Is he really?!

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Presley0381
Presley0381 Posts: 88
in Motivation and Support
Good morning! Hope everyone is having a good morning so far...I can't exactly say mine is bad but I'm feeling sorta bothered I guess. This started yesterday and apparently it's bothering me enough to feel the need to tell someone. Ok so anyway, I've been on and off diets and exercising for the last couple of years. I've been with my other half/fiancee/spouse whatever you want to call him for 5 years now. So he's been there and seen it all. We have both gained weight but he has probably only gained MAYBE 20 lbs in the whole 5 years. And myself, well a WHOLE LOT more :grumble: So anyway, I started back up once again on Monday. He knew I was going to start because I had mentioned this little birthday challenge I have going on with my friend. But one thing he doesn't know is that I have been trying so very very hard to at least weight less than him. Anyway, yesterday morning before he left for work we were both in the kitchen and we're talking and he's making his lunch yada yada and he turns to me and says "Hey, guess what?" I say "What?" He says "I've lost 6 lbs this week!" :noway: I didn't know what to say!!! So of course I felt the need to throw in my weight loss too which was a 2 lb loss more than him...But damn it, I've been busting my butt working out and eating right and he does nothing...NOTHING!! He changes his eating habits a little bit..And I seriously mean a little bit and loses 6 lbs. And this is not the first time he's done this either. We never talk about working out together or even eating right together. Dinner time sometimes sucks because I literally make two meals, one for him and the girls and then one for myself. But he somehow always secretly diets when I do. I just don't get it. I love this man more than words can describe but why do I feel like he is competing against me? So sorry for the vent...But yea, I feel better :ohwell:

Replies

  • getfitnfab
    getfitnfab Posts: 418 Member
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    I don't have a husband who competes with me in weight loss, he has always weighed less than me since I have met him. He's 5 inches taller than me.

    This was the first year I have weighed less than him, did he gain, no I lost.

    I have been with him 25 years.

    I hear you. Hang in, you can do it.

    men tend to lose by cutting out sugar or hardly dieting, that's just how they are built.
  • hippychickuk
    hippychickuk Posts: 93 Member
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    Yeah, darn men! they make it look easy! I know there's the rational part of you saying, he's got a completely different body than I do, we're not going to gain/lose weight in the same way. Then when he goes on about the 6lbs all that rational thought is out the window, right? :smile: Perhaps you could both keep going as you are, but not share each other's exact weight losses? Just say, "I'm down this week, you?" never mind how much. You could also talk to him and ask if he really is competing with you and if so, tell him to knock it off! :laugh:
  • NicolettetheGreek
    NicolettetheGreek Posts: 246 Member
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    Yeah..have worked for month's to weigh less than the hubby, who only gains in the tummy..Was being bold the other day, said, "hey, let's weigh!" Well, we got on scale at 9pm, and I ended up weighing 2 pounds more! :noway: he just laughed and walked away. Was so bummed, cuz I know if I would have weighed w/him in the morning, first thing..you know the drill, I would have won..right? :sad: Oh well..
  • BITEME_GRRR
    BITEME_GRRR Posts: 150 Member
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    Ugh tell me about it. my boyfriend has like no body fat its annoying and he eats ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL day. Try not to compete be happy for him but spend that energy focusing on yourself.
  • hongruss
    hongruss Posts: 389 Member
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    Have you considered that he does it to spin you out, you become disheartened & comfort eat. He is secure that his wife isn't going to become super hot & put pressure on the relationship with all the new attention she is getting. Just a thought.

    Russ
  • stephc0711
    stephc0711 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    Have you considered that he does it to spin you out, you become disheartened & comfort eat. He is secure that his wife isn't going to become super hot & put pressure on the relationship with all the new attention she is getting. Just a thought.

    Russ

    Sadly, he might be right... Some guys are insecure like this... :(
  • Barbellsandthimbles
    Barbellsandthimbles Posts: 205 Member
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    If he doesn't know that you're trying to weigh less than him then I doubt he's doing this to thwart your plans! More than likely he's trying to be healthier because you are and because he's a man (damn men) he will lose it easier. Maybe y'all should try to eat healthier together and the support might be more tangible? If it bothers you that much, tell him that you're happy he's trying to be healthier but ask him to do it slower than you! :D
  • marycmeadows
    marycmeadows Posts: 1,691 Member
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    My boyfriend lost 80 lbs before we got together (he lost it in a short time too - from like May - September!) -- simply by cutting fast food, and switching to diet soda -- and not snacking on junk food..... Yea, me on the other hand, I started my new lifestyle on january 1 2011 -- and by labor day 2011 had lost about 75lbs --AND not only had I been watching what I eat, cutting fast food & soda all together, and I had been busting my butt at the gym 6-7 days a week and had trainers 4 days a week -- yea, it's frustrating. but everyone's different. I do know men who it is not that easy for and they go through the same thing I have, but my boyfriend, and your OH are just some of the lucky ones who can do it without even really trying! (sickening - and I'm totally jealous and not afraid to say it) - but I'm sure there's things you're good at that he can't do worth a damn.... same with my boyfriend..... maybe i'm weird, that's just how i look at it.... yea, he can drop weight like it's nothing..... but he can't cook without a recipe, has a very short fuse, etc... it's the small things..... I hear you're not supposed to compare yourself to others... easier said than done though. :) Good luck!!
  • PlunderBunneh
    PlunderBunneh Posts: 1,705 Member
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    My husband loses weight by accident. He doesn't even realize it, but I do, and when he weighs in, sure enough, ten pounds down. Sigh.
    However, I've been paying more attention this time. I'm pretty sure he's lost weight because I started cooking healthy for the entire family. We decided to start saving up for a house, so he doesn't go out to eat at lunch much anymore. Instead, he takes in pre-portioned bowls of leftovers from the dinners I make. So sure, he's still eating more than I am and he's not running or biking or anything, but it's a bit of a softer blow when he loses weight so easily, now that I can see the small changes.
    That, and he doesn't have the massive sweet tooth that I do lol!
    For the first time in our 7 years of knowing each other, I weigh less. Not by much (between 10 pounds and 20), but still. I still see myself as bigger though. Dude is just a compact and incredibly strong guy.

    Tell him that you are bothered by his gloating.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    Competing? That's the first thing you think of when someone who also needs to lose weight starts trying to lose weight? Just because YOU started trying first?

    And to show your support and excitement for him, you throw how much YOU'VE lost out there. Yeah...he's CLEARLY the one with the problem here.
  • shaycat
    shaycat Posts: 980
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    Competing? That's the first thing you think of when someone who also needs to lose weight starts trying to lose weight? Just because YOU started trying first?

    And to show your support and excitement for him, you throw how much YOU'VE lost out there. Yeah...he's CLEARLY the one with the problem here.

    I kinda agree. Be supportive of him and he will support you back. It is not a game. It is about living a heather lifestyle.

    That being said. I do get bummed/ticked that my husband can pretty much eat what he wants and not gain, while I need to count every calories.
  • doh8302
    doh8302 Posts: 9
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    I totally feel your frustration. My husband who needs to loose weight for his health issues was loosing weight and catching up to my weight. I decided that I'd try to loose some weight also. I have 5 children between the ages of 4 and 10. We all eat the same things. My husband and I only have one helping (a small piece of meat (1/4 of the plate), potatoes,pasta, or rice (1/4 of the plate) and a half plate of vegetables. We have also stopped snacking throughout the day and have a healthy snack in the evening. Also if you are stressing over it, your weight will come off much slower also. Keep at it and do it for you.
  • Microfiber_wechange
    Microfiber_wechange Posts: 640
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    I do get bummed/ticked that my husband can pretty much eat what he wants and not gain, while I need to count every calories.

    My husband also. He's proper fit and eats huge portions. I mean huge. I eat a quarter of what he does :laugh: :laugh:
  • Presley0381
    Presley0381 Posts: 88
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    Competing? That's the first thing you think of when someone who also needs to lose weight starts trying to lose weight? Just because YOU started trying first?

    And to show your support and excitement for him, you throw how much YOU'VE lost out there. Yeah...he's CLEARLY the one with the problem here.

    Rude much?! I didn't post this for people like you to bring me down or judge me. You don't know the whole story. I have asked him time and time again to go walking with me or eat right with me. He has never agreed. Also I did not mention how much he weighed so you don't know for a fact that he NEEDS to lose weight. The point I was trying to make is he does this behind my back, without helping me, even though I have asked him. I am proud and happy for him but just not understand why he couldn't do this with me. And it was the way he said which I obviously could not explain on here that made me want to throw mine in too. He knows how hard I have been working to lose the weight. Anyway, I don't have to explain myself to you.
  • Presley0381
    Presley0381 Posts: 88
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    Everyone else who responded and clearly understood where I was coming from, thank you for your responses!
  • Presley0381
    Presley0381 Posts: 88
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    Have you considered that he does it to spin you out, you become disheartened & comfort eat. He is secure that his wife isn't going to become super hot & put pressure on the relationship with all the new attention she is getting. Just a thought.

    Russ

    I did not consider this. Maybe you're right. He's always come off as a pretty confident guy so I didn't think this was an issue.
  • shaycat
    shaycat Posts: 980
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    If you really think he is secretly dieting when you do, then you should talk to him. That doesn't sound normal or healthy.
    Also you shouldn't need to cook two meals. This is not a diet, it is a lifestyle change. Make the change for the whole family.
    Talk to him about getting in shape together. Even if he isnt overweight exercise is always good.
  • Presley0381
    Presley0381 Posts: 88
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    If you really think he is secretly dieting when you do, then you should talk to him. That doesn't sound normal or healthy.
    Also you shouldn't need to cook two meals. This is not a diet, it is a lifestyle change. Make the change for the whole family.
    Talk to him about getting in shape together. Even if he isnt overweight exercise is always good.

    I agree something isn't right. I should have clarified in my post but I do and have asked many times for him to help me or workout with me. Instead he would rather play Xbox or FB games. He is supportive of me at times but I just don't understand what his intensions are and I'm sorry but it's extremely frusturating. The other day I expressed that I would like to join a gym and start toning. I asked him if he would like to join too...His excuse was that we would need a sitter for our kids. So ok I let it go. I have several friends that working out and trying to get healthy and some are guys. When I mentioned going to the same gym as them so they could help me out he immediately said well I don't understand why you need anyone to go to the gym with you anyway but no I'll go. :explode: I'm not on here to be negative towards him at all. I love him very much and all I ask is for his support WITH me.
  • shaycat
    shaycat Posts: 980
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    It almost sounds like he is worried that if you get fit and hot you may not feel the same towards him.
    You need to make him understand that you need to get in shape for YOU. You would like him to join you, but no matter what you will always love him.
    It can be hard on the partner when the other one makes a big change in their life. He should support you. I think he might just be unable to express his fears to you. Dont be hard on him or get angry. Talk to him and help him understand why you need to do this for you and why you need him to support you.

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