Is it rude to tell someone they looked good before?

wewon
wewon Posts: 838 Member
in Success Stories
I've seen people post before and after pics to mark a weight loss goal and even though I see a clear difference, sometimes the before picture wasn't too bad looking.

Is it rude/demotivating to tell someone that they actually looked good in both pics?

I know that sounds silly, but I'm sure that people only want their after picture acknowledge and may take the comment as a slight to their progress.

Replies

  • usedasbrandnew
    usedasbrandnew Posts: 300 Member
    I think not. :)
  • ErinBeth7
    ErinBeth7 Posts: 1,625 Member
    I guess it would depend how you said it. I would be flattered either way. I could see how some might take offense to that.
  • autumnk921
    autumnk921 Posts: 1,374 Member
    I think they would be flattered to hear that they were still pretty or cute before the weightloss too....As long as you don't say....You looked better in the before pic b/c that has been said on here & that is so not cool.. :(
  • TurtleCrush
    TurtleCrush Posts: 80
    I don't think its rude :). I say it all the time. I think women are beautiful in all sizes.
  • christenwypy
    christenwypy Posts: 335 Member
    I have thought of that too lol. With some of the pics I see I'd love for their before to be my after!
  • k8lyn_235
    k8lyn_235 Posts: 507 Member
    I think they would be flattered to hear that they were still pretty or cute before the weightloss too....As long as you don't say....You looked better in the before pic b/c that has been said on here & that is so not cool.. :(

    agree. i've seen people say "you looked so much better before!" if you want to say that, i'd advise to just keep your mouth closed :)
  • Luckie1992
    Luckie1992 Posts: 4
    Maybe the picture does not represent well. but you're right, especially when the skin is saggy! Our health is the most important, plastic surgery after! loll
  • gnat45
    gnat45 Posts: 833 Member
    No.
  • 3X173
    3X173 Posts: 40 Member
    How is that rude?
    I would think that you are lying trying to make me feel better.
  • OptimumMe1
    OptimumMe1 Posts: 3
    It depends. What you're talking about doesn't sound rude, thought I've seen people simply put "You looked better before" (and often "before" they were overweight or obese), which I find extremely rude. Weight loss isn't just about looking better.
  • Jennyisbusy
    Jennyisbusy Posts: 1,294 Member
    Not unless you said you looked better before :)
  • Seanb_us
    Seanb_us Posts: 322 Member
    You just need to accept what people MEAN and NOT what they actually SAY.

    A good friend who has not really seen me in a while was stunned to see me the other day, how good I look "now" .... There was no ill intent. Take the good meaning an move on.

    Cheers,

    Sean
  • BlaireV
    BlaireV Posts: 137
    The way you described it - no, I don't think it's rude to tell them they looked good both ways.

    However, telling someone they looked better before and that they look terrible now is (obviously) rude...I've had people tell me that I look sick and that I should stop, and that I looked much better before. I don't think they meant to offend me, honestly, but they did :( /rant
  • MisterDubs303
    MisterDubs303 Posts: 1,216 Member
    The opposite suggests that they're only pretty because they lost weight, and if they were to put it back on, they wouldn't, or worse yet, couldn't be pretty. I'm not saying everyone is the same at all. But, I have several MFPals who have lost a significant amount of weight. Some of them looked very cute or beautiful at their highest weight, and now they are simply stunning. Why discount their undeniable previous beauty just because their bodies are more fit now?
  • SheilahArnett4
    SheilahArnett4 Posts: 38
    An old friend of mine has lost almost 100 pounds, good for them; however, I think they looked better when they had some weight on them... I was wondering the same thing lol. I just kept my mouth shut and congratulated them because they were so happy with their weight loss.
  • madmax0412
    madmax0412 Posts: 65
    You just need to accept what people MEAN and NOT what they actually SAY.

    A good friend who has not really seen me in a while was stunned to see me the other day, how good I look "now" .... There was no ill intent. Take the good meaning an move on.

    Cheers,

    Sean

    Couldn't have said it better myself.

    I've seen so many people state with before and after pics how sexy the person looks AFTER as opposed to before. If you take a second to think about it, yeah, maybe the comment could have been constructed with a little more sensitivity. But people really need to accept that the intent is coming from a good place --- they're stoked to see the transformation. Relax. It's all good in the end.
  • Awkward30
    Awkward30 Posts: 1,927 Member
    I agree with the consensus, that you can say they looked great in their before also, but not that they looked better before. Unless you can make it humorous like "I'm sorry, but as the resident chubby chaser, I have to say I like the before better. Congratulations on your progress and improved health" Yeah, that would still probably offend people, but it would make me laugh. So when I post my before and afters, feel free :)

    I do feel a twinge of sadness when I hear the "you look great now!" comments, because I wonder why people let me walk around looking so sub-par before!
  • SeaChele77
    SeaChele77 Posts: 1,103 Member
    No as long as it is said in a flattering way and not in a rude tone.

    "You look great, but you looked great before too" vs "Why'd you lose weight/tone/etc, there was nothing wrong with you before"

    Obviously if people are here, *they* feel they need/want the change. So while they may have looked good before, and its nice to hear - we can be nice about how we tell them.

    I've seen some here that have gone "too far" and I've told them, but in a nice way (I hope they thought so).
  • LoserCruiser
    LoserCruiser Posts: 184
    I have seen some look better before but I'd never say it,lol! I know two people, personally that have lost big amounts of weight and the skin on their face hangs which has really aged both these people a lot! I just hope I can lose as much weight as they have but not end up aging myself!
  • SexyCook
    SexyCook Posts: 2,249 Member
    Everything is in how you present it.....Something both pictures are nice...you were just as pretty before....I think no one would take offense...but as you know we are here comparing ourselves cause we want to look better for ourselves so...Possibly I would avoid it wouldn't be that big of issue to just go on to the next feed....
  • taliesyn_
    taliesyn_ Posts: 219 Member
    I think it really depends on how you deliver the message! I know what you mean though - I have seen quite a few "after" pictures where, to me, the "before" was more attractive. Commend the weight loss and don't mention the pictures in such cases would be how I would handle it.
  • robin52077
    robin52077 Posts: 4,383 Member
    Yeah, what they all said, as long as you aren't insulting EITHER the before OR after and genuinely think both look good, then it's not rude to say it.

    Like if you tell a friend "I've ALWAYS thought you were beautiful just the way you were, but you look wonderful now and healthier too!"
    I think that's fine. Means they are naturally pretty even with a few extra pounds.
  • iowrob
    iowrob Posts: 6
    I have a friend who lost a lot of weight and to be honest it made him look ill, I didn't have the heart to say so and followed with the usual. I have worried slightly that although I will be much healthier if I get my weight off I would be gutted if it added 10 years to me.
  • taliesyn_
    taliesyn_ Posts: 219 Member
    I have a friend who lost a lot of weight and to be honest it made him look ill, I didn't have the heart to say so and followed with the usual. I have worried slightly that although I will be much healthier if I get my weight off I would be gutted if it added 10 years to me.
    I think I will look gaunt at BMI 25 too - I am aiming for 30 or so and then to decide how far I want to go.
  • sem41278
    sem41278 Posts: 89 Member
    ditto to this! besides true beauty glows from the inside out no matter what!!!!

    oops my quote didn't work-- it was for the women are beautiful no matter there size :)
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    To say that they look good in both pics are OK but telling that they look better in the "before" pics is somewhat disappointing. I had one guy commented me on that before & honestly it made me feel a bit upset but I didn't mind it since he's a chubby chaser.

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