Ending a relationship for your own good.
Margentine
Posts: 113 Member
in Chit-Chat
I'm at a crossroads right now . I know I should end the relationship but at times I don't feel strong enough to do it.
I think of all the people involved and all the plans we had yet I know It's not my place to be .
I think of the pain and that I will miss this person , I get so anxious. I have never dumped anyone.
Can anyone understand How I'm feeling
I think of all the people involved and all the plans we had yet I know It's not my place to be .
I think of the pain and that I will miss this person , I get so anxious. I have never dumped anyone.
Can anyone understand How I'm feeling
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Replies
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yes i can relate, you think of all the reasons to stay which don't mesure up to all the reasons to leave, but you have to do what is right for you in the long run, as difficult as it is, just do it for yourself
good luck to you0 -
I know exactly what you mean. Be true to yourself, whichever direction you choose. :flowerforyou:0
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I understand how you must be feeling, I've been in a situation similar. I'm sure you're a strong person & in the end I think you'll do what's best for you. After time it will get better.. (:0
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I know how hard it is to go through with it, but when it's time...you just have to do it. It'll hurt, but if you've thought it through and you know it is ultimately what is best, you will get through the pain.
Sorry you're in this situation. Best of luck to you.0 -
It took me months to break up with my boyfriend of nearly 2 years. But you shouldnt have to stay with him for fear of being lonely. If the relationship was right you would be able to feel it. It's the hardest thing but sometimes you have to do these things If you're anything like me you'll feel like a huge part of you has been taken away and you won't feel like you can cope on your own.
But you really can. I guarantee you're stronger than you think, sometimes it takes being out of a relationship to realise that.
I'm really sorry you're going through this, feel free to message me or something if you'd like to talk about it.
Good luck
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ah youth and the things we do to avoid being alone...
Living a lie and pretending is more insulting and hurtful than flat out dumping someone. They will thank you for it later.
Regards.0 -
Never settle for BTN...better than nothing (no one) And if you're waiting for a good time to do this, forget it...it's never a good time. I've been there and seen it totally different once I was out of the situation.0
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((Hugs)) My relationship of 6 yrs just ended and we are filing divorce..Honestly I felt like you for 3 yrs and stayed unhappy and it was only hurting me..Do what best for you.. that is all that matters:) It is NOT easy0
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Just do it. It's important for you and them. Yes, it's difficult to do. But, it has to be done.0
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The sooner you get out of the way, the sooner he or she can get to work on moving on and rebuilding those dreams (or new ones) with someone else. Leaving my fiance was the best thing I ever did for both of us. I have had the most amazing life in these years without him dragging me into his comfort zone. I learned so much about myself, know who I am, have become the woman I always knew I was. He got what he wanted from someone else. We're both happy.0
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Thanks for you responses, I can't really get into details but we are constanly trying to make things work and they are not.
I think we are both worn out . We are adults and we seem to care for each other but our personalities are to hard-headed.
We have both tried...
But we have trouble communicating and it gets frustrating.
I'm not an emotionaly dependent person ..for I quiet enjoy being single , All the time we have invested almost 2 years ..
thank you , just needed to vent a little on this matter.0 -
I think you know the answer to your situation. But it is so hard to face reality sometimes. Be strong and do what's right for you in the long run. Best of luck.0
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You are gonna feel so much better once it's over. It's just hard to make that first move. You'll look back and wonder what took you so long. Good luck!
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The sooner you get out of the way, the sooner he or she can get to work on moving on and rebuilding those dreams (or new ones) with someone else. Leaving my fiance was the best thing I ever did for both of us. I have had the most amazing life in these years without him dragging me into his comfort zone. I learned so much about myself, know who I am, have become the woman I always knew I was. He got what he wanted from someone else. We're both happy.
Comfort zone that all him too.
I feel like my personality is drained by him. I'm different and not so excited about life as he has a different view on life . He is full of "BUTS"0 -
I actually am newly single, well me and my partner decided to take a break after 2 1/2 years, so i can understand.
you really have to ask yourself if your happy in the relationship and if you aren't, if there are things worth fixing within the relationship. i know its difficult to do so, but i really recommend sitting down and talking to your partner and seeing if they have similar feelings, and really getting your opinion and voice out there, they wont know how your feeling unless you talk to them. if they really care, they should be understanding.
good luck girl, i know its hard, but youll get through it0 -
DO IT! it will suck temporarily, but then the feeling of relief and freedom will be amazing. don't ever settle, life is just too short!0
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Staying married for as long as I did was the worst mistake of my life. It has cost me both emotionally and financially. I can replace money, but I can't replace the time I spent being with the wrong person. Who knows what would have really happened if I would have let go when I first saw the signs.0
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Staying married for as long as I did was the worst mistake of my life. It has cost me both emotionally and financially. I can replace money, but I can't replace the time I spent being with the wrong person. Who knows what would have really happened if I would have let go when I first saw the signs.
^^ I feel the same way looking back on it now:)0 -
Yup. Same here. I felt trapped with him. The more comfort he felt, the more miserable I was. The more I tried to break free, the more he tried to hold on tighter. The breaking point for me was when I realized that by completing college, I would change so drastically that we would not be able to communicate at all. I chose my education, my freedom, and even solitude for a while. I have not regretted it. I feel like I can make anything amazing happen, and I have. It's such a change from the sheltered misery I had with him.The sooner you get out of the way, the sooner he or she can get to work on moving on and rebuilding those dreams (or new ones) with someone else. Leaving my fiance was the best thing I ever did for both of us. I have had the most amazing life in these years without him dragging me into his comfort zone. I learned so much about myself, know who I am, have become the woman I always knew I was. He got what he wanted from someone else. We're both happy.
Comfort zone that all him too.
I feel like my personality is drained by him. I'm different and not so excited about life as he has a different view on life . He is full of "BUTS"
It's difficult because you love him, but you're really doing him a favor. It was painful to see mine suffer. He was (and still is) a good person. We were just not good for each other. When you do it, be sure to not communicate with him for any reason unless legal or financial for a LONG time (I say about a year or until he is happy in a relationship with someone else). Even checking to see how he's doing sends mixed signals and is painful. It sounds counter-intuitive, but it's all about respecting his need to grieve and heal. I really wish you luck. It's not easy, but it does get better.0 -
I very much understand...I was in a similar situation a year n a half ago and I felt really bad and anxious about ending it. I cared about him a lot and he was a great guy but I just wasn't in love with him..I loved him but like a friend not like someone I wanted to spend my life and have kids with and because of that I felt guilty and was miserable...we didn't communicate well at all and argued because of it but I had been in several ****ty relationships and felt like I should try and make it work because he was a good guy and because he had been hurt in the past too and I wanted him to be happy..it totally sux but u shouldn't stay with someone out of convenience or guilt...it took me awhile to end it and it was definetly hard but looking back on it I made the right desicion...don't worry about plans you made or how other people will react..if its not meant to be then its not meant to be and you will both be better off in the end....I was fortunate that after almost a year we were able to talk about things and agree that ending it was for the best and now we are friends...I really hope everything works out for u and if you need to talk feel free to message me...good luck!!0
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Staying married for as long as I did was the worst mistake of my life. It has cost me both emotionally and financially. I can replace money, but I can't replace the time I spent being with the wrong person. Who knows what would have really happened if I would have let go when I first saw the signs.
OMG!!! I can't belive this thread of "ME" exists. Man, after 30 years I'm resentful, frustrated and have began to not respect the person. I love her, but it's mad-ning to deal and live with. I'm moving on, can't allow more time to go by and live this way, I must be free and given a chance to see "what if ?" . Yes, this will hurt many people, but no one has felt my pain for this length of time. Do what is right for you and not others.0 -
I was on the receiving end of this. When I was told she felt ths way for six years, I was pissed. I mean, I recounted all the things we did the past six years, and was like, really?
In retrospect, I think the kindest and most humane thing is to end it when it's ready o be ended.0 -
I'm currently on the receiving end of something similar to this........ all I can say is, "If your heart isn't in it, take yourself out" ........... it's still very painful and hard for me to see in my own situation right now but had it happened sooner, I'd be far less confused and heartbroken than I am now......0
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sometimes life makes relationships complicated, but its how you two TOGETHER deal with it. never giving up is important, but at times its important to let go and do whats best for you. if youre feeling this way its most respectful to him for you to leave. its gonna hurt like hell, but youll eventually move on and you will be happier, or it will come back and work out. either way its healthiest to move on and let the anger, frustration, and confusion fade away. do not fear of being lonely. be yourself, and remain positive. be strong and good luck! (ps dont be like me and eat ice cream outta the container.....itll kill your calories! haha)0
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Been there done that. Regardless of the reason, when you know you should go, go. Don't waste any more time. Life is short.0
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Just do what is best for you. He might be pissed and hurt, but will probably thank you later. If I hadn't been dumped years ago, I wouldn't be engaged to a fabulous woman I met here on MFP. It wasn't a great relationship and 60 pounds of the weight I had to lose was put on with her. So if there is absolutely no salvaging it, just do it.0
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I'm at a crossroads right now . I know I should end the relationship but at times I don't feel strong enough to do it.
I think of all the people involved and all the plans we had yet I know It's not my place to be .
I think of the pain and that I will miss this person , I get so anxious. I have never dumped anyone.
Can anyone understand How I'm feeling
=*( def can relate..0 -
I have reeeeally recently gone through pretty much exactly this...
It was 18 months in and it was so hard to actually get the guts up and do it. And after I felt like crap for a bit, but at the same time I had this massive sense of relief and of having this great weight lifted off of my shoulders.
Life really is too short.0 -
I'm currently on the receiving end of something similar to this........ all I can say is, "If your heart isn't in it, take yourself out" ........... it's still very painful and hard for me to see in my own situation right now but had it happened sooner, I'd be far less confused and heartbroken than I am now......
same here... 4 years together and i am happy with the bf... 2 weeks ago he said he wasnt sure if we had a future together I told him if his heart isnt in it, then i didnt want us to stay together for false reasons. he recently said he wants to stay together but still has a bad feeling about it.
the joys of relationships :grumble:0 -
so why stay...0
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