DEEP THOUGHTS.........

Pollywog39
Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
in Chit-Chat
ON another thread, someone mentioned deep thoughts and such, and I couldn't HELP myself..........had to go and look up some Jack Handey Deep Thoughts (any of you who used to watch SNL in its Glory Days can relate.)

Enjoy, and if YOU have any Deep Thoughts of your own (original or not), please share!

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell
him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute
thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."

:ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell:

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the
mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

:smokin: :smokin: :smokin: :smokin: :smokin:

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first
instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant and she
fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

:noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway:

Replies

  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    Oh wow I remember these and they're still priceless \m/
  • rammsteinsoldier
    rammsteinsoldier Posts: 1,552 Member
    I can hear the voice and music. Thanks for the memories
  • Michele7091
    Michele7091 Posts: 256 Member
    When I first saw this post Jack Handy IMMEDIATELY came to mind. My all-time favorite is:

    "The birds seem to be calling my name, thought Caw". :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    I crack up EVERY time I hear it!
  • MeliciousGibson
    MeliciousGibson Posts: 248 Member
    For Christmas one year my dad gave me a "Deep Thoughts" calendar. I LOVED it and still remember one of my favorites:

    "If dogs were to rule the world I would hope that they wouldn't base leadership on size, because I'm sure there are some chihuahuas out there with some pretty good ideas".

    And, of course:

    As I sat there watching the light turn from red to green, yellow, and back to red again, I wondered: Is life nothing but a bunch of honking and yelling? I don't think so.
  • Myndi73
    Myndi73 Posts: 270
    If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell
    him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute
    thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."


    This one is my FAV!
  • TK266
    TK266 Posts: 3,638 Member
    It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
  • tiggergrrl23
    tiggergrrl23 Posts: 98 Member
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • LovingLisa2012
    LovingLisa2012 Posts: 775 Member
    when my neice and nephew were little, the y would be scared of the thunder , so i would tell them .. God & the Angels are bowling
    and the rain was cuz some one lost ,, hey it would calm them down :laugh:
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
    Ahh, yes.......the red light/green light one :)

    Here's more, from our friend Jack Handey:

    I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out
    that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because
    I was thinking about doing that anyway.
    :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:

    If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying
    forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.
    :glasses: :glasses: :glasses: :glasses: :glasses:

    It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I
    guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there,
    rocking back and forth, wanting that money.
    :tongue: :tongue: :tongue: :tongue: :tongue:

    If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer,
    I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
    :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker:
  • dobarber
    dobarber Posts: 611 Member
    I favorite is:
    I thought one day that if we had ham then we could have ham and eggs...If we had eggs.
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
    I favorite is:
    I thought one day that if we had ham then we could have ham and eggs...If we had eggs.

    so silly.........love it!

    Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights,
    even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're
    talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.

    :ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell:

    If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while
    you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on
    a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.

    :huh: :huh: :huh:


    Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a
    dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look
    out your little window and think, "Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in that."

    :embarassed: :embarassed: :embarassed:
  • krystonite
    krystonite Posts: 553 Member
    My all-time favorite:

    I remember the first time I ever saw a shooting star I said, "What the hell is that?" But nowadays when I see one I just say, "What is that?" I leave off the "hell" part. Maybe when I'm old I'll just say, "Whazzit?"
  • cardbucfan
    cardbucfan Posts: 10,571 Member
    OMG, thanks for the memories! First thing I thought when I saw the title was "Jack Handey"-love it!
  • ChristiH4000
    ChristiH4000 Posts: 531 Member
    Such an awesome post! Thanks for the laugh.
  • Fockertots
    Fockertots Posts: 221
    Of all the causes of astronaut insanity, getting a fly caught inside your space helmet is probably in the top three.

    I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about 20 years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out west and start digging for gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd say, "Looking for gold, ya durn fool." He'd say, "Your pick is gold," and I'd say, "well that was easy." Good joke, huh?
  • sessaleigh
    sessaleigh Posts: 45
    "Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis."
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
    Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over
    here, looking through your stuff.

    :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:


    For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: why not add
    a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • TK266
    TK266 Posts: 3,638 Member
    If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

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