. I hate the feeling of not being in control of my actions, not to mention the calorie content haha!

    It makes YOU look bad, stop trying to make yourself feel better by saying it makes him look bad...he's his own person and does what he does, it's irrelevant to you and your friends relationship. Tbh she sounds better off without you as her so called friend...I'd rather not bother with 'friends' like you.

    You are in control of your actions.
  • minnesota_deere
    minnesota_deere Posts: 232 Member
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    recent movie with Vince Vahn and Kevin James "the dilemma" watch that before you do. it has many great ideas and what can go wrong. great education.
  • lizziegrace10
    lizziegrace10 Posts: 47
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    @BIGJIMMYU he does know she likes him, so he's not great either.
    I feel really horrible about this. I know it was really wrong, but I can't take it back.
    I'm gonna talk to her and hope she forgives me.
  • nammer79
    nammer79 Posts: 707 Member
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    I don't see your issue you didn't sleep with him or do the deed (unless there was something oral that I missed in the post) Maybe you guys kissed, made out or something a little more. Either way its bith your faults maybe he likes you both maybe you where both drunk. In the end you need to tell your friend all that you feel bad that happened maybe hes not the one for either of you. It's a Sunday Easter morning maybe shes ion a forgiving mood.
  • littleworm23
    littleworm23 Posts: 341 Member
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    I think telling her the truth is the way to go. She will probably be pissed but even more pissed if (when) she finds out anyway and feels like you lied to her too. :(
  • BIGJIMMYU
    BIGJIMMYU Posts: 1,221 Member
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    @BIGJIMMYU he does know she likes him, so he's not great either.
    I feel really horrible about this. I know it was really wrong, but I can't take it back.
    I'm gonna talk to her and hope she forgives me.
    That is what I would do. Hopefully she will see you are genuine and made a mistake. We all do and don't think u r a horrible person. You are great! Who among us is perfect. But be a good friend and confess. She will forgive you someday. I know I would. Good friendships are hard to find. (I sound like Tony Robbins Today).

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