Why Men Love *****es
kate_sunflower
Posts: 152 Member
in Chit-Chat
Has anyone read this book? I'm going through a rather rough breakup and after trying to get him back, I realized he is a toxic person and dragged me down so far. I thought this book was so empowering and my only regret is that I had picked it up years earlier!!!
I'd love to get other opinions on it!
I'd love to get other opinions on it!
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Replies
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sorry I posted another one because I think this'll be removed due to the language in the title0
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I dont think most guys like *****es, me and all my friends agree if we meet girls like that we just ignore her and proceed to talk massive amounts of **** about her0
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if you read the book it has nothing to do with the stereotypical definition of a b*tch. That's why I asked if anyone read the book.0
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Okay...0
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Alright forget it, I'll drop it then haha!0
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Well you got two responses so far, so maybe if you could explain a bit more about the book, we could give a more informed opinion. Sorry I haven't read this one.0
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It's extended title is From Doormat to Dreamgirl: A woman's guide to holding her own in the relationship. It compares the b*tch to a girl who is "too nice", who gives up her own goals, hobbies, friends to have him solely in her life. Whereas, she describes the btch as not the stereotypical definition or what one may think but a woman who is not just existing for her man. She is strong and keeps her own in her life, not trying to compete with other women for a man's affection or changing herself for someone. She is comfortable in her skin and is happy whether or not he is in her life or not. The "nice girl" who sacrifices so much up front, once the relationship is done, is left with little to nothing and wondering what went wrong when she had been so wonderful and cared so much.
I just could find myself relating to this so much. I completely lost myself for a whole year. My relationships with friends suffered, my health suffered, my job suffered, I never got the certifications I wanted to study hard to get - I fell into this trap. It was just the first book I read where I was reading through all the "principles" the author laid out and was agreeing with (almost everything) that shows neediness from a woman.
Anyways... its helping me to see the forest through the trees and not fear a life going forward without my ex-boyfriend. Does that help a bit?0 -
If I don't get responses, whatever. I had heard of it for years but never picked it up. Guess people here go through break ups differently??0
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Yes, thank you! I think men like the strong type of woman, because a self-sacrificing, doormat makes them feel guilty and uncomfortable after awhile. Being the center of someone's reason for existence probably would be exhausting, unless you are a total narcissist, in which case it would probably work out great!
Sorry about your break up, hope this book helps you to find your own strength to stand on your own and find someone worthy of you and your beautiful smile.
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Hmmmff--seems sexist to me, in that all men and women really want is someone to love them unconditionally with mutual respect--why these books come out trying to "empower" one group or another is really beyond me.0
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i think for what u wrote not many have read the book
i know i havent but i think i am classed as a bi*ch from what u wrote i love my man hes my soul mate but i could and would live without him x
glad YOU found this book and its helped you to move forward and i hope u keep re- reading it so u dont get to be the "nice girl" again x0 -
If I don't get responses, whatever. I had heard of it for years but never picked it up. Guess people here go through break ups differently??
If your looking for something to read to help yourself and not so much focus on what "men" like or don't like I would suggest Eckhart Tolles books The Power of Now and/or The New Earth. They were both very inspirational for me. Hope this helps.0 -
Yes, thank you! I think men like the strong type of woman, because a self-sacrificing, doormat makes them feel guilty and uncomfortable after awhile. Being the center of someone's reason for existence probably would be exhausting, unless you are a total narcissist, in which case it would probably work out great!
Sorry about your break up, hope this book helps you to find your own strength to stand on your own and find someone worthy of you and your beautiful smile.
He was a total narcissist. But the rose colored glasses came off and realized what a bad road he took me down - drugs, weight gain, depression... he's a bad person. Thanks for the compliment, I'm trying to stay positive.0 -
i think for what u wrote not many have read the book
i know i havent but i think i am classed as a bi*ch from what u wrote i love my man hes my soul mate but i could and would live without him x
glad YOU found this book and its helped you to move forward and i hope u keep re- reading it so u dont get to be the "nice girl" again x
Oh you know I'm picking it up and skimming through it before any dating/relationship! But that's not going to be for a while... there's a lot of self-work needing to be done 0 -
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/cr/1580627560/ref=aw_d_cr_books
I just read the reviews above. It sounds like a great book.0 -
I don't think books help at all, but if it is part of your therapy, it's ok. In the end though, you just have to be you and find someone that compliments you.
Don't be a victim. Just be you.
It's like women that are attracted to bad boys and are surprised when he cheats or whatever. To me, there are two ways to deal with it, 1) stop liking bad boys, or 2) realize that your bad boy is going to do things you do not like, and that is your life. This is just an example.
Break ups suck. I don't think I've ever been in a break up where I had to look at myself and wonder where I went wrong or go buy self-help books. Maybe that's a girl thing, IDK. When I break up, I know why because I've thought a lot about it. And, that's it.
Maybe you're not getting many responses because a lot of people don't look at self-help books after a break up? IDK.
Good luck. I'd just say to let time go by and be yourself.
You might think this is an insensitive post. It's really not intended that way. It's more of a guys view. Throw away the book and relax. Lol.0 -
I read it after a lot of hesitation. I was put off by the title because I thought it was going to be another book telling women to treat men like garbage. But that's not what it is at all. I think it is great for women who fall into the trap of being too nice and doing too much for a guy too soon, i.e. becoming a doormat. It also cautions against the sort of obsessive behavior that women with low self-esteem and trust issues tend to engage in, like checking up on a guy 50 times a day or expecting him to check in with her every half hour when he's out with other people.
Basically, it says to treat a man like a man and demand that he treat you like a woman.0 -
I don't think books help at all, but if it is part of your therapy, it's ok. In the end though, you just have to be you and find someone that compliments you.
Don't be a victim. Just be you.
It's like women that are attracted to bad boys and are surprised when he cheats or whatever. To me, there are two ways to deal with it, 1) stop liking bad boys, or 2) realize that your bad boy is going to do things you do not like, and that is your life. This is just an example.
Break ups suck. I don't think I've ever been in a break up where I had to look at myself and wonder where I went wrong or go buy self-help books. Maybe that's a girl thing, IDK. When I break up, I know why because I've thought a lot about it. And, that's it.
Maybe you're not getting many responses because a lot of people don't look at self-help books after a break up? IDK.
Good luck. I'd just say to let time go by and be yourself.
You might think this is an insensitive post. It's really not intended that way. It's more of a guys view. Throw away the book and relax. Lol.
It's not insensitive, it's helpful and I appreciate you taking the time to respond! It has been hard and I think the book helped me get out of a deep hole because I lost myself so, so badly and I'm trying to get the "old Kate back".. but also better and much improved.
My therapy was also getting a little puppy last week! I've wanted a dog since graduating college but I finally bit the bullet and did it - now he's the #1 man in my life right now!0 -
The best relationship is where both love the other more than they need them.0
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I read it after a lot of hesitation. I was put off by the title because I thought it was going to be another book telling women to treat men like garbage. But that's not what it is at all. I think it is great for women who fall into the trap of being too nice and doing too much for a guy too soon, i.e. becoming a doormat. It also cautions against the sort of obsessive behavior that women with low self-esteem and trust issues tend to engage in, like checking up on a guy 50 times a day or expecting him to check in with her every half hour when he's out with other people.
Basically, it says to treat a man like a man and demand that he treat you like a woman.
Where th eheck are all of these women??? Not that I'm interested--I'm married to my soulmate--but I've never met a woman who acted like a "doormat" -espexially at the beginning of the relationship...0 -
The best relationship is where both love the other more than they need them.
Where the heck is the like button when you need one?0 -
Reading really does help, especially after a break up. That's what got me through a very painful divorce.0
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I read it after a lot of hesitation. I was put off by the title because I thought it was going to be another book telling women to treat men like garbage. But that's not what it is at all. I think it is great for women who fall into the trap of being too nice and doing too much for a guy too soon, i.e. becoming a doormat. It also cautions against the sort of obsessive behavior that women with low self-esteem and trust issues tend to engage in, like checking up on a guy 50 times a day or expecting him to check in with her every half hour when he's out with other people.
Basically, it says to treat a man like a man and demand that he treat you like a woman.
Where th eheck are all of these women??? Not that I'm interested--I'm married to my soulmate--but I've never met a woman who acted like a "doormat" -espexially at the beginning of the relationship...
I think majority of women these days are not so-called "doormats".0 -
In a nutshell...men are protectors and women are nurturers so we tend to be drawn to the worst both genders have to offer.
Guys,the emotional,drama filled tragedy which is probably of her own making and gals the bad boy that tells the world eff you.
Some learn from mistakes and find what they really desire and others never will.0 -
I did, and no it didn't work, I just loved my husband threw are trials and only then did we get past them, love is always the answer, cause if he is being a meany and you are showing him love any ways he will feel like crap then treat you like a princess, some tiems it takes a while but sooo worth it, I will be happily married for 5 years this August0
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Personally, I hate *****es, but I love ****ies, which is what I thought this thread was about before clicking.0
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But I will also add guys don't like girls that let them walk over them, its irratating but true, if you let him treat you like crap he will and he will dislike you in the process, but you can be strong and stick up for your self and still not be a self rightous jerk, you know, you can be all plesent and be like I don't like the way you asked me for that so until you say sorry and ask me nicley I am not going to make you breakfest, ( or what ever the cercomstances)0
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I have not read it ,but it sounds like it has a surprisingly positive message.0
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I haven't read the book, but I totally relate. I broke up with my boyfriend 6 days ago. The relationship had burnt out to mere ash, and I was desperately unhappy, and I suspect he was too. When I met him, I was independent, confident and sure of myself.
However, the more we fell in love, the more dependent I got. I completely cut everyone out, spent ALL my time with him, was super emotional about everything, put on weight, and felt generally weak, depressed and scared. I was constantly doing things for him, yet taking the matyr stance. And, yes, I was a doormat. He made me cry/called me names more than once and I put up with it. I had no bloody idea what was wrong with me.
We've now broken up and I feel GREAT! I feel stronger than I have in months, confident and more emotionally stable. I just feel amazing right now.
Either he was toxic, or I was, or perhaps we both were, but all I know is I'm better off out of it. And men are noticing me again - guess I'm giving off a better vibe (+ the weight loss :laugh:)0 -
For the same reason as why a lot of women like douche bags?0
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