Body Image Issue....at age four.
My little sister just turned four last month.
Now I admit, I am extremely critical of my body. I weigh myself at least twice a day and I have got completely disgusted with myself on days where I hit 1300 calories. It's unhealthy but.....it's been a battle ANYWAY.
So the other day I was measuring myself and my young brother asked me to measure him as well so I did. Then my little sister told me to measure her waist too.
Now, she is a healthy weight for her height and age. She has no medical issues and is very active, loves playing around. The best thing I admire about her is that she loves fruits and veggies.
Anyway, she is four so of course she has a small waist but when I told her the number she said "Oh my gosh! That is too much!"
I was shocked and for the last couple of days I have been feeling like it's my fault because she hears the way I talk about my body.
I tell her everyday how smart and beautiful she is but maybe actions speak louder than words and I should be more positive about my body so she can learn to love her body as well.
I guess this was just a vent but I am really ashamed of myself.
Now I admit, I am extremely critical of my body. I weigh myself at least twice a day and I have got completely disgusted with myself on days where I hit 1300 calories. It's unhealthy but.....it's been a battle ANYWAY.
So the other day I was measuring myself and my young brother asked me to measure him as well so I did. Then my little sister told me to measure her waist too.
Now, she is a healthy weight for her height and age. She has no medical issues and is very active, loves playing around. The best thing I admire about her is that she loves fruits and veggies.
Anyway, she is four so of course she has a small waist but when I told her the number she said "Oh my gosh! That is too much!"
I was shocked and for the last couple of days I have been feeling like it's my fault because she hears the way I talk about my body.
I tell her everyday how smart and beautiful she is but maybe actions speak louder than words and I should be more positive about my body so she can learn to love her body as well.
I guess this was just a vent but I am really ashamed of myself.
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Replies
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Too be honest, there are more and more girls having body issues as young as 3... and having a daughter myself that scares the crap out of me... That's why now, I'm eliminating all negative body talk from my phrase book.. you know "I can't eat this or that for whatever reason... I'm too fat... My body parts are too big/small/misshapen.... I am just going to quietly lose weight around her and not make a big deal out of food.0
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I would take that as a sign that you need to either try and fix your body issues, or at least hide them from your sister. She also might not understand what the number means, and knows from learning numbers than 10, for example, is more than 8, and doesn't get what the numbers really mean.0
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I wouldn't blame yourself, first of all. Maybe just try to help her understand that she doesn't need to worry about that kind of stuff and keep your weight loss/body talk to only positive things around her.0
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Yeah, kids pick up a lot things. I don't think that she really understands what is consider big, but I would stop mentioning weight/body measurements issues and calories around her. Talk about healthy lifestyle, being active and eating well, and look at it as positive as opposed to negative.0
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Kids just imitate what they see and at that age, numbers aren't meaningful. If you had said "1 inch waist", she would have said "too much".
I would just keep your meauring privately and she will forget about this.0 -
Good for you for being so in tune and empathetic with her.
My suggestion is that you look at the way you speak about yourself. Do you say things that you would never say to your best friend, mother, sister or daughter? If so, then you don't deserve to be the brunt of those comments either - even (especially) from yourself. Cheer yourself on in the same way you would for anyone you love.
Be gentle with yourself!0 -
yeah, I am not too sure she actually knows that her waist measurement was too big or small. I think she is just repeating what she hears and sees, so maybe you should try and be positive about yourself.
I'm glad you're letting her know how smart and beautiful she is daily. If you are a positive role model and say positive things like that, I'm sure she will grow up confident.0 -
My little sister just turned four last month.
Now I admit, I am extremely critical of my body. I weigh myself at least twice a day and I have got completely disgusted with myself on days where I hit 1300 calories. It's unhealthy but.....it's been a battle ANYWAY.
So the other day I was measuring myself and my young brother asked me to measure him as well so I did. Then my little sister told me to measure her waist too.
Now, she is a healthy weight for her height and age. She has no medical issues and is very active, loves playing around. The best thing I admire about her is that she loves fruits and veggies.
Anyway, she is four so of course she has a small waist but when I told her the number she said "Oh my gosh! That is too much!"
I was shocked and for the last couple of days I have been feeling like it's my fault because she hears the way I talk about my body.
I tell her everyday how smart and beautiful she is but maybe actions speak louder than words and I should be more positive about my body so she can learn to love her body as well.
I guess this was just a vent but I am really ashamed of myself.
My daughter is 4 now but she has been this way since she could talk. And it has to be because of me. I have been trying to lose weight since I had her. My sisters and I that is all we talk about, sizes, weight and etc. So it is in her she will tell me no I dont want that because I dont want to get fat (sometimes she will say like you). She is thin just until recently she has always been under weight on the growth charts. But I like you tell her the same things that she is georgeous, smart, beautiful and everything else I can think of. Even though I am big I never had a bad self image, and it would break my heart if I have given my daughter one!0 -
I think it definitely has to do with what she hears. She doesn't really have a concept of what's "too big" but she thinks that's the appropriate response to being measured. I lied about my weight in the 3rd grade because I wanted to be the skinniest girl in the class. I was 7. My mom was a life-time dieter, always worried about her weight and watching what she ate, so it really rubbed off on me.
Fortunately, my mom later became focused on health and is now a personal trainer and nutrition coach, so my body views have been able to change over time. Don't be so hard on yourself! Praise her for being so active and healthy, and teach her to love her body...the best way to do that, is to lead by example. The good news is, she's 4, and she's likely to forget all about her "waist being too big" as soon as she sees that others don't worry about that. Plus, she probably really looks up to you and wants to be just like you, so just keep that in the back of your mind when you're tempted to criticize yourself. I know it's a struggle, but you can win the battle
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I agree with everyone here who states she is just imitating you. Give her something more positive to imitate, and she will forget pretending her waist is too big. Learn to praise yourself. "I did GOOD today! I rode my bicycle for ____ minutes, and that was SO much FUN!" or "I am so proud of myself! I had an apple with a small slice of cake instead of a big slice of cake because apples are SO good for me!" Praise yourself for making healthy choices rather than talking about weight loss results.
You are OBVIOUSLY a great older sister! You're sister is blessed to have someone as caring as you to emulate!0 -
Hmm, perhaps she is simply imitating a similar reaction from another member of the family she has observed measuring themselves I mean, how would she know what's "too big"? I'm not sure if she's learned to count yet.. At that age, kids are receptive to a lot of things so I'm just guessing that is what's going on.0
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I doubt she actually thinks the number is too much. She is probably repeating what she heard. You can still help her body image by setting a good example!0
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bump- on the phone at work- but must read this.0
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Hmm, perhaps she is simply imitating a similar reaction from another member of the family she has observed measuring themselves I mean, how would she know what's "too big"? I'm not sure if she's learned to count yet.. At that age, kids are receptive to a lot of things so I'm just guessing that is what's going on.
Like sponges..they suck everything up0 -
It has to do with what's being said around her. Negative talk about your body rubs off on them. Either don't do it, or don't do it within ear shot, It's hard, but it needs to be done.0
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I'm an elementary school teacher. Had this happened to me, I'm sure my reaction would be similar and I think you're on the right track for improving your behaviors around her and in general, to make sure you aren't having a negative effect and to feel better about yourself. But in all honesty, most 4 year olds count to about 10. I don't know what number you said or whether you use inches or centimeters, but it could easily have just been her natural reaction to what is a "large" number given the range she's familiar with. Then again, as everyone who has a child in their life or who has watched basic television, kids do notice and absorb everything.
As far as what she actually said, it sounds more to me like she's used to having a very active play life with friendly adults who have exaggerate using dramatic play phrases such as "when you grow up, you'll be as tall as a building!" and other things that make a kid laugh and say, "haha, you're being silly!" But of course, intonation is everything, so if you really think she meant this in a serious way, I'm sure you're right... but it's worth thinking about.0 -
She may have seen something like that on tv? Honestly, there is really no point in you doing all this if you don't put a real focus on trying to change your image of yourself. You could lose all the weight you've ever wanted but will still look at yourself in the mirror and convince yourself that you aren't perfect. I think you need to really search within yourself and try to find a positive balance as to who you are and how wonderful you are regardless of little imperfections.
I think this may have been a much needed wake up call!0 -
I don't know much about anything but here are my two cents for ya ;-)
Since even before I can remember I have been a "chunky" girl. I was never small...EVER. My mother told me I was beautiful every single day...and I believed her. So, when anybody including boys, classmates, magazines, TV, told me different....I thought they were lying. I believed I was beautiful at any and every size. I was surrounded by people like friends and family who told me I was beautiful. Even at my heaviest weight of 250 pounds, I knew I wasn't healthy but you couldn't tell me I wasn't drop dead gorgeous.
Concentrate on telling her she is beautiful at any size and focus on keeping her healthy. Then do the same for you :flowerforyou:0 -
While she may not even understand what she is saying at this point, it may be a wake up call for you. Think about how you want her to feel about herself and start talking to yourself that way. I have a 4 year old daughter as well. I have struggled with my weight for a long time and as I have been really watching what I eat I would say things like "that's not on my diet" or talk about getting skinny. One day my daughter told me she didn't want a cookie because it wasn't on her diet and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't want that for her or for me. Now when we talk about food we talk about eating healthy and that treats are ok sometimes but we don't need all that sugar. And I am very conscious about what I say to her, and myself. I am exercising not to get skinny but to be healthy. Now I want to be a good example for her and am showing her through my actions AND my words. I hope this helps...don't be too hard on yourself but try to learn something from it:)0
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Young children do imitate others without understand what the behavior means. So, chances are she doesn't really have body image issues. Yet. The first step is imitation. As kids get older they understand what the behaviors mean, that's when the real issues start.
I am trying to lose weight so that I can be a healthy role model for my kids. If they are around when I weigh or measure myself I don't comment one way or the other on the numbers. I don't talk about foods I can or cannot eat (mainly because I don't restrict anything, I just keep treats to a minimum), I don't talk about being fat or being unhappy with myself or my body. My daughter already thinks she needs to have her hair done in order to be pretty, which makes me sad. I definitely don't want to introduce body image issues.0 -
I have a 5 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. I vowed the moment I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I would NEVER make food an issue in our house because I didn't want her to have a problem with her weight. That also means that I do not talk about body or weight issues with her. When I decided to go on this "diet" I basically told her that our whole family is getting healthy and that means eating lots of fruits and vegetables. My kids were never unhealthy, but I just made it a family thing. They haven't really been impacted, but she thinks we're all on an adventure to be super healthy. She knows mommy won't eat the cake because it's not the choice mommy wants. But, that it is ok for people to have cake if they want it. It's a choice and mommy just wants to opt for the healthier choice. No talk of calorie counting, etc. Just from a health perspective.
We also do not have a clear your plate policy in our house. We also do not ban foods either. I grew up in a house where only healthy foods were allowed - so what do you think I did when someone put a bowl of chocolates in front of me. Can you say 'binge?' I remember many holidays as a child literally eating until I threw up because it was the only time my mom wasn't watching every thing we ate. My parents were well intentioned, they wanted healthy kids, but it ended up having the exact opposite effect on all 3 of my siblings. One sister and I are both compulsive over-eaters and the other has done severe calorie restriction most of her teen and adult years.
My point - don't make food an issue. It's a tough balance to strike. I struggle with it. However, compared to much of the world, I guess we're lucky this is a problem.0 -
I don't know much about anything but here are my two cents for ya ;-)
Since even before I can remember I have been a "chunky" girl. I was never small...EVER. My mother told me I was beautiful every single day...and I believed her. So, when anybody including boys, classmates, magazines, TV, told me different....I thought they were lying. I believed I was beautiful at any and every size. I was surrounded by people like friends and family who told me I was beautiful. Even at my heaviest weight of 250 pounds, I knew I wasn't healthy but you couldn't tell me I wasn't drop dead gorgeous.
Concentrate on telling her she is beautiful at any size and focus on keeping her healthy. Then do the same for you :flowerforyou:
This is the best advice so far. Love it0 -
I don't know much about anything but here are my two cents for ya ;-)
Since even before I can remember I have been a "chunky" girl. I was never small...EVER. My mother told me I was beautiful every single day...and I believed her. So, when anybody including boys, classmates, magazines, TV, told me different....I thought they were lying. I believed I was beautiful at any and every size. I was surrounded by people like friends and family who told me I was beautiful. Even at my heaviest weight of 250 pounds, I knew I wasn't healthy but you couldn't tell me I wasn't drop dead gorgeous.
Concentrate on telling her she is beautiful at any size and focus on keeping her healthy. Then do the same for you :flowerforyou:
This is the best advice so far. Love it
Much agreed ^_^0
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