when you are over and your spouse is under

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virginiakatie
virginiakatie Posts: 35
in Health and Weight Loss
Thats my predicament.
I'm the one that's currently over-weight though not by much. I'll be in the healthy range in the next 5 pounds lost but I have 20 to go to my goal.

My husband on the other hand weighs what I'm shooting for at 140 and he's trying to GAIN weight.
It's discouraging to be "bigger" than my husband and makes me feel so fat. And it's frustrating that he can eat what he wants and I have to be cautious.

Anyone else in this kind of situation?

And I might add that he's very supportive of me. He's never made me feel inadequate or "fat" or "ugly"... it's really just my own body perception that makes me feel that way.

Replies

  • tammietifanie
    tammietifanie Posts: 1,496 Member
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    Im in the same boat your are!!! Im way over weight and my Boyfriend is under weight and it drives me nuts cause he's always eating the stuff i can't and he complains cause he can't gain weight... Gee you poor thing while i sit there at look at junk food and i feel my weight go up... i hate it!! He's in the military so of course he says things about me losing weight but only in a supportive way like he's worried about my health and keeping up with the kids.. but when you know your the "Big" one in the family it makes it hard to stay motivated ... How can you sit there and eat carrot sticks and salads while he munchies down on chips and soda and hamburgers... it's very very hard when you have to lose weight and they don't... Im still trying to find a way to stay focused and not tackle him for that bag of chips.. :happy:
  • virginiakatie
    virginiakatie Posts: 35
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    I know what you mean!!
    People say all the time, dang you have a small waist (to my husband) and I'm just like "gawwww" I know he's got a small waist. After having 3 babies I am not sure if anyone well ever look at me and consider me "small" again.
  • tammietifanie
    tammietifanie Posts: 1,496 Member
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    I don't think my hips will ever go back down so i could have a small waist.. But all we can do is try right... My honey is always running, working out and saying it's not hard (darn military ) and im like yea after chasing the kids around all day , plus house work , errands and everything else umm going for a run is the last thing i want to do... :laugh: :laugh: And when we go out it seems like they always say things like wow scott have you been working out and im sitting there like hello does anyone see me.. im over here eating salads, eggs and drinking nasty protein shakes and you don't notice how i look ..... :grumble: :sad: :sad: :explode: Some times i feel like leaving him at home so people would only notice me I know that sounds bad but it's so true...
  • virginiakatie
    virginiakatie Posts: 35
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    lol... no it doesn't sound bad because I completely understand what you mean.
    I don't think people are looking at me and thinking "gee she's fat" but when they look at him and say "you're so thin"... I feel like it's implied that I'm not.

    Whatever.... I know HE thinks I'm hot :) lol, so I guess that's good.
  • Jovialation
    Jovialation Posts: 7,632 Member
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    Oh Im in the same situation! Including him being supporting and liking me the way I am. I dont wanna force him to eat healthier smaller meals when he needs meat on his bones, but I cant stand watching him eat twice what I do when Im still hungry.
    Sometimes Ill just use a smaller plate then him so I trick myself into thinking I have more food.
    Or I feed him snacks between meals while Im doing something in a different room than him and we'll eat nearly the same amount of dinner lol.


    My biggest issue is that he likes my butt and boobs the way they are and I really dont mind em but hate my waist, arms, and legs. Theres no way Im gonna be able to keep some of my body the same while losing other parts! :sad:
  • kblu0816
    kblu0816 Posts: 1,627 Member
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    Oh my lord thank god someone else is going through this. My bf of four years is underweight but is all muscle so he just needs to eat more food to bulk up some. His metabolism is rediculous and he's always been skinny. Like others have said, he does like me the way I am but knows I'm not happy at this point so he's trying his best to help me out. We;re getting a gym membership together becuase he loves weight lifting (he used to play football in high school) And we both know if we're paying for something, we're going to use it as much as possible.
  • wks7777
    wks7777 Posts: 230
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    My husband isnt under weight but he is 6'4 so even if he gains 20 lbs (which he has since we got married) you can hardly even tell, its so frustarating, he eats SO MUCH and becuz he is so tall it just kind of balances out. I always feel like im fat when im out with him, like people look at him and look at me and think why the hell is he with that chunky girl...i hate that i feel like that but i do.
  • kstefanski
    kstefanski Posts: 68 Member
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    Oh how much I feel your frustration! I weigh 181 pounds, and my boyfriend weighs 130. He's super skinny (but muscular, he just has to bulk up too) and always eats whatever he wants. Since we're in college, it's hard to watch him get the pizza and cheese-filled breadsticks with french fries and two cookies while I'm munching away on a salad that I carefully portioned out. And he also likes to snack on things all the time so I just have to buck up and watch him eat.
    He is very supportive of me trying to lose weight, but sometimes he can say things that hurt my feelings even though he doesn't mean it. For instance, he and one of my other super skinny friends were intrigued at this large chest at the friend's apartment and decided to try to fit in it. They couldn't, and then he turns to me and says "You want to try?" Of course he didn't mean anything by it, but I just wanted to cry because he knows that I'd never even get halfway to where they fit in, and it embarrassed me. And another time he said somebody looked like me, she just waddled a little more than me and, while he says it came out wrong, it made me so self-conscious. I'm probably being to sensitive, but, oh well. Oh, and one more thing: last night while working out (he came with me) I was all sweaty and had a high heart rate from power walking for almost 40 minutes around the track and he turns to me and says he's barely working anything. Well good for you!

    Thanks for this post though, it helped me get some of my frustration out :laugh:
  • virginiakatie
    virginiakatie Posts: 35
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    oh my... kstefanski...

    I would have my hubby's head on a stick if he was saying stuff w/o thinking like that!!! lol,
    Seriously, that IS frustrating!

    I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling this way. Not that I don't want my husband to be healthy, because I do but I just wish his "healthy" made him a little bigger than me so that I would feel like a tiny little princess... :laugh:
  • GreenEyedMonster
    GreenEyedMonster Posts: 803
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    I'm trying to get my wife to eat better but I'm afraid she'll disappear on me if I do. She's about 5'6 and 112 lbs right now I think. Problem is she has a history of every genetic disease that can kill you in her family pretty much (heart attacks and diabetes mainly concern me). Plus my will power sucks so when she buys tasty sugary treats I tend to eat it... all of it... because if I eat it all today it'll be gone and can't tempt me tomorrow.
  • mouser79
    mouser79 Posts: 68
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    I am in the same situation. My husband is actually underweight and I am overweight, it is so depressing!
  • mushy2
    mushy2 Posts: 24 Member
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    i was in this situation till my husband hit 40 then all of a sudden he put the wight on now he is the on just ideal weight for his height we thought he would never get there. We used to joke if we both swapped weights we both be happy.

    I dont know what to suggest iot just happened.
  • farfalla_americana
    farfalla_americana Posts: 9
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    My boyfriend is about 5'11' or six feet, and I'm 5' 8'' and we weigh the same amount! :mad:

    Its so annoying when he always talks about gaining weight.

    but yesterday a small triumph- he had desert and I didn't have any! I didn't even want any- I was plenty full from dinner.

    The best I can do is that when I cook, I give him 2/3 of what i cooked and myself 1/3, and drink lots of water.
  • kstefanski
    kstefanski Posts: 68 Member
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    It's okay virginiakatie, I always make sure he knows when he says something wrong lol :tongue:

    I just think it's hard for him to understand what upsets me because he's never been overweight, always just above underweight really, so he doesn't know that him saying those kinds of things can upset me so much. It's hard for him to understand my plight I guess!

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