No Support for thin, but not fit....

Tennybird
Tennybird Posts: 22 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm a 35 mother of 3, 5 foot 2 inches and started this journey at 124 pounds. My goal weight is 115, but more then my weight I really want to loose my "mommy tummy". I'm tired of none of my clothes fitting. Buying shirts that are baggy in the tummy area to hide my "mommy tummy", and lets not even talk about how I look in a bathing suit. I want to look good for myself and for my family. More then just loosing weight I want to be fit.

Well it seems like according to my IRL friends I'm not allowed to because I'm already thin. If I don't want to eat something because it is not good for me, they just roll their eyes at me and tell me to just eat it. This weekend my husband said to me that I could have gotten my Easter dress in a size smaller because it was a little big on me. I agreed with him and then excited said to a couple family members that were sitting there "I'm so excited I lost 5 pounds", no body said a word. So I said, "Did you hear me?" and the one family member spoke up and said "Yeah, we heard you" and looked away from me. That was it! This really hurt my feelings because when this family member was on the low carb diet and just not eating I looked up recipes for her, went food shopping, and made her meals that way she would eat. If she told me she lost 5 pounds I would be thrilled for her. Yet, no body is thrilled for me.

So I guess I will get no support from people IRL, except from my husband. I'm not even going to talk to them about it. Because it is obvious they don't care. I have been looking at the message boards on MFP for a few weeks. I guess I will just get more involved with the boards to get some support. I'm not asking for a big party or anything just a little support and them to stop rolling their eyes at me would be nice.

I really hope I don't get blasted for writing this. Because I know some people have a lot harder journey then me. And I already feel like I don't have the right to loose weight the way my family and friends act. So if you don't have anything nice to same, please don't say anything at all.
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Replies

  • marathon64
    marathon64 Posts: 378 Member
    You just need to find your support from yourself and from your friends on here. I am slender and have experienced similar things and worse. It's ok! YOU can feel proud of your accomplishments and not need any external validation. I really admire you for wanting to be FIT and not just thin. Having fitness goals you are working toward beyond weight loss also gives something you can share with others who have similar interests.

    I think there are many reasons people are not so supportive of people like us. One is that they don't get it- you already thin so why do you want to lose? One is that they are concerned-they see someone who is small and so invested in losing weight as perhaps having disordered eating or an unhealthy preoccupation with weight loss. That is why having a fitness goal is good-you don't get focussed on weight.

    Still people WILL find reason to criticize you so know who is in your corner and confide in them about your goals and challenges and ignore the rest. Be proud of your accomplishments. Good luck!
  • candykay0605
    candykay0605 Posts: 1,019 Member
    thats sad for them to be like that but like you said do it for yourself!!!! there is more to being healthy than just being skinny, its about toning and reshaping your body!! :) you can do it
  • Only1tracie
    Only1tracie Posts: 31
    Get Jillian Michaels 6 week 6 pack. If your mommy tummy is the issue, this will really help with that. Rather than losing a bunch of weight, you can just tone up. Sorry your feelings were hurt.
  • raisingbabyk
    raisingbabyk Posts: 442 Member
    Sorry to hear that your friends and family aren't being supportive. Are they heavier? It may be that they are jealous of how good your looking. That is no excuse for them to act that way though, they should be happy of your accomplishments and be happy that your happy.


    For what its worth, Congrats!!:flowerforyou:
  • usedasbrandnew
    usedasbrandnew Posts: 300 Member
    I think it's sad they don't support you. :/

    Maybe you could share your fitness achievements, if you notice them instead. "I ran x amount or x distance without almost dying." Or whatever you do. :)
  • perfect10isha
    perfect10isha Posts: 200 Member
    If people around you already see you as thin, it will be hard for them to understand why you are trying to lose weight. If you are trying to increase your fitness and tighten up your core, then thats what you should focus on when you speak to them instead of reducing it to simply weight loss. You may get more support if you're bragging about how much weight you benched, or how many sit ups you did, or that you can keep up with your kids, etc. Theres nothing wrong with someone being thin who wants to lose weight and shape up, but it can be difficult for people around you who may be struggling with 30 lbs of fat or a high bmi to relate to what you're going through or be excited for you. There are just some journeys we have to take for ourselves and we may find we are alone on those journeys.
  • MostlyHealthyMomma
    MostlyHealthyMomma Posts: 44 Member
    Some people are just born thin- and it would be equally as bad if I made fun of you for being thin as it would be for you to make fun of me because I'm fat. I'm working hard at making myself healthier and so are you, we're just at different levels. I think your family just feels bad that they're not in the same state of mind as you, so instead of being supportive of you, they're reacting with hostility. Not sure if there's a way to change that, but hopefully they'll get over themselves and be happy for you. I'm happy for you :) Keep working it, girl!
  • scicco
    scicco Posts: 58 Member
    I hear you honey. It's like heavier people don't see that without making the choices I do I would also be heavy. It takes just as much work to stay thin and be fit than to loose the weight in the first place. This isn't a short term fix, it's a lifetime change. I support your efforts and celebrate your 5lb loss, keep up the great work. And ignore those people who are jealous of you. They are just not ready to do what it takes to look and feel as good as you do. Hopefully one day they will put in the effort you (and the rest of us) are putting in. :)
  • jendavis07
    jendavis07 Posts: 66
    Don't let others get you down! We all have our own problem areas that we don't like and a lot of the time when people are thin and trying to lose weight, bigger people will look down on them because they "have it easy" in their eyes. I am guilty, I've done it and I know other people have too.
    Good job for losing 5 pounds! You must be doing something right! I say, if you are losing weight and are staying healthy, then go for it! Get to your goal weight. Forget what others say, she could have asked you how you lost weight and you could have helped her! Keep your head up, and remember everyone's different :smile:
  • ilvmykidz
    ilvmykidz Posts: 66
    You have the right to what makes you happy. Maybe they are just worried for you. The fact that you are already thin they don't want you to be unhealthy .(Not that I am saying you will be if you lose weight) Try to explain that you want to "tone up" instead of lose weight so you feel better about yourself. Maybe they will be more supportive of that. Good luck, and don't let anyone make you feel bad for trying to make yourself happy.
  • k_braddock
    k_braddock Posts: 51 Member
    Congrats on your 5lb loss! We're all here for different reasons but the main one is lifestyle change. Getting fit is part of that. You have your husband's support and that's what's important! Support is hard to find sometimes in real life because they just don't understand. Luckily there is plenty of support here :)
  • lisag2007
    lisag2007 Posts: 130
    I started my journey at 143 and wanted to get down to 130....now to 127....I had a work friend tell my I had taken my weight loss too far. But you know what? I feel so much better after only losing those 13 pounds. I had no idea how much more confident and healthy I would feel, but I really do. I want to be fit also and am thinking of trying to start training for a 1/2 marathon. I have back issues and never thought I could run/jog, but I do and it feels great. Don't let anyone get you down. Your husband supports you and he is the important one. Feel free to friend me for MFP support....and keep up the good work....hopefully our mommy tummies can disappear together. :)
  • janeite1990
    janeite1990 Posts: 671 Member
    UG, I'm you. I'm 5'3", started at 125, set my goal at 117, and I'm at 118 now. I don't talk about it besides here and my husband. No one is sympathetic when you work your butt off to get fit and lose 5-10 pounds. I'm happy for the people who lose 100. I don't want to be annoying about my progress, but I'm proud when I get there.

    On the upside, people here will applaud you. So, good work! Keep it up! I'm not sure my mommy tummy will go away completely either, but I've lost 1.5 inches, and it is better than it was. Don't worry about the haters.
  • sheryllamb72
    sheryllamb72 Posts: 163 Member
    You're right....people dont want to support you because you're tiny already, and yes, most people on here do have a much harder journey than you have.

    Are you sure you should be on here?? Losing weight and getting in shape are two different things. You're obviously eating correctly if you're as thin as you are, so you just need to exercise to get that muscle tone back in your stomach after having children. That's a very difficult thing to do because your stomach muscle's stretch and seperate down the middle of your stomach when you are pregnant.

    Maybe you should concentrate on exercise and asking for support for that instead of asking people for support for losing weight.

    good luck.
  • jaxbeck
    jaxbeck Posts: 537 Member
    Oh boy, can I ever relate! I'm a slender woman in a family full of obese people. Anytime I say anything about health or weight it is ALWAYS met with sighs or rolling of the eyes.
    Keep up the good work!
  • MelKut
    MelKut Posts: 167 Member
    I get what you mean :ohwell: I feel like when I hit my goal weight it won't even really count as a "Success Story" because the only person that I have felt bad feelings from about my weight is myself.

    Whenever people used see me eat healthy they say stuff like "Why are you trying to lose weight, you're so skinny already. You're going to look too skinny!" when I am NOT 'skinny.' But now that I actually have lost weight, and don't look like a skeleton but just fitter I think I've changed their minds.

    I'm just glad that I DO get support at home. Both my mom and my older sister are around 200 lbs (I'm at 157 now GW 150) but when my weigh in comes around and I lose 1 lb or whatever my sister always seems happy for me. My mom asks me in person after I step off the scale and if I say something like "Oh, same as last week no loss" she gives me an encouraging smile and feels the need to comfort me lol even though I'm fine with it :smile:

    BUT I can NEVER complain that I look or feel fat because my sister will give me this look:
    tumblr_lnvvueuSsj1qcj56b.png?1318394475
  • dis5150
    dis5150 Posts: 157 Member
    I'm a 35 mother of 3, 5 foot 2 inches and started this journey at 124 pounds. My goal weight is 115, but more then my weight I really want to loose my "mommy tummy". I'm tired of none of my clothes fitting. Buying shirts that are baggy in the tummy area to hide my "mommy tummy", and lets not even talk about how I look in a bathing suit. I want to look good for myself and for my family. More then just loosing weight I want to be fit.

    Well it seems like according to my IRL friends I'm not allowed to because I'm already thin. If I don't want to eat something because it is not good for me, they just roll their eyes at me and tell me to just eat it. This weekend my husband said to me that I could have gotten my Easter dress in a size smaller because it was a little big on me. I agreed with him and then excited said to a couple family members that were sitting there "I'm so excited I lost 5 pounds", no body said a word. So I said, "Did you hear me?" and the one family member spoke up and said "Yeah, we heard you" and looked away from me. That was it! This really hurt my feelings because when this family member was on the low carb diet and just not eating I looked up recipes for her, went food shopping, and made her meals that way she would eat. If she told me she lost 5 pounds I would be thrilled for her. Yet, no body is thrilled for me.

    So I guess I will get no support from people IRL, except from my husband. I'm not even going to talk to them about it. Because it is obvious they don't care. I have been looking at the message boards on MFP for a few weeks. I guess I will just get more involved with the boards to get some support. I'm not asking for a big party or anything just a little support and them to stop rolling their eyes at me would be nice.

    I really hope I don't get blasted for writing this. Because I know some people have a lot harder journey then me. And I already feel like I don't have the right to loose weight the way my family and friends act. So if you don't have anything nice to same, please don't say anything at all.

    I was going to write a similar thread today!! Great job losing 5 lbs and wanting to get fit and heathy!! I am 43 and weigh 134. I just lost 14 lbs in our Biggest Loser contest at work. Our final weigh in was today. I am so TIRED of people commenting "well, you didn't need to lose weight anyway!", like just because I don't weigh as much as them I should be happy with my unhealthy weight, being out of shape, etc. It is so frustrating! My friends here on MFP have been so supportive and happy for me to have lost what I have so far, why can't my friends IRL be as supportive?
  • rkgb
    rkgb Posts: 22
    I completely understand. I started at 120 something i don't don't know the exact number and I am currently down to 116. High cholesterol runs in my family so I decided to finally loose the last of my baby weight. (well it has been more then a year so it is now my weight not baby weight) My husband is very supportive and that is all that really matters who cares what anyone else thinks. I was very proud of my weight loss and when I told my Mom (who always need to compete with me) she said and I quote "Well it is easy for you because you are breast feeding" I did set her straight but it did tick me off. Just go about your business and do what is best for you. Sounds like you have support form the 2 people who matter the most, you and your husband.
    Oh and do the I get to buy new clothes dance as you are cleaning out your closet.
  • ebahde
    ebahde Posts: 89 Member
    Congrats on your 5 pounds!!!
    I have had a similar problem. I'm 5'4" and started at 137 (now down to 123) and most people IRL didn't get excited for me because I wasn't overweight to begin with. My husband is a huge support though and I just set fitness goals for myself and get excited when I reach those. You are doing this for You and ultimately You have to be happy with your successes and while its nice to get compliments from others it not your main focus....
    Congrats again and keep up the hard work!!!
  • Dragonwolf
    Dragonwolf Posts: 5,600 Member
    On the one hand, I'd say "screw 'em". If they don't want to support you, then wash your hands of them in regards to this topic and focus on those who will support you.

    On the other hand, if you really want encouragement/support from them, try going about it differently. You mention that you're thin, but not fit, which means they probably don't agree with you that you need to lose weight. Their reaction is probably at least in part due to jealousy and/or misunderstanding. The idea is that if you're already thin, losing weight is simply "vanity pounds," and not really necessary for health reasons (regardless of what the truth is).

    Since you're already "thin" ("healthy" BMI/weight, I assume?), how about instead of focusing on your weight, take up weightlifting and work on cutting body fat percentage (which you'll probably have more luck with, anyway), and talk about how you're looking to be able to deadlift your bodyweight or cut your BF% by whatever %?
  • L00py_T0ucan
    L00py_T0ucan Posts: 1,378 Member
    Sorry you're not getting the support you would like.
    I'm not a member, but I saw this group you might be interested in joining:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/499-not-that-heavy-girls

    - - -

    That said, you might want to set up some fitness and body fat % goals since you are already at a 'Normal' BMI. :flowerforyou:
  • Nicola0000
    Nicola0000 Posts: 531 Member
    I think thats the difference on here between the guys and girls. A lot of guys are on here for fitness reasons, whereas generally women are here for losing weight. I reached my goal weight on here ages ago, but now I want to focus on being fit, and now to get lean. The comments that I get if I eat something "bad" are "oh, I didnt think you were allowed to eat that???" Its not that people dont care. Theyre probably jealous that you look amazing.
    There are loads of us who are on here for the same reasons as you, feel free to add me if you want :smile:
  • nroisland
    nroisland Posts: 254 Member
    I hear you, anytime I bring up working out my friends just laugh and tell me how they wish they were my weight. Yes I have always been on the thinner side, but after 2 kids in 2 years my tummy and thighs do not look like they use to. I am currently 128lbs at 5ft5 and flabby, but determined not to be!

    Feel free to add me.
  • rkgb
    rkgb Posts: 22
    :laugh: I am also 5ft 2in with 2 kids that extra 10 lb really does show.
  • braign
    braign Posts: 89
    This is a totally different side of the fat/thin debate that often gets unheard. Getting fit transcends weight, and I admire you and I wish some thin people I know would be more concerned with their health than their weight. One of my sisters is chronically underweight, and if you tell her this she takes it as a compliment, especially if I say it (I'm the fat sister, and she like to think I'm jealous). I'm 80lbs heavier than her and I know I can outrun her, outswim her, and pretty much outlast her in any physical activity, because she does no exercise, smokes, and eats awfully.

    So I wish you luck in getting fit, and I'm sure your family will come around when they see you toned and energetic and healthy :)
  • afwatson15
    afwatson15 Posts: 39 Member
    If people around you already see you as thin, it will be hard for them to understand why you are trying to lose weight. If you are trying to increase your fitness and tighten up your core, then thats what you should focus on when you speak to them instead of reducing it to simply weight loss. You may get more support if you're bragging about how much weight you benched, or how many sit ups you did, or that you can keep up with your kids, etc. Theres nothing wrong with someone being thin who wants to lose weight and shape up, but it can be difficult for people around you who may be struggling with 30 lbs of fat or a high bmi to relate to what you're going through or be excited for you. There are just some journeys we have to take for ourselves and we may find we are alone on those journeys.

    Agreed.

    Nobody wants to hear the thin girl complain about being fat. Nobody wants to hear the genius complain about only getting a 99% on a test. Nobody wants to hear the CEO of a company complaining about lack of benefits. Etc.

    Most people are only eager to support you if they see a real need. You're already thin so it's difficult for people to sympathize with your circumstance - regardless of your actual goals.

    I'm in a very similar situation. I'm thinner, but I would still like to lose about 15 lbs and get toned/fit. I've simply stopped talking about it to my family, friends, and coworkers because of a similar response.

    From here it's all self motivation - and letting your bathing suit do the talking at the end of your road.
  • smoten
    smoten Posts: 53 Member
    I get the same thing. In my clothes i look ok you wouldn't think i have an issue at all. I know how to dress to hide my belly pretty good and really, i only need to lose maybe 5 more pounds. if i didn't lose any more but could get rid of my flabby midsection i would be thrilled (and i am now focusing on some core strengthening/toning that i hadn't done before). So when people offer me donuts or other junk and i decline i get the eye rolls or other rude comments too. I don't talk about weight with anyone but my hubby, he gets it. My new approach is "no thanks, I'm training for a race." that seems to work much better.
    I agree with the others, if people cant appreciate what you're doing, it will only bring you down. Maybe focusing on the fitness portion of your accomplishments would be better when talking to others, its too bad you have to hold back with family, but you are not alone.
  • kaned_ferret
    kaned_ferret Posts: 618 Member
    Speaking as a slight devils advocate here, it could be that their internal monologues go something like this: "oh god, she's just trying to rub it in and get us to praise her and tell her how wonderful she is which is the LAST thing we want to do because we feel so awful ourselves" I know this because I have had the same internal monologue when my mum talks to me.

    (Granted, she talks very differently however, she doesn't say positive things like "I lost this" or "I suceeded in that", she goes "ooh I'm SO p*ssed off, because my size 12 jeans are tight" - which when I have just had to buy size 16 trousers, at 25 years her junior and no children under my belt, is just plain depressing. And my mum IS fishing for compliments, as well as being the one to tell me "gosh look at the SIZE of your BUM!")

    I think, rather than weight goals or achievements, if you were to tell them of fitness goals and achievements they may be more open to acknowledging just how well you're doing. When larger people have your size / weight goal in mind for themselves, they probably think that you must be fine and dandy. It doesn't occur that your goal could be different. For me, weightloss is going to be slow and steady wins the race, and I'm fine with that. I will be seeing my mum for the first time in a month next week, and depite my recent 8lb weightloss, she will not notice it. But when I tell her that I can run for over 20 minutes, I know she'll comment positively on that!

    Everything on this journey is a case of perspective - and there will always be support here :flowerforyou:
  • dis5150
    dis5150 Posts: 157 Member
    You're right....people dont want to support you because you're tiny already, and yes, most people on here do have a much harder journey than you have.

    Are you sure you should be on here?? Losing weight and getting in shape are two different things. You're obviously eating correctly if you're as thin as you are, so you just need to exercise to get that muscle tone back in your stomach after having children. That's a very difficult thing to do because your stomach muscle's stretch and seperate down the middle of your stomach when you are pregnant.

    Maybe you should concentrate on exercise instead of asking people for support for losing weight.

    good luck.

    Of course she should be on here!! This is "My FITNESS Pal"! She wants to be FIT and healthy! Sheesh!!
  • cyclerjenn
    cyclerjenn Posts: 833 Member
    I understand your struggle. I also do not have support from my friends and family. I have to find the ability to just stand up to them and state my goal and have the willpower to stick with it. Sometimes it does make life difficult to continue focusing on your goal.

    Please feel free to add me as a friend for support.

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