Ohhh what people will say when they don't realize who they'r

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tparkin
tparkin Posts: 126 Member
in Motivation and Support
So a good friend of mine told me that she ran into my brother in law at a party recently. Her son made a comment about how much he and my husband look alike, to which my brother in law answered that "he looks nothing like him, he's shorter and weighs like 100 lbs". He then proceeded to point his wife out to my friend and commented on her muscles and how she looks like she's ready to kick someones *kitten*, and when the boy made another comment about his resemblance to my husband he said " I would never marry that", apparently referring to me!!!! My friend said she thought he was a **** and her husband, who is the most passive, nicest guy who likes pretty much everyone even said I don't like him. Which shocked me because it takes alot fr him to actually not like someone. But the question is How do I react to that????? Any advice would be great. I'm supposed to be at a family bbq with them on Sunday, without my husband!!!!!

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  • SDawgW
    SDawgW Posts: 160 Member
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    I wouldn't say anything....just bring your friend along and be sure to give your BIL a nice big smile :wink:
  • Wecandothis
    Wecandothis Posts: 1,083 Member
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    Ouch. Ouch. I don't know if you would want to confront him quietly with grace and say that you heard what he said, and it hurt you, and then say nothing, let him speak. But that would be very hard and to be honest I don't think I could do it.

    But what you need to do for you is to forgive him and release what he said to you - don't carry that around, it's only going to eat you up inside. Forgive him - but you don't have to trust him again. Forgive him for YOU not for him.

    Gosh that was harsh. Was he drinking?

    In any case you need to know that it's not true. Don't carry that around, it's not yours to carry. It's very clear from your picture that you're beautiful. Don't let something said by an utter poop head change your opinion on that. Stick with the truth.
  • VballLeash
    VballLeash Posts: 2,456 Member
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    People like that really make me mad! I mean seriously WHO THE HECK IS HE?!!!!! Just ignore it, you are way better than that, I wouldn't even waste my time on acknowledging it... He sounds pretty pathetic if you ask me. Don't let it ruin your bbq, HAVE FUN :happy: :happy:

    ~Leash :heart:
  • Georg
    Georg Posts: 1,728 Member
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    Ditto all the thoughts above -
    but stop & think-
    why would a good friend tell you all this? :huh:
    If she'd kept it to herself, it would have saved you a lot of pain. :grumble:
    I say go & hold your head up high & remember why you married the brother you chose. :wink:
    Apparently you chose well, Grasshopper!
    And don't acknowledge that you know about his comments. Let him wonder & stew. :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:
  • mrsyac2
    mrsyac2 Posts: 2,784 Member
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    So a good friend of mine told me that she ran into my brother in law at a party recently. Her son made a comment about how much he and my husband look alike, to which my brother in law answered that "he looks nothing like him, he's shorter and weighs like 100 lbs". He then proceeded to point his wife out to my friend and commented on her muscles and how she looks like she's ready to kick someones *kitten*, and when the boy made another comment about his resemblance to my husband he said " I would never marry that", apparently referring to me!!!! My friend said she thought he was a **** and her husband, who is the most passive, nicest guy who likes pretty much everyone even said I don't like him. Which shocked me because it takes alot fr him to actually not like someone. But the question is How do I react to that????? Any advice would be great. I'm supposed to be at a family bbq with them on Sunday, without my husband!!!!!

    So you must be talking about your husbands brother? If its your husband's brother you could tell your husband what he said and let him decide if he wants to say anything or you could confront him or you could let it go and use his words as motivation-

    People are going to have their own opinions- You could be the prettiest and fittest women and people will still find something wrong with you so don't let it get to you
  • bethrs
    bethrs Posts: 664 Member
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    Georg, I agree with what you are saying, but if this guy is a habitual jerk, I can understand why your friend told you. I recently went through some interpersonal issues with some people who were once my friends and when I knew that everyone knew that they had some major problems with me before I knew, I was pretty disappointed that I had been made a fool of, and regretted a lot of the things I had trusted them with.

    Sometimes you do need to know when you have an "fri-enemy" in the bushes. But otherwise, yeah smile, be glad you got the good brother, and just don't regard this person as someone to have a lot of trust and faith in. And everyone else is right. You seem very lovely. :smile:
  • skywalker
    skywalker Posts: 1,533
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    I suggest when you see him at the bbq, check him against the house and say, "Now whose wife kicks *kitten*?!"
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Georg
    Georg Posts: 1,728 Member
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    Georg, I agree with what you are saying, but if this guy is a habitual jerk, I can understand why your friend told you. I recently went through some interpersonal issues with some people who were once my friends and when I knew that everyone knew that they had some major problems with me before I knew, I was pretty disappointed that I had been made a fool of, and regretted a lot of the things I had trusted them with.

    Sometimes you do need to know when you have an "fri-enemy" in the bushes. But otherwise, yeah smile, be glad you got the good brother, and just don't regard this person as someone to have a lot of trust and faith in. And everyone else is right. You seem very lovely. :smile:

    So true.
    Hang in there.
    :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • kimberjones
    kimberjones Posts: 155
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    Grace is the best way to approach it. I do agree, that if it's your husband's brother, that you should discuss it with him. Even if he chooses not to address it it's important to share things that hurt you with the man you married. I also agree that no matter what you look like, how much you weigh or anything else there is always going to be someone who doesn't like you for something. (I tell my children that all the time.) You're always going to be too pretty or not pretty enough, too smart or not smart enough, too rich or not have enough money, etc. Your husband is with you because he found you beautiful and he loves you. Forgiveness is the best way to handle it. If you carry around the anger and hurt it only takes energy from you that you could be using to benefit your family. Assume he's just jealous of your husband :happy: (which could be true) and just love on the man you have! Don't let his comments pull you down. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • stef_e_b
    stef_e_b Posts: 593
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    A similar thing happened to me when I first started dating my boyfriend. His brother said horrible things about me being fat so I told my boyfriend. (We were young enough that this was an acceptable course of action, 16) So Jordan beat up his brother. Now hes nice to me.
  • bettersusan
    bettersusan Posts: 240 Member
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    Just smile and be friendly and nice. He will someday realize he was a fool to say that. He really isn't worth your time or energy. Be beautiful from the inside out.
  • butterfly25
    butterfly25 Posts: 186 Member
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    So a good friend of mine told me that she ran into my brother in law at a party recently. Her son made a comment about how much he and my husband look alike, to which my brother in law answered that "he looks nothing like him, he's shorter and weighs like 100 lbs". He then proceeded to point his wife out to my friend and commented on her muscles and how she looks like she's ready to kick someones *kitten*, and when the boy made another comment about his resemblance to my husband he said " I would never marry that", apparently referring to me!!!! My friend said she thought he was a **** and her husband, who is the most passive, nicest guy who likes pretty much everyone even said I don't like him. Which shocked me because it takes alot fr him to actually not like someone. But the question is How do I react to that????? Any advice would be great. I'm supposed to be at a family bbq with them on Sunday, without my husband!!!!!


    i would talk to him and tell him how you feel and also tell your hubbie he needs to know what was said..i dont know about you but i need to talk it out or other wise it will always be there in the back of your head everytime you see him and her....
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    :grumble:

    :angry: you are a beautiful red head
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
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    Get all dolled up, bring along a friend, and ignore him. He's an idiot, and I'm sure everyone knows it.
  • missbabybee
    missbabybee Posts: 64
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    "Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner." - Lao Tzu

    A long time ago, my boyfriend (at the time) said about me, "She's perfect, except for her weight." Needless to say, I'm not with him anymore. :noway: My husband married me at my current weight, which is about 80lbs heavier than I was back when I was "perfect, except for my weight." My husband made me see that superficial people will always miss out on the most wonderful people in the world, because they can't see past the flaws. It's their loss. My suggestion to you, is to keep doing what you are doing. Lose the weight, be a great wife to your husband, be a great mother to your children, and become the person that everyone in the family can admire. If your brother in law has the gall to make another comment like that, everyone else in the family will be more than happy to put him in his place. :flowerforyou:
  • azwildcatfan94
    azwildcatfan94 Posts: 314 Member
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    Be greatful that you know him for who he really is. Never forget that, but, be the better person. No point in letting him know what you know. You lose any advantage that information gives you. And, if he is as untrustworthy as he seems, if he knows he's on your bad side, he will take counter-measures. Either with you or others.
  • tparkin
    tparkin Posts: 126 Member
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    Thank you all for your thoughts. It's nice to know that you're not the only person out there who has gone through this. Good Luck to everyone :flowerforyou:

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