New with some difficulties to over come

Hello all.
I hope this website will help as i have been on-line everyday for a very long time now it seems.
22 f canada. ~245lbs. 5'3

If any of you who know this website well know of any links to send me to in order to stop the emotional eatting/ or bored eatting. that would be very helpful. also maybe a link that would get me motivated to work out. im VERY good at making excuses of the 'emotional' type. such as i feel sad or SICK is a habit from school i still havnt gotten out of.

The last 3 years i have been about 100lbs over my previous regular weight.
I have always had trouble with keeping an eatting pattern of any sort. my mom tends to eat a lot for a couple weeks, then not for a couple weeks and i ended up like that all the time. making me deal with minimal eatting disorder of starving myself. Till one day when i was 18 i go sick. Not from the eatting, but psychologically sick. I was having delusions and was so sick in my mind i literally forgot to eat. it wasn't even trying to not eat is was the fact that my thoughts were so strong and "addicting" i became psychotic. hearing voices and such. Well after a year of it gradually getting worse, my parents thought i was on heavy drugs, my brother made my mother take me to the hospital. mental illness at an intense 85 pounds.

I was so sick i ended up in an institution for 4 months. even had my 19th birthday in there. I was in the adolesant ward and as most people were in there for eatting diorders, we had to eat. not that i didn't want to, but getting into that habit again, i couldnt slow down. i wasnt aloud out of the place for over 3 months to even go on the group walks. no exercise was avalible to me. by the time i got out i was about my average weight again which had been 130-150 throughout highschool. But once i got home, i had so much to deal with and adjust, i couldnt find much comfort in anything but food. within 9 months i gained 100 lbs. its been pretty steady since then. my highest weight was about 260 i imagine about a year ago. then i finally started leaving the house and doing stuff. its been a year, being social and such again is really good but really stressful. especially when i can't find a stable place to live so being with my mother has been hard, even if it has only been 2 weeks. "i can do better" is all i get.

i was so stuck from the last 3 years of mainly worrying about my mental well being that my ability to take care of my phisical self has not been well kept. (as well as maintain a clean house or actually DO something day to day like work or volunteer.) to say the least obsicals seem to be a bit bigger for me. esspecially since i like to do things on my own.

what i hope to gain form this website: motivation, and success of course. maybe some tips along the way. but a journal is deffinatly a good idea for me.

worries about joining the website: i won't be able to keep up!! or i wont stick with it/just forget about it.

If any of you who know this website well know of any links to send me to in order to stop the emotional eatting/ or bored eatting. that would be very helpful. also maybe a link that would get me motivated to work out. im VERY good at making excuses of the 'emotional' type. such as i feel sad or SICK is a habit from school i still havnt gotten out of.