An MFP "Duh!" for me

I've been beating my head against the wall for a few weeks now. I'm exactly where I started.

But then I told myself... "at least you're making progress. You're eating less and exercising more, so even if it takes a long time, you're headed in the right direction. You're making your body want better things."

I had realized I wasn't eating enough calories a few weeks in but wanted to increase back up slowly so that I could learn to fill those gaps with HEALTHY food. I figured "I cheat a little anyway" or "the exercise numbers are too generous". But another week of up and down energy, getting pissed I missed three days in a row of exercise, not sleeping, not having time to eat enough even after planning, being too compulsive for my liking, doing a lot of math, watching my usually organized schedule fizzle into being in the wrong places at the wrong times... I know something's gotta give.

I have other things going on in my life and while losing weight is damn important for me, I don't care about weight or size. The point is to be healthy. And healthy to me means balance in my LIFE, not just my diet. I lost weight eating bread, cheese and wine, but I also had serious deficiencies and shaken values. You can lose weight doing lots of stupid crap. It's not about sticking to the wrong plan--it's about knowing the right values and not getting carried away for the wrong reasons.

So for the hell of it, I changed my goals. I flipped back over the past (nearly) month. Had this been my plan all along, I'd have had maybe 1/3 of the days with 800, 900, or 1000 calorie DEFICITS.

DUH.

I can't keep doing that to my body and considering it the right direction. Even if my intake goal is off by 300 calories, I'd rather have an average deficit of 200 than 800. Even if I cheated my entire deficit one day (no way I did), I'd rather be at maintenance for one day than having it be too high most of the time.

None of this scaling back up bull. Before my body gets any more pissed at me, I have to make sure the gas tank is the right size--it's obvious to me how quickly that perception changes. So no weeding out certain things from my diet if they are already healthier than what I was eating before, especially if they help me get that fuel in without twice the prep. There is a lot of room for quality improvement, but only if I start at the right place FOR ME.

and DUH!

I'm going to avoid the scale for a while, the way I used to!