Negative people

GTOgirl1969
GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member
edited September 18 in Motivation and Support
How do you all deal with people that aren't necessarily trying to sabotage your efforts, but aren't going out of their way to be supportive either?

My husband:angry: is all for me (and him) eating healthier and losing weight, (or so he says). But, when I take time in the evenings to exercise, he always complains or makes some kind of snide remark. Today I mentioned that I had lost almost 14 lbs. so far, and he rolled his eyes and said, "Yeah, right". Then I was folding my jeans and he said, "There's no way in h*ll that you fit into those". When I just wore them YESTERDAY!!!:huh: Sometimes I think he wants me to stay overweight or something.......uggggggh his attitude lately just plain sucks. It almost seems like he's trying to drive me away:frown:

Replies

  • GTOgirl1969
    GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member
    How do you all deal with people that aren't necessarily trying to sabotage your efforts, but aren't going out of their way to be supportive either?

    My husband:angry: is all for me (and him) eating healthier and losing weight, (or so he says). But, when I take time in the evenings to exercise, he always complains or makes some kind of snide remark. Today I mentioned that I had lost almost 14 lbs. so far, and he rolled his eyes and said, "Yeah, right". Then I was folding my jeans and he said, "There's no way in h*ll that you fit into those". When I just wore them YESTERDAY!!!:huh: Sometimes I think he wants me to stay overweight or something.......uggggggh his attitude lately just plain sucks. It almost seems like he's trying to drive me away:frown:
  • Healthier_Me
    Healthier_Me Posts: 5,600 Member
    Shut him up and prove him wrong by continueing to make progress.
    I cannot stand it when someone goes out of their way to put other people down.. what the hell is the point?????

    Keep up the awesome job GTO... I'm here for you.

    ~Joanna:flowerforyou:
  • thalli1
    thalli1 Posts: 332 Member
    Maybe his response (or lack of it) has to do with his fear that you will become "too hot" for him, so he is unconsciously trying to sabotage your efforts and hoping to keep you in your place. Just know whatever his reasons for not being supportive are, that's about him, not about you. You should be doing this for yourself and not let anybody get you down. Good luck the rest of the way.
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
    People like that have their own insecurities going on. I call them soul-suckers. :grumble:

    Healthier Me is right, just continue to do your own thing and reach your goals! :flowerforyou:
  • icandoit
    icandoit Posts: 4,163 Member
    I am sorry. Maybe he is getting jealous.
    You just keep doing your thing. You are a strong woman. Stay focused and if it continues.....use your boots:happy:
    You are doing a great job. :flowerforyou:
  • winwin
    winwin Posts: 134 Member
    I agree with all that has been said. You need to tell that husband of yours that his insecurities are showing. (Or at least think it). This is about you, not him or anyone else! You are doing great! Keep it up! You were right to come to MFP to let go of the stress and get some support. There's lots here and we are all supporting your efforts!

    Keep it up, you are a great inspiration to us all!:flowerforyou:
  • snakeskin
    snakeskin Posts: 21
    We all have those negative people, and we will either take heir remarks personally - or we can take them seriously. Although I have the best husband in the whole world - I KNOW my husband will have his eyeballs rollin to know I am trying (again). This time, I decided not to tell him that I am doing this, cause no one else can really tell you've lost weight until you get past the water weight and lose at least 12 to 15 pounds. Usually only "we" can tell the change by the water weight melting with the way our clothes start fit better.

    I believe what we call the "negative people" are those who are just giving us the truth (what we dont want to hear). Mostly because they know us so well... they know how often we try.. as know how often we fail. They have heard and seen us get hyped up about dieting, but they have also seen us enjoy an ice cream cone and give in to our own weakness. They simply know us.

    It's our job to change what they know. Just because we fail often doesnt make us losers. Winners keep trying. Once you don't succeed try, try, try again. Then one day - after all our trying - we get it right.

    Just do this for you. Push yourself. Let him see that he doesn't know you so well after all. :-)

    Best!
  • strongmom
    strongmom Posts: 72
    Holy cow. That is mean. I have a friend and her husband is so scared of her losing weight and getting in shape because (or so we are guessing) he is scared of losing her.
    Do this for you! Pardon the expression..but to hell with him! Your efforts are for you!!
  • MontanaGirl
    MontanaGirl Posts: 1,251 Member
    GRRRRR. Men - can't live with 'em and can't shoot 'em either. :explode: I hate it when they get all anal and stupid because they're so insecure. And they talk so much about us women being insecure!! I am so sorry he has his jerk on right now.

    You are doing awesome, however. I hope you can find a way to ignore his snideness - maybe look him in the eye when he says that and sweetly say "Yes, I love you too, honey" :laugh:

    You rock - keep it up!! :drinker:
  • namaste
    namaste Posts: 17 Member
    I agree with what everyone has been saying... do this for you and not for anyone else. However I'd like to add a bit to that. Have you tried sitting down and telling him how much his negative comments hurt you? A helpful technique that I have learned is to repeat things back. When he says something, look at him and calmly restate "so you are saying that you do not believe that I will fit in these jeans" etc. Then tell him that "when you say things like that, it makes me feel" insert whatever here. I've discovered if it's done in a calm and non-accusatory matter it usually will get through to people better and result in them looking at what they're doing rather than instinctively going on the defensive. Maybe this way you can find out why he's saying things to try and sabotage your efforts. Just my 2 bits worth, hope it helps.:flowerforyou:
  • banks1850
    banks1850 Posts: 3,475 Member
    GRRRRR. Men - can't live with 'em and can't shoot 'em either. :explode: I hate it when they get all anal and stupid because they're so insecure. And they talk so much about us women being insecure!! I am so sorry he has his jerk on right now.

    You are doing awesome, however. I hope you can find a way to ignore his snideness - maybe look him in the eye when he says that and sweetly say "Yes, I love you too, honey" :laugh:

    You rock - keep it up!! :drinker:

    We're not all like that. :ohwell:
  • REB89
    REB89 Posts: 493 Member
    GRRRRR. Men - can't live with 'em and can't shoot 'em either. :explode: I hate it when they get all anal and stupid because they're so insecure. And they talk so much about us women being insecure!! I am so sorry he has his jerk on right now.

    You are doing awesome, however. I hope you can find a way to ignore his snideness - maybe look him in the eye when he says that and sweetly say "Yes, I love you too, honey" :laugh:

    You rock - keep it up!! :drinker:

    We're not all like that. :ohwell:

    haha poor Banks!
  • MontanaGirl
    MontanaGirl Posts: 1,251 Member
    I know Banks - I didn't say present company excluded!!! :flowerforyou: You're the best :heart:

    But the men we have to live with sometimes are not!!! :frown:
  • rem1979
    rem1979 Posts: 344 Member
    That is so wrong that he said that. I think I would have cried if my hubby said that.

    My husband never was negative towards me but he did tell me that I didn't have to lose weight and he liked how I looked. I am sure he had his doubts because I had always started eating better in the past and failed.

    He is complaining that my butt is shrinking (he likes the big booty) but it is looking alot better. I told him I can't control where the weight is coming off but I will not stop losing weight for him. It is physical but I also what to feel better and be healthier and I am still overweight.
  • hmmmm
    hmmmm Posts: 607 Member
    My fiance was kind of like that in the beginning but I think now he is finally understanding that I want to do this for me. I don't make him eat healthy foods I just try to limit my unhealthy intake and make extra side dishes for me and he can choose to partake if he desires. He has actually lost some weight too just by eating some more of the healthier options.
    After a while he may just see that you are making this a lifestyle change and that your efforts are paying off. It took a while but now my fiance knows not to bring home a greasy burger or general tsos chicken for me. He gets much more praise when he gets me a healthy option. I actually enjoy telling him every few weeks how much I have lost (although I would not actually tell him how much I currently weigh).
    I think I will wait until I weigh less than him. :-). -Heather-
  • Life_is_Good
    Life_is_Good Posts: 361 Member
    Insecurity is an ugly thing.... he needs to get over himself.

    Do this for you :flowerforyou:

    (Forgot to say... you're doing an awesome job!!)
  • pauladavies86
    pauladavies86 Posts: 83 Member
    I agree with what everyone has been saying... do this for you and not for anyone else. However I'd like to add a bit to that. Have you tried sitting down and telling him how much his negative comments hurt you? A helpful technique that I have learned is to repeat things back. When he says something, look at him and calmly restate "so you are saying that you do not believe that I will fit in these jeans" etc. Then tell him that "when you say things like that, it makes me feel" insert whatever here. I've discovered if it's done in a calm and non-accusatory matter it usually will get through to people better and result in them looking at what they're doing rather than instinctively going on the defensive. Maybe this way you can find out why he's saying things to try and sabotage your efforts. Just my 2 bits worth, hope it helps.:flowerforyou:

    I agree with her ^^^^ :o) My husband was being kind of jerky about my weight loss issues before but I really opened up to him about how I feel about myself having those extra pounds. I started talking to him about my goals and now that he knows I'm really serious about it he's come around and been really supportive of me. The other night he said he was proud of me for it and I swear I almost cried! ;o) Let him know how much it hurts when he says stuff like that... Generally we're our own biggest enemies already... we don't need our other halves to join in against us!
  • peej76
    peej76 Posts: 1,250 Member
    I dunno if your husband is like mine or not, but I know my husband gets insecure sometimes cause he thinks I'm gonna run out and get someone "better" So maybe your husband is scared about all the attention from other men your gonna get! I just wish he could give me a little more credit sometimes!!
  • banks1850
    banks1850 Posts: 3,475 Member
    I know Banks - I didn't say present company excluded!!! :flowerforyou: You're the best :heart:

    But the men we have to live with sometimes are not!!! :frown:

    OK you're forgiven. :wink:
  • auntkaren
    auntkaren Posts: 1,490 Member
    GTO again I will refer to my ex , which your hubby kind of sounds like him at times.:tongue: Mine was sharp with his tongue, he didn't want me fat and you wouldn't believe the words and how I was treated when I was overweight. But then when I would start losing the weight he was so angry about it toward me, and I felt and looked good. He would even get more angry if I put some make up on and some sweet smelling cologne. Which I never flirted with any one , But he was a big flirt, I did nothing to indicate I was doing it for anyone but for myself and for him. Excuse the expression, Damn if you do and Damn if you don't. Don't let his mouth mess up your head , he's the one that's messed up. You would love to hear how well your doing and how sexy you look in those jeans, but sweety he is a jerk and they don't usually change. You look hot girl friend and you are taking good care of your health. But you need a friend to let have the words you want hear. Sorry it's not him.:heart:
  • Healthier_Me
    Healthier_Me Posts: 5,600 Member
    GRRRRR. Men - can't live with 'em and can't shoot 'em either. :explode:

    :laugh:
    So true!

    ~Joanna:flowerforyou:
  • GTOgirl1969
    GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member
    Thanks for the support guys, it means a lot to me. It just sucks that I get more support from people on the Internet (no offense-y'all are great!!:drinker: ) than I do in my own home.
    I guess he will either come around or he won't....either way, I'm going to keep on keepin' on.
  • mom2morgan
    mom2morgan Posts: 3
    I can imagine that would be pretty discouraging! My husband doesn't do that, but he does lack enthusiasm, LOL. Whenever he goes on a diet he can drop 30 pounds really fast. I have a lot to lose and progress is painfully slow. For the first few weeks he'll be all supportive and encouraging...but since then he's lost interest. I lost 1.5 pounds last week, and only .5 pound this week, and when I told him the numbers he's like "Oh, that's too bad. Sorry to hear that". When I said ANY loss was a good loss and that he was supposed to be happy for me and congratulate, he's like "Really?? wow - if that's all I was losing I'd be really discouraged! Bummer!" I think I just won't talk to him about it anymore - because he also likes to give "advice" ..like - "maybe you should take up weight lifting" or maybe you need to hit the treadmill more....uhh, honey I weigh 270 pounds and I walk 2.5 miles (takes me an hour) every night, without fail. you want me to step it up a notch? What are you trying to do..kill me? LOL
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