Am I loosing to much weight? Jelous wife.

TOXUTHAT
TOXUTHAT Posts: 38 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Greetings,

Does anyone have a jealous spouse? My wife thinks I am loosing to much weight. I am 53 years old, 5'11". and I weigh 180 right now. I started in October at 240 pounds. My blood pressure was high and so was my cholesterol. My doctor suggested a diet before trying meds. My blood pressure and cholesterol are all normal now. My goal is to weigh 170 pounds. According to the BMI scale, that is about the middle of normal for someone my height. My wife says I have lost enough weight and I look good. She sometimes thinks that with my new appearance, I might leave her for someone else. I know this happens. It happened to a friend of mine. Her husband lost 100 pounds, and is leaving her for someone else. Does anyone else have this problem? I know loosing weight can be a life changing event. A lot of people change when they loose weight. Also, have I lost enough weight? I am competing in a Biggest Looser competition and I am tied for first place. There are four weeks left. First prize is $250. I told my wife I will stop at the end of the competition at what ever weight I am at.

Replies

  • xPOOKiEx
    xPOOKiEx Posts: 156 Member
    Men always lose weight faster than women...It's a damn shame but it happens all the time.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    Men always lose weight faster than women...It's a damn shame but it happens all the time.
    Lol did you even read the post?
  • keegannati
    keegannati Posts: 114
    She will see in time that you still want to be with her. Remind her that you'll be staying with her LONGER by becoming healthier.
  • Cmonnowguys
    Cmonnowguys Posts: 361 Member
    Men always lose weight faster than women...It's a damn shame but it happens all the time.
    Lol did you even read the post?

    Lmao, I wondered the same thing.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    OP: I can't really offer you any advice since my husband isn't jealous. I do think you're asking two different questions though. 1) Am I losing too much weight? and 2) What should I do about my wife being jealous?
  • prov31jd
    prov31jd Posts: 153 Member
    It's a bummer when a spouse is threatened by your getting healthier, but maybe you just need to reassure her. Has there ever been any reason in the past for her to think you would stray from her? If not, then remind her of your continued faithfulness and tell her there's no reason to think that would change now!

    Is it possible she is concerned you don't find her as attractive as you used to? Again -- she needs your reassurance!
  • Chagama
    Chagama Posts: 543 Member
    I think that people who aren't able to control their own weight, or are unable to lose the weight they want, tend to tell people who are losing weight that they have lost enough and should stop. It's not just limited to spouses.

    However, I got a similar reaction from my wife. I told her what my goal was and she said "You can't lose that much weight, it won't be healthy" I pointed out that my goal would put me right in the middle of the healthy range for BMI, so I'm not aiming at the lower end of healthy. And I'm not particularly muscular, so that seems reasonable. It's also the weight I was at when I graduated college, and then again when we got married, both times I was in reasonably good shape. I told her I appreciated her thought but it is my health and I'm going to get to where I feel comfortable.
  • Meg177
    Meg177 Posts: 215 Member
    Did the friend leave his wife because he lost the weight and could do better or because his wife didn't support him, wasn't interested in trying anything new and was insecure?
  • kvbushman
    kvbushman Posts: 14 Member
    I think your weightloss is okay.

    Your wife...I can totally relate to her concerns. My ex husband lost 180 pounds after fighting with his weight for 12 years. I was with him for 15 and about 6 months of reaching his goal weight, he came home one day and said he was moving out. Ended up, he met a woman 11 years younger and that did not compete with me and the kids. I often wonder if we would still be together had he not lost the weight??? We hardly ever argued and I had no idea it was coming.... So my suggestion is if you truely love her, talk to her openly about it and tell her that you love her unconditionally and that going on meds really woke you up to your health and that is was not for any other reason. Remind her often that it is okay to change physically since mentally in your relationship your feelings for her are the same. Good luck to you and your wife, and good luck on your competition.
  • Kmsnomaha
    Kmsnomaha Posts: 167 Member
    Is your wife overweight? Possibly she is just very "jealous" of your weight loss and now showing her emotions in other ways. Just a thought? I hope this makes sense.
  • wyndwoman
    wyndwoman Posts: 14 Member
    that's why I work out and lose weight WITH my hubby. he won't have to look for a new hottie if I'm a new hottie standing right next to him ROFL
  • LSC77
    LSC77 Posts: 24 Member
    As a wife, I told my husband he was to skinny. I like a little meat on a guys bones. He was 6'2 180lbs. I am 5'1 120 lbs. I can see how someone would be jealous, but sometimes women do like a little heavier man. He looks good at 190 lbs, but I really like him at 200 lbs. It looks better on him.

    As far as your wife definitely reassure her and maybe ask her to join you for a date night.
  • BrianSharpe
    BrianSharpe Posts: 9,248 Member
    Ladies, please don't take this the wrong way and beat me up.....

    How old is your wife? The reason I ask (I'm 56 but my wife is younger than me) is that mine is pre-menopausal and is, frequently an emotional wreck and feels very insecure. She's worries at times that the new me is going to find some young trophy wife and abandon her (she's a Latina and in their culture women tend to get treated like crap by macho men to put things in context) even though she's never had cause to worry.

    Just my 2 cents.
  • kealambert
    kealambert Posts: 961 Member
    Men always lose weight faster than women...It's a damn shame but it happens all the time.
    Lol did you even read the post?

    Lmao, I wondered the same thing.
  • TOXUTHAT
    TOXUTHAT Posts: 38 Member
    Thanks for all the great feedback. I CONSTANTLY reassure my wife that I love her and I am not going to leave her. We have been happily married for 19 years. She is diabetic and it is sometimes difficult for her to loose weight. She recently broke her leg so a lot of exercise is out of the question until her leg is completely healed. I am hoping that after the four weeks is over and all I have to do is maintain my weight, she will be ok with my weight and appearance.
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    In almost every case I've heard of where someone has lost weight and then left a spouse it's because there were underlying issues with their relationship before the weight loss ever took place. If you're unhappy in your marriage, but know you have little chance of finding someone else, you're liable to settle for what you have because at least you have someone and you aren't alone. Your spouse might not even realize how unhappy you are.

    Let's face it, in our culture, someone who is really overweight has a disadvantage when it comes to attracting members of the opposite sex. Taking charge of one's health and appearance and losing weight usually increases a person's confidence, as well as their energy levels and their attractiveness. Suddenly, you have this person who was feeling "stuck" and unhappy who now is possibly attracting members of the opposite sex and feeling a lot better about himself. It's not surprising that the end of the unhappy marriage might be the result. Of course, there are also those people who are just cheaters by nature and losing weight makes it easier for them.

    Honestly, I think the best thing you can do is to sit down with your wife and patiently explain to her that your feelings for her are not going to change just because your body and your relationship with food has changed. You aren't like the people I described above. If your marriage is strong now, and you are truly happy with her, she has nothing to fear and it's your job to convince her of that.
  • kaylala123
    kaylala123 Posts: 5 Member
    I would say don't cut yourself short. Get to where YOU want to be and tell her along the way you love her and that The new you is still the old you just in a better body and probably with some better habits! Don't let anyone stop you in your journey. Once she is heeled give her in encouragement to become healthy with you. Just be careful not to rub success in her face. She is probably insecure if she is over weight.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
    Sometimes women have that thought in the back of their minds about what if their spouse left them for someone younger and thinner. Most women think that way when they feel bad about themselves or when the spouse changes themselves physically. I am sure you tell her you love her and won't leave her but maybe have a heart to heart talk with her and tell her WHY you are losing the weight.
  • JayByrd107
    JayByrd107 Posts: 282 Member
    I'm about your same height and while I looked okay at 180, I look great at 165. It really depends on what you want. I want my low bodyfat/athletic build back from when I was younger so I'm going to about 160.
  • bikinibeliever
    bikinibeliever Posts: 832 Member
    Oh yeah! I lost 65 pounds years ago.

    Hubby turned into a real nut job.

    Guys were checking me out right and left.

    He noticed and it didn't sit well.

    I ended up giving my diet up. :sad:

    Not this time!!! It's all the way.

    Unhappy hubby or not, my health is too important!
  • lisa3459
    lisa3459 Posts: 1
    My husband loat 120 lbs. & I lost 75 and was VERY supportive of him. In fact, I spent my inheritance and got us out of debt so he could pay a personal trainer 480.00 a month and then he left me after a 20 year marriage. I was devastated but I have to move on. Please let your wife know how much you love and appreciate her. I loved him at 405 lbs and use to kid him about leaving me after he lost weight. Guess the jokes on me. Oh well at least I've list weight too.

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