Peers with bad habits

runmybunsoff · April 2012

Hello all, I apologize in advance if there is something related to what I am posting here. If there is one, I'd greatly appreciate it if someone can redirect me there. Otherwise,I'd really like to hear some opinions of support out there.

It has been about 8 weeks since I've got back on track with improving my health. I've quit smoking, changed my eating habits, and exercise 5 to 6 times per week. My outlook on life has completely changed, and I am having a blast. However, I have a friend of mine of whom I shared the same bad habits with that still engage in those habits. Now that I have changed my habits, I am feeling some anxiety over whether or not to hang out with her anymore, or at least for certain period of time. I am very afraid that if I do, I am going to "relapse" or something of that nature.

Please don't get me wrong, my friend is a wonderful individual and a great friend. I do not want to judge her for the habits that she chooses to live by, since I am in no place to force someone else to change for themselves,or even me for that matter. I just don't really know exactly how to explain my situation to her without hurting her feelings as that would break my heart!

lsapphire · April 2012

Maybe you should look at it from the flip side. you can be an inspiration to her to change for the better!

KettleBellHoe · April 2012

Honestly I was just in the same current situation I moved away from my family at age 16 because I was miserable and wanted to be healthy. I exercise 6-7 times a week and eat properly, don't smoke and when it was time for a family reunion it was horrid. The habits of my family are atrocious my mom cant walk more then a block and a half without needing a break and easily goes through 3 packs of smokes a day and eats the typical kfc,poutine diet. My brother and absolutely every one the same, I was afraid their kidneys we're gonna fail any second then. I guess what I'm trying to say is I love them but I'm a lot happier being around people who don't treat their bodies like garbage cans.
-Kiera

Hernandeak11 · April 2012

When my boyfriend and I started dating, we had a handful of 'bad habits': smoking (not cigarettes), eating fast food constantly, and drinking soda/alcohol constantly.

I decided to change for the better, and no longer engage in any of those bad habits. I still love my boyfriend as much as ever, bad habits and all--but watching me change my lifestyle has made him greatly reduce some of his (our) previous behaviors.

I know you're worried that your behavior will affect you, but as someone else stated, perhaps your behavior will affect hers?

Redbird99ky · April 2012

If she is as good a friend as you believe her to be, perhaps you should explain your position and anxieties to her. Given the friendship, I would expect that she would be considerate of your determination to change your life.

Let her know that you are concerned about relapse, and therefore, until you get a good handle on your life changes, either you will need to hang with her less, or, perhaps she would try to not encourage you.

If she's a true friend, who wants you to succeed in everything you do, she'll understand, and if she values time spent, she will be more considerate of smoking, (and whatever bad habits you two shared) while you're around, and might even abstain for as long as possible while you two are hanging out.

If she decides to be a stumbling block, instead of a support, then it's up to you to determine which is more important to you. Remember that we can't change other people's behavior, only how we CHOOSE to respond to it.

If you feel that the bad habits are of significant value, then you might be better off "changing playthings, playgrounds, and playmates" as we say in AA.

runmybunsoff · April 2012

Oh yes mam! I hope I can, I am going to give it a shot. My problem is, well, I shrug. It's complicating to me. lol Thank you!

runmybunsoff · April 2012

If she is as good a friend as you believe her to be, perhaps you should explain your position and anxieties to her. Given the friendship, I would expect that she would be considerate of your determination to change your life.

Let her know that you are concerned about relapse, and therefore, until you get a good handle on your life changes, either you will need to hang with her less, or, perhaps she would try to not encourage you.

If she's a true friend, who wants you to succeed in everything you do, she'll understand, and if she values time spent, she will be more considerate of smoking, (and whatever bad habits you two shared) while you're around, and might even abstain for as long as possible while you two are hanging out.

If she decides to be a stumbling block, instead of a support, then it's up to you to determine which is more important to you. Remember that we can't change other people's behavior, only how we CHOOSE to respond to it.

If you feel that the bad habits are of significant value, then you might be better off "changing playthings, playgrounds, and playmates" as we say in AA.

Thank you so much, so spot-on. I had this thought in mind as well, it's nice to read a similar thought process!

dynamojones · April 2012

I'm in the same boat. Although I've reduced the amount of time I spend with my fiends with those habits when I'm around them its different now. They notice the changes I've made in my life and are inspired by my choices to not smoke or engage in heavy drinking. I would say its better to be around people that embrace and encourage your new life style, and remain strong around those that don't.

sc1572 · April 2012

sorry i can't be of much help, but i have fallen into this situation MANY times, and would love some tips!

Peers with bad habits

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