Why I am doing this...

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melissafranks90
melissafranks90 Posts: 42
in Motivation and Support
For years I thought I looked fine, felt fine until my clothes started fitting wrong, and pictures looked horrible. I then met my fiancée, who found me very attractive at that time. I felt okay at the time but I knew I had to change. Later on as I was gaining more weight but not really paying attention, I got on my computer . My fiancée lef the page up and there was a sickly huge amount of porn on it. And that was just one day of history. My heart was Broken because I thought I was enough, when he was telling me every night that he was tired I believed him. But little did I know it was me. Why would you want to have sex with someone you didn't think much of as far as attraction went. People told me it was normal but I was offering it every night, I wanted to feel special. So I looked at myself in the mirror one day and said to myself.... Things had to change. I wanted to feel confident again and not like a fat ugly person. Now here I am losing weight for myself and leading a healthier lifestyle. My fiancée has noticed and I have too! :)

Replies

  • OMGLeigh
    OMGLeigh Posts: 236
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    I've come to learn that a lot of the problem is with us, and not our men. When I felt similar, and I confronted him about it, he had no idea that there was anything wrong. If you feel unattractive then that is a problem with your perception, and not with your fiancée. Last time I had a fit related to feeling sexy he just didn't get it, since he loves me, finds me sexy, and I was the one building up the wall. Glad you are tearing down your own wall, I'm sure that the exercise and weight loss are also having an effect on your brain.
  • melissafranks90
    melissafranks90 Posts: 42
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    I hope so. He did flat out say it was me though, which hurt my feelings but I'm getting to where I need to be . Almost...
  • OMGLeigh
    OMGLeigh Posts: 236
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    I hope so. He did flat out say it was me though, which hurt my feelings but I'm getting to where I need to be . Almost...

    If my fiancee said that he'd be sleeping on the couch for a few nights. ;)
  • melissafranks90
    melissafranks90 Posts: 42
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    Haha he was on it for a week and I didnt speak to him the whole time ;)
  • cookiesandjuice
    cookiesandjuice Posts: 29
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    good for you!! keep changing for the better!!
  • melissafranks90
    melissafranks90 Posts: 42
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    good for you!! keep changing for the better!!


    Thankyou Hun, we as women are strong!!!! Hell to the yeah!
  • amymrls
    amymrls Posts: 1,673 Member
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    Being thin does NOT equal beautiful. BEAUTY COMES IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES! I wpu;d say the issue is with him not you.
  • jenj1313
    jenj1313 Posts: 898 Member
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    Well, hopefully now that he's off the couch, the two of you can work things out together. Realize that there are times in your life where your weight may creep back up. It's happened to a lot of us more than one time. If he's not going to feel physically attracted to you, can he still love you, and are you okay with that??

    You're apparently about to take a vow to love each other in sickness and in health. In my mind, that would include "in fatness and skinniness" as well, but judging by a lot of the posts on here, it doesn't always work that way.

    Good luck to you both. I hope you find a way to make this bring you closer :-)

    Jen
  • lauralaurafish
    lauralaurafish Posts: 50 Member
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    I hope so. He did flat out say it was me though, which hurt my feelings but I'm getting to where I need to be . Almost...

    *hugs* That is a terrible thing to hear but I'm glad he was honest with you so that you could realize the problem. So here's to new changes and a better life :drinker:
  • TheFunBun
    TheFunBun Posts: 793 Member
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    The porn has nothing to do with you. Don't be surprised if you reach all of your goals and you still find that stuff on the computer. It doesn't always mean anything. Most often it means nothing. *kitten* fulfills a different drive than intimacy with a partner.

    I'm glad you're reaching your goals and getting marvelously healthy, though! Congratulations!
  • Lab2809
    Lab2809 Posts: 58
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    I hope so. He did flat out say it was me though, which hurt my feelings but I'm getting to where I need to be . Almost...


    :(

    Congrats for working towards a healthier you!
  • melissafranks90
    melissafranks90 Posts: 42
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    Thankyou all, I love the comments and support. Also all of you loooooook fantastic!!!! I love coming on here where I can be myself and honest. We are both working towards everything and. Brighter future . I'm doing well with my challenge and appreciate the constant support. :)
  • Sarah0866
    Sarah0866 Posts: 291 Member
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    Congrats on committing to make yourself the best you can be...you can only control your words and actions and not those of others, and you're off to a pretty great start with your own personal goals to progress :)

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