Hi im new and needing some more inspiration !

baby_doll33 · April 2012

Hi all,
So I have just started this journey of mine to better health. I have always been a little bigger in my life. here is a little of my back ground. I grew up with a mother who constantly called me fat, made me feel bad about myself and of coarse hearing that all my life i started to believe it. I was always told dress nice do you hair and make up if you dont look good and loose weight you will never find a man. so for a long time i believed her. there were days that i didnt eat or would eat little bits because i was trying to loose weight. i was never taught how to eat proper, that exercise is a good thing. i was yelled at tell me that i HAVE to do this and HAVE to do that. well come on as a teenager being told what to do all your life and being told that your fat and to look good NOT doing it was my way of being a reble. i didnt have a normal child hood. i was forced to grow up way to fast. So i would go days with only eating little bits then i would get tressed then i would eat and eat and eat.
I thought i would never find someone who would love me because of my looks, but 7 years ago i met someone and we have been married 2 1/2 years now and we have 2 beautiful little girls 3 1/2 and 1 1/2.. You would think i should be happy, but i still can here my mothers voice in my head telling me im fat and if i eat say chocolate or have a snack or well anything i can hear her voice in my head telling me im a fat pig and i shouldnt be eating that cause my hubby could leave me for someone skinnier and i just dont feel pretty. I have gained a lot of weight with having my 2 girls. i also had to have 2 c-sections with them so i have a eally ugly tummy from that too.
i hate food period. it is my enemy cause i feel like when i eat im being a fat discusting pig. and i dont want to think like that but it is so hard. and i have 2 little girls and i dont want my thinking to rub off on them. i want them to live healthy and wonderful lives. and dont want then to live with insecurities like i do. I have a real proble with eating and you owuld not know it by looking at me. i have about 100 pounds i need to loose. but i hate food. i mean i make my girls 3 meals a day with their snacks in between so i feed my kids and they eat well, i have lots of healthy food in my house, but to convince myself to eat is so hard. i will have a little bit here a little bit there, but by the time supper comes around im so hungry that i just binge eat and then i feel like a pig again.

so i guess this is my story in a nut shell. well there is so much more i could say but i wont. dont want anyone to think im feeling sorry for myself and wanting pitty cause i am not. this is a very long journey that i have to do. am im hoping to find some good supportive people to help me in this long journey of mine to help support me and i can help support you too.

debsl8 · April 2012

Hi, please feel free to add me and I will try and help and support you on your journey :flowerforyou:

saustin201 · April 2012

Baby Doll, You're not ugly judging by your picture. Far from it. You're mother should have never said those things to you. However, please try to forgive her. Parents make a lot of mistakes with their kids.

I also have had c-sections and yes those scars will fade, but never go away completely. But think of the girls as a result. They were worth it.

Good luck.

lsang · April 2012

I work in an environment where I see and hear circumstances like yours regularly. I am always amazed and surprised at how cruel people can be, especially parents. Being a mother of two, I can not imagine not supporting your children. My kids were (and still are) my life. I would do anything for their happiness. It breaks my heart to hear what you endured while growing up. Remember that you are now in control and that whatever has been said or done in the past is just that... the past. You are now an adult and have the power to change your life and to create your own happy memories. Remember that God created you in His image and you are beautiful! I always tell people to look at this as a journey to good health (mental and physical) instead of a weight loss journey. I pray for your success and will be happy to show you support and give you encouragement! Feel free to add me as a friend. Good luck!

rkhazanovich · April 2012

it takes a ong time to get to an ideal whieght ... I am on a liqiud diet being supervised by a nutritionist and am going to have a gastric surgury on may tenth ! good luck you can do it consider all your options i am 22

Dmaxsgirl · April 2012

Hello! I'm just starting too and would love to be your friend if you'd like to add me!

WenonaY · April 2012

Welcome to mfp! Feel free to add for for support.

Synapseed · April 2012

Hi I'm new here too. Feel free to add me

It seems like we have few things in common, but mostly, the Mean Mom in your Head. (MMIH - don't want to keep typing it out)
I totally understand having MMIH altering your relationship with the wya you judge your own body and everything associated with what affects it. Like food. Or clothes because they have to cover said body.
I love my mom, but her foot falls in her mouth sometimes (OFTEN) with truly inappropriate words about peopl'es appearance, usually her daughters. Luckily I have 4 older sisters, so she takes turns with whose hair is frizziest or whose weight is still a work in progress, or whose dress isn't to her taste. My sister finally had to tell her that nobody likes to hear about their weight in a negative fashion, least of all from their mom. That may have stopped the actual comments, but the MMIH... I have to actively counteract her because she's still there even if real mom's focus is on someone else's iniquity.
Everytime time MMIH starts her nagging (when I'm eating, looking sloppy, not up to par on some standard she set), I find something about me that I like and point it out to counteract it. That my fiancee loves me and that I am enough as I am (not a thinner me, or more put together me, or succesful in a career me) is a great fall-back to that negative voice. Or focusing on something that I'm good at. Or some body part that isn't loaded with years of negative talk & me believing that negative talk. Sometimes, I just forgive her for not knowing my strong points better.
For you- that you made such beautiful daughters: that's not magic, that's them having a loving mother & good genes. I actually made a list of my good parts to refer to when I'm feeling especially squishy or down on myself.
I came here with 40-60lb to lose. But I'm also actively working to shuck the emotional weight of buying in to the notion that i'm not good enough because of some external opinion, even if it was from someone so important to my formationas a person. I'm just taking a meal and a workout at a time, because I have faith every little bit will build up to an overall good effect.

baby_doll33 · April 2012

Thank You all For All your kind words of encouragement. This is definitely going to be a challenge for me but i know i can do it. I dont know any of use but kind words from strangers but a smile on my face. I hope i can help and encourage each of use as well. Have a wonderful day

rcountrybrat · April 2012

OH ! Babydoll, do I know what you are talking about, my parents and everyone around me told me the same things. I get depressed cause of what I look like. Then I will go and have a snack but that makes you feel better for a few min. but then you feel guilty cause you ate it. I tried the exercise and watching what I ate but that only lasted for a short time. My legs and back would start to hurt and then I would feel like why am I doing this if its just gonna cause me pain. So then I would give up and that would make me feel depressed and guilty for giving up. It seems like a vicous cycle.

LadyKatieBug · April 2012

your welcome to add me

Hi im new and needing some more inspiration !

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