REALLY struggling...

phiddy23
phiddy23 Posts: 103
in Motivation and Support
I'm not sure if anyone will even be able to help me here, I just have to get it out. I've been trying to lose weight since I was maybe about 16 (I'm 18), I'm overweight, not obese, but big enough that I feel self-conscious and insecure 24/7 to the point where I spend about 20 to 30 mins every morning choosing my clothes and putting makeup on. I'm about 5ft 7 and weigh about 74 kilos / 11.6 stone. It's mainly concentrated around my stomach and thighs. Anyway, I just have no motivation whatsoever. I have been backpacking in Thailand for two months and I guess I thought I would lose weight travelling but I actually put some on. And don't get me wrong I had an amazing time and met loads of awesome people but I also became really aware of my insecurities, particularly when it came to stripping down to a bikini (which I cunningly avoided most of the time).

I'm now in Australia (I'm from England) and have joined a Curves gym for the next month or two (and then I go home). I eat well but I'm SO UNFIT. I want to enjoy exercise but I find it so hard! Last two times I went I could only manage 15 mins and I had tears in my eyes both out of pain and out of disappointment in myself. It has been like this for the last few years, I'll have a sudden realisation, get really into the weight loss thing and commit to something, then after a week or two I will gradually give up because I'm finding it hard, then maybe a month later it will all start again. So I feel like I've been dieting and exercising for two years solid whereas I haven't done more than a few weeks straight. This totally adds to my underlying belief that it is just impossible for me to ever lose weight. It's getting pretty desperate for me now though, I'm going to uni in September and I just cannot handle being this person, I get a shock when I look in the mirror or at photos of myself because I don't feel fat on the inside, and I can't handle being treated like this for the rest of my life.

Whew sorry this is a very long post! I wonder if anyone can empathise? Being fat really does suck eh.

Replies

  • Spanaval
    Spanaval Posts: 1,200 Member
    The important thing right now is that you're trying. So today, you were able to do 15 minutes. That's 15 more minutes than you did yesterday. Maybe tomorrow, you can go 16, and 17 the day after, and pretty soon, you'd be more active than half the people around you. We all have to start somewhere. The important thing is to keep moving forward, and to never give up.
  • Dahllywood
    Dahllywood Posts: 642 Member
    Don't feel like you have to do X amount in a workout. Start off with whatever you are comfortable with and work your way up.
    When I started, I could barely run half a mile. Now I could run a 5k if I wanted. It's all about pacing yourself.
    Remember that you are in this for the long haul. It can't be a quick fix. Good luck!
  • zombiemusicgirl
    zombiemusicgirl Posts: 98 Member
    Change is hard. If you really, really want something it will be enough to put yourself through the pain of change. You don't need to do everything all at once though. Challenge yourself a little at a time. Sometimes the most difficult challenge is just showing up.

    Once you've worked out your showing up muscles, then worry about how long you stay.
  • Iamjulez
    Iamjulez Posts: 48 Member
    Anything worth having won't just be given to you on a silver platter, it's worth working for. Not everyone enjoys exercise because it's "easy" for them, I enjoy exercise for what it brings to me...possibilities. It's pain with a purpose. (kinda like having a baby) you know you're getting something out of it. I'm kinda weird to where if exercise doesn't hurt, I feel like I didn't do enough of it. If exercise were easy you probably wouldn't do it anymore than you do it now either. It seems you just have a habit of not being in the habit.. Maybe you find it boring as well? For that I make very awesome music mixes that make me wanna move!

    Sometime when you're really unmotivated you need to find different ways to light the candle... add visual motivations... read magazines about being "fit" or surround yourself with articles of success stories... anything that remotely motivates you to continue... keep it around!

    Fight for your life! Everyday is a day worth fighting for feeling happy with who you are on the inside and outside...

    Never put off til tomorrow what you can do today. :)
  • cjpg
    cjpg Posts: 433 Member
    I can empathise sincerely. You pretty much described my life over the past 5 years. I would get so worked up about being overweight that even in SUMMER I'd put on a jumper to cover any signs of my belly. People would ask "aren't you hot?!" and I'd say "pfft, nah..." whilst sweating profusely.

    I think I can help you by pointing out that you're giving yourself the answers you need in your post already. For example:

    "I want to enjoy exercise but I find it so hard!"
    You already think of exercise as a chore. And if you're pushing yourself to the point of tears you are clearly putting to much strain on your body. I think it will help to know that I've successfully lost the same amount of weight WALKING an hour a day then running 10k's in two separate training sessions. So find things you enjoy that doesn't feel like exercise but also pace yourself. Walking every day of the week for 10 mins is better than running 30 mins once every month.

    "So I feel like I've been dieting and exercising for two years solid whereas I haven't done more than a few weeks straight."
    You never stop! Every day you are living with the consequences of the previous day whilst preparing yourself for the day ahead. I think of it like this - each day I'm using up calories left over from yesterday. If I 'fail' in the day, I potentially am only 'borrowing' some calories from tomorrow which I could easily even out by eating a little less or exercising a little more. But you NEVER STOP!

    "impossible for me to ever lose weight"
    You already think it's impossible so how can you expect to succeed? You should know that everything in this life can be built up and crumbled down. The power to do so rests in our own hands. All you have to do is trust yourself.

    "I don't feel fat on the inside"
    You should know that the 'you' on the inside isn't fat or skinny. It's just simply beautiful. It took me years until I accepted that the person on the outside is merely a reflection of who I really want people to see AS me. The people who truly 'see' you are the close friends and family the never judge you at face value. Physical beauty is fading. True beauty is within.

    Hope this helps you :D
  • phiddy23
    phiddy23 Posts: 103
    Thanks so much for the replies! I know what you mean about it being difficult even to just turn up, I guess a big part of problem as well is that I always plan for the future rather than now, for example I am in the habit right now of saying to myself that I will get a personal trainer and go on a proper diet when I'm back in england, and when I was in Thailand I was saying to myself that I would go on a diet and go running straight away when I got to Aus. I know that if I don't get myself properly into it then I will be telling myself that I will lose the weight once I'm at uni. It's so easy to find excuses to procrastinate or postpone exercise.
  • Becca224
    Becca224 Posts: 36
    I had the same problem when it came to exercise. I HATED it and when I did I felt so sore and tired. So I tried to find a way to enjoy it. Being stuck in a gym doesn't work for me because I feel so insecure. I live in Australia and I am lucky because it has so many beautiful parks, so now I just put music in my ear and walk around a park or lake. I keep walking till I start feeling really tired then go home. I am slowly building myself up. When I first started I could only go for a 20 min walk, now I can walk for over an hour and a half. Walking outside is so much better. the fresh air makes you feel happier, having music gives you ab beat, and you don't feel so judged. You just walk at your own pace for however long you want. And you can even mix it up by trying different routes. It's just a suggestion but I find the idea of going out for a walk doesn't bother me, where going to a gym just makes me feel like its a chore.

    Walking even helps if you bring people along to. I find I can always walk longer when I am talking or listening at the same time. I barely even notice the time going by :)
  • wandafit4life
    wandafit4life Posts: 25 Member
    I can totally relate been over wight all my life. To make a long story short, I started at 337 pounds down to 244 still have 50 to go(for a start), its a life style change. When I started I could barely walk without huffing and puffing, I can jog a mile now. Working on running a mile! I was horrified at the gym trying to run on the treadmill. I just knew it sounded like I was trying to tear down their machines! I just put my headphones on and kept going. This journey was mine to travel and exercise has to be a part of it. I completed 30 days of Shaun T's INSANITY and pushed through. even though I had to stop due to injury I cant wait to get back in the saddle at that level of intensity. You have to find what you like and make it work for you. You are young,healthy, active and obliviously on the right track. Keep moving forward making small lasting changes and the outside will eventually match the inside.
  • prettypaula96
    prettypaula96 Posts: 32 Member
    You have to find something you love to do and that is also active... Try dancing, swimming, volleyball, anything. Doing what you love is what makes exercise worth it. I kick myself every day for quitting swimming when I was little, and I am now looking back into it, even though I know I look like a whale. In the end, it'll be worth it.
  • bradphil87
    bradphil87 Posts: 617 Member
    Hey all, 1st post. And this is something that happened to me back in February...I have a trainer, who is also my best friend his name is smokey. And I told him I was going to start eating well and exercising so he insisted he wanted to help me. We started running on feb. 2nd of this year. I was a pack a day smoker (which I have given up) as well. But I could literally only run 1 minute that first day....1 minute. And yesterday on our run, I did 35 mins straght running without walking! It was very gradual, the progress that is. But we just kept doing 1 more minute every day. I've also started to lift weights too (also with the help of smokey) Ive never felt better in my life. And up until Monday I hadn't been under 250lns since high school. I guess my point is that it may seem as though your very out of shape (when it comes to exercising) you will improve as long as you keep doing it I promise! Feel free to add me anyone!!!! P.s. me and smokey are planning on running a 5k in June
  • phiddy23
    phiddy23 Posts: 103
    Thanks for the support! It's pretty much my dream to one day run a marathon but at the moment I hit the wall after about 30 seconds lol.
  • caramammal
    caramammal Posts: 147 Member
    I lost a sh*tload of weight by doing this...

    I gave myself some time off. I didnt exercise, i didnt diet, i just ate and did what i wanted every day. If I wanted a cream cake, i had one, or five....if i wanted an entire week of booze and pies, i had them. I did not care, i lived my life and it was great.

    Yep, i gained a sh*tload of weight too, but the point is, i re-set my mind.

    I had been dieting for so long, losing and gaining the same 7lb, i couldnt remember just being 'free' of food. eating like a normal person was just so alien to me.

    So once I gave myself the 'break' i was mentally able to concentrate fully on the diet...which the next time around did last only a couple of months and i was able to get to my goal easy peasy.

    Good luck to you, really, you can do it, you just need to get your head in the right place first.
  • trababes1971
    trababes1971 Posts: 173 Member
    Hi sweetheart,

    Your not fat hun. (((hugs))). Im 5ft 4 and im around 11 stone.. heaviest ive been in a long time, and i hate it too.. but ive come on here and im determined to change my unhealthy habits. Doing your food diary will help hun.. and your exercise diary too. Ive only done two days of exercise both 15 minute sets and in my own house (no way il get my *kitten* in a gym yet lol).. and today i feel soo yuk and achey. So like others have suggested im going to pick myself up and go for a walk.. take my gorge dog. Do you drink alcohol? One thing i found for me is my weight gain was due to alcohol aswell as the wrong foods. Its mad how many hidden sugars they are etc. You can do this dont punish yourself, and if you need to chat anytime give me a shout your more than welcome. xxx

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