Trimming Upper Arms and THighs...

It's fat loss, pure and simple. Exercise and diet. You are genetically predisposed to gain fat in your arms and thighs, so all you can do is either accept that you will always be bigger in these areas, or try to lose more fat in general. You don't get to choose where fat comes off without surgery.

Well i guess the answer is have as little body fat as possible and get them to be as tone as possible... without being bulky that's my big fear

If your bf% is low enough you won't look bulky. Promise.

http://jcdfitness.com/2011/06/i-dont-want-to-get-big-and-bulky-fitness-marketing-and-its-effect-on-women/

http://www.stumptuous.com/strength-without-size-how-to-get-stronger-without-getting-bulky

http://www.elitefts.com/documents/female_athletes.htm

and...

http://nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/07/21/meet-staci-your-new-powerlifting-super-hero/

And frankly it's a slow enough process that if you DO think you're getting bulky, just stop what you're doing and it'll go away.

Well i guess the answer is have as little body fat as possible and get them to be as tone as possible... without being bulky that's my big fear

Sweetie. Trust me. You are NOT going to be bulky AT ALL from weight training. Well, unless you will be eating testosterone or anabolic steroids for breakfast. I have now been weight training for 2,5 years and no sign of big arms yet. Only shapely lines. I'd love to have more thickness, but it takes time and a lot of effort to get there and I am not sure it is going to happen any time soon, despite my best efforts. My friend, with whom I train regularly has big arms, and she is quite a bit overweight. She has been weight training for a year now and she is slowly and steadily changing in appearance. She hasn't lost much weight recently, but her arms for one, are quite different from what they used to be. They are still big, but you can actually see the muscle. So she has much more beautiful lines to her arms than she had before - but she is not bulkier at all. Before it was all flab. Now, it isn't. That is thanks to weight training, not dieting, for sure.

So, you should definitely weight train, that will help you, no doubt about it. However, as previous poster said, you are genetically predisposed to hold on to fat on your arms. It means that it is probably as hard for you to get thin arms as it is for me to have a six pack, since I tend to accumulate fat on my stomach (oh, well). Only thing we can do is to do our best to eat clean, and exercise. I can personally say that I have seen changes on my body that I never dreamed were possible for those 2.5 years. Stick to it!

If anyone has any basic starting points on what to do on what day let me know. I'm thinking either a circuit or arms and back one day legs on another. Feel free to message me too. This is a new beginning for me for a new and improved me!

I would look into Starting Strength or Stronglifts 5x5. Both are beginner strength programs that require gym access for an hour a day, 3 days a week. They're full-body routines that use compound exercises to hit multiple muscle groups at once (ex: squat, deadlift, ohp, bench and row/clean).